


Fight for What's Worth It

by EzraTheBlue



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mpreg, Romance, Sexual Content, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:42:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 146,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3327365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzraTheBlue/pseuds/EzraTheBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yumichika wants a baby, Ikkaku does not. Yumichika has never let little things like that get in his way, and he's willing to go to surprising lengths to get what he wants. What will he do? Why is he so set on having Ikkaku's baby? And what will happen when the truth comes out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Beautiful Person Can Make Ugly Decisions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Algernon Fenton (A_Eelif)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Eelif/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Letting Go of Pride to Bring New Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/667682) by [Algernon Fenton (A_Eelif)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Eelif/pseuds/Algernon%20Fenton). 



> DISCLAIMER: The original characters of Bleach are not mine. The original ideas of Algernon Fenton, especially the lozenge system of male pregnancy, Emiko Kyoraku, Takahiro Kuchiki, and any events of her stories referenced within, are hers and are used with permission. This story is being cross-posted here and on Fanfiction.net, under the same username. If you see it elsewhere, then it's not me.

**Author Notes:**  Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! I'm making my first foray into Bleach fanfiction, and today, I come to... break some hearts.

First and foremost, I have to thank Algernon Fenton. This work is a spin-off of her m-preg works,  _How Do You Choose?_  and  _Letting Go Of Pride to Make New Life_. (So, if you hadn't guessed, this is going to be based around m-preg too.) I got lured into Bleach fanfiction in the first place off of those, and this story was inspired by those. However, I ended up writing my story in her universe. Therefore, this story uses elements of those two. This story is being posted with her permission, and she has my deepest gratitude for allowing me to use her setting.

This story is in continuity with those other two. So, for those of you who haven't read those but might want to read this one, I will fill you in with quick summaries!

 _How Do You Choose?_ \- Captain Ukitake accepts a lozenge and a glass of water from Mayuri Kurotsuchi. This was an ill-advised decision, as with a little help from Captain Kyoraku, he soon falls pregnant. The lozenge created a mock womb and blank egg in his body, and the water contained medicine to keep his illness from passing on to his child. He and Shunsui opt to keep the baby, but a little less than seven months later, the medicine wears off, and Jushiro's illness comes back in force and nearly takes his and his daughter's life. Again, with assistance from Shunsui, he pulls through, and they soon take home a beautiful daughter, Emiko, to live happily ever after.

 _Letting Go of Pride to Make New Life –_ After hearing of Ukitake's success and feeling his lack of an heir, Byakuya gains interest in having a child of his own. His partner, Renji, is at first reluctant but after a little talk with Kyoraku, is soon convinced. Mayuri willingly gives them the lozenge. After a very long and stressful pregnancy, wherein hijinks ensued, Takahiro is born to eager arms and the gratitude of Byakuya, Renji, and more than likely, the entire Kuchiki elder council.

It is in a chapter of  _Letting Go of Pride to Make New Life_  that Yumichika broaches the idea of having a child with Ikkaku. Ikkaku, bewildered, gets annoyed and brushes him off...

And that's where I got the idea for this story. This story is considerably less light-hearted than  _Letting Go of Pride to Make New Life_ , but I've tried to make it funny where I can.

Without further ado!

* * *

 

**1: A Beautiful Person Can Make Ugly Decisions**

A place like this was beautiful. A sidewalk cafe, one lined with low bars of greenery, was a lovely place at any time of day. In his opinion, it was best at this time of day, in the late afternoon or early evening when the sky was tinged pink like sorbet and the lamplights around the Seireitei were just starting to come on like the first stars pulling away the veil of the sun. Beautiful. Cafe was a beautiful word, at that. Short for cafeteria, a decidedly ugly word. Sounds like  _bac_ -teria, and who wants that in their food? Anyone who calls a cafeteria as such just might. Disgusting. Mess hall at least had a rugged sort of grace to it, even with the sharp  _mess_  deciding the flow of the phrasing. Now, bagatelle, _that_  was a beautiful word. Perhaps it was just the French etymology, because there was very little from France that he didn't find beautiful, but there was a flow to it. Trisyllabic, and three is the most beautiful number, then the suffix elle- a feminine suffix! Beautiful, beautiful-

And Yumichika sighed, because he knew he was only distracting himself. The party meeting him was late, which was unnerving enough, but anything was easier than mulling over the topic of this encounter. Rather than fret, Yumichika watched the lamps come on, one by one, and mused over things that were beautiful and things that weren't. The task at hand was decidedly un-beautiful, perhaps verging on downright ugly, but his mind was made up. It had to be done.

He could feel the ugly presence approaching long before he could see it. He'd always had a way with that sort of thing. Most with a sufficiently strong reiatsu could tell the color, size, and shape of someone's soul. Yumichika prided himself in being able to sense this out with the best of them, and that of Twelfth Division Captain Kurotsuchi was as ugly as they came. Red, like Renji's, but lacking that beauteous crimson hue that made his unique. This was the red of old blood, of burnt copper. Its shape was unspeakable. Kurotsuchi himself, however, was as unassuming as he got today. That is to say, marginally less flamboyant than usual. Yumichika had no idea what he was going for with that makeup, but between the flagrant violations of dress code and the unspeakably gauche manner of carriage, he was unsightly in public.

And yet there he was. In public. Sitting down across from Yumichika at an obscure café on the outskirts of the Seireitei on the line between afternoon and dusk.

"I must say, Seated Officer Ayasegawa, your request is an unorthodox one." His wicked little eyes crinkled up at the bottoms, a wicked smirk matching his makeup. "A meeting with a doctor in plain public? Let me pick your brain. Figuratively, for the time being." Yumichika swallowed the instinctual disgust, shrugged and flagged down a waiter.

"I'd rather this conversation remain off-the-record." He used his raised hand to gesture around them. "It's pretty quiet out here, and I doubt anyone who knows me will be here. Nobody else would be interested or even listening. I imagine anything conducted within the bounds of even your private clinic would still end up on my permanent record somehow or other, not to mention that the Second surely still has it bugged." Kurotsuchi sneered, and Yumichika ignored him and beamed at the waiter as he approached. "Rose hip tea, and bring some honey."

"Coffee, black. Ayasegawa, I expect you'll be covering this."

"Naturally. I did request this meeting, it'd make me a poor host. I hate to be looked at as a poor anything." Yumichika laced his fingers on the table to keep them from shaking. Keeping his composure in the face of such a powerful and hideous presence was not easy. He felt like he did when he was a small child nearly bowled over by the presences of lower-ranked officers patrolling the Rukongai. Still, confidence was going to be key if he was going to walk away from this satisfied. "I suppose you're not interested in small talk, so I'll cut to the chase." He put his palms flat on the glass tabletop. "Captain Kurotsuchi, I'm interested in your male pregnancy experiments."

"Oh?" Kurotsuchi's grin spread, his eyes narrowed to eager little slits.

"I am." Yumichika did his best to keep his voice low, and to keep the shaking threatening his hands out of it. "In other words, I want a baby. However, there's a bit of a caveat." The waiter arrived with the tray, and Yumichika waited for him to seat their cups down and leave before adding a spoonful of honey and stirring. "You see, I rather like things on my own terms. My chief term is that..." Yumichika stirred a moment longer, though he could feel Kurotsuchi's impatience with his vacillation building. "Well, while I am interested in becoming a parent, my partner is not. I have chosen to disregard his wishes." Yumichika paused, sipped his tea, and tried to ignore Kurotsuchi's stare. "As such, I would like your assistance in-"

"You want me to do this for you and help you hide the mess." Musical laughter, such as it was from the walking Halloween decoration, tainted every word. "I love it. It's like those awful serial romances in the Communication. But tell me, why should I do this for you?" Kurotsuchi took a sip of his coffee and blatantly licked his lips. Yumichika maintained his composure, but the Captain's amusement was as intimidating as his aggression. It was hard not to be unnerved.

"Your usual reasons, Captain." Yumichika kept his eyes on the honey-gold liquid in his teacup as it spun in spirals led by his spoon. "It's an experiment, after all, and you need test subjects. As far as I know, you've had two. Captain Kuchiki and Captain Ukitake." He took a sip of his tea off the spoon, and added a bit more honey. "Abject failures, from where I'm sitting."

"What?! How dare-" Kurotsuchi had jumped up and half-lunged across the table, but Yumichika quickly continued:

"Oh, your medicines worked perfectly." He turned his shoulder away in his seat. "There are two beautiful, healthy babies in the Seireitei now. However, you failed to get any viable data out of either of them." He took a sip, as Kurotsuchi came up short and froze in motion. "It's my understanding you were barred from Captain Ukitake's examination room by Captain Unohana... after Captain Kyoraku choked you out. Your Lieutenant was allowed to observe, but you weren't allowed any independent experimentation. It's a shame, too- you might have been able to prevent the near-miss with Captain Ukitake and Emiko's lives."

"Bah." Kurotsuchi sank down into his chair in disgust. "Preventing it wasn't the issue. Closer observation was all I wanted, and those damned ingrates..."

"Oh, but Captain Kuchiki went willingly into motherhood, from what I heard." Yumichika took another slow sip, quietly relieved that stroking Kurotsuchi's ego had been enough to deflate him. "He probably paid your funding for a good fifty years for the privilege."

"Five. The cold prick shortchanged me. That, or I adjusted my budget accordingly." Kurotsuchi smirked fondly. Yumichika hummed understanding, because expressing disgust at such hideous spendthrift was ill-advised given present company.

"Yes, well, surely you wanted to examine him, too. Observe. Perhaps poke and pry, if you could." He smirked secretively behind his teacup. "But you forgot about the private Kuchiki medical facilities, and the incredibly tight Kuchiki security. I wonder just how many times you and your agents were removed, chased off, or otherwise rebuffed."

"And how, dare I ask, do you know all this?" Kurotsuchi drummed his fingers on the table. "Is this raw conjecture, or-"

"Girls talk, Captain. And I talk to the girls." He couldn't count how many times Yachiru had bragged about sneaking past Byakuya's guards while they were escorting the sundry unseated members of the Twelfth Division off the property.

"Hmph. Gossipy hens." Kurotsuchi gave his fingers another drum. "Never let it be said I'll denounce an argument that raises valid points, no matter how offensive the cut of your jib. So tell me, Ayasegawa, what are you offering me?" He set an elbow on the table, narrow, beady eyes affixed to Yumichika with rapt attention. Yumichika swallowed twice, and lowered his voice further.

"Me. Myself." He faced Kurotsuchi head on, but kept his face low. "An opportunity has arisen, and it's my intention to seize it. It's my understanding that your Third Seat, Akon, will be out on extended medical leave due to a work-related accident-"

"- clumsy fool-"

"But due to the time this will take, I require a response urgently. If you will give me the medicine and keep any record off this off of my personnel manifest, you stand to gain a willing guinea pig." He pressed his hand over his own chest, the other trembling with his teacup in its grip. "My only requests are that the child and I walk away healthy, whole, and able to live full healthy lives, to the best of your control, and that my partner, Ikkaku Madarame, never discover what I've done." He drained his tea in a gulp, letting it sear his throat all the way down. Kurotsuchi had the gall to look bemused, as Yumichika laid out the rest of it: "Keep your data, but remove my name. Take me on as a temporary Third to substitute for Akon, and keep me out of sight of the Eleventh. I'm no genius, but I can take notes and file papers and teach Kendo and Kido. I'll let you stick me with needles and do whatever you want so long as I can have what few things I ask for." He folded his hands and tried to ignore the burning sear of Captain Kurotsuchi's gaze. His reiatsu was oozing something green from his self-satisfied grin, and it was making the knots in Yumichika's stomach twist.

"Let me pick your brain again, Seated Officer Ayasegawa." He leaned a little closer. "Infants are worthless. They can't support themselves, in any sense of the word. You'll wear yourself thin caring for one, especially alone. Usually if one is choosing to have a child, it is a commitment between them and someone else, and I find even that ridiculous! Parenthood is boring, thankless, joyless work. I honestly consider my route genius! My dear little Nemu was born an adult, walking and talking and already pulling her weight, no diapers, no bottles, no tantrums, no time wasted!" He smirked and sat back. "Why would you torture yourself? You'll get wrinkles, and if there's one bit of your personnel file that stands out, it's your vanity."

"Hm." Yumichika's cheeks burned, because this was an insult. Not the 'vanity' bit, no, he knew that one. "Well, I guess I can say I admire how clinical you are about the whole thing, but there's a beautiful sentiment to parenthood." He traced the rim of his empty cup with the tip of an elegant index finger, and let his eyes wander across the low gardens of purple violets. "The wonder of watching a new life learn and grow, of molding and shaping the future in what small ways we can. You might think it's joyless, but the evidence I've seen in my friend with a child refutes that outright. He's never been happier."

"Hnn." Captain Kurotsuchi snorted in utter disgust. "You're toeing the line, Ayasegawa. Don't think so little of me. Just because I don't engage in sentiment doesn't mean I don't understand it." He took a swallow of his coffee, leaving a black ring where his makeup touched the white porcelain. "You might be able to hide yourself through the course of gestation, but what will you do when you've got the little bastard crawling up your chest?"

"Ah. I believe the term is 'AWOL.'" Yumichika's shoulders dropped, though he maintained his cool. "I've survived on my own in the Rukongai. I'm willing to return if it means I get what I'm looking for."

"Ha! Look at you, throwing around terms like AWOL!" Kurotsuchi howled with dizzying laughter, and Yumichika stifled a blush with thoughts of ice and steel, as Kurotsuchi exaggerated an eyeroll. "And yet you're so concerned about this staying off of your record."

"So my partner doesn't find out and has no way of finding out." Yumichika lowered his brow so he wouldn't have to look at Kurotsuchi anymore. Something cold was pooling in the bottom of his heart, and it had started to ache. "I thought I said."

Kurotsuchi clicked his tongue, the sharp point snipping sharply at Yumichika. "So much effort for something so meaningless."

"It isn't meaningless!" Yumichika reared back and tossed his hair over his shoulder. "It has meaning to me, because I give it meaning. I think it is, therefore, it is."

"You're no philosopher."

"And you don't care. The bottom line is, I made a decision." He clenched his fists on the table in front of him, dropping his composure for the first time since the meeting began. "I realized... there was something I stand to lose. And this is how I will save it. This one thing is more important to me than anything else, and I am willing to give up things that are less important to save it. My station, my place, everything I've striven for up until this point. Even him. Because if I lose that thing, then I lose all of those anyway!" He slammed his palms down and burst up to his feet. "You can get something you want out of this. I'm giving you a lot of carte blanche here!" He took a roll of parchment from inside his shihakusho and slapped it down onto the table. "The terms I've described are laid out here. I have signed my name to it." Kurotsuchi took the paper without hesitation and ran his eyes over it. Yumichika seated himself again, still trying to tamp down his frustration. "If you are willing to accept my terms, sign, and I'm yours."

"You're ridiculous, Ayasegawa." Kurotsuchi's smirk didn't quite match his insult. "If you're to have a decision, you'll have it tomorrow." He pocketed the contract, turned his empty cup over, and sauntered back in the direction he'd approached from.

And somehow, the oppressive atmosphere he'd brought with him didn't dissipate in his absence. If anything, being alone made him feel worse. It was a necessary evil, and perhaps the least ideal situation. Ideally, Ikkaku would have been at his side, demanding Kurotsuchi just give them what he wanted. Even more ideally, Ikkaku would have wanted the very same, or at the very least been willing to consider it. But no.

The one time he'd even tried to broach the topic, Ikkaku shot him down like a clay pigeon and left him shattered in a million ugly, jagged pieces, and no, he was not being overdramatic.

This was his best option, and his only chance. The alternative would be to risk the greater loss, and he was a member of the Eleventh, wasn't he? He was supposed to fight. Fight, so you don't have to lose anything. Even if it meant to resorting to dirty deals and underhanded tricks that would make even the hideous shudder at how ugly they were.

"Even if it means throwing it away."

His teacup long empty and his mind whirling with thoughts he didn't want to address, he tried to think of beautiful things. The azure sky, as the sun sank away and took the light with it. The shine of the glorious, round moon as it came visible. Fierce little eyes that belonged to him and someone he cared about on a face he hadn't yet met.

"Our baby would be beautiful, wouldn't it, Ikkaku?"


	2. Bitter and Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika gets his answer, and takes action...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning: there is sex in this chapter. Depending on your point of view, this event could be viewed as being of dubious consent, for reasons that will be better explained later. It is not violent, coercive, or forceful, but there are some unpleasant implications in our hero's motivations. If you are sensitive to this, I would not recommend continuing, as this encounter predicates some of the conflict in the rest of the story. Unfortunately, this is where my muse led me. I offer my sincerest apologies.
> 
> One other note: this story will contain flash backs and, for lack of a better word, dream sequences. They will be pretty clearly denoted, but the text of events that happened in the past or that are only memories or visions in our hero's mind will be in italics.
> 
> Finally! I'm uncomfortable with using Japanese terms without defining them, and I'm using the Japanese terms for the different parts of the shihakusho. So, waraji, kosode, and hakama are parts of the shihakusho- waraji are the sandals, kosode is the top, and hakama is the pants. There's also the shitagi, or the white part under the kosode, tabi, the socks, and a sash. Just in case, right?

**2: Bitter and Sweet**

The Eleventh Division mess hall exploded with rambunctious life in the morning before squad duty. Food was served buffet-style, all-you-can-eat, and to a crowd that was composed mostly of Rukon dogs who'd starved every second they could remember since their arrival in Soul Society up until the day they got accepted into the Division. They could eat a lot. There was also a significant lack of table manners at most of the long tables in the hall, but Yumichika had gotten used to that decades ago. He usually only ate breakfast with the squad on nights when Ikkaku worked the third shift and didn't come in until the wee hours, instead fixing up something in the kitchenette of his private quarters for the both of them when he could. Today, however, he left a note for Ikkaku that he didn't have ingredients to cook and to meet him here.

He'd emptied out his pantry in anticipation.

Ikkaku was probably still asleep, so he mused as he selected a few shapely riceballs around a fistfight over the last rasher of bacon currently in the tray. Ikkaku had slept in his own quarters the night before. He picked where he slept based on his mood: sometimes Yumichika's bed, but his own whenever he was still too pumped up from the day and needed to get the energy out before crashing into bed. Yumichika tried to think of it as a courtesy rather than a snub. 'He just doesn't want to sleep, it's not that he doesn't want to sleep with you. Why wouldn't he want to sleep with you?' No matter how it was, Yumichika hadn't slept at all the night before, only pretending when Ikkaku had crashed in from a night carousing with some of the Men's Association, muttered something about how they missed him, and conked out within seconds of kicking off his waraji.

"Hey, you were missed last night."

Yumichika jerked out of his thoughts at the repetition behind him, as Ikkaku circled around him and set a tray loaded with sausages and a bowl of congee across from Yumichika's. Yumichika managed a smile, which Ikkaku returned without hesitation. "Where were ya? I met up with Rangiku and Renji and Shuhei, they were askin' about you!"

"Chemical peel." Yumichika patted his cheek. "I thought I looked radiant, it's a shame you didn't notice."

"You look just as good as you always do." Ikkaku started to shrug, then abruptly stopped and held his hands out. "Wait! Better! Better! Your, uh, skin, it looks nice today!"

"Thank you." Yumichika preened, brushing his cheek with his fingertips and smiling proudly, despite knowing full well he was lying through his teeth.

Ikkaku looked faintly relieved, before digging into his breakfast without another word. Yumichika started to eat, too, but with Ikkaku right in front of him, his stomach was twisting into knots. Lucky for him, Ikkaku was eager to talk all about his night, so he could steel himself and nibble down his rice balls, grain by grain. Typically, Ikkaku didn't even seem to notice that Yumichika couldn't keep even a customary smile on.

At least, until he did. "Hey, you seem down. Is something up?"

Yumichika scrambled through his brain for a lie, but it was hard with Ikkaku looking right at him, his fierce, hawkish eyes wearing a weird sort of concern that Yumichika didn't know how to read. Before he could answer, an oppressively large reiatsu closed in and interrupted them.

"Oh, good morning, Captain, Lieutenant!" Yumichika was the first to stand and salute Kenpachi as he closed in on them, Yachiru clinging to his back like always. Ikkaku got up a little slower, and the rest of the squad all rattled to a halt to greet the Captain. There was silence, except for someone throwing the last punch and noisily stuffing the unguarded bacon into his mouth. Kenpachi stopped near Yumichika and Ikkaku, his one good eye fixed on him.

"Mornin'." His gaze traveled between them for a moment, and Yumichika could never quite tell what that sort of expression meant. Best he could tell, it was either deep thought or low blood pressure. Yachiru, however, was never short for words.

"Mornin' Feathers! Mornin' Baldy!" She waved from her perch, as the noise came up around them again and the men fell back at ease and returned to their meals. "Guess what!" She never gave them time to guess. "Kenny crushed a butterfly! It went-" She smashed her hands together for emphasis- "SMOOSH!"

Yumichika giggled, generously. "My, sounds like an exciting way to begin the day." Then, it caught his mind. "A butterfly? Was it pestering him?"

"It wouldn't shut up! Mayurin kept yammering, Ayasegawa this, Ayasegawa that-"

"Yachiru," Kenpachi grunted, because Yumichika's expression had fallen and Ikkaku was staring at him with stunned disbelief.

"Yumichika? Why's that creep talkin' about you?"

Yumichika couldn't answer, and Kenpachi seized his shoulder. "We gotta talk." His eyes shot to Ikkaku. "You might as well come too." With that, he stalked back towards his office, with Yachiru tugging his hair and directing him towards the sweet buns on the buffet.

Ikkaku frowned, his surprise having since been swallowed. "Yumichika, do you know what's going on?" Yumichika's stomach flip-flopped, but he shook his head.

He was about to get his answer.

Yumichika could lie to himself and say Kenpachi had invited Ikkaku because he was third-in-command and needed to know about squad business, but he knew very well it was because Ikkaku was his partner in both senses of the word. He had worried, when they first joined the squad, that the macho guys in the lower ranks would give them grief for being a couple of fags in the roughest squad, and so they kept their relationship, such that it was, on the sly. Ikkaku didn't understand- "I'm no fag, so what if I'm sleeping with you?"- but acquiesced. Yumichika deliberately subdued himself, less makeup and limiting personal accessories, until his first promotion. By the time they'd ascended the ranks enough to get Kenpachi's attention, however, the rumors about them had flown anyway. They worked together too well, they were never apart. Still, it turned out they had no need to worry.

Kenpachi Zaraki had squinted at the two of them for a solid thirty seconds after they introduced themselves, Ikkaku as an old opponent looking for a rematch, and Yumichika, properly for the first time. He cocked his head, and finally grunted, "Keep it off the battlefield, and we'll all get along just fine." Their relationship was an open secret after that. They didn't bother denying rumors. They didn't advertise, though Yumichika loved to flaunt what was his whenever the lower-ranked girls tried to catch Ikkaku's eye at the bar. All Kenpachi cared about was that they could fight. He seemed uninterested in romance himself, but he was aware of theirs, and it wasn't a problem for him.

If "romance" what it could be called, so Yumichika mused ruefully.

If Kenpachi was going to talk to you, it wasn't going to be in his office. Kenpachi didn't use his office. It was mostly used as storage space for paperwork he was going to pass off to Ikkaku, Yumichika, or some of the other seated members, or a playroom for Yachiru, with her own little play desk so she could pretend to work while Yumichika filled out the weekly requisitions. Instead, Kenpachi led them both to a quiet, grassy spot between buildings, where Kenpachi had probably been sleeping before getting annoyed awake by the butterfly. There was already a paper-wrapped package on the ground, and another Hell Butterfly waiting on top of it. Kenpachi sat down beside it, crossing his legs, and Yachiru took her place on his legs and reached out with a flat palm, ready to squish, but Kenpachi caught her hand and tapped it instead. To the surprise of nobody but Ikkaku, Mayuri Kurotsuchi's voice was heard:

"I have sent this with full expectation that you have destroyed my previous message. Don't make me repeat myself again. Due to a personnel shortfall, the Twelfth Division has elected to bring in a substitute for our Third Seat. We have selected the Eleventh Divison's 5th seat, Yumichika Ayasegawa." Yumichika could hear his wicked smirk even in his voice. "I've decided to use this inconvenience as an opportunity. The combat expertise of the Eleventh is sorely lacking in the Twelfth, and while it would inconvenience you to lose your Third Seat, I believe you can spare your Fifth." Ikkaku's hand curled into a fist, but Kenpachi just scowled at the butterfly hard enough that its wings should have crumpled under the pressure. The message continued regardless. "This temporary transfer has been cleared with the administrative offices of the First Division. Ayasegawa's assignment to the Twelfth Division will last until the return of Sitting Third Seat Akon, at which point he will be returned to your Division, unless you should choose to replace or permanently transfer him in his absence." Yumichika winced, but Kenpachi bared gritted teeth at the butterfly. "Temporary Third Seat Ayasegawa is ordered to report at the Twelfth Division Headquarters at 0600 tomorrow for briefing and squad duty..."

Ikkaku crushed the Hell Butterfly under his palm. "Captain, this is bullshit!"

"Goddamn right it is," Kenpachi grumbled, as Yachiru chewed a finger in her spot in his lap.

"Kenny, does this mean Yun-yun has to leave?"

"No! No way!" Ikkaku shot a frantic glance to Yumichika, then pounded his fists on the desk. "Captain, we can't transfer him! You can't-"

"Idiot!" Yumichika dope-slapped Ikkaku across the back of the head. "They're orders, not suggestions! If I don't, it's a court-martial for insubordination and an all-expenses-paid trip to the Maggot's Nest for me and anyone who aids or abets it."

"He's right." Kenpachi hunched in his chair, glaring at the floor. "I got no clue how the hell this all went over my head, but I don't like it. Ikkaku, you gotta help me file a complaint, but I'm guessing he's gonna have to serve at least a few days over there."

"But..." Ikkaku grabbed the front of Yumichika's collar. "Do you know how long it's gonna be?! Do you even know what he did to Akon?!" Yumichika wrenched Ikkaku's hand from his clothes, as Ikkaku gesticulated wildly. "The SMA was talkin' about him being laid up for months! They gotta grow him new legs in tubes and shit! Kurotsuchi's gonna turn ya to mincemeat!"

"Ikkaku, I can handle myself." Yumichika sighed, a little more dramatically than chiefly necessary, and brushed his hair back and tucked it behind his ear. "It's fine. I can almost understand." He folded his arms and bobbed his chin low. "An order is an order." He let his eyes flit meaningfully over to Ikkaku. "I'll be sure he doesn't slip me anything. For now, there's nothing we can do. Let's just get to squad duty. Permission to go finish my breakfast, Captain?" Kenpachi grunted, and Yumichika pivoted on his heel and strode out, leaving Ikkaku stuttering in his wake.

He hated the moments he spent walking away from him. Every single time he turned his back on Ikkaku, it reminded him of the first...

* * *

_A filthy street somewhere in the West Rukon, but after a few decades wandering them, they all looked the same. He was wearing a favored blue yukata, in best repair of all his clothes until he'd splashed through mud and ruined it three blocks ago. It didn't matter, he would never want to look at it again. It was pouring rain now, and he'd stupidly run out into a sprinkle when he couldn't take the air in their shelter another second. He tripped over his own geta and stumbled into a puddle, landing on his knees and fists. He froze there for a moment, like a time bomb passing those last few seconds on the count, then imploded._

_"Damn it!" He raged at the ground, and slammed his fist into the sludge. He screamed, and slammed his fist down a few times. Mud slapped at his hair, rain drummed on his back and stung like a thousand needles. This was a hideous display, but he didn't care._

_How could he? How could he have been so stupid?_

_He had to leave. He couldn't go back._

_Angry white spots danced in front of his eyes, and his screams turned to sobs._

_Wild dogs could come and eat him now and he wouldn't care. He could even hear them, thundering towards him through the downpour. He waited for Death's cold bite, but instead of sharp jaws, it was a hard, callused hand and uneven fingernails digging into his shoulder._

_"Hey. Hey, come on, stupid." Ikkaku was shaking him. "You're gonna catch your death out here." When he spoke softer, there was a warm quality to his voice that was usually absent from his brash drawl. "Look, I... I'm not mad. Let's talk about this. Just come back."_

_Yumichika licked his lips, and searched, frailly, for words."Why, to just be rejected again?"_

_"Yumichika-" Ikkaku scoffed, disgusted, and seized him with both hands. "Come on. Get up. You can't stay here."_

_"Why do you care?" He trembled, but couldn't make himself stand up. "I spilled my heart out all over the floor, and you just-"_

_"Quit being melodramatic! Look, just, come back. Don't run off alone. You and me, we're a team." He hoisted Yumichika's limp arm over his shoulder, and Yumichika hung weakly against him. Ikkaku put on an exhausted smile and dragged him back like he would a deer carcass. "You said you'd follow me, didn'cha? Said you'd stick with me. I'm gonna hold you to that..."_

_He sobbed, but straightened his back and crushed his tears behind gritted teeth._

* * *

His memories of that night were still fresh in his mind as he opened the package from Kurotsuchi in his washroom. A kosode, emblazoned with the Twelfth Division's symbol, and wrapped neatly in the center, a red lozenge. About six months ago, some of the lower-ranked healers from the Fourth had circulated a flyer of "Things to never accept from members of the Twelfth Division," including photographs of pills and syrup medicines that had been seized or used by members who had ended up at the relief station. The lozenge had ended up on there, with the warning, perhaps as a joke, "Has downed two Captains!" Yumichika didn't think it was terribly funny. Instead, he considered the lozenge in the picture next to the one in his hand.

The picture was inaccurate. Same color, translucent blood-red, same oblong shape, but the one in the picture looked too small. He held it up to the light, and could see an opaque blob in the middle shaped something like the infinity symbol. If he ever had the chance, he would want to correct their records.

"I wish I'd known what I was getting into back then." He sighed and popped the lozenge under his tongue. It was sweet, then bitter. His thoughts drifted back, wondering what would have happened if he'd shoved Ikkaku off and kept running, or if Ikkaku hadn't come after him. He swallowed the last of the lozenge. "But no regrets, right?"

He washed his hands for a long time. He felt filthy after touching the Twelfth Division kosode. He wasn't sure just how long the lozenge took to take effect, but he didn't feel the change. He hoped it was long enough.

Ikkaku was sitting on his bed, head hung forlornly, still dressed but for his geta. He slumped like a sad sheepdog after the flock's moved on, even as Yumichika slipped in and laid a cupped hand on his shoulder. "I'll miss you." He leaned down and kissed the crest of Ikkaku's ear. Ikkaku's eyelid twitched, but he leaned into the kind touch.

"It just sucks, okay? I thought, I thought you an' me were gonna stick together." He slumped over, chin in his hand and elbows on his knees. "Am I ever gonna see you?"

"I can't say. But if the Captain wants me back, I'll be back." He should have been troubled by how easily he could lie to someone he cared so deeply for, and yet, he'd done it for years now, hadn't he? It wasn't like this was the first time he'd had to lie to Ikkaku to make sure he didn't lose him.

This was just much, much different.

"Hey." Yumichika circled in front of him and laid his head on his knee. Ikkaku put his hand in his hair and, unconsciously, stroked slowly through immaculately combed locks. "You know I really am gonna miss you, you know? Gonna miss the whole squad. And you, especially." He shut his eyes and rubbed his cheek to Ikkaku's knee. "I didn't want this."

Ikkaku sighed, and ran his fingers across the part of Yumichika's hair just behind his ear. "Nobody does. Me, an' the Captain, we'll try and contest this stupid shit. You'll be back in no time flat."

"Mm." Yumichika sighed, and kissed the side of his knee. "Will you give me a proper sending-off?"

"Ah, Yumi..."

"Ikkaku." Yumichika wrapped his arms around his waist. "I... I need this." God, did he need this. "If you're too depressed, maybe I can..." He smirked suggestively. "Cheer you up?"

"Yumichika, I'm really..." Ikkaku heaved a frustrated sigh, and ran his hand through Yumichika's hair. "I just..."

"I want you to remember me at my best, and at your happiest." Yumichika pushed himself up off the bed and carefully straddled his lap. "Let me have one last request."

"Shit, it's like you're dying." Ikkaku laughed weakly, but sat back. "Do what you want."

That wasn't the desired reaction. He couldn't be too surprised. Usually lovemaking was aggressive, Ikkaku throwing Yumichika down and rushing through foreplay, or Yumichika pinning Ikkaku against a wall and wrapping his legs around his waist. They fucked after good fights, or when Ikkaku was feeling lucky and just too pumped to do anything else, or when they were angry, or sometimes when Yumichika just needed to feel close to him and Ikkaku actually let him. Those last ones were the hard ones. Yumichika was going to have to work to get a goodbye fuck out of him.

Fine. He fought when he had to.

A kiss, to start. Open mouthed and dirty, and Ikkaku only took a moment to catch on and reciprocate, their teeth meeting, then tongues. Yumichika swept his tongue around Ikkaku's, savoring him, then jabbed it a few times. He let his hand slip down to the join of Ikkaku's legs and traced his sac. Ikkaku stifled a moan into Yumichika's mouth, and Yumichika hummed back and tenderly sucked his lower lip. He hoped it bruised, so Ikkaku would feel it and think of him for a few days.

He ground down against him, let him feel how hard he was just from being against him. Ikkaku's member was starting to stir from the friction against his balls and the base of his cock. Yumichika chuckled and gave a slow roll of his hips, dragging his crotch against Ikkaku's. Ikkaku moaned openly this time, and Yumichika parted the folds of his shihakusho down his shoulder to expose Ikkaku's taut, bare chest. Ikkaku hummed with appreciation as Yumichika traced gentle circles around the contours of his cock and balls with his fingertips, and Yumichika couldn't help a smug, self-satisfied smirk. Ikkaku was warming up fast, and Yumichika was already hot just from being against him. He rutted against Ikkaku's thighs, then bent down to take a copper-colored nipple into his mouth. He nibbled, then suckled, and Ikkaku moaned and shoved him off.

"Clothes. Off," Ikkaku rasped and grasped at the edges of Yumichika's kosode. "Now."

Yumichika liked to think himself obedient to his superior officers, so off the kosode went. A few flicks of the wrist to undo the ties, then a shimmy and his top fell to the floor. He got off of Ikkaku's lap to pull off the hakama, but instead of mounting again, he sunk to his knees. "Y'know." He pillowed his hands and chin on Ikkaku's thigh, blinking up at him like a cherub. "It isn't fair if I'm the only one all naked down here."

Ikkaku unleashed a guttural growl and tore the waistband of his hakama down. His manhood sprung free, flushed purple and twitching in the cool evening air. Yumichika smiled gratefully- he'd hoped the baggy pants were disguising just how much Ikkaku wanted, and yeah, he wanted. Yumichika started with tongue on the tip. He hated oral, the bulge Ikkaku made in his mouth was unsightly, but the taste was a nice appetizer for the main course. A few licks to clean off the precome, then he mouthed at the shaft to slick it. He balanced himself with one hand on the floor so his free hand could knead Ikkaku's sac, licking and groping and sucking until Ikkaku shoved him back.

"Fuck. Get on me." He was panting, glaring Yumichika down like he was a hunter over a deer. Yumichika caught himself on his hands, and offered a coy smile in response.

"Someone's ready, huh? You just gotta let me..." He pushed himself up to his knees and spread his legs, on full display, then dragged a finger down through the thin sweat beading his own chest and down past his perineum. He found a little tube of lube under his futon, worked a little onto his fingers, and spread it around his entrance. Ikkaku bit down hard on his lower lip, and fisted his cock in his hand as Yumichika traced his own asshole with his index finger, then delved in.

Ikkaku was 'gifted,' and Yumichika was not naturally so loose. When they'd started this whole mess, he'd thought he'd get used to it eventually and wouldn't need to prepare himself as much. He was wrong. He still needed to stretch, and Ikkaku was too clumsy and too impatient to handle it himself. He liked to watch, though. And Yumichika made it a good show.

He used his free hand to rub his own nipple, raising it to a rosy pink peak. Ikkaku licked suddenly-dry lips, and Yumichika pushed his finger in to the knuckle. A few strokes in and out had Yumichika panting, and he added the middle finger. The stretch ached, and the whisper-soft moan he released made his own belly quiver. Ikkaku growled and stroked himself harder.

"Come on, hurry. I can't- I gotta-"

It might not have been enough for Yumichika, but damn if those words weren't enough to push him on. He clambered back onto Ikkaku's lap and lined up dick with hole, then slid down slow, slow, slow, until Ikkaku was fully seated in him, pulsing, thick, and hot. Hell, it burned, he was sure he'd bleed a little after, but with his chest to Ikkaku's and his arms around his neck, that didn't matter.

"Wait." Ikkaku pressed one hand to his back, and Yumichika held position. He rubbed the small of Yumichika's back for a few seconds. "Fuck, you feel good, babe." He shifted his hips, and Yumichika saw stars. Yumichika wanted to scream but couldn't, and instead dove in to kiss Ikkaku again. He was familiar territory, but it didn't stop Yumichika from wanting to explore every inch. One heavy arm wrapped around Yumichika's neck, one big hand gripped tight to his hip, Ikkaku's hold was possessive, but it felt so satisfying. Ikkaku tried to thrust a few times, but with no leverage off the futon, Yumichika had to take the lead.

He rested his chin in the crook of Ikkaku's shoulder and neck, cheek to cheek, and slid up on Ikkaku's dick. He hovered there for a moment, then dropped hard and fast. Ikkaku groaned, and Yumichika started a steady, harsh rhythm of hard thrusts. Ikkaku grumbled breathless praise, "You feel so good, fuck, you're amazing," and Yumichika held a soft whine, because he felt exactly the same.

Ikkaku fit him like a glove. He was sure that if he never felt this way again, it would leave a hole in him and he'd rot away into a Hollow, but damn if that didn't matter right now. Just this, just him, inside him, grinding down like he meant it, so hot it burned, so full he could burst-

Ikkaku gripped down, blunt fingernails clamping down. "Yumi, gonna-"

Yumichika shoved himself down hard, and his body tightened around Ikkaku's. Ikkaku came with a yell, and Yumichika completed, untouched, with a sob from having so much wrought out of him at once, white light covering his vision, and that was when he felt it.

Yumichika had heard some women knew the exact moment they conceived. Yumichika was pretty sure this was what it felt like. The resonance of their reiatsus together rang like a bell, and something inside of him was answering that like a reverberation. Impossible? Maybe. But Yumichika could pull himself from Ikkaku's arms, still trembling from the intensity of his orgasm, knowing he was walking away with something more than the hollow feeling left when Ikkaku wasn't inside him anymore.

Pigeontoed and shaking, he cocked his head and smiled into Ikkaku's face. "I love you."

Ikkaku wheezed and panted, and returned a cheeky smile. "Yeah."

He should have loved it, reveled in it, but he was just so used to it that he could only shake his head and smile as he floated back down to the waking world.

Ikkaku slumped back on the futon, spent, and Yumichika wiped both of them clean with a wet cloth and dried him with the sheet. Ikkaku was already asleep. He took his time taking off his makeup, put the feathers in a little storage case, and stared at himself in the mirror for a long time. He felt disgusting, used, and a little sick with himself. Makeup scrubbed off, his face red from the exfoliating cream and sticky with lotion, he could stand to look at himself for the briefest of seconds.

"It was nice, while it lasted." He touched his forehead to the mirror. "But we'll be okay." His hand drifted down to his midsection, over the fingertip-shaped bruises Ikkaku had left over his hip. He'd feel them for a little while, but they'd fade. There was a poetic beauty to it, so appropriate in this sad, sorry situation.

Ikkaku was flat on his side, snoring like a bear in winter when Yumichika stripped down for bed and crawled in. Yumichika curled up, his back to his chest, and Ikkaku's arm slung over his instinctively. Yumichika didn't sleep, not a wink. He lay, watching the shadows on the wall, haunted by the somber realization that this was the last night of "normal" he would ever have.

* * *

The Twelfth Division kosode didn't fit. Yes, it lay on his body to the exact length it was meant to, and the shape was correct on his figure, but it didn't feel right on him. It didn't stop him from putting it on with the rest of his shihakusho and tossing the last of his belongings into a small bag. Ikkaku slept on, scratching his thigh and smacking his lips. Yumichika sighed, kissed the corners of his eyes, and backed away, strapped Ruri'iro Kujaku to his hip, and left.

His Eleventh Division kosode hung on the back of the door. Maybe it was a herald of hope that he'd come back eventually to reclaim it, or just a souvenir of the century they'd spent together.

The walk over to the Twelfth wasn't a long one, and Yumichika faintly recognized the woman waiting at the gates there as Nemu Kurotsuchi, the Lieutenant. She bowed a little as he approached, lips pursed. (She always seemed to have her lips pursed.)

"Temporary Third Seat Ayasegawa, Captain Kurotsuchi asked me to greet you." She folded her hands in front of her, and Yumichika couldn't help but notice just how short her kimono was cut. He had only half a second to muse on why that was, before she timidly but briskly continued, "I was asked to see that you've, er, held up your end of the bargain."

"My end... oh." He'd almost forgotten that it was a business transaction as much as anything, and quickly nodded. "It should happen. If not, I guess he'll have to give me another lozenge and send me back over there."

Her next word surprised him: "Congratulations." She stepped aside to let him pass. "Captain Kurotsuchi is waiting inside. It's my understanding that you'll be helping take notes during experiments, and helping us with routine paperwork that tends to slip through the cracks..."

"Oh, so business as usual?" Yumichika tried to joke, but Nemu's silence indicated that it didn't tickle her funny bone. Yumichika knew it wasn't true.

He wasn't sure there was anything like 'business as usual' in the Twelfth. Not without his usual partner in crime...


	3. The Difference a Number Can Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika adjusts to life in the Twelfth Division, and the change in his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really grateful for the feedback I've been getting so far! Thanks for all the comments, everyone! Remember, if I've made a terrible mistake, please tell me so I can fix it!
> 
> By the by, this work is self-edited, self-beta'd. If anyone is willing to offer help in this regard, just say the word.

**3: The Difference a Number Can Make**

Breakfast, first. The difference there was jarring enough to Yumichika that it set him off for a few days. Rather than the free-for-all in the Eleventh, the mess hall was closer to the school cafeteria at Ichigo's school. He joined the line, followed the lead of the others, picked up a tray, and joined the line. The cadet on mess duty gave him precise scoops of rice, natto, a rolled omelet, and a cup of miso soup. It all looked a bit gray, and Yumichika didn't see anything that looked like it had been cut off of an animal. He also hated natto, and was about to ask for an extra omelet to make up for it, but got shoved along in the line. He glanced to the young recruit next to him. "Is it always like this?"

She looked completely taken aback. "You're talking to me?" She whipped her head around quickly, then nodded. "It is, yes. Captain Kurotsuchi has personally designed every meal in the rotation to be precisely balanced for optimum health, brain function, and nutrition. Some items have added nutrients and vitamins, depending on the kind of work he expects to get done on certain days." Her eyes narrowed with suspicion as they edged further down the line. "Why?"

"Just, in the Eleventh, you just take what you want, and-" The girl laughed, cutting him off, and filled her cup with hot tea from a dispenser.

"That's right, you're our borrowed guinea pig!" She patted his back. "The Captain warned us about you. No wonder." She quickly abandoned him where the line let off.

Yumichika would have blushed and protested at being called a guinea pig, except he had used the words himself to get into this situation. It's not as though there were anyone to listen, because he sat and ate all by himself. Every other meal was the same, but for the kind of food offered, and even that all started to taste the same.

He had a regimented schedule, lines drawn as neatly as those on their trays at lunch. A scant fifteen minutes in the shower?! He barely had time to get a basic bit of makeup on! There weren't even bells or whistles to mark when it was time to move from one task to the next, they all just seemed to know. Yumichika was nearly led by his nose as he tried to acclimate.

Kurotsuchi gave him instructions to teach hakuda to a few selected squads every day, and the rest went off to their other duties deeper in the bowels of the SRDI building. The yard was sparse, just a broad expanse of packed dirt surrounded by white and gray windowless buildings, and despite their "ideal" diet, most of the members he'd been given to train were lethargic, or perhaps just less than enthusiastic about their lessons. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised, since they were nerds, not warriors. He enjoyed tossing them around as much as he could, but with none of them putting up much resistance, it wasn't as fun. Sure, he was stronger than about 95% of the Eleventh Squad, but at least they put up a fight! At the end of the day, though, they seemed to be learning, and they could all recreate whatever he'd demonstrated with at least visual accuracy. The power just wasn't there, so Yumichika couldn't pour his heart into it.

He was given an empty room with a single bunk and a storage crate for his personal belongings, spartan but functional. It wasn't their Third Seat's usual quarters, but Yumichika hadn't expected much. He had a place to put his makeup and a few personal effects, his yukata and casual clothes for nights in and days off. He didn't have a chance to use them. Once the day's work was over, he would settle in and lay alone. He didn't get missions outside of Soul Society- no Hollow-hunting for him- or even sent on patrol around the Rukongai. Yumichika appreciated that he wasn't being put directly into serious danger, but he had the slightest sneaking suspicion that Kurotsuchi didn't want him to have a chance to run away. It didn't matter: it just boiled down to him having nothing to do at night. Nobody to see or talk to, anyway. He probably could have gone out to see his friends, but could have and would were different things. After breaking away from Ikkaku, seeing him again would just be like swallowing his sword. He instead sat alone, flipping through back copies of the Communication borrowed from the division's library or any other interesting-looking book he could get his hands on. He had expected to be lonesome, anyway, but for his zanpakuto and the unknown. The former clucked and tutted him whenever he tried to meditate with it, so he was left with the latter. Once a night, just before drifting off to sleep, he would meditate and sense through his reiatsu.

He first discovered that change after two weeks. It was a small disturbance at first, like a knot in the ebb of his energy flow. He didn't let himself get excited- it could just be a minor whorl from the change in scenery, or maybe it was whatever Kurotsuchi was putting in the food. It didn't stop him from talking to it anyway:

"If you're there, I'd better be careful, right?"

It only seemed to grow day by day, the knot winding tighter and spreading, until after five weeks of waiting, he felt the knot in his soul try to entangle him. It was like a pair of tiny, tiny hands clasping around his fingers, and he cried out when he felt it.

"You're... you're there! You are!" He crushed his reiatsu around it, as if he could embrace it (or him, or her, or anything) and enveloped its energy in his. It was a tiny, new soul, but it was already a fine shade of deep, dark purplish-blue. He couldn't tell its shape just yet, or perhaps it hadn't decided, nor could he tell anything else about it, but it was  _there_  and that was all that was important. Caught up in the wonder of it all, only one word came to his mind: "Ikkaku..."

That was the first night Yumichika cried himself to sleep in the Twelfth Division. He was certain it would not be the last.

Once he got over the first crying bout- somewhere around dawn- he knew his first step would be to tell Captain Kurotsuchi. Approaching his office door, away from the peachy light of the early sun and into the stark fluorescence of the SRDI's rearmost building, where he'd been told the Captain kept his quarters, he could only wonder what his Captain would say.

Kenpachi would have grunted and raised his eyebrow, no doubt, much like the way he had first looked at him and Ikkaku together. Then, he would have gotten over it, with a "Don't let it get in the way of your fighting," and going back to whatever he'd been doing. Yachiru would have launched herself at him like a rocket and hugged his belly and asked when her new playmate would be here. Ikkaku...

… ah, who knew Captain Kurotsuchi's door would be so close?

Yumichika knocked twice. He wasn't surprised to hear a sharp, "Who dares?!" Of course the Captain didn't sleep. Yumichika was nearly sure he didn't eat, either. It would be a wonder if the man's heart ever beat even once.

"Officer Ayasegawa, Captain Kurotsuchi." The words tasted funny, like vinegar and iron on the back of his teeth. He'd always addressed him- what little he'd addressed him before- as Captain, but never meant it as "my Captain." He still wasn't sure he did. "Captain, about our experiment?" He hoped he caught the underlying meaning.

He did, and the door opened a crack. "Oh?" Kurotsuchi had no makeup on yet. Yumichika didn't think he'd ever seen the man's natural skin before, and from the way he scrabbled at the steel jamb, Kurotsuchi seemed to intend to keep it that way. "Do you have news?"

Yumichika felt a lump in his throat. "I guess you could say, step one complete." He rested a hand over his middle, over where his belt was tied. The door promptly slammed shut, and Yumichika found himself shivering with unspoken emotion in front of a cold steel slab. Kurotsuchi could be heard through it nonetheless, sounding as pleased as he'd ever heard him:

"Excellent! We'll begin the study later today! Carry out your morning duties as usual." Yumichika faintly heard footsteps retreating from the door, and took that to mean "dismissed."

Nemu brought her tray over to Yumichika at lunch time, and put down a very large Styrofoam container beside it. "Please drink this," she instructed with the same mild interest with which she approached everything.

"Why?" Yumichika peeked inside- it looked and smelled like water, but then, Kurotsuchi had played a similar trick on Captain Ukitake.

"In order to perform a fully accurate ultrasound, we will need to lift the bladder away from the mock uterus. It will take approximately thirty-two ounces of water to fill your bladder and fully expose the organ under it." Nemu dabbed at the corner of her lip with her napkin, and Yumichika realized she'd already cleared her tray.

"Uh." He cocked his head, then answered, "I don't remember hearing about this." Nemu apprised him, and he felt immensely stupid. How would he know, anyway? Nemu didn't scold him, to his relief.

"Our machine is considerably more sophisticated than the one at the Fourth Division. I am not certain how theirs works, but this is required for ours. We'll also be performing a three-dimensional scan, so it's vital you are prepared." She moved her tray aside. "I can assure you that it's water. If you'd prefer, you can pour it out and refill it."

"Eh. I submitted to this, anyway." He took the first sip- tasted like water- and gulped it down in small slurps.

Unpleasantly full and sloshing enough to make him nauseous, he let Nemu escort him down into the belly of the Institute. It seemed Kurotsuchi had cleared a room used for a previous experiment out to make space for this one, based on what he hoped was a whole lot of unnecessary, for lack of a prettier word,  _stuff_  (detritus, maybe?) plugged into the walls, with tubes and multicolored wires and cords everywhere, and a table still littered with glass tubes and beakers and overflowing drawers. The Captain was still putting a few things together, plugging cords into a monitor and some unfamiliar equipment. Unfamiliar to him, anyway. He could hazard a guess as to what the reclined, paper-covered chair was for, at least, even as Nemu gestured to it. "Please, remove your clothing and make yourself comfortable."

Yumichika disrobed, folded each article into neat, perfect, pretty little squares and set them aside, despite the Captain's apprising eye running over his nude figure, and hopped onto the chair. He realized he had no view of the screen from where he was, especially when Nemu made him lie flat back. He tried to sit up, but was thrown back when Nemu applied something cold and gelatinous to his midsection. "Sh-! That's cold! You could've warned me!"

"Do shut up." Kurotsuchi whirled around, a white sensor wand in his hand and amusement in his face. "And hold still, while you're at it." Yumichika turned his nose up, but put his head back. He pressed the wand against Yumichika's middle, and pulled the cart with the screen on it into closer view. Not Yumichika's view, either. Yumichika tried to sit up to see, but Kurotsuchi tutted him and he lay back down. He moved the wand right and left, and Yumichika noticed him holding a button on the side down in a few spots. He slowly swiped, holding it down, then put the wand aside and took a few notes. Nemu picked the screen up and swiped her fingertips across the surface, and Yumichika could see the images changing from the patterns of light shining on her clothes.

"Hey, can I see my baby?" He said the word "my" with a little more emphasis than he should have, but he sure as hell couldn't let this fly! Kurotsuchi tsked him and took the screen away from Nemu.

"It's an experiment. If the subject know the progress in advance, it risks the results. I wouldn't want you changing your normal behavior because you've seen a data pattern you don't like!" He whisked it back to a docking station Yumichika could see, but the screen was already black. Yumichika wiped his stomach off.

"Well, how about the heartbeat?"

"Ha!" Kurotsuchi laughed sharply. "Idiot, there's no heartbeat."

The blood drained away from Yumichika's face all at once. "Wh-what?"

"Yes." Nemu took a book from the side table and opened it to a marked page. "At five weeks after conception, there is no heartbeat. There is no heart." She showed him a diagram that only looked like a blur of purple and pink blobs. "You have only just entered the embryonic stage. At this stage, the baby is the size of a sesame seed. The heart has started to form chambers, and even then, it will only just be a tube performing vestigial tasks." Yumichika nodded dumbly, because he got the "your baby doesn't have a heart to beat yet" part, and she closed the book and hugged it. "Next week, you should be able to hear the heartbeat."

"We should, Nemu." Kurotsuchi said the word "we" with much more emphasis than necessary, and Yumichika's ears burned.

He could have complained, but this was part of the agreement, wasn't it? Certainly, Kurotsuchi could revoke his contribution as quickly as Yumichika could back out on his. He wouldn't put destroying his baby beyond Kurotsuchi's limited morals.

It only reminded him that if he were back in the Eleventh, he would be going to Unohana, and she'd give him a picture to take with him, and he and Ikkaku could fawn over it for days. Renji had shown him a few pictures he'd had around from Byakuya's first few ultrasounds. There wasn't much to look at, but Renji had said that he was happy enough just to have that. Unohana would let him hear the heartbeat when it could be heard. A few seconds would be enough for him. He could just replay it in his head whenever he wanted if he heard it once.

Kenpachi would be begrudgingly happy for him, in his cantankerous way. Yachiru would be overjoyed. Ikkaku...

God, he missed his squad.

* * *

Yachiru caught Ikkaku at it for the nineteeth time in the month since Yumichika had gone away, so this time, she was dead-set on getting a straight answer out of him. She crept through the grass of the lawn between the barracks and mess hall towards him, as quiet as a cat on quaaludes, then jumped onto his head and covered his eyes. "Surprise, Cueball!"

"Gah!" Ikkaku, staring vacantly off into space up and over the Division wall until just a moment ago, flailed until he could get a grip on her. "The hell, Yachiru?!"

"You were in outer space!" Yachiru held her hands out as Ikkaku pried her off. "You gonna try and be a rocketman?"

"Shut up!" He put her down, but she put her hands on her hips with a pout.

"It's 'cos you miss Yun-yun, right?"

"No, that asshole can do whatever he wants." Ikkaku hocked a thick wad of spit at the wall, then glanced up over it again. He could just see the top of the SRDI building just past the trees around the barracks. "It's not like he's that far away."

"But'cha haven't seen him. I heard Pineapple-head askin' why he's not hanging out with ya no more."

"Just busy with his temporary squad, I bet." Ikkaku kicked at the dust under his feet, and Yachiru sighed deeply.

"But we're so much better!" She dropped her shoulders and head back. "He's pro'lly miserable."

"Y..." Ikkaku sighed. "Yeah." He turned and looked at the building again, the corner of gray visible through the green. "Bet that painted asshole won't let him go. Bet he needs rescuin'."

"I thought we asked Ol' Man Yama to send him back."

"We did." Ikkaku stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Nothin', yet. But there ain't nothing I can do about it." He kicked dust a few times, and Yachiru hummed and squinted at his face.

"You miss 'im. It's okay, y'know." Ikkaku winced his eyes shut, and Yachiru stuck her tongue out. "Only one thing to do." She jumped up and swiped his belt, loosening his shihakusho. "Come an' get me, Pachinko Head!"

"Hey! Yachiru!" He spared one last look at the SRDI compound in the distance, then gave chase, bolting after Yachiru and holding his kosode shut. "Get your shrimpy ass back here, or I swear to God, Yachiru..."

The SRDI was forgotten, for the moment. It just haunted Ikkaku, that someone could be so close but feel so far away.

* * *

Six weeks after leaving home (because make no mistake, he knew where his true home was), Yumichika got his first dose of pregnancy side effects. He was leading training exercises with the Twelfth Division's eleventh and twelfth squads, demonstrating a combination technique of hado and hakuda. He demonstrated a few times, then got a few of them to attack him so he could demonstrate a practical application. They just weren't getting it, though, and Yumichika was getting a headache.

"Alright, let's try it the hard way." He brandished his practice boken and took a wide stance. "I want ten of you punks, come at me! All directions! I don't care what you do, if you're doing this right, I don't need to look at'cha!" Ikkaku had egged the unseated Eleventh cadets on in just the same way, and the words felt good to say and hear. Almost made the headache go away. He could hear them taking position, and tensed. He could hear, feel, smell them coming. The field already smelled like sweat and iron, and then blood. That was weird. Nobody was bleeding yet.

The assault began, and Yumichika was ready. He sidestepped and dodged the first two, rapid-fired Sho along his right side to repel them while blocking on his left, then Haien to his left to reprove two there. He landed on his right leg to pivot, but when he spun around, readying Shakkaho with his right hand, something in his brain spun. His headache imploded, and his vision went black.

The next thing Yumichika new, he was hearing their voices, sniveling and weaselly, above him:

"Hey, does this mean we took down the Third Seat?"

"Temporary, anyway. Does it still count?"

"Hey." Yumichika was satisfied to discover his mouth still worked. "Listen up." The squad kids hovering over him jumped back when he sat up. "If an enemy is down, but they don't look like they should be dead, double-tap!" He thrust his hand out with a stab. "Make sure they stay do-" He moved his shoulder back, his head whirled again, and he passed flat out again.

The next time he woke up, it was with Nemu over him. "Third Seat Ayasegawa, your blood pressure dropped." Yumichika groaned as sensation washed back in degree by degree, and he could see an IV in his arm leading to a small pouch of clear fluid in Nemu's hand. He could also see that the training ground had been cleared. Nemu continued, as if completely certain he was listening. "You will need to remain more hydrated during exercise periods. However, this is entirely normal for your current stage in pregnancy."

"Oh. Sheesh." Yumichika wiped ice-cold sweat from his brow. "Renji never told me anything about his Captain just up and passing out. He just got angry and puked everywhere."

"He may not have passed out. Not every pregnancy is alike." The pouch emptied out, and Nemu carefully, efficiently pulled the IV needle from his arm and swiftly patched him up with a bit of gauze and some medical tape. "Your blood pressure will continually drop until about the midpoint of your pregnancy, and then rise. You will have to be careful with yourself."

"Guess so." He flexed his arm a little, and put his hand behind him to try and get up. Nemu reached out to stop him.

"I wouldn't yet-"

She was right, because the moment he got to his feet, nausea raced up through him and he dropped right back down to his knees and retched into the dirt. Nemu scooted around behind him and rubbed his back. Hell, his throat burned! He couldn't remember the last time he'd been physically ill. He was sure he'd taken a few gut hits that made him heave, but if he'd vomited then, the other pain in him must have overwhelmed the pain of this. Instead, he had to take a breath to get his composure before throwing some loose dirt onto the sad remains of his breakfast.

"Okay." He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, spat, and regretted it. Such a disgraceful thing to do, but there was something base in all this, wasn't there? It was an act of nature. Didn't change the facts: "That sucked." He brushed off his knees. "Nothing to do about it but rinse my mouth out and try to get on with my day, right?"

"I'm afraid that's what most mothers-to-be must do," Nemu confirmed somberly, and Yumichika trudged for the edge of the battlefield and grabbed his bottle of water and towel.

"Glad it's just paperwork this afternoon." He sighed, and forced a smile. "First time for everything. Guess it takes getting used to, right?" Nemu smiled back, a hint of warmth there, but not enough to ease Yumichika's mind or stomach.

Turned out, the first time would not be the last. Yumichika rejected lunch five minutes after finishing it, and had to go back and beg for a smaller portion so he didn't go completely hungry. He kept dinner down until he woke up the next morning and lost whatever hadn't been digested.

"Please," he pleaded down towards his midsection between heaves, "you'll starve if I starve."

He did a little research and experimentation (a little test and check, really but when in Rome, right?) to find out his first solution was probably the best- smaller meals. He would eat some of what he was given at the cafeteria and pack the rest away in napkins in his pockets to eat a few hours later. He also managed to dig up some ginger-lemon tea that soothed his stomach. He also discovered that when he felt lightheaded, he could stop a fainting spell with a long drink of water and two minutes of deep breathing. Not passing out at all was a nice way of avoiding the vomiting that followed. He still threw up in the mornings, but since his metabolism was speeding up to match his diet, he was digesting a little faster and wasn't expelling as much when he did. It was nice to know he was nourishing the baby, at least.

This only led to another problem: he was  _hungry_.

His stomach made clear when it was empty, and it ached and twisted and made him feel nauseous all over again. He tried demanding seconds or extras at the mess hall, but was met with a blank stare no matter who was there. He tried to bring it up with Kurotsuchi during his next weekly check:

"I feel like I'm starving to death."

"Your caloric intake is adequate." Kurotsuchi didn't even look up from the notes he was taking, nor did his hand halt. "I'll be sure to give the Kitchen team instructions to adjust your diet as necessary."

"I'm hungry now." Yumichika ground his teeth together, and the next words exploded out of him: "Hell, it's like when I was starving as a kid! This fucking thing's got a reiatsu like a beast, and it wants food!" He swiped the thick gel off his stomach, already sour from another examination without seeing any of the "data" Kurotsuchi was collecting (or, as he considered it, "pictures of my baby") and his mood was worsening by the second. "Hell, from what I know about your Bankai, you got some experience with hungry babies."

"Oh, and how do you know about my Bankai?"

"Ishida told me when I was in Ka-" He stopped, because he heard tight, uncomfortable laughter from behind the sonogram machine, and looked to see Nemu stifling giggles. Kurotsuchi seemed to notice as well and cocked his head towards her with exasperation. Yumichika glanced to her too- had she ever made more than the tiniest squeak of "Yes sir" around the Captain before?

Nemu, knock-kneed under her "father's" stare, waved her hand in front of her face. "Sorry, sorry, only..." Her voice dropped to a faint whisper, clearly still choking back giggles. "Ashisogi Jizo getting hungry and tearing its way out of its mother... goodness, what would its mother-"

"Nemu, stifle your racket or I'll find new ways to plug your noisehole." Kurotsuchi closed his notebook with a snap, and her mouth snapped shut too as he turned his gaze back to Yumichika. "Ayasegawa, the entire division has been made aware of your condition. As such, they are all aware to treat you with an extra hint of care. Mind you, that is the only reason you have been treated as delicately as I have treated you." He closed in, teeth all too close to Yumichika's nose. "You are a test subject. Your Seat is a convenient cover for my ability to use you. You have no right to make demands of me. Are we clear?"

Kurotsuchi's breath was foul, like rock salt and dry mint barely covering the odor of rotting meat, and Yumichika felt compelled to retch. He held his breath just long enough to squeak out an answer. "Crystal."

Nemu helped Yumichika to his feet, and he bolted for the wastebasket behind the desk. Kurotsuchi scoffed and stepped over him, but Nemu patted his back as he ejected his most recent meal. "Are you going to be alright, Officer Ayasegawa?"

"Y-" He spat. "Yeah." He slumped onto his knees, and managed a weary smile. She put on a small smile right back, which quickly vanished, and he wiped his mouth off and spat again. "I don't know what he's brushing his teeth with, but it isn't working."

"Ancient Egyptian recipe he wanted to try," she answered automatically, then, "It's only five more weeks through the first trimester, and your nausea should wane." She stood up, and he matched her, getting up to his feet. "Captain Kurotsuchi said that once you're past the highest risk of losing the pregnancy, the experimentation will begin." She then whispered again. "I'll try to get you an extra snack between your meals. I've noticed you doing that."

"You're sweet, Lieutenant." He smiled at her, genuinely this time. It was occasionally difficult to believe she was Kurotsuchi's "daughter," from both the way he treated her and how very different she could be from him.

Kenpachi would never talk to Yachiru the way Kurotsuchi did to Nemu, nor (from what he'd heard) treat her with such calumny. If he was collapsing on the training grounds, the squad would probably at least go get Ikkaku. Ikkaku would... Ikkaku would...

No matter what Ikkaku would do, it would probably be better than this.


	4. A Strange Place for a New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika makes an unexpected ally, and both make some discoveries.

**4: A Strange Place For a New Friend**

"I told you, I can't eat this!" Yumichika slammed his fists down on either side of his tray. The squad member on kitchen duty didn't flinch, but answered in a robotic tone:

"This is the morning meal. You have received your portion as prescribed by the Captain."

"But I can't eat it!" Tears came to his eyes, which only made the nausea worse. "I can't eat natto! The smell is making me sick! I'm ready to hurl just looking at it! Don't make me make your cafeteria unsanitary!" His stomach turned thinking about it, and he gagged, doubling over.

He was nine weeks pregnant, and woke a few mornings ago to discover he'd developed food aversions. As if the nausea and daily vomiting weren't bad enough already, anything salty or pickled or with a strong scent made him feel sick to his stomach. The Twelfth's stringent diet restrictions didn't make any allowance for it, as the kitchen squad member expounded, unimpressed, "Theatrics will not change Division rules. You're making a scene, Temporary Officer Ayasegawa."

That really irked Yumichika. They all made it abundantly clear that even if he was officially their Third Seat, they all looked at him as a test subject, and granted him about the same amount of respect. If he started to get angry, he got shut down, and if he started to cry, he was quickly shunned until he got himself under control. He couldn't count the number of times he'd broken down crying- completely beyond his control!- and he looked up to find that anyone who had been near him had walked away or stood back to wait for him to calm down. Nobody offered him a hand or a tissue, or even asked if he was alright. "Hint" of extra care, indeed. Not like he wanted help, no, he was a man, he could handle himself, but a little compassion would be nice! A back rub, a tissue, an "Are you alright?" would have been all he needed. (He wanted more, of course, but the person he wanted it from was a whole division away and gone from his life forever.) Even here, just an ounce of respect would go a long way. "You," he panted, "you wouldn't treat your normal Third Seat like this."

"Officer Akon helped write the rules. You're holding up the line."

"Excuse me," interjected a new voice, and a welcome one. Yumichika looked up to see Nemu had approached. "You are aware of Officer Ayasegawa's medical condition, and an inability to consume certain foods is an unfortunate symptom thereof. As your commanding officer, I request- ah, order you to serve him a portion that he can stomach." She stood tall, her shoulders back, and Yumichika had never wanted to hug a woman so badly in his life. The kitchen duty officer blanched and took Yumichika's tray. With the awful natto out of his face, Yumichika regained his composure, albeit slowly.

"You're a lifesaver, Lieutenant."

"It's what's necessary." Nemu dodged his gaze as he stood upright. "The experiment is at risk if you're unable to properly nourish yourself."

"Oh." He shrugged, but smiled knowingly. "And here I thought you were taking pity on me." Nemu squeaked, but pursed her lips.

"It's just what I have to do," she repeated. "I should, er-"

"Did you want to eat with me?" Yumichika caught her sleeve and glanced around pointedly. "Seems like everyone just sort of sits alone here, not even looking at each other or talking unless they're on some project together, and I don't see where you normally sit."

"I eat with the Captain," she answered automatically. Yumichika noticed she did that more often than not- instead of carrying the conversation, she gave direct answers to questions asked or unasked, like a dog trained to heel.

"Well," Yumichika continued, nervous energy gathering in his throat, "I'm used to sitting with someone. My partner and I would sit and just chat about, you know, this and that. I kind of miss it." His tray arrived, natto-free but with an extra omelet, and he picked it up. "But if you'd rather eat with Captain Kurotsuchi, that's your prerogative." He turned to walk away, but she started to stammer, which stopped him.

"My p-prerogative."

"Sure." He shrugged again. "You've got free will. Captain can't kill you for everything you do wrong, right?"

She stared at him, bug-eyed, as if she'd never thought of it that way. She quickly cleared her throat and laced her fingers together. "If socializing is necessary for your mental health, I will provide."

That sounded like as much of a "sure, I'll sit with you" as he was going to get. She took her tray and the two of them seated in an empty spot, and Yumichika quickly found an abandoned newspaper. "So, uh, I haven't been outside of the Division in a while, any news on the SWA's soccer tourney this year?"

"Oh, er..." Nemu began mumbling about Lieutenant Ise and Lieutenant Kusajishi's dueling plans, and Yumichika broke up his omelet into his rice. She was quieter than Ikkaku, or anyone in the Eleventh, but it still helped.

The sensation of wanting to cry had been with him for weeks, and having someone else's thoughts running through his head blocked it out.

* * *

The changes that came with pregnancy weren't easy on Yumichika. He was still rejecting meals most mornings, and his mood wasn't improving. Worst of all, he could see and feel the change. It got his attention around ten weeks after conception, bent over his toilet and hugging his middle as he tried to regain his composure. His hands pressed over his midsection, where the happy little knot of reiatsu still pulsed and grabbed at his, and he pulsed a little reiatsu back to it.

It was then that he noticed that his middle was no longer perfectly flat and taut with muscle. There was a small swell pressing out just above his navel, still firm, but protruding. Yumichika wrinkled his nose. "Oh, really?" He sighed, though he'd known it was coming. He was almost excited about it, really- the curves of an expecting mother were beautiful, like the shape of a fine, hand-blown vase, but this just looked like he'd eaten a little too much. Not even worth changing his clothes for! "It's like that awkward spot when you're growing out your hair, but it's not as long as the style you want and too long to do the style you have right now!" He gave the tiny swell another rub. "I wonder what you look like now." He couldn't stop the affectionate little smile that followed the words, nor the little tears that chased it.

His hunger was getting worse, and his mood with it. Since nobody else in the Twelfth Division gave him a second glance, no matter what he did, he only had one good spot to aim his rage. He could at least get a rise out of Captain Kurotsuchi, and he took every opportunity he had to needle him. His eleventh-week check, for example.

"You know, for all your 'perfect diet' and regimentation," he groused as Kurotsuchi checked his blood pressure, "your squad's lifeless as warriors."

"We're not warriors. We're scientists!" He chided and clucked at Yumichika a few times, and pulled the strap off his arm. "And there's no such thing as perfect, you soft-brained ninny. It's an experimental program, and results thus far are pleasing." He smirked broadly. "Of course, it's better than the time I deliberately sabotaged their diet but told them it was an ideal daily set."

"A placebo effect," Nemu explained, unnecessarily, and Kurotsuchi rolled his eyes.

"It's not a placebo! It's misdirection. Stupid girl!" He sneered at Nemu, who didn't even react, and he scoffed and picked up his notebook. "But I change the diet up whenever I feel like it." He slid across the room, and Nemu squeaked as he deliberately stepped on her toe. Yumichika wanted to say something, but he just kept reminding himself-  _he's already doing you a favor, and he doesn't have moral boundaries._

"Just make sure I get enough." Yumichika's eyes dropped back to the ceiling when Kurotsuchi turned the ultrasound on, and Nemu didn't miss the way his expression clouded over. The paper rustled as he settled, but he put on a strange, out-of-place smile and tipped his gaze up to her. "Hey, you'll tell me if it's got three legs, right? I'll have to put extra holes in all the diapers."

Kurotsuchi scoffed, but Nemu giggled. This resulted in a glower from Kurotsuchi, even as he spread the contact gel over Yumichika's belly and ran the wand over it a few times. "Nemu, if you can behave like an  _adult_." Nemu gasped softly, but tiptoed over the wires to peer down at the screen. Yumichika screwed his eyes shut and settled further into the cold vinyl cushion, ignoring the indistinct whispers between the two scientists.

He cleaned himself off, redressed, and was released to afternoon duties (monotonous paperwork that wasn't interesting enough for anyone else in the division) and tried not to think about what he wasn't allowed to see, until there was a faint voice behind him: "Third Seat Ayasegawa!"

Nemu had chased him, so Yumichika gave her the courtesy of halting so she didn't have to catch up to a moving target. She took a few stumbled steps as she did catch him, dusting the bottom of her kimono with her fingers as she did, and furtively searching around the field around them with wide eyes. "Third Seat Ayasegawa- I'm not supposed to, the Captain- but you should know, everything is progressing exactly as it should."

"Oh." That was a nice surprise.

"Yes." She stiffened, and tented her fingers as her gaze fell down and away to the packed dirt under their feet. "No third leg."

Yumichika chuckled, and patted her shoulder. "You're sweet, Lieutenant. Thanks for telling me." She smiled shakily, stumbling again though her feet were flat on the ground. "Y'know, it's kinda hard to believe you're, uh, related to the Captain."

"Oh, er..." She fidgeted with the bottom of her skirt, but when he began to walk again, she unthinkingly followed. "I suppose it's a matter of nature against nurture..."

"If I had to guess, you weren't nurtured much at all." Yumichika shook his head, and held the office door open for her. "I mean, it's obvious you got his smarts."

"Oh." She sounded somehow disappointed, and her face fell as she passed him by. "Do you think?"

"Sure. When he lets you talk, you know what you're talking about." Yumichika closed the door, as Nemu surveyed the work waiting for her. Her desk was piled high with research results in need of compilation already, and she whimpered a bit as she sat down to her stack and tucked her hair behind her ears. Yumichika had a box on a side table with his name on it, haphazardly strewn with supply orders and special requisitions. This was what he got instead of duty in the World of the Living- everyone else's busy work. He moaned a bit and took the papers up. "Meanwhile, I'm best on the battlefield, but here and even in the Eleventh, I get the lion's share of the paperwork. At least there, it's because I'm the only one with the brains for it. Y'know, any brains at all." He pulled chair up to one of the few empty spaces, on the table, shoved what he hoped was a molding rice ball and not someone's science experiment into the trash, and shuffled the papers into a neat pile. "Here, I'm the only one too stupid to do anything else." He smiled back at her over his shoulder. "You're brilliant."

"Oh," she repeated, frailly, and spread some of her papers out. "I... I don't think you're stupid. And I'm not so smart. The Captain lets me help, but I know he saves his best projects for solo work."

"Oh, honey. It's as bad as it looks, huh?" He sighed. He'd seen her get kicked and cuffed and stepped on more times than he could stand. "Has he really beat you down that much? You're his blood, calling you stupid is like calling himself stupid!" She chewed her lower lip and ducked down into her work. He surveyed her a moment longer. "Plus, you're, at the very least, quite pretty. He's not beautiful at all." He turned his nose up with a wise smirk as her head whipped back around. "Yeah, you put a little effort in, and I'd say you'd be able to be 75% as beautiful as I am."

"I... I... well..." Her round cheeks flushed bright pink. "Thank... you...?"

"Don't mention it." He winked over his shoulder and flipped through his papers with panache. "Why, how about you come visit me some nights? I'll show you how to do makeup."

"You... would...?" Her voice shrank with each word, and he crossed one leg confidently over the other.

"I'm a man of my word, Lieutenant." He meant it as much as he did anything else. Nemu had more natural beauty than Rangiku, and he missed idle days spent sitting with her, trading barbs and beauty tips and painting each other up like china dolls. Maybe he just missed having someone, anyone to talk to.

Besides, he felt a sort of kinship with her. Nemu had spent her whole life here, under Kurotsuchi's thumb. Maybe she was just as lonely as he was.

* * *

Nemu did come and sit with him some evenings, when she wasn't recuperating from a round of "experimentation" with the Captain, and he did experiment on her body more days than he didn't. At least, he thought uncharitably, it meant he was spared for the moment. His belly was getting bigger, little by little, but at twelve weeks, it only showed through his clothes if he was searching for it or if he tied his sash too tight around the hips, so he wasn't too embarrassed to visit the shops near the Division HQ building to get makeup in her colors and accessories for her long hair. She didn't volunteer anything about whatever studies she and the Captain were performing on him, and he knew she wouldn't and didn't ask, but she was content to discuss any study that she was doing otherwise.

"My pet project- oh, oh dear-" She winced as he leaned forward, mascara in hand, and he chuckled.

"I won't get your eye, I promise. I haven't yet, have I?" She cringed whenever things got too close to her face. It made Yumichika want to punch Kurotsuchi, Captain-with-something-over-his-head or no.

"N-no." She gulped, closed her eyes, and went on, "It's about back difficulties. Many older shinigami have complaints about back problems due to the strain of carrying their zanpakuto on their persons at all times, and many women with larger breasts have similar complaints." Yumichika hummed, because god, how many times had Rangiku bitched to him about how sore her lower back was after a long day ignoring Captain Hitsugaya with her feet on her desk? Nemu turned her cheek as Yumichika rubbed some blush onto a cotton swab and then onto her in a gentle crescent. "I've taken on a study of how people walk and carry their swords, triangulated by their bodily proportions, and compared it to where their pressure points form."

"Oh, and you're going to find some way to help people with their back problems?"

"No. I'm just studying for patterns." Nemu's lips curved up into a secretive little smile, and Yumichika rolled his eyes behind her back. "It's fascinating work. At first, I got volunteers to show me where they were sore, and I would take their measurements, weight, height, girth, et cetera, and those of their swords, study how they walked, and make calculations from there. Now, I don't need someone's permission." She giggled a little as Yumichika brushed her foundation down her chin and neck to even it out. "Oh, is that necessary?"

"Foundation's good, but not when someone can tell you're wearing it. If you don't smooth it out, it looks like someone's pasted a different face onto your body." He chuckled, and adjusted his position. His back was getting sore too, but before he could stretch, her words caught on and he leaned right in. "Wait, what do you mean, 'don't need permission?'"

"I can check their vital statistics, height and weight at least, from their medical files. I took a few weeks once and memorized those of all the seated officers." She took a palm-sized sketchbook from inside her kosode. "And if I sit on a bench near where everyone goes, like the main filing office, the commissary, or the mail room, I can study them and calculate their measurements based on the angles and trajectory of their arms and legs as they walk." Nemu flipped through a few pages, showing sketches of familiar folks in profile- Kira Izuru, for one, and Tetsuzaemon Iba on another- marked with measurements at the bends of their knees and elbows, the length of their stride, and arrows noting where pressure points might form. Yumichika could picture her cozied up on a bench with her little book, a pencil, and a protractor, whiling away the afternoon watching shinigami walk back and forth in front of her. Moreover:

"Hey, those're pretty realistic. Looks just like Kira, there." Yumichika beamed, tapping the picture. "If I didn't know better, I'd say I was looking at the real thing, just in black and white!" He flipped a few more pages over. Nemu's life drawings were spot on. Nemu just blushed.

"Yes, it's merely a matter of recreating what one sees."

"Please, I can hardly draw stick figures. Kuchiki, in the Thirteenth, she can only draw bunny rabbits and penguins. You're good."

"The art's not important, the accuracy is. I... I admit I've been sketching you too." She flipped to the back of the book, where there were a few sketches of him. "As you gain weight, the pressure points will change, so I wanted to study your posture."

"Oh!" Yumichika clapped his hand to his mouth. "Why, Nemu, you've captured my beauty almost exactly!" Nemu flushed again and clapped her book shut.

"Ah... but... it's only a silly hobby."

"Everyone needs a hobby." Yumichika picked up his hand mirror. "It's the little things you can do, that make you happy. You can draw people with stunning accuracy. I make people beautiful." He held the mirror over her shoulder, and she smiled softly, radiating gentle warmth through the makeup.

"I... I do look nice." She turned around, and her shoulders trembled for a moment, hands inching off the cushion, then planting right back down. She so clearly wanted to hug him, but just didn't know how. He chuckled a bit and patted her shoulder.

"Beautiful. I'll teach you to do it yourself. Quick basics that you can do before squad duty or patrols. I've had to cut back on my usual regimen, but I've figured out what I can do quickest and still look my best." He ran his fingers down her arm to her hand. "Would you like a manicure, or should I start taking it off?"

"Oh, no, I work with too many solvents." She brushed him off and picked up the makeup remover from his kit. "It's late, too. I'm afraid we should call it a night."

"Oh, yeah." Yumichika glanced at the clock- the time had flown. She used his mirror and a few cotton balls to clean her face, and he flipped a few pages in her book, but stopped at a familiar face. "Ikkaku?" He opened the book wide, flipping through her few sketches of him.

That face! That smirk! She'd captured his swagger precisely! He was as beautiful on paper as he was in life.

"Oh, yes," said Nemu, nonchalantly. "He carries his pressure in his shoulders and around the collarbone, but it's never been terrible."

"He asked me to rub his neck and shoulders sometimes." Yumichika's smile shook. "It's... so strange... seeing him like this, I know it's only a drawing, but..." He sniffled, and tasted his tears around the corners of his lips. "Oh..."

"Yumichika?" She put the mirror down and grabbed his hand. "You may be experiencing intense emotions due to your hormone changes. Please do not hesitate to cry, nor attempt to hold back. Nobody in this room begrudges you."

The floodgates opened for a moment, Yumichika sobbing down into his sleeve. All he could feel was overwhelming despair, and her crushing grip on him. The rush of emotions passed, and Nemu released his hand as he choked back his last few sobs, but his voice still wavered around the lump in his throat, "I'm sorry you had to watch that."

"It's part of your condition. There's nothing wrong with it. I'll leave you to your rest." She reached for her notebook, but he turned the pages with Ikkaku over one last time, then spotted an odd, oblong shape on the page after his, and she gasped. "Ah-!"

"Nemu?" Yumichika held the page up with a frown, because there was something familiar about it. "What is this?"

"Ah... another hobby." Her cheeks were bright pink from more than rubbing her foundation off. Yumichika raised an eyebrow.

"What sort of hobby?"

"Ah-" She tried to stop herself, but the answer came without further thought: "I discovered that by extrapolating a man's known height and weight, the angles at which he walks, and of his posture, I can determine the exact size and shape of his phallus. I've been correct with only 5% margins of error on the specimens whom I've checked." She bit her lip silent as Yumichika studied the dick drawn on the page and the measurements she'd noted down next to it. "I... have not personally checked him. How accurate?"

"Honey, he's rocking another quarter-inch of girth down near the base, and you're being a little conservative on length, too." He winked and shut the book, and Nemu smiled, pleased.

"That is within the margin of error." She closed up her notebook and bowed from the top of her back. "Thank you, thank you!"

"No, thank you." He saw her out and closed the door to his little cell again. Hardly eleven at night, but he was so tired. He fell back onto his bed again, his hand fell over the swell of his middle, and he hardly had energy to kill the light.

He wondered where Ikkaku was now. Probably out drinking with the others, happy, walking with the same swagger with which Nemu had sketched him. Even the stars and moon outside would be prettier reflecting off of his head. And yet, did Ikkaku miss him at all?

He was a little less lonely, but thinking of him elsewhere, happy without him, burned.

"I guess it's not as bad as the alternative." He ran his hand down over his middle again. The round part felt nice under his palm, warm and smooth and heavy, and he tried not to think about  _him_  as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Ikkaku wished he belonged at Lieutenant's meetings. As it was, he went as Yachiru's escort so that Kenpachi would be able to focus during the coinciding Captain's meeting. Most of the time, it was alright, he'd space out through the actual hard work until someone started giving Yachiru instructions, and he would then take whatever they were giving to her and try to remember to do it for her later. The social was actually kind of fun: he'd sip some punch with Renji and give him grief over not making Captain yet, chat up Izuru or Hisagi for a little bit, and get dragged around by Yachiru as she made chatter with the female lieutenants and sampled every different shape of anzu-filled cookie to make absolutely sure they were all the same flavor.

Not today. It had been more than three months since he'd even seen Yumichika, and without the little bit of encouragement from him, "You have fun with Yachiru!," it was a lot harder to shuffle along at her side. So, after listlessly staring at the wall through the boring meeting, he was left alone when Yachiru broke off from him to yammer to Nanao about soccer tournaments and charity calendars, and he made himself wall dressing.

The lone loser Third Seat in the room, surrounded by people deemed better than him for no good reason, all so casually happy... kind of made him sick. He'd been feeling kind of weird anyway, for a few weeks now, so he shouldn't have been so surprised that being out by himself was kind of grating on him. Sure, he could still go to bars with the guys at night, and he still worked hard at squad duty and on patrol, but- and this was the best way he could put it- he felt like there was a hole in everything, and all the good things that came to him drained right out. This meeting was no different. He crossed his arms and kicked his foot up onto the wall, and tried to ignore everything.

"Oh, Officer Madarame."

He jumped, because he hadn't expected that voice. "L-Lieutenant Kurotsuchi!" He stood stark straight as Nemu blinked curiously at him.

"Ah. Er. I should have thought to expect you. You... you come with Lieutenant Kusajishi, every time." She tented her fingers near her lips, and Ikkaku felt a twinge of discomfort as her eyes settled near his middle. "I, ah, don't know if we've spoken before, but..."

Ikkaku felt his ears turn red. Talking with the Twelfth's Lieutenant was never on his agenda, and that it was happening now wasn't helping his mood. This was already just about the weirdest, most unlikely conversation he'd ever had, and that she was trying so hard to have it made the punch in his stomach boil.

"Can I help you, Lieutenant?" He crossed his arms again, turning his face and glaring at the opposite wall. Sure, he should have been a little more cautious at being less than respectful to someone known to be in a division that will experiment on any specimen, willing or no, and the clone of the lead experimenter, at that, but he just couldn't really care all that much right now. Nemu, to her credit, took the disrespect as easily as anything else.

"Er, I was wondering how you've been lately. Officer Ayasegawa wonders."

Ikkaku felt that hole in him chip a little wider, and he dropped his arms. "Yu... Officer Ayasegawa... asked you to check on me." Nemu nodded furiously, her cheeks turning pink. "Uh. Tell him I've been okay."

"I will." She started to turn, but he instinctively grabbed the collar of her kosode before she could.

"Hey, uh," he paused, because he was manhandling a woman who outranked him, and oh boy, could this be a bad idea, but her wide eyes and blush spoke of surprise, not anger. "Yumichika, has he been okay? Ain't he allowed to come out? I ain't seen him."

"Ah..." Nemu touched his hand, and he let go of her. "Officer Ayasegawa... has been incredibly busy... and very tired. He is doing the best he can, given the situation." Her gaze dodged his, and she twiddled her fingers in front of her face again. "But his health has been fine." Ikkaku blinked, and looked at her.  _Really_  looked at her, for the first time.

"Lieutenant, since when did you wear makeup?"

"Oh, ah!" She touched her face, as if she'd forgotten it was there. "Yumichi... Officer Ayasegawa..."

"He must be okay, then." Ikkaku smiled, relieved, and his shoulders sank back. "Here I was worried you all'd be cutting him open. No offense, or anything-"

"- none taken-"

"But if he's feeling up to doin' your makeup for ya, then he's gotta be okay!" He found his heels bouncing of their own accord. "Lucky guy's escaped the knife!"

He hadn't even thought of it like that before. But knowing Yumichika was alright, it just made him feel so damn good he couldn't hold it down. Nemu didn't seem at all fazed by it, instead taking a cup of punch from the table beside them. "I'll be sure to let him know you're in high spirits."

"Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah." And just like that, he deflated again, reminded that he still wouldn't see him for a while. Nemu considered him, her head slowly cocking as her cogs turned.

"Officer Madarame, you're lying to me."

"What?" Bad sign. He had no idea what his tell was, but being caught in a lie by a superior officer was a direct path to trouble. "Uh, no, ma'am-"

"When you said you were okay. That was a lie. It's not an admission of weakness, Officer Madarame." Lieutenant Kurotsuchi tapped her lower lip, then turned her shoulder to lean on the wall next to him. "He does miss you, too. It's an excellent demonstration of a phenomenon I've observed in souls that are coupled for long periods of time." She swirled the liquid in her cup, and Ikkaku thumped his back onto the wall again and tried to look disinterested at the long-emptied meeting table.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes." She nodded, imperceptive of his disinterest. "Reiatsu is fluid, so those closely bound by friendship or affection will find that their souls meld into one another. It is perhaps easiest observed in Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake, bound for centuries, and you may find they only seem complete at one another's sides. Each one has an innate understanding of the other's soul that only comes from a lifetime spent together, to the point where they almost are two halves of a whole. You do not feel whole, Officer Madarame. The absence of your partner may be causing you some distress."

"Huh." Ikkaku frowned, but couldn't contradict her. He didn't know about any of that reiatsu science stuff, only that he felt like something had been broken off of him. She might've had a point. "So, you think that maybe without Yumichika, I'm just gonna keep feeling like crap."

"In the most basic terms, that's the hypothesis." Her eyes widened a bit. "Officer Madarame, would you be offended were I to test this hypothesis directly?" She whipped out a little notebook. "I would keep tabs on your reiatsu levels, as well as your abilities-"

"You already got one guinea pig outta my squad, Lieutenant." Ikkaku's ears were burning again. "I ain't interested." He kicked off the wall and into the crowd to find Yachiru, unsettled and ignoring an itch in his neck as her eyes followed him in. Nemu pursed her lips, then sighed and slouched down.

She wanted to apologize, but she wasn't sure entirely why. She resolved to examine the emotion later. Perhaps Yumichika would have a little more insight, if not to the same gaps in the fabric of his soul, then maybe to this... this...

Guilt.


	5. Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The experiments begin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to start seeing some flashbacks a little more frequently now, as we learn what brought our heroes to this point. Enjoy!

**5: Euphoria**

A katana weighs about a kilogram, or a little less than two and a half pounds. Ruri'iro Kujaku, in its sealed form, was about that. Fourteen weeks after conception, Yumichika discovered that he had gained more than that. Much more.

"I'm getting so fat," he whined to Nemu as he stepped down off the scale. "Not even cute fat, either. I've gained five pounds, all right here!" He pointed right to the tiny, barely-there round of his middle.

"Will you quit your welching?" Captain Kurotsuchi sneered, lips curled up in mockery. "You knew what you were getting into, you've no right to complain!" He turned his sonogram machine on and it hummed to life, but he could still toss nasty smirks in Yumichika's direction over it. "Nemu's less of a girl than you are!"

"Hah. Shows how much you know." He folded his kosode into a neat square over his hakama and belt, and set them aside, then topped it with his sweater. "She's incredibly girly. Nemu doesn't need to wear as much makeup as you do, and looks much cuter in it." Yumichika winked at Nemu, who blushed back, and hopped up onto the examination table. His carefree smirk faded as his head hit the pad, because his fun was over. He'd gotten to tease Kurotsuchi, vindicate Nemu in the small ways he could, and now, he got to be denied even the smallest glimpse of his baby. It could be called an even trade, but that was the thing about compromise: nobody walks away happy.

At fourteen weeks, Yumichika knew, the baby was a fetus. Not a blastocyte or a zygote or whatever, more than a pulsing soul and a blob of flesh. In the books of maternal and prenatal dissections he'd found in the Twelfth's library (and nearly vomited at from just flipping through), babies at fourteen weeks had arms and legs and heads and everything, just too small to work- a whole tiny little body that would fit neatly in his hand- and in strange proportions. They had faces, too. What did the one inside of him look like?

Not that awful brown and gray from the pictures of desiccated, preserved little tiny corpses. This one would be bright pink and purple and lively and smiling...

"Don't touch." Kurotsuchi swatted Yumichika's hand away from his middle; he hadn't even realized he'd tried to rub it. He couldn't help it, it had been a habitual, natural motion lately and it felt strangely, inexplicably good to him. He could even feel the baby's reiatsu brighten when he did it, and when that happened, the rest of the world brightened to delicate pastels.

The world had been luminous with reds and blues and greens when Ikkaku was with him. The jubilant pops of bright color he saw when the baby was happy was the next best thing.

"So, uh, how's it looking?" He tried to keep it light and vague, in hopes Kurotsuchi might slip. He never did.

"The details aren't for you to know." Kurotsuchi smirked. "But it's time we began some real experiments." He took up a clipboard- Yumichika wasn't sure what was on it, except more information he would never see- and made a few notes. "Now that you're past the greatest risk for miscarriage, we can try a few little... tests I've come up with." He relished the "tests" with a disgustingly broad smirk, and Yumichika had to hold himself down so he didn't shudder.

He asked for it, what did he expect? Still, his hands sat on the round little mound of his belly, thin fingers stretching as if they could shield it from whatever Kurotsuchi had planned.

* * *

He had to give his belt a little more slack than usual, and Yumichika couldn't help but anticipate ordering a bigger size of kosode before all was said and done as he pulled the final ties on his into place. Not tight yet, no, but considering this was Ikkaku's child- not a small man from any perspective- and that he was getting a little bigger already, it wouldn't be long before he put this one to its limits. That thought came with a mix of pride and pain that tasted bad in the back of his throat all the way to the training grounds.

Ruri'iro Kujaku had an oddly tense air to it, and he could hear its voice warning him. "You have a bad feeling about this?" He rolled his eyes. "Now you care." He could still hear the flamboyant spirit clucking at him in the back of his mind, but blew a bit of hair from his face and patted the hilt. "Hey, whatever he's got in mind, I can handle it." He pushed the door open to the yard, and-

Hell, how many squads were here today?

More than the usual two or three. Maybe six, possibly eight, and Kurotsuchi himself was rallying his troops. "... Come, men, can we really let the combat squad show us up? We're intelligent fighters, and brains will always win over brawn!" He shook a fist in the air, his vermillion grin gleaming in the sunlight. "This borrowed meathead from the Eleventh has tossed the lot of you around for weeks! It's time for payback!" There was a round of enthusiastic cheers, and Yumichika hustled up to where he and Nemu were grandstanding.

"Hey, hey! What the hell is this?!" Yumichika gestured, befuddled, between the cadets, all armed and dressed in armor, and Kurotsuchi in his war paint.

"Ah. Here you are, Officer Ayasegawa." Kurotsuchi's grin spread wide, wide, wide, he half-bowed and gestured to the gathered shinigami, and addressed him in a voice meant for just the two of them. "This will be both a challenge for you and my men, and my first experiment. I'd like to see the effects of extreme physical activity on your baby's growth. They're going to attack. You're going to deflect and counter."

"Oh." Yumichika couldn't stop the smirk. "So you're gonna throw all these guys at me at once, huh?" He rolled his sleeves and cast his eyes out over the crowd, the width of his smile searing his cheeks with pain so sharp it was pleasurable. "Then let's go. Maybe this time they'll last long enough to actually wind me."

Yumichika drew Ruri'iro Kujaku, but he could still hear a warning voice, not just the sword's, but his own voice of reason: The baby, won't this hurt the baby? What if you get hurt? What if, what if-

Yumichika rarely listened to that voice or any of the what-ifs. That would be boring, and beside that, it meant going back on his word. Instead, he set his shoulders back and brought his reiatsu out in a storm around him to keep the weaklings back, then dove into the fray, the wind in his hair and a wild smile painted on his cheeks.

The next hour of his life was senseless, brutal violence, with the Twelfth Division coming at him in sixes and eights, testing new moves and techniques and things he'd taught them. He kept up, blocking, parrying, forcing them back, taking only nicks and superficial blows to his arms and shoulders. When they weren't attacking him, they were dueling one another as warm-ups, and that warmed his soul as much as anything. It was almost like being back home, with the exception of one bright spot shining in the oppressive sun...

_"Take that, you bastards!" Ikkaku howled as he burst through the fray. Yumichika turned as he vanished into the sea of black, but whirled back to block the swing some moron had aimed at his head. They'd had the uniforms for all of three hours, and Ikkaku had torn the sleeves off of his already. He could track him by his bare arms and the gleam of the sun off of his head. Yumichika held his own as they tussled their way through a celebratory fray, because who would want sake and rich food and a lavish soiree when you could just beat the hell out of each other and get drunk while patching yourself up? Even the gash on his forehead and the slices in his clothes couldn't override the sheer wave of sensation he got from a fight, but Ikkaku, Ikkaku's scent and voice and the feel of his big, heavy hand on his back outshone it all..._

"We'll be doing this again tomorrow," Kurotsuchi's voice cut through the haze, and Yumichika smiled dreamily and nodded. His heart was still racing even as the field cleared, and he poured water over his head to cool himself, makeup be damned. He could faintly hear the voices of the Twelfth Division squads calling farewells to one another across the dust and even into the halls, but it felt like he was hearing it through water. Blood flamed through his face and fingertips, like life itself had taken residence in his heart and he'd been crowned with more power than he'd ever know what to do with. The adrenaline drained slowly, and he collapsed onto his bed, sweat dampening the pillow around him.

Without the fuel of bloodlust to propel him, Yumichika floated down from his post-fight high into memories of the many, many nights he'd spent in similar afterglow...

_They collapsed into their bunks, side by side in the communal squad dorm, panting, exhausted, smiling at one another. The rest of their new squad groaned around them, but in the dim candle light and the haze of sated bloodlust, all they could really see was one another. "We... we made it." Yumichika pushed his new pillow down and away from his mouth so Ikkaku could see his face, and he could see his. "Our first day, and we survived."_

_"Yeah," Ikkaku beamed, exhausted, and Yumichika could smell blood on his tongue from biting the insides of his cheeks. "I hear they do this like once a month. Just, all out, real swords, try not to kill each other, but no promises."_

_"Yeah. No promises." Yumichika laughed and turned his face into the pillow, before turning back up to Ikkaku. "You were great. A force to be reckoned with. You'll make squad leader in a year, or whenever the one we have dies."_

_"Hey, you were pretty damn awesome yourself." Ikkaku chuckled, then closed bloodshot eyes for a moment and shook Yumichika's shoulder. "But man, look at ya. Sweatin' like a pig."_

_Yumichika, miraculously, found the strength to lift his arm and cuff Ikkaku across the head. "Hey, I don't sweat."_

_"What? No?" Ikkaku withdrew his hand._

_"Sweating's for ugly people." Yumichika smirked and dabbed the moisture from his face with his sleeve. "I glow."_

_"Yeah?" Ikkaku would have laughed a lot harder if he weren't so wrung out and his lungs weren't still so sore from every breath taken on the field, and he reached out and moved the damp hair from Yumichika's eyes. "Well, you're glowin' like a firefly." Much better, and Yumichika's flushed cheeks were hot all over again. Ikkaku slowly rolled up to a kneel on his bedroll, and offered Yumichika his hand. "C'mon, why don't we hit the showers and see if we can rustle up some grub?"_

_"God, food sounds amazing right now." Yumichika didn't even bother correcting him on 'grub,' but grabbed hold of his hand, and the two of them, arms around each other's shoulders, limped for the communal showers, because that's what they did after a fight, him and..._

"... Ikkaku." Yumichika rolled from his belly to his back, his vision clearing from the dim rafters of his old dormitory to see the overly bright lights and featureless white ceiling of this impersonal borrowed room. The joy of the fight had gone completely, and all he had left was cooling sweat and a still-racing heart. He held his hand up, waiting for someone to take it and be at his side again, someone who wasn't coming, who never would again.

Yumichika spent the next six days having the same fights, over and over, taking on all the squads in turns for two hours a day after his regular squad duties had finished. He'd collapse on his bed after that, with hardly the strength to move. He would crash before it was dark and sleep through the night until awoken by his morning sickness. Day five found him unable to will himself to go to the mess hall for dinner, and he woke to find a brown paper bag on his bedside table with a short note from Nemu ("You need to eat. Please do not deprive yourself."), and day seven left him collapsed in a heap on the battlefield when Kurotsuchi called time. The Captain hovered over him as the rest of the Division cleared away, as he tried and failed a few times to fill his lungs.

"Cap... C-Captain..."

"What's the matter?" Kurotsuchi smirked as he bent at the waist over Yumichika's head. "Big bad battler can't handle a fight?"

"C-Captain... with all due respect..." Yumichika dropped to his hands and dug his fingers into the dirt to keep himself from thrusting both middle fingers up and showing him exactly how much respect he had for him. "My stamina's shot... Even in the Eleventh, we didn't... not every day... and never all aimed at one target! Not unless we were trying to kill it!"

"Hah!" Kurotsuchi sneered and grabbed Yumichika by the collar. "Pitiful." Yumichika didn't have the strength left to put up more than a flailing, futile attempt at fighting back as Kurotsuchi dragged him into the building on his knees, his hakama scraping the pounded, unforgiving dust.

Nemu had a jug of water waiting for him, though Kurotsuchi scolded her for not helping him "move the chattel," as he put it, and she kindly mopped the smeared makeup from his eyes and face as Kurotsuchi fired up his machines. Yumichika's senses were dulled, and he didn't have the will to beg and plead to see what the week of torment had done to the poor little creature sitting under his heart as Kurotsuchi ran the wand over his midsection. Then, something new.

Kurotsuchi had a new machine this week, a hulking behemoth of smooth steel hooked to monitors and screens and something that could process all the data it was taking in. There was a round gap in it, with just enough room for a man his size. He only had to lay flat as he was put into it, told to hold still, with his head down and eyes fixed to the clean surface above him. He could hear it whirring all around him, and could see Kurotsuchi's wicked smirk when he was wheeled out, but couldn't ask. Even if he could, it would have been fruitless. Whatever Kurotsuchi was looking for was none of his business, in Kurotsuchi's opinion.

His opinion? He was starting to wonder if he was allowed to have one.

He spent the night awake, silently panicking that something horrible had come to pass without him knowing. The tears came unbidden as he passed the witching hour in unquiet silence, his head a cacophony of guilt. Every blow he'd taken... the baby couldn't feel them, not all of them, but what effect had that had? Just like whatever he ate was what he or she consumed, what if his pain was its? What if he'd damaged it? Kurotsuchi had promised "healthy and whole" and "to the best of your control" in their exchange, but accidents happened...

He dragged himself to Nemu's door and hunkered down outside of it, knees pulled into his chest and tears running down his cheeks- he couldn't make them stop, no amount of biting his wrist or holding his breath would do it- and waited. Dawn seemed to take a long time coming, but when her door finally opened, he rolled over onto hands and knees.

"Lieutenant, please!" Opening his mouth made the crying worse, the tears coming faster with sobs between each breath, and he felt sick. Weeping on the ground like a two-kan opera actor! How disgusting he must have looked. "Lieutenant, please tell me my baby's alright, nothing broken or hurt or-"

There was a soft whoosh of air around him, as Nemu crouched down over him, bare naked. His tears stopped all at once, but she rested her trembling hand on his cheek. "It's... alright, Yumichika." Her thin lips lifted into a reassuring smile, which vanished as quickly as it came. She stood up, the pads of her feet landing on the tile with a sticking noise, and helped him up. "You shouldn't loll around on the floor. It's unbecoming. And-" Her voice came up short, and she finished, as if from the floor herself: "Nobody grovels for me."

She hugged him for a moment, her shamelessness not at all detracting from the comfort, and him enjoying the soft spot of her bosom. He was distantly reminded of Rangiku. Thinking about his old friends didn't make him feel better, but the nostalgia was enough distraction for him to calm down.

Yumichika managed to get the puffiness from his eyes after a few minutes using a cold compress, but the melancholy wouldn't leave him, even when Nemu joined him for breakfast. He couldn't make conversation, and she had come with purpose. "Er, the Captain. He says..." Her fingers nudged one another, twiddling furiously, and she stood in tremors for a tense moment. "He says... to meet with him after your morning duties and lunch, at 14:00."

"Uh." Yumichika's brow furrowed of its own accord, because Nemu seemed really, genuinely nervous about whatever she was telling him. "Yes, ma'am." But orders were orders, and he had no intention of being hauled off to the Maggot's Nest now.

Nemu had another massive cup of water waiting for him- like he didn't have to pee twenty times a day as it was- and Kurotsuchi scanned him again. "Interesting, how eighteen hours can change things," Kurotsuchi clucked, and turned towards his stand of tools. Yumichika couldn't see what he was manipulating from his position, but Nemu moved in with a cotton swab dampened with something brown. She was chewing her lower lip, as Kurotsuchi beamed menacingly and continued, "But even a moment can change more." He turned with a readied needle in hand, and before Yumichika could react, Nemu had pinned him by the shoulder and wrist and Kurotsuchi jabbed him in the spot she'd prepared. Yumichika was struck speechless as Kurotsuchi plunged the contents of the syringe in a slow, steady push, and the clear liquid inside burned in his arm. Only when he'd withdrawn and Nemu was pressing gauze over the puncture could he react:

"What the hell was that?!" He shook from the belly up. "W-was that smallpox? Or some sort of bird disease? Or-"

"Oh, do calm down, and don't give me ideas." Kurotsuchi rolled his eyes back as he peeled his gloves off. "It's something I developed based on Szayelapporo Granz's work, to be honest. I've determined its precise effects on shinigami, and wanted to test its effects on the growth of a fetus." Yumichika began to feel the heat in his arm spread and dissipate, but he felt cold in his chest and the shaking wouldn't go away.

"So, what is it?"

"Happiness in a bottle." Kurotsuchi held up a little bottle of the liquid and shook it. It looked innocuous even in the over-bright lights of the lab, but Kurotsuchi's smile was anything but. "It stimulates the centers of the brain activated by joy, and where happy memories are stored, and floods you with serotonin. I've given you a twenty-four hour dose, but the time release is imperfect, so the effects will be strongest for the first six hours."

"R-really?" Yumichika realized he was smiling, though he definitely did not feel like smiling. "What wonderful news." His shoulders lost all tension, and he relaxed into the bench. "Won't it be lovely to be happy?"

No- what? He didn't mean these things, couldn't! But there was something in him that wanted to say it, and all of his doubts were being drowned out by an overwhelming sensation of complete relief. As if nothing mattered. He could feel it wasn't right, but he wasn't the only one.

"As I thought." Kurotsuchi scoffed, shaking his head and tsking under his breath, and he spoke louder and slower. "You may find it difficult to complete your functions. I've also observed hallucinations with larger doses. I've taken the liberty of distributing your usual tasks to competent squad members. You will be confined to quarters and kept under close observation during the first three hours after administration of each dose." He waved to Nemu. "Keep the happy idiot from hurting himself or anyone else." Nemu helped Yumichika dress, as he smiled dreamily at the sense of pure peace that overwhelmed him. Distracted, he moved as if through liquid syrup, and Nemu had to hold his shoulder and physically escort him through the halls and back to his quarters.

His vision was clouded with wisteria haze, and everything else was only faintly coming through it. He couldn't explain the calm rushing over him, as if every signal inside of him were blocked and replaced by insistent, bright "Everything is fine" signs flashing at every doubt he might have had. Somewhere, deep down, his worries still existed, screaming at him for what he was doing to himself, or letting that monster do to him, but it was washed away down under the wave of happiness flowing through him, drowning in unsourced glee.

"Oh, Nemu," he murmured in wonder, snuggling her shoulder. "I'd love to comb your hair out. Can I paint your toenails? I'll give you a killer pedicure. Do we really not have to do our usual squad duties today?"

"No, I don't think you're at all capable of carrying them out." Nemu jerked his arm as he nearly stumbled into a support post, and he twirled off the motion into an inelegant pirouette.

"How nice! How nice the Captain is! He must have some good in him."

"That's the drugs talking, Yumichika."

"Mmm." Yumichika contently nuzzled the join of her ear and neck. "He must have taken it all out and put it into you."

"Ah!" Yumichika couldn't see Nemu's face had turned red and pink all over, and she pushed him off and held him at arm's length for the rest of the walk.

Yumichika spent the hours in a hazy blur, chattering about any happy little idle thought that crossed his mind, doodling on scrap paper with pens and markers courtesy of Nemu. He could only be distracted from his reverie by his growling stomach, but it only took a little convincing to send Nemu out to get him a bowl of ice cream with candied ginger. He enjoyed every bite, all too pleased to be having cravings. His happiness was infectious, or rather, almost symptomatic of disease. He laughed for absolutely no reason, hummed to himself, lazed around contemplating his navel and baby names.

"What do you think of Tori?" He smiled vacantly at the ceiling, dangling his feet off the side of his bed where he'd collapsed against the wall. Nemu didn't answer him, hadn't played into his mild delusions, but sat against his wall taking notes. For once, he wasn't the least bit curious what she was writing down. "I think Tori is a nice name. For a boy or a girl, but better for a girl. Ikkaku, what do you think?"

Nemu lifted her eyes from her notebook and turned them to Yumichika, who was wearing the same empty smile and eyes like flat glass. "Yumichika." She tapped his foot, as if it could bring him down. "You're talking to someone who isn't here. Are you aware of that?"

"Oh, don't be silly." Yumichika pointed to the door, where there was nothing and nobody but empty space and undecorated rice paper. "Of course he's here. Ikkaku doesn't mind lazing around with me on my afternoons off." He giggled like a stupid middle-school-aged boy might at a particularly witless joke. "He likes to take an afternoon nap, if he can get away with it."

"Yumichika?"

Yumichika slid down the wall and let his head hang limp backwards over the edge of the futon. His face glazed over into a stupid grin, because yes, he could see Ikkaku there, upside-down in his view, just like he would be. Propped against the door now, but maybe he would come and comb his hair, or flop down on the bed next to him, put his head in his lap, and fall asleep there. Maybe later, they could go out to the training yard and spar for a little bit, then go toss back some beer or sake and talk shit about the missions. It had been so long since they'd had a chance to let loose on each other. So long. So, so long...

"Yumichika, I am not certain you're aware, but you're crying."

Yumichika could feel thin streams of molten joy running down his forehead from his eyes, dripping through his hair to the floor. "Yes." He didn't bother smearing them off. "I could use to wash my face anyway."

He came down when Nemu escorted him out to eat, rubbing his head in a haze and struggling to walk steadily. "It's like being drunk, but the hangover's not so bad," he commented, but a humored smile followed. The medicine hadn't worn off, so he couldn't make himself worry about it no matter how much the half-drowned squeak of doubt in his mind insisted he should. Nemu, still at his side, nodded.

"Are you at least enjoying it?"

"It's hard to say, really." He held his hand out and turned it over. His vision was still clouded, transparent blotches of pink and purple wafting through his view, but he shrugged and focused on the ground again. "At some point, it's more like the happiness is a numb state than anything. It's as if I can feel what I should be feeling, but I'm grabbing at it through cold water." He shrugged, his shoulders drooping to his usual posture. "I'm still hungry, still tense, and I'm getting kind of restless, and my reiryoku flow feels..." He flexed his hand, considering it with pursed lips, until Nemu suggested:

"Broken?"

"Yeah. Broken." He ran his hand through his hair, and his eyes dropped. "S'been like that a while, y'know?" Nemu nodded, because of course she knew. She would have mentioned telling Ikkaku about it, until Yumichika briskly went on, "It just feels so far away. So, I'm smiling and I don't know why. But it doesn't mean I'm entirely unhappy, you know?" He giggled. "Exact opposite. Everything is fine. I could be on fire, and everything would be fine."

"Yes, that's about the situation Captain Kurotsuchi developed the medicine for." Nemu nodded and took a few more notes. "Perceptive. He wanted to test the effects of extended use on you, as well as on your fetus' development."

"Ex... extended?" Some of the fog cleared.

"We'll have to have other subjects for the full testing, as we're doing basic samples on you with the limited time we have in order to determine which experiments to fully exploit." Nemu was walking and writing now. "But a week's development, compared to recorded controls of standard pregnancies, will give us a jumping-off point..."

"A week?" Dizziness swept over him. "I have to spend a week like this?"

Nemu's pen halted mid-stroke, and her gaze sank down past her paper. "Yes. I'm sorry."

Yumichika's head cleared enough for him to eat and get through morning exercises the next day with an energetic smile on his face, but after lunch, he received another dose and had to be carted back to his quarters and kept there. Nemu took copious, unreasonable amounts of notes on what he said and did, as he asked silly questions and giggled at his own answers, or simply dazed in and out of reality. He hallucinated, Ikkaku at the door, Ikkaku standing behind him, answering his questions, chuckling heartily into his ear. Sometimes, he'd invite him out to spar, and when Yumichika jumped at the chance and chased him to the door, Nemu had to stop him by force. Ikkaku would be gone, and Yumichika could only bring himself to smile and repeat:

"He'll be back soon. He'll come back."

The hallucinations became stronger day by day, and Nemu found herself talking back to Yumichika to try and discern whether he was in the conscious moment or completely elsewhere. Yumichika was just happy to be gone. He had some very happy memories to lose himself in. Fierce battles fought at Ikkaku's side, nights wasted at an izakaya, practice duels, sharing techniques. His best hallucination, though...

_"You're sure this is okay?" Ikkaku was the nervous one. Ikkaku. Of all people. Nervous about something like this. He was seated, seiza, on the unrolled futon in the corner of the hostel they'd holed up in for the night as Yumi removed his makeup and shed his yukata. Ikkaku didn't even admire the lean curve of his back, or the way his hair fell across smooth, pale skin, too busy fidgeting in his uncharacteristically formal position. Yumichika turned, sighed, but smiled._

_"If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't force you."_

_"No, I mean, I wanna try it with ya." He balled his hands and planted them on the floor in front of him. "I've never thought about it, just sorta handled it myself, but if you wanna help me or somethin', I-"_

_"Ikkaku." Yumichika poured affection into his name as he knelt down in front of Ikkaku. "Sexual urges are best handled with a partner. And if it makes you feel any better..." His eyelids fluttered, his gaze flitting away, and he whispered, "You'll be my first, too." He doffed their lantern, leaving nothing but cold, smooth moonlight to illuminate them, and carefully untied the front of Ikkaku's ragged haori. "Just, tell me what feels good to you, okay?"_

_He held his shoulders, thumbs resting at the crest of the muscles under his neck, and leaned in. He hovered, lips barely parted, then gave a gentle, nipping kiss. Ikkaku seemed more than a little confused with it, not reacting, accepting the kisses without responding. Yumichika persisted, until Ikkaku returned a soft bite to his lower lip._

_"You don't like this." Yumichika pulled back and wiped his lips._

_"No, it's fine!" Ikkaku wiped his mouth, then held his hand out to him."You can kiss me. You can kiss me all you want!" Yumichika frowned petulantly, then accepted Ikkaku's hand. Ikkaku tugged him back close, and fiercely devoured Yumichika's mouth. Yumichika moaned into the kiss, because it was harsh and demanding and sucked at his very life._

_"Ikkaku!" He moaned between kisses, and gasped upon release. "Ikkaku..."_

_"We kiss plenty." Ikkaku rubbed his lips again, red and kiss-bruised, and smirked at Yumichika. "If ya wanna just kiss me to death, that's fine, but you said you wanted to try more."_

_"Oh, really!" Yumichika rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop his smile or his hard-on. He got hard too easy when it came to Ikkaku, but Ikkaku never seemed to mind. He sat back, down on his elbows, and Yumichika could see he wasn't the only one, either._

_"What's next?"_

_Yumichika chuckled a little and ran a hand down Ikkaku's chest. "Well, I'm getting a reaction." He ran his hand over the bulge in Ikkaku's pants, then back up to his chest. "So I wanna see how much more I can get out of you." Yumichika pushed his chest down the rest of the way, flattening him on the futon, and pulled his waistband loose and tugged his pants down. Ikkaku's prick, hard and wet at the tip, saluted him and Yumichika smiled a little. He'd only ever peeked in the onsen, and now he knew for sure- the only hair Ikkaku had was a rusty, reddish brown, in full glory framing the base of his cock like an overgrown briar patch and trailing in a thin triangle just up to his navel. It was a beautiful picture. He put his hands on his thighs and traced the muscles with his thumbs. Ikkaku's cock jumped._

_"Shit." Ikkaku groaned softly, and reached for his dick. "It's never like this 'less it's you teasin' me. Jus' lemme..."_

_Yumichika slapped his hand away. "Don't you dare." He pressed in, pinning him down, and leaned in. "See, I want to give you that good feeling. That's what partners do." With that, he licked his lips and wrapped his lips around Ikkaku's cock._

_Ikkaku groaned, his head dropped against the floor. "Oh, god, Yumichika!" Yumichika choked and backed off._

_"You've got a lot." He coughed and cleared his throat, but Ikkaku pushed on the back of his head._

_"C'mon. Do it again. If it's too much in your mouth, don't take it all."_

_"Don't you force me, or I'll stop."_

_"Right, sorry, sorry." Ikkaku pulled his hand back, and Yumichika could see that it was trembling. He felt a twinge of guilt for scolding him- of course he was reacting this eagerly, he had never felt this before. Ikkaku didn't seem to mind, but licked his lips, his eyes set on Yumichika's. "But, will ya do it again? Just a little."_

_Yumichika hummed and smiled, and lowered his mouth down over Ikkaku's prick again. He got the head in and sucked hard, wrapped a slender hand around the shaft, and rubbed and twisted with every lave of his tongue. Ikkaku groaned, all his good sense dissolving into whispered 'goddamn's and 'fuck, yeah's and 'yes,' over and over and over. In hardly three minutes, Yumichika tasted precome and backed off to spit it out onto the dust behind him._

_"You're pretty easily stimulated, but that's okay." He kept Ikkaku's prick warm in his hand, slowly running his thumb from base to collar. Ikkaku panted wantonly, making incoherent, stifled noises of pleasure as he traced the head and over the slit. "Do you want to come like this, or try something new?"_

_"Something new. I wanna try everything. Whatcha wanna show me, Yumi?"_

_Yumi. Ikkaku had only started calling him that after he agreed to try being 'not just friends' with him. He heard it rarely, but those moments when he did hit hard. Yumichika responded with a smile and by letting Ikkaku rise to a full sit._

_"I'll give you a choice. We can rub each other off, or you can put it in me."_

_"Let's save that rubbin' each other off thing for next time. Isn't sex all about puttin' it in?" Ikkaku sat up and grabbed onto Yumichika's shoulders. "I never wanted to try anythin' like that 'til you told me about it. I wanna try it now."_

_"Alright, alright." Yumichika rolled his eyes again and kissed him. He'd researched discreetly for a solid few weeks on just how to please Ikkaku intimately, as so many of the awful magazines put it. He'd read more feminine literature advising him to tuck jasmine under breasts he didn't have and leave teasing love notes in lunch boxes he didn't pack than he cared to count just to get a rundown of some of the actual sex acts, and Ikkaku, simple, honest Ikkaku, just wanted to rush to the main course! "But this is my first time doing this. You're gonna have to be gentle."_

_"Yeah, okay. I'll be gentle." Ikkaku nodded, head bouncing, and he held Yumichika's shoulders. "Just... please?" He grinned toothily, and Yumichika kissed his nose, then his mouth, then backed away._

_"I need to..." He vaguely gestured down, and Ikkaku shrugged._

_"Sure, whatever you need."_

_Yumichika kissed him again, pleased, and sat back. "Keep it warm for me, okay?" He took Ikkaku's hand and wrapped it around his cock, and guided his wrist up and down in a gentle rub. Ikkaku nodded and continued lazily stroking himself, and Yumichika got on his knees and timidly reached for his own asshole._

_He'd done it a few times, just to try it, using a bit of cheap cooking oil to slick his fingers and pushing them in, thinking of Ikkaku while jerking himself to sloppy, graceless completion, but now he had an audience. He had the oil close, poured a little into an open, shaking palm, and slicked his whole hand. He gave Ikkaku's cock a few strokes around his hand, and Ikkaku growled with bestial pleasure at the warm, wet sensation, but Yumichika drew back and used the rest of the oil to slide his first finger in._

_He saw white, whiter than the moonlight that cloaked his bare skin, and just from the taste of Ikkaku on his lips and tongue and the sensation of being filled in such close proximity to his scent, he would have come, but he had to hold on, hold out. He gasped for air, each cold exhale painful, floating through space on sensation, until Ikkaku touched his cheek and brought him back down._

_"Hey, c'mon. Does it hurt?"_

_"No, it's... Ikkaku." Yumichika touched his hand over his cheek with his ballast hand and slipped a second finger in with the other. "I just want you. I've wanted to feel you for so... s-so..."_

_"A'right. How you want me?" Ikkaku knelt upright, as Yumichika trembled back into shadow and pushed his fingers in to the base._

_"Just..." Yumichika withdrew his hands and dropped down onto all fours. "Take me like this. It'll be easiest."_

_Ikkaku didn't reply, but clambered around him and pinned his hands on Yumichika's hips. He lined up, and Ikkaku patted his ass. "I just... go?" Yumichika nodded, not trusting his voice, and Ikkaku shoved in._

_Yumichika bit his lips down hard, because he would scream. Ikkaku was big, and Yumichika wasn't ready._

_"Ohfuck!" Ikkaku gasped, and Yumichika could feel his dick jumping with delight and abusing his insides. "Yumi! Tight- too much-"_

_"You can come," Yumichika whispered. "If you can't... Just..."_

_"N... nn." Ikkaku shuddered, and the sensation went from "too much" to "just right." Yumichika relaxed around him, and Ikkaku slid his hands through the slick sweat on his back and shoulders, then down taut arms and onto his wrists. Ikkaku rocked in, somehow deeper, groin to hip, and carefully moved up and in. White light blazed through Yumichika's vision in flashes, like jags of frost criss-crossing his view, his belly white-hot and sore and an unnameable ache building within. Ikkaku leaned down, lips on the shell of his ear, and whispered, "It's good, right?"_

_"It's good," Yumichika repeated, and pushed back against the curve of Ikkaku's thigh. "You feel good. You... Ohh..." And he dissolved into pleasure when Ikkaku pressed against something demanding low in his gut, something that reduced him to animal growls and grunts. Ikkaku growled back, grinning toothily as he picked up speed._

_"An' you like it. You do, don'cha?" Ikkaku was all heat and clumsy power, and it was all Yumichika could do to arch against his weight and ride the wave of sensation that was somewhere between pain and pleasure, pure white in his mind,. "I wish you could... feel it..." Ikkaku slipped one hand up and off of Yumichika's wrist and down his ribs and to his hips, then wrapped around his cock. Yumichika had hardly been aware of it there, hard, leaking, wanting, until Ikkaku clamped around him and pumped it in time with his thrusts. "You feel like..." He squeezed, and Yumichika cried out, and Ikkaku panted into his ear: "Like this, but better!"_

_Yumichika whimpered, Ikkaku stroked, and with one more burst of heat against his battered insides, he came, and came undone with a wild sob. Ikkaku growled again, bucked a few last times, then stopped short with a scream. Yumichika felt wet fire, felt tears come to his eyes, and could only crumple over as Ikkaku withdrew._

_They each collapsed, Yumichika flat on his belly, Ikkaku onto his backside and propped up on his hands, and breathed as they came down. The world, which had faded to black on the outskirts of being in each others' worlds, slowly came back into focus. The scratchy linen mat that had scraped on Yumichika's knees, leaving red, raw spots where his bent joints had rubbed. The cool air through the window. A dog howled somewhere in the inky midnight blue, but it faded to nothing again when Ikkaku leaned forward and touched Yumichika's shoulder._

_"Hey. You were right." He shook him around a little, but Yumichika was boneless and limp under him, still just breathing around the intense sensation. "That... that was a lot better than jerking off." Yumichika couldn't answer, and Ikkaku exhaled with force and carefully flipped him onto his back, then hovered, straddled over him on his elbows. "You okay?"_

_"Mm... mhm." Yumichika smiled, and Ikkaku smiled back and slicked some of the sweat-soaked hair from his forehead._

_"God, you're beautiful." He kissed the few stray strands up and away, into his hairline, and Yumichika seized the warmth those words lit in him._

_Hearing that was almost as good as the sex itself._

_"Hey." Yumichika pawed at Ikkaku's face, his hand sliding across the smooth skin of his forehead and the slight sting of stubble on his chin. "I love you."_

_"Y-yeah." Ikkaku gave him a shaky peck on the cheek. "I know."_

_"I love you too."_

Ikkaku had never said those words, had he? Another happy hallucination. One he would keep.

After a week on the medicine, Kurotsuchi performed another long examination. Yumichika got the usual long, thorough sonogram, then got scanned in the weird giant machine, and Kurotsuchi took Nemu's notes. He pitched the notebook back at her after flipping through the first few pages. "Ugh, honestly, woman! You can't tell what's relevant and what isn't?"

Nemu caught her book, demure and clearly not offended. "I thought I would take notes on all of it and let you decide what was relevant."

"Hah. Whatever." His upper lip flared out at her, sharp red against the white and black, and he swiped the book right back. "As if I didn't have enough to do." He gave her a smack on the forehead with the journal's spine, but she didn't seem to mind. She rubbed the little bruise and shot a nervous smile to Yumichika, and he got the message as clear as if it had been written on the backs of her hands.

She had done it on purpose. To delay Kurotsuchi and give him a chance to recover. What was she trying to protect him from?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Defining my terms! Sitting "seiza" means sitting upright on your knees, with your feet tucked under your thighs. It's a formal way of sitting, and can be uncomfortable to hold for a long time. Ikkaku wouldn't normally sit like that, he's more of a "sprawl" kind of guy.
> 
> This chapter and the next were originally one. However, I have previously had complaints about long chapters, and though I do try to avoid them, some of the upcoming chapters are going to get longer. I was able to slice this one neatly down the middle. Next time, the second half of Euphoria, Hysteria. I won't make you wait long!


	6. Hysteria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurotsuchi's experiments take a sinister turn, and Renji starts picking up some funny signals from his senpai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains a reference to suicide and a mention of self-harm.
> 
> Since this chapter and the last are two halves of a whole, I couldn't keep you all hanging!

**6: Hysteria**

Kurotsuchi let Yumichika detox for a few days after the end of the joy drug experiment. He sometimes still saw the fuzzy haze, but it lessened day by day. He almost felt completely normal again by the time Nemu next approached him during the lunch hour, informing him in a tremulous voice that he was expected to see Captain Kurotsuchi in the office after lunch. Yumichika found himself surprisingly agreeable.

Maybe, somewhere deep down, he didn't think hallucinating Ikkaku was all so bad.

Yumichika counted eighteen weeks from the day he'd conceived, and there was part of him that wondered if that was at all significant. His morning sickness had nearly waned completely, now replaced with a near-constant itch for candied ginger, ice cream, and pickled cucumbers and radishes, and a more literal itch on the dry skin of his growing bump. If there was anything special about this particular week, he certainly wasn't going to find out here. Kurotsuchi opened the examination by putting Yumichika on his scale, and clicked his tongue as he noted it down. "You really must watch your girlish figure, Officer Ayasegawa." Yumichika ignored him as he noticed, with a little bit of glee, that he couldn't quite see all the numbers on the scale past the little curve of his stomach anymore.

"Figure, schmigure. I knew my shape was going to change." He gave the swell a gentle, appreciative pat, as Kurotsuchi scoffed and threw a paper gown at Yumichika. Yumichika changed, still musing as he stepped down, "Not knowing what that says might help keep me from losing my mind." He made a mental note to check just how much he was supposed to be gaining after eighteen weeks, but weighed it against not wanting to know just how fat he was. He was still mulling it over as Kurotsuchi pushed him over to the examination table and he carefully climbed on. He tried to keep considering it as Kurotsuchi ran the scanner over his little bump a few times, because that was a favorable option to writhing against his cold grip on his shoulder to try and see the little screen.

He decided he'd try to weigh himself and compare it with what he should be gaining. He had to have some way of knowing how the baby in his belly was growing. He was nearly numb to the skin of his belly warming up in the absence of the icy metal wand. He let his eyes slip shut, imagining what that tiny little body looked like, the face, the head, tiny little limbs that needed to grow long and lanky and strong, and...

Nemu was swabbing his arm with something cold, her thin fingers pressing dents into his arm, and he smelled iodine. He readied himself for another dose of the happy medicine, and relaxed into the chair. The needle was in and out with the familiar burn, and Yumichika sighed and opened his eyes again.

"So, how long are you going to me dosing me with mandatory mirth this time?"

"Oh, that experiment's over for now." Kurotsuchi snickered a bit as he discarded the used needle, and Yumichika sat up all at once, heart racing.

"Then what did you just put in me?"

Kurotsuchi canted his head over his shoulder and smiled coyly, his makeup wrought into an ugly mask of mockery. "This and that."

"This... and..." Yumichika felt nauseous, and then like someone or something had seized his heart and  _wrenched_. The overwhelming urge to scream welled up in him, which he suppressed to a whimper, and Kurotsuchi's smile took menace as he explained:

"I gave you happiness. It only seemed appropriate I do the opposite. I've given you a heavy dose of chemicals that block seratonin, dopamine, norepinephrin, and produce monoamine oxidase A. They'll also trigger unpleasant or painful memories." He cackled, as Yumichika writhed. Physical pain set in his joints and chest, and he could feel something inside himself shriveling. Kurotsuchi tsked as he curled into the fetal position, even around Nemu's hand trying to bandage his arm. "Yes, I imagine you'll be just as useless. Unfortunately, I've yet to perfect the time release on this one either. You'll expect surges and- you aren't even listening anymore, are you?"

As if his regular mood swings weren't bad enough. Yumichika couldn't keep himself from curling into a pitiful little ball and weeping right there, numb even when Kurotsuchi seized him by his hair and slapped him. "Get a hold of yourself! Are you a man, or a shrieking mimsy?"

"C-Captain..." The sting of his blow reverberated through him, as he tried to explain, no, I can't help it, you did this to me, "C-Captain, wh-why...?"

"You asked for it, didn't you? Don't be so surprised! You even said, 'stick me with needles,' anything I wanted, and damn you, I did!" He tossed Yumichika down to the ground and stepped on his back. "Quit your moaning and compose yourself, or I'll force you to go on with your afternoon duties."

"I... please, stop," Yumichika pleaded, overwhelmed by the ache flooding him now. "I can't do this, I can't take this." He was sure he could feel the baby dying, and he rolled to his hands to glare, snakelike at the captain. "I'll... I'll cut my wrists!" The words were coming from god-knows-where, but he meant them with the ice running through him. "You'll have to take me to Captain Unohana, or you'll be responsible for my death-"

"Captain Unohana?" Yumichika started as Kurotsuchi's lips thinned into a gruesome sneer. He'd never heard her name said with anything less than fearful reverence, never contempt and derision. "A warrior like you wouldn't dare show your face there for something this shameful. Besides, do you really think something so basic as a little cut is beyond my abilities to fix? And let's face facts here, boy: Captain Unohana is the last thing you want." He seized Yumichika's chin and forced him to make eye contact. "When she finds out what you've done, what you've let me do to you, can you imagine what she'd do? Retsu Unohana will ruin you. You'll be exposed for the duplicitous trash you are, and she'll probably lead the charge in having you marched out of the Gotei 13, not to mention seizing the spawn for which you so desperately threw away everything else you had."

Yumichika tried, delving into what little strength he had left, to spit back at him, and scream that Unohana would protect him, but his willpower dwindled to the tiniest spit of flame imaginable, and he collapsed into a crying heap. The voice of doubt that lived in his head was screaming at him now, telling him exactly how stupid he was and how very, horribly right Kurotsuchi was.

If he wanted to keep the baby, he was stuck with him.

Somewhere over his head, he heard Kurotsuchi ordering Nemu to confine him again and "restrain him as necessary." She started to pick him up by his shoulders and knees, but he quickly insisted:

"I can walk." Still tearful, he rose, but she hoisted his arm over her shoulder. His knees were wobbling, and he found himself draped over her, weeping, and no longer giving a damn who saw him at it. Let them say he was making a scene! His life was ruined! Dust, desolation, he might as well have been starring in his own private soap opera where everything terrible happened to him and it was his own damned fault, and this might not have been the medicine speaking. There was a soft, comforting voice coming from somewhere, but it was so faint under everything else that it might as well not have been there.

Much like the week before, Nemu shut him up in his cell, this time sitting against the door, as if to block him if he were to try and leave. His vision blurred, black around the edges, he saw light in flashes, his heart raced. He realized, vaguely, that he was squeezing the pommel on Ruri'iro Kujaku so hard his knuckles ached, until Nemu pried it from his hand and left him to curl his arms around his knees and rock against the wall. He was blind, swallowed by the darkness, weaving between panic attacks and dull lifelessness.

He had hallucinations again. He could feel the mud under his hands and between his fingers, on his knees and in his hair, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs, except Ikkaku wasn't coming for him this time, only black-faced, golden-eyed dogs, with yellow teeth and salt and meat on their breaths. He was watching Edrad Liones burn Ikkaku to ashes, or that hideous beast of Barragan's cracking Hozukimaru to pieces and devouring Ikkaku with unimaginable teeth. He was screaming.

He was seeing things that hadn't happened yet.

_"You did what?!" Ikkaku had him cornered, had his hand on his throat. "You idiot!" The weight of his belly was heavy, so heavy, too heavy, he was being pulled in two. "Who the hell gave you the right to have a goddamned kid?!"_

Even worse were the things that had.

_"Ikkaku, please, please, wake up." Yumichika knew enough basic kido for simple healing, flooding Ikkaku's battered body with reiatsu. His soul ran deep, his well rarely ran dry, but Ikkaku was in terrible shape. He lay, bruised, bleeding, panting for air on a mat in the abandoned hovel in Kusajishi they were calling home this week, but Yumichika had resolved that this wouldn't be the last place they called home, no matter how many liberties Ikkaku took with his life. One too many bowls of sake and about a dozen insulted shinigami officers made for a very bad evening. Yumichika had tried to keep his own peace and let Ikkaku have his, but the moment the shinigami stepped to Ikkaku to challenge his jibes, Yumichika was right at his side. Ikkaku had shoved him back with a growl, and declared:_

_"This is my fight!" He turned to the rest of them, challenge in his sparking glare. "Line up, fuckers! I'll take ya, all of ya, one on one!"_

_They'd been drunk too, and hadn't heard him, and Yumichika'd had to haul him away from the pile-on before one of them actually landed a killing blow. He'd mended as much as he could on the inside with what little kido control he had, poured some water over his dry lips, and tore away bits of his clothes off to make bandages for the rest. Ikkaku woke just as Yumichika put a piece of fresh linen on his forehead. "Oh, thank god," he breathed, as Ikkaku's eyes focused, and he blinked at him._

_"Hey... hey..." He swatted Yumichika's leg as Yumichika sat back. "Thought I was gonna die. Why'm I not dead?"_

_"Your state of death or life is, frankly, debatable." Yumichika chuckled, because all things considered, it was a funny question, but Ikkaku wasn't laughing. "If you're asking why you haven't gotten recycled to the World of the Living, then that's 'cause I saved your ass."_

_Yumichika turned to stoke their fire, but Ikkaku seized the hem of his yukata and yanked. Yumichika fell over onto himself, and suddenly, Ikkaku had rolled on top of him, pinning him down by his shoulders._

_"Y'mean you took me out before it was over?! Fuck, if I lost, I was s'posed to die!"_

_"I-Ikkaku!" Oh, no. Yumichika had wanted Ikkaku like this for long, so long, his weight, his power, pinning him in submission, but the air was wrong and the rage in Ikkaku's face was unmistakable._

_"You idiot. I wasn't done!" He rattled him, and Yumichika wanted those teeth in his shoulder, on his ear, but not bared at him. "First, you try and get between me and my opponent, and then you pull me out of a fight I hadn't finished?!"_

_"You mean you wanted to die." His prick was hard, but Ikkaku hadn't noticed. His erection would be confused about this moment and this sensation for years to come, because the rest of him felt like it was full of cold water, right down to his quavering voice._

_"I don't want to die!" Ikkaku pounded his fists on Yumichika's chest, still too weak to throw a punch, only able to pin him because he wasn't fighting back. "But I ain't finished fighting 'til I'm dead, and I don't need your ass saving me!" Yumichika flattened himself as much as he could, and Ikkaku finally rolled back off of him and folded his arms. "You have no idea what I want. I either live the strongest, or die at the hands of whoever's stronger. That's what life is."_

_Yumichika took it into mind, and slowly, carefully sat up. Ikkaku was sulking, snorting like an agitated bull, and Yumichika cautiously tried to go on with the motions of making dinner, hoping Ikkaku couldn't see his hands shake. "I-Ikkaku-" No, stop, no good. "Ikkaku." No stammering. Better. "If... if it's any consolation, it wasn't a fair fight. There were twelve, and-"_

_"Fuck you! Just shut up!" And with that, Ikkaku was done talking to him. Ikkaku didn't talk to him for the rest of his recuperation, not eat, nor even sleep, just glaring at the moon like it had wronged him when the real criminal sat behind him, futilely stirring rice that nobody was going to eat..._

Yumichika kept feeling it, hearing it, seeing it. He was left shuddering, wide-eyed, in the wake of his own haunted mind. He hadn't felt this weak since the day he reopened his eyes to find himself in the Rukongai, alone and hungry. He had never wanted that again, but as he rocked himself in a desperate attempt to stave off the crowding darkness, he had never felt more alone in his entire existence.

"N-Nemu." Nemu hadn't heard him speak, not real human speech, in hours. It was dark now, she'd since brought dinner for both of them, and while hers was long gone, his had only gone cold, and he was still shuddering and scrabbling at his own legs. She hid a small worry that he might crush his precious cargo under his clamped legs, but it may not have been possible. Still, he was blindly groping at the ground, searching for a hand to hold. She was compelled to move in and put her fingers over his. Yumichika seemed to regain sight, if only for a moment, to blink back tears from wide eyes made dark and lightless, looking nearly black. Nemu captured and curled his hand in hers, as he helplessly whispered her name a few times.

"Shh." She was told to ignore when some of the newest members of the division got weepy over their test subjects, pitying them their sobs and screams and wishing that this necessary evil could be more humane. These were the ones who wouldn't make it, who'd transfer out to the Fourth or Second, don't be bothered with them, she'd been told. Some of the other newer members still tried to coach them through it long enough to complete their daily tasks, but Nemu had never before lowered herself to taking pity on a coward, let alone a test subject. She had, though, seen enough of how it was done to imitate it. So, much like some of the kinder squad members might, she wrapped her thin arms around Yumichika's shoulders. "There, there." She gave him a squeeze. "It's... it's not real."

"It is," he whispered, and rested one hand over the swell of his belly. "He must hate me. He'll hate me forever. I never understood. I don't think I tried." Nemu held him like one might a teddy bear, as he sobbed again and wrested his hand from hers. "Oh, Nemu- N-Nemu! It's... it's moving!" He dry-heaved, and clutched his middle under his hands. "It's dying, I know it-"

Nemu worked her hand between his, thin, lithe fingers pressing into the cotton weft of his kosode, and then she dove headfirst into his chest to keep him from squeezing any harder. "It's kicking." She smiled, and looked up imploringly into his face. "He or she is trying to tell you that they're alive."

"M-moving." Yumichika came still, tears still running down his face and a smile joining them. "You're... you're alive." He changed his grip under her body, pressing the tip of his index finger above his navel. Nemu could feel the air between them move as he pulsed his reiatsu, and Yumichika's smile wavered, as he felt a powerful response, as the soul under his hand clamored for his attention like a crowd of pigeons might around a bag of crumbs. "Yes, hello." He laughed faintly, but it quickly dissolved into a sob. "Ikkaku..."

Nemu had to seize him as he threw himself back into the wall. "He should be here! I should be there! He should know his baby's alive too!" He thumped his skull against the wall behind him, even as Nemu clamped down around him to get him under control. "Ikkaku will hate me forever! I'll never see him again, he'll never meet his baby! I'm such a goddamned idiot, I can't stand it!" He wailed, and Nemu quickly patted his cheek.

"No, shh, there, there," she whispered, because what else could she say? She knew very well the details of his deal, so telling him things like 'Of course you'll see him again' would be no comfort, and it came to her- perhaps these thoughts were no mere illusion brought on by the medicine. They were the aches he'd buried away in his soul that he couldn't hide without his strong façade.

Yumichika was useless for the rest of the day, huddled on the floor of his cell with Nemu pleading with him to eat and drink. His stomach protested angrily, until he finally had to convince himself to choke some of his dinner down. "It's ash," he mumbled tearfully, but chewed and swallowed. He wanted to eat- the baby was hungry, hungrier than ever- but couldn't make himself choke it down without feeling sick.

The only relief was when the hysterics dissolved into listlessness, and Yumichika found enough energy to crawl to his bed. Nemu sat on the floor beneath him, as he memorized the surface of the wall, sleepless and restless, so exhausted he couldn't sleep. The baby kept kicking at his insides, on and off, little shifts that he could only just feel and the occasional thump to his gut. It was the only thing inside of him that felt right.

"Nemu, I don't know if I can do this for a week." He couldn't be sure he was heard by anything other than the midnight air, until she responded:

"I'm sorry."

Yumichika winced his eyes shut when he put it together: she'd known this was coming, and there had been nothing she could do to stop it.

* * *

Yumichika wasn't even fully awake when he got the next injection, and only knew it had come and gone when he opened bleary eyes and saw Nemu pressing gauze down over his arm through gritty, blurry vision. He gasped, because he could already feel it coming again.

"Why?" Nemu shook her head and pasted the bandage down.

"Captain's orders."

Yumichika didn't experience very much of the next week. He spent it weeping, tearing at his hair in the hopes that real pain might drive the inner ache back. Nemu restrained him once, when he clawed and bit at his arms, drawing blood in long, thin lines raked from wrist to elbow too shallow to do any permanent damage but frightening to see.

"It makes it go away!" He thrashed against her hold on his elbows, blood smearing her arms and shihakusho, but she stoically held fast. "If it hurts, I don't see him, I don't hear him, nothing!"

"You'll hurt yourself," she warned, and that was all.

It was somewhere during these days he stopped putting his feathers on, and the rest of his makeup shortly followed.

He only had the energy and will to leave his bed, let alone his room, a few times, and he used them to exercise alone in the yard. Nemu propped herself against a wall, still watching him, as he went through the motions of his usual techniques with a wooden sword (because Ruri'iro Kujaku was still in Nemu's care). It didn't feel good, but it was another way to numb himself. These were the only moments of clarity he had, but they were stark and clear like the moonlight on the packed dirt.

He should have known this would happen. Now he had to suck it up and deal.

The week came to an end with another long examination, and Kurotsuchi scolded him this time: "Losing weight? Now, now, that won't do! That greedy little thing in there-" he slapped at Yumichika's middle with his clipboard- "needs you to pig out! Who cares if you gain a few dozen kilos? After all, aren't you concerned about that thing's health?" He clucked as Yumichika stepped down off the scale and removed his kosode without a word of retort, and tsked as he took notes. "You're the one concerned about the fetus's viability. You shouldn't care if you're as fat and round as a biscuit as long as you get what you want." He smirked, as he repeated some of Yumichika's words with taunt. Yumichika remained calm, but pulled the paper gown on.

"A little thing like malnutrition shouldn't be beyond your abilities." He smirked as Kurotsuchi sucked in air, and whirled on in him a rage as Yumichika carefully stepped up and hoisted himself onto the table.

"Now see here! How dare you backtalk your benefactor!" Yumichika tossed his hair back and ignored him as he bristled in plain rage, instead resting his hand on his little bump in silent reminder of what they were there for. Kurotsuchi grunted, but turned on his machines for the examination.

Nemu was avoiding Yumichika's gaze again as Kurotsuchi performed the ultrasound scan and the second scan in the larger machine. Yumichika was paying attention to her this time, trying to read her intentions in her face, but he got nothing but fear.

She had been getting steadily more apprehensive about the tests every time, but her fear hadn't been so outwardly obvious. That look of terror on her stoic features sent goosebumps right to his gut, and he tensed up all over as Kurotsuchi went to his drawer and pulled something out. He addressed him with his back turned, over the rustle and rattle of him sorting through his things.

"Officer Ayasegawa, this week, you'll exclusively be leading Hakuda training every morning."

"Oh? Really?" That was a relief. His Hakuda wasn't great- nowhere near Ikkaku's or Kenpachi's- but he enjoyed the physicality of it, and his fear receded in the face of a week of sheer man to man combat...

… The implications hit him when Kurotsuchi pulled up a red collar. The kind used in the Tower of Repentance. The ones that could suppress one's reiatsu.

"No. No, no, no!" Yumichika tried to cover his neck and squirmed back on the table, but before he could get up and run, Nemu seized his arms. He could see her cringing over his shoulder, and he tried to bow his head and cover his neck. "The baby has reiryoku too, what is this going to do to it?!"

"Ah, now that is the question, isn't it?" He giggled, and fastened the collar on tight.

Yumichika felt all of his power suppress in a rush, and he had nothing but to lift his face and scream.

* * *

Ikkaku thought he heard something when he lifted his head from the papers spread around him. He'd come out for a little fresh air, and because Yachiru was so loud when she played at her office duties, but now he was just getting distracted. He rubbed his head for a long moment as he strained to catch it, but let it rest when it rang out. Just something in his ears. It was making him feel dizzy, at least, or that might have just been all this stupid paperwork.

"Yo, Ikkaku!" By contrast, Ikkaku hardly heard Renji approach, his head still lowered and poring over all the papers around him. Renji had jogged into the Division grounds, but slowed when he got a good look at him for the first time in a few weeks. "Hell, dude, what happened to you?"

"Busy," Ikkaku muttered, flipping a few pages over, but Renji shook his head a little. That wasn't any excuse for Ikkaku looking this out-of-sorts. His uniform was tied on the wrong way, and Renji wasn't sure when it was last cleaned. He was without his usual eye makeup, and Renji could see thin, cinnamon-colored stubble on his chin and jawline. (His head was still bare, but Renji wasn't altogether surprised.) Renji crouched down over him.

"Nobody's seen you out for like two weeks, man. I thought I'd stick my head in an' make sure you were still alive. Lookin' atcha, I'm havin' trouble tellin'."

"I'm alive, asshole." Ikkaku spat, and Renji smirked to see he still had a little fire left on his tongue. "Just, pickin' up Yumichika's slack now he's gone, all this reading makes my head hurt." Renji hummed a little, and lifted some of the pages off his stack. "Hey, dude-"

"Another request to transfer for Yumichika, huh?" Ikkaku winced at the pity in Renji's voice. "How many have you put through, man?"

"Like twelve!" Ikkaku swiped the papers back and started scribbling furiously again, glowering at the tip of his pen. "And nobody ever gets back to us! That mad scientist creep can get him moved over with a snap of his fingers, but we keep askin' an' askin', an' nothin'!"

"Yeah, it sucks, dude." Renji let his legs fall out from under him into the grass. "You'd think they'd've given up on him by now." He chuckled a little, but it landed on deaf ears. "Sure, he's smart, but he's no brain trust. Why the hell would they want him around?"

"Shut up!" Renji jumped, as Ikkaku fixed him with a bitter snarl. "Yumichika's too good for 'em! I don't care if he ain't some genius! He can do whatever he wants and be great! They don't deserve him, dammit!"

"Whoa, dude." Renji reached for his shoulder, but Ikkaku shrugged him off, still arching his back like a porcupine about to fill something or someone with quills. "I know you're upset, but you gotta keep a level head."

"Why?" Ikkaku hunched down deeper. "Like it'll make a difference if I'm mad."

"Nah, but you'll fuck up a check box here or a signature there, and Yumichika'll be stuck there for a while longer."

This made Ikkaku drop his shoulders, his back drooped, flat. "You don't know what it's like, man. It's like someone stripped out a rib."

Renji had to laugh at him, even though it made Ikkaku stiffen up again. "Dude, I damn near went to war with my guy before I fell for him. He damn near killed me! Once I figured out all them weird feelings making me crazy were love, I musta torn half my hair out feeling guilty over it. I don't think I'd wanna not see him for weeks on end. So no, I don't know what it's like, but I'm tryin' to empathize."

"If your Captain- if something happened." Ikkaku bowed his head lower, and he gave up writing to clutch a handful of loose dirt. "If someone took him from ya, but kept him right out of arm's reach, where you could see him and know he was there and just not do nothin', then what would you do?"

"Reach out a little further." Renji patted his back. "Do what you're doin', and don't lose hope. I know it's like ya got a phantom limb, man, but you gotta keep livin' the way you do, for Yumichika's sake. He'd hate to see you miserable. The rest of us'd rather you, y'know, not run yourself into the ground worryin' over him, too."

"You just don't get it." Ikkaku rolled back up to a sit and settled his face into a resting glare. "I can't just get over it. What if somethin' awful's happening?" His gaze wandered, and Renji figured out he'd pinpointed the top of an SRDI building through the trees and space between them and the next division over. "I'll have no way of knowing it, and that creep'll take Yumichika away from me forever." He rubbed the back of his neck, and his face fell. A bird chirped overhead, and Ikkaku glared up at it, before dropping down again. "I'd never know."

Renji winced, then gave his back a sympathetic rub. "You got it bad, man. Just think of it this way- next time you see him, you tell him exactly how goddamn much you missed him, and he'll never leave again."

"Pfft. Get off." Ikkaku sat back up, and gathered his papers in an armful. "Like Yumichika wants to hear all this pussy shit from me." He jumped to his feet and glowered down at Renji. "Ain't you got your own division to piss off? If you've got a day off, your  _wife_ 'll probably expect you to spend it with your brat."

"It ain't a day off, I'm just on lunch. Taka's with a nanny 'til the Captain gets off." Renji's features brightened, and he reached into his shihakusho. "Hey, you wanna see pictures? He just hit three months a few weeks ago, so Captain Kuchiki got him all dressed up for his first formal-"

"Later, man. I'm not in the mood to pretend I care about you and your Captain's  _heir_." He crossed his arms, wrinkling all of the paperwork, and shuffled off. Renji sulked, but withdrew his hand from the inside of his kosode.

"Yumichika would totally look!" He yelled at Ikkaku's retreating back. Ikkaku ignored him like a fly on his back, and Renji groaned, before cupping both hands around his mouth and shouting. "Next time, then!" Ikkaku flipped him off that time, and swore as he lost his papers onto the ground. Renji ignored him raging against the machine of his own stupidity as he left for the front gates of the Eleventh.

From what little he'd seen of Ikkaku, he was a giant mess. He wasn't sure he'd helped, but damn! He'd been curious for a while. For him, Ikkaku and Yumichika being together was never in question, just a fixture in his life, but he'd never thought too closely on what made them work together. They were a good team on the battlefield, sure, and their chemistry was perfect- Ikkaku was fire and passion, Yumichika, ice-cool and sly- and they balanced each other as partners, but there had to be more than the practical and physical elements to it. He'd only started to wonder when he'd invited them to keep him company in the weeks before Byakuya had given birth to Takahiro, and how Yumichika had expressed interest in having a kid only to get refused by Ikkaku. Something had struck him, the way Yumichika's face had fallen and his arms had closed around his chest and shoulders like a cold-weather cloak, and he'd wanted to poke at them closer to find out just how they ticked.

But then, something out of Ikkaku just now hit him:  _"Like Yumichika wants to hear this from me."_  It had sounded like exactly the kind of shit Yumichika would want to hear. Did Yumichika not hear it from Ikkaku very much?

He'd tried the "no-strings-attached" approach with Byakuya, when he'd thought Byakuya wasn't capable of more than satisfying his own sexual needs. It had sucked. It had sucked the life out of him. He'd never felt better than the day he'd asked Byakuya if he could feel anything for him, and was rewarded with a chiding "No shit, genius" (his words, not Byakuya's), and the warm, welcoming kisses he'd gotten just for asking to be loved had brought both of them vitality, a deluge for a desert of a lonesome life.

Had Yumichika ever gotten that from Ikkaku? Renji was having his doubts.

Mostly because he'd actually read the most recent denial of transfer request, instead of just looking at the "rejected" stamp and flying into a rage like Ikkaku and Kenpachi surely had, and seen Nemu Kurotsuchi's neat handwriting on the border, spelling it out:  _"He won't be coming back."_  That didn't sound exactly voluntary, but damn if it didn't sound suspect on Yumichika's part.

Yumichika shouldn't be letting that stand. Yumichika should be fighting tooth and nail. What was he getting from the Twelfth that was keeping him from wanting to come back to the Eleventh? Or were things more sinister than he could have imagined?

He had no way of knowing, but for the sake of his friends, he was damn sure going to find out.


	7. Deserted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurotsuchi's cruelest experiment yet drives Yumichika to the brink. Can he hold out, or has Yumichika found his breaking point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few quick definitions here.
> 
> Kilocalorie is the scientific term for what we call "calories." Like, the calories listed on the side of your box of Cheez-its is actually a kilocalorie. A calorie is the energy needed to raise one gram of water 1 degree Centigrade. A kilocalorie is that multiplied by 1,000, or the energy needed to raise one kilogram of water 1 degree Centigrade. I thought it'd be more accurate for the scientists to use the proper term.
> 
> Wabun code is the Japanese version of Morse code. So, dot-dot-dash, but for katakana!
> 
> I think that's all. Enjoy!

**7: Deserted**

Yumichika still felt hollow, even after six days wearing the suppression collar. He wasn't getting at all accustomed to the loss of Ruri'iro's voice in his head when he drew his sword- no better than an asauchi without him being able to tap into his spiritual power- and he wasn't used to feeling so small around the middling-at-best reiatsu of the unranked squad members. It was more than that, though- it was like losing his sight and hearing at once, and his sense of motion. It made the entire world feel like a dollhouse, and he was just another wooden mannequin. Hell, it was like when he'd had to leave Ikkaku. That was like losing an arm. This was like losing the ability to lift it.

"You look unwell." Nemu was over him, and Yumichika bristled, sparks of anger running straight down his spine.

"I feel like shit!" He barked back and slammed his fists on the desk. The ink under his hands smeared, and the walls of the office rattled, knocking flakes of frail dust from the windows blocked by stacks of arcane texts and experiment notes that would never be filed. Nemu didn't flinch, because unlike him, she was already used to what he'd become:

A rat in a cage. He'd never felt so small, weak, or ugly in his life.

"Yes, I can tell. Here." She set down a cup of tea that oozed the scent of lemon and mint. "Your appetite's been poor, I've been instructed to convince you to eat appropriately."

"I don't want it." He turned his face away like a petulant child faced with boiled collard greens. "I feel like I'll be sick if I try."

"The baby needs you to eat. This will help you feel hungry."

Yumichika snatched the cup, still trying to look reluctant, but he knew she was right. A few nasty side effects had sprung up from having his spirit repressed. Without his spirit energy to feed, he didn't feel like eating as much. His first-trimester symptoms had come rushing back, nausea and vomiting in the mornings, and tiredness in the afternoons. He'd fainted twice in the six days since the collar had been put on him, not even counting when the collar was put on in the first place. He'd dropped dead away at that, only revived later in his quarters by Nemu. She'd said that he'd been expressing so much of his pressure trying to keep Kurotsuchi back that having it all turned off at once was a shock to his system. She said it would have been easier if he'd just relaxed and let it happen, and those words made him nearly sick of their own accord.  _He would never._  He'd never laid down for anyone like that. Putting up a fight was his second nature, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Kurotsuchi had wanted him to suffer.

More and more, he was thinking that suffering was the point.

The baby still needed to eat, so Yumichika took the tea and sipped it with muttered thanks. Nemu had the grace to express a little relief on her stiff features, and sat down across from him.

"I suppose you're having trouble sensing the baby, and that's making you uncomfortable."

"It's a lot more than that." He sat back so she could see his shihakusho, pushed out in a neat little black round above the dipped waistband of his hakama. "I can sense him. Just, not with my reiryoku." He put his hands down low on his belly. "He's been moving a lot." He shot her an accusing look. "I hope it's not distress."

"If I might?" She rose to her feet, and he found himself blushing. Nobody else had asked to feel the baby move- the closest he'd gotten was Kurotsuchi's brusque examinations- but even from someone he considered a friend, it was weirdly intimate. He still nodded, and she came around, knelt, and put her hand next to his. Her eyes brightened. "Oh, yes. I do feel him or her." There was an odd tingling, and Yumichika's heart leapt at the feeling of someone else's reiryoku- his might have been shut down, but he had enough left to feel someone else's, especially one as strong as hers. "And I can say that I don't sense stress or distress."

"You can tell?"

Nemu nodded. "I don't think the Captain would let me say much more, but I don't sense immediate danger."

"Oh." The heat in his cheeks moved up to his eyes, and he sniffled as tears leaked out. "Oh, Nemu, thank you, thank you-" He got up to hug her, but the heat left him all at once, and he collapsed for the third time in six days.

He opened his eyes in Nemu's hold, humiliated because he couldn't recover his pride. He was getting more and more wounded every time he took a hit like this, feeling battered and beat down into the ground.

Like any trapped animal, he was getting the itch to bite back.

* * *

The moment Yumichika got the collar removed could only be compared to the sensation of leaving school at the end of a long, harrowing year for summer vacation, but rather than boasting of how excited he was to go swimming and on vacation and to play video games until his eyes bled, he had a whole new agenda in mind.

"I'm going to meditate and have a good, long talk with Kujaku," he babbled to Nemu as she handed him his clothes. The sensation of having his reiryoku flowing through him again was like new blood pumping in his veins. The air tasted better, fresher, and the world felt warmer. He could even ignore the gaps and blank spaces he'd been feeling, because compared to nothing, having any of his spiritual energy back made him feel whole. "Oh, and I'm starved! I could eat for weeks! I'm raiding the pantry, and like hell if I'll let any of your cleanup squad stop me. There better be pickled radishes and ginger snaps in there, or someone's getting a mouthful." He clenched his fists. "Or a faceful. Nobody's going to stop me!" He didn't quite notice that she'd given him a bigger kosode and shitagi until it was on and clearly meant to give him room to fill in. He also didn't hear Kurotsuchi laughing as he took notes.

"Yes, enjoy that."

"You know what?" Yumichika slipped his waraji on and cocked in towards Kurotsuchi. "I think I just might." He smirked a little, pretending confidence. "Man, am I glad you're not allowed to kill me. I'm almost having fun seeing how far you can push this."

"Are you, now?" Kurotsuchi lowered his pen for a scant moment, and his lips spread into a vicious smirk. "We're not quite done, so don't go getting ahead of yourself." He chuckled a bit and waved Yumichika off, and Yumichika only just heard his follow-up: "I can make you wish you were a lot more careful with that little contract of yours."

That little line gave him chills, and any warm joy he'd felt at having his spiritual energy back had to live under that pall. No, nobody stopped him from gorging on the pickled radishes in the pantry, nor did they keep him away from the ice cream or ginger cookies, and he managed to find a quiet grassy spot between research buildings and barracks houses to meditate with Ruri'iro Kujaku for a while, but he wasn't enjoying it nearly as much as he wanted to. It was like knowing he had summer school, because as far as he could remember, summer had never been so cold.

He got another examination by Kurotsuchi a few days later, who had a quiet, intense conversation with Nemu over the little screen that Yumichika still longed to see, but now did so without a word. It had been twenty-one weeks, after all, if it hadn't happened before, it sure wasn't going to start now. However, Kurotsuchi dismissed him without another word, no new tests, no imposed trial. Not even a threat. Yumichika walked out nervously scratching his midsection, cautiously relieved but not free of a niggling, suspicious itching at his throat, shoulders, and hips. It could have been dry skin, but he had a bad feeling it was something else.

He should have run screaming, but he didn't know where he could possibly go anymore.

The next morning, he bellied up to the kitchen for breakfast, tray out to be filled with food he was sort of getting used to, but when the man serving today saw him, he reached down under the counter. "Captain's orders. I've been instructed to give you this." He passed something in a paper wrapper over the barrier, and Yumichika unwrapped the edge. It looked like a tan brick, though not as big, with flecks of blue and red here and there, and had no discernible smell. Like plain wheat flour. Yumichika wrinkled his nose.

"Is this edible? For eating?"

"It's called a nutraloaf, and yes." The server moved on to the next shinigami in the line, and Yumichika suddenly found the greyish omelets more tempting than they'd ever been. He imagined this was the result of one of Kurotsuchi's earlier experiments, and that just about everyone else in this room had been fed this. The server's blank expression didn't say so, but the body language of the shinigami next to him in line when she saw the brick on his plate- a shudder at the shoulders and a wrinkle of her nose and eyebrow- told him enough.

"Alright, then can I have some-" The server was ignoring him, and Yumichika realized this was all he was getting for breakfast. "Shit."

The "nutraloaf" was an energy bar from hell. No flavor, and it was chewy with weird hard chunks. Still, as dense as it was, it had to have some nutrition value. He was only about halfway through choking it down when Nemu joined him, and he heard her muffle an uncomfortable noise as she set her tray down and sat, deliberately avoiding eye contact as he dropped the loaf- brick, really- and pushed it towards her.

"This is awful. Have you had it before? They wouldn't give me any other breakfast!" He folded his arms and sulked, and Nemu slumped down with sympathy plain on her face.

"I have had them. I helped with the initial testing. They're perfectly nutritionally balanced by vitamin, mineral, fiber content, and overall food value, and the Captain adjusted the formula to supply the extra kilocalories and nutrients you need to sustain your pregnancy."

"Ugh!" Yumichika dragged it back towards himself and grabbed up the bar again. "I guess this is his test for the week?" He took another reluctant bite, ground it forcefully in his teeth, and gulped it down with exaggerated difficulty. "I get my three squares a day in the most literal fashion possible." He drained the water in his glass with a heave, and realized Nemu's face had dropped. "Nemu?"

"Yumichika, that is your three squares for today."

Yumichika felt the entire damned thing lodge in his throat, about to hurl itself out of his mouth and back onto the plate, and he doubted it would look or taste any different if it did. He couldn't keep the terrified waver from his voice. "You mean this is all I'm going to eat today?"

"As much water as you like, but yes. That is your entire days' worth of caloric and nutritional intake."

Yumichika had never thought of himself as a glutton. He wasn't picky with food, and ate enough to sustain his spiritual energy and in balanced proportions. He'd never been the type to go for sweet or salty snacks, even at parties or while bar-hopping. But this wasn't food, and he damn sure wasn't the only one eating it right now.

He tossed the rest of the bar down and forced himself to swallow it, a move he instantly regretted from the sharp corners in his esophagus, but jumped up from the table. "Where the hell is the Captain?" Tears had sprung to his eyes, not just from the ache in his throat but an ache deep in the pit of his heart.

Captain Kurotsuchi had begun his morning rounds through the laboratories when Yumichika stormed the physics lab, as mad as hornets who'd built their nest in a concrete mixer and buzzing with building rage with every turn. "Captain, I ain't gonna stand for this!" He ground to a halt in front of him, huffing and puffing steam. "You're gonna starve me-"

"Now, why would I ever do that?" Kurotsuchi's simper was so blatantly patronizing it was disgusting. "You were the one complaining about malnutrition just the other day. I've decided to fix it. After all," he lifted his eyes and spun a careless hand, "left to your own devices, you'll just gobble up sweets and snacks." He smirked wide and prodded Yumichika's ever-more-prominent middle, his fingernails sharp enough to pierce. Yumichika flinched- the gesture felt too much like violation. "Look at you," Kurotsuchi mocked softly. "I wouldn't believe you were with child from the outside. I'd think you a greedy, lazy pig, guzzling down junk food with no thought for your health. I'm doing you a favor."

"But I need actual food." Yumichika stepped back and folded his hands over his middle. "If I start wanting things like ginger or vanilla or pickles and I can't get them, I'll go stir-crazy!"

"A little self-control will fix that. God knows you could use some." Kurotsuchi rolled his eyes, and seized on Yumichika's shoulder. "After all, here you are, interrupting my work with another accursed tantrum!" He dug his fingernails in and pushed Yumichika towards the door. He skidded on the linoleum tile as he tried to resist, but it was useless. None of the scientists looked up from their paperwork, their beakers, tubes, or monitors clearly much more interesting than his anguish, and nobody came to his defense as Kurotsuchi pushed him out the door. Yumichika threw one last barb:

"This is inhumane! You can't do this to me!"

"Oh, I think you'll find I can." Kurotsuchi's tone was just as mocking and patronizing, but he was no longer smiling. "You're a test subject. A guinea pig. And you'll find when I agreed to your terms, it was on the terms that I could do anything I wanted." He released Yumichika, his smirk turning seamlessly to a grimace as he backed towards the dark doorway. "So, in terms you might understand: Shut your ugly mouth. Guinea pigs don't talk."

He slammed the door, and Yumichika was dumbstruck, jaw agape, and he stumbled back onto the dust of the unkempt lawn between research buildings. It took a moment for him to compose himself enough to look on the bright side: Kurotsuchi couldn't see and mock his dumbfounded expression or the tears running from his eyes.

Even in the sunlight, he was in a dark place when he curled his knees in as close as he could and put his head in his folded arms. He couldn't feel the dirt under him, or the mild wind between buildings. All he felt was his growling stomach and a compulsion to eat something, anything solid so he could replace the coarse meal gumming up his stomach acid. He sat there for a long time, as much in his own miserable corner as if he'd been locked away in his cell. Hopeless didn't begin to describe the situation, for two reasons: he had asked for this, Kurotsuchi was right, and running would be pointless now.

He only came out of the shadow when a soft, light hand landed on his shoulder. "Yumichika?" Nemu rolled the heel of her palm on his shoulder. "The sixth and eighth squads are waiting for zanjutsu technique instruction."

"Mm. Right." He smeared the tears from his face, but they kept coming nonetheless. Nemu helped him to a stand, then pushed a gourd into his hand.

"Drink lots of water. It'll make the grains swell up and keep you full longer." She backed away from him, and he realized she'd whispered before when she spoke up: "You're to go about your normal daily duties otherwise."

"Th-thank you, Lieutenant." He took the gourd and took a gulp from it, and gave her a smile. She hurried away, face red, and he turned for the training yard.

His stomach was growling already, and the water wasn't helping.

* * *

The water never helped. Yumichika was hungry an hour after eating the awful nutraloaf, and guzzling water to keep his stomach full just made him have to piss like a racehorse every twenty minutes, and god was that embarrassing during technique training! It wasn't like he was one of the less-domesticated members of the Eleventh who'd whip it out on the side of the field, he at least needed some privacy! Worse, while he wasn't forced to go sit through afternoon and evening meals with the squad, he could smell it. By day two, he was smelling food everywhere. He was smelling it on the squad members' clothes and breath and even in their sweat.

It wasn't even food he liked and he wanted it. He could tell who'd sneaked out of the HQ for lunch and gotten fried pepper steak, who was back from the Living World and had bought a bag of salt water taffy, who was chewing gum, and he would have taken it right out of their mouths if he could. Ginger was the worst, because even the slightest whiff- which, with his sensitive nose, could be as small as a single piece of pickled ginger someone ate an hour ago, at ten paces- his mouth flooded with saliva, and his stomach roared until it was damn near painful to stand. Every signal in his brain screamed, "That! You need that! That should be yours, in your mouth, now!"

He tried. He did. He tried to sneak into the mess hall's pantry to grab something to slake some of the hunger. However, when he got close, he realized that there was an unseated shinigami posted there, book open in hand but shoulder blades pressed against the door. He spotted Yumichika when he heard his sharp, angry inhale, and whipped out a whistle.

"I'm warning you, Officer Ayasegawa! The Captain will hear this!" He dropped his book, knees shaking, already fumbling with the little silver whistle. Yumichika smirked- at least he'd made some impression- but the guard pointed a trembling finger at his middle. "Just 'cause you can thrash us when you're showing us techniques doesn't mean I won't win now! Those are practice swords, and you've got the baby to worry for!"

"Yeah?" Yumichika crept closer, drawing out Ruri'iro Kujaku as he neared. He could feel the sword's spirit humming with excitement, obviously more than ready to unleash its pent-up energy after months of quiet, but the guard pulled his zanpakuto as well. It was an asauchi, but it was long. He quietly assessed himself- he might have been skilled, but with his extra weight, he wasn't as fast or nimble as usual, and he was pretty sure shunpo would just make him nauseous. In addition to that, any kind of serious fight would make a significant ruckus, and send the entire squad within earshot to see what was going on. Finally, he shuddered internally to think what would happen if a real blade were to make contact with his belly. He stopped, close to the guard, and gave him his best glare. "You feel good about what you're doing, soldier?"

"It's my job as one of Captain Kurotsuchi's men," the shinigami guard mumbled, still shaking but clearly steeling himself with his back still on the door. "You might have been a Seated Officer, but you're a test subject here, and you have to follow the experiment's procedures no matter how much freedom you have otherwise."

Yumichika glared a moment longer, but he felt his eyes taking heat. He punched a dent in the door next to the shinigami's head, but pivoted on his heel and stalked away, tears still gathering in his eyes.

He couldn't sleep at nights. His stomach ached and groaned, and he got heartburn that could set even wet kindling ablaze from the acid eating away at his insides. His mind, too, was far too busy with worry. What did it mean for the baby for him to deny his food cravings, or his cravings for any sustenance at all? Even if he was fed, his gut- rather, his instinct- told him he needed to listen to his body. That he couldn't do so left him in anguish for whatever horrible things this was doing to him.

Add to that the nightmarish knowledge that Kurotsuchi had done these sorts of tests before, and had told Yumichika just enough to coil around his mind and hang there like a waiting noose. He'd mentioned developing these diets. He'd also mentioned that he'd lied to, or "misdirected" his "subjects" and told them they were receiving a complete, wholesome diet when it simply wasn't true. Kurotsuchi could be lying to him. This "diet" could be dried, ground, compacted former Fourth Division members, or worse, and he'd be none the wiser until something unimaginable happened to him or the baby. He had no way of knowing.

The baby still kicked, especially when he was lying down. He hoped it was still a baby when all was said and done. Had he included that in the contract? He did his best to communicate back, rubbing the tender spots left raw on his skin, pulsing his reiatsu in Wabun code to spell out "I LOVE YOU" over and over. The baby responded with little flares of its own energy, frantic and wild, but he couldn't tell if it was happy, or scared, or just responding. Something lay in the dark unknown inside him, and he could know nothing.

All the worrying wrung him out, but he still found no rest except scant, sleepless dreams that never lasted. He got woken up by his full bladder, by nightmares of creeping hands tearing their way out of him, by visions of Ikkaku running through his mind. He would wake in a cold sweat, the moon not having moved from the last he saw it, and creep from his bed to dunk his face in cold water and guzzle down another glass in vain hopes of silencing his empty stomach and overfull mind.

No amount of water was helping it. Nothing was.

* * *

Cranky, hungry, and moody, Yumichika might, were he in a better state of mind, admit that he was having some difficulty handling his duties. If he was going to be honest with himself, then he was a walking wreck.

His hunger fueled him in bursts, and he made whatever squad members were assigned to train with him very aware of it. The sixth day of the test was no exception. "Alright, you maggots!" Yumichika's stomach was growling already as he got to the front of the arena and folded his arms. "We're sparring. Throw everything you've got at each other, and I'm gonna give whichever one of you proves himself a shot at me."

"Uh, sir?" Yumichika's eyes flashed to the source of the voice, a member of the ninth squad with a raised hand, one who wasn't particularly impressive. "Isn't that unsafe for you?"

"Do I look like I give a shit right now?" He drew Ruri'iro. "You all keep complaining, and we're using real swords. I want to see some goddamned action. You want your fucking  _specimens_ , you're gonna have to fight for 'em one of these days!" He spread his stance, his stomach sticking out a little more in his aggressive pose. "Hollows don't give a shit what your deal is. And you don't give a shit about them, so don't pretend to!"

There were a few anxious murmurs, and Yumichika advanced on the protester. "You're first, dickweed." He yanked his collar, then whirled back to the rest of them. "All of you, pair off and practice! I'll be watching you!"

Yumichika grabbed the guys who were doing the best in their matches to face him, and one-by-one, he dominated every single one of them and sent them into the wall. By the time technique training was over, he'd had to send six of them to the Fourth Division, and Nemu was rushing in as the last of them was carried out. Yumichika had kicked his waraji off and dropped onto a bench in the shade. He was guzzling down a bottle of water, with blood streaming down his forehead from the one good blow his last victim- er, opponent had dealt him, and made an altogether savage picture.

"Officer Ayasegawa!" Nemu waved, her voice in tremors, as she approached, but dropped to a whisper when she got close. "Yumichika, I've been asked to inform you that you are not allowed to take your frustrations out on our men. The Captain is, er, most incensed at the prospect of explaining your behavior to the healers' squad while remaining within the bounds of your agreement."

"Nemu, you're a doll, but as it stands, I just can't seem to give two flying fucks what the Captain has to do to keep our agreement." Yumichika drained the last of the water in his gourd and spit some of it out onto the ground next to him, then slumped over, long fingers nearly brushing the ground. "You tell me to train the troops, I trained the troops. Now I've got a whole bunch of 'em who won't make the same mistake twice."

"Please." Nemu laced her fingers in front of her sash, and shuffled her feet on the dirt. "I know you're upset, but you can't hurt people."

"I really can't do much of anything, can I?" Yumichika tried to take another drink, but the gourd was dry, so he settled for crushing it in his palm and dropping the shards on the ground. Nemu whimpered, but Yumichika carefully stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm upset. I'm hungry. I'm feeling a little tense. And I'm hungry." He stepped past her and put both hands on his belly. "Did I mention I was hungry?"

"I know," Nemu whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. "And I wish I could help."

Yumichika turned on her, lips curled back and brows furrowed, but he pivoted back just as quick. Nemu was his one ally here. He couldn't hurt her now. Even on a bad day, he could tell he was lashing out, like anyone as strong as him might when so thoroughly crippled.

On consideration, it was just as bad as having his reiatsu suppressed, only with active pain instead of just the building ache of being shut off from so much of himself.

After stewing while the rest of the squad had their lunch hour, all he had was afternoon desk work, and that left him only Nemu and maybe one or two other seated members to unleash his stress onto. For Nemu's sake, he resolved to keep quiet, made easier by her not being there when he arrived. He realized dimly that he'd underestimated how long the lunch hour was, and was alone. More so than usual. His paperwork was already there for him, looming ominous in the orange light of the office's blocked windows, and he sighed as he flipped through the first few pages. Requisitions for sodium... nitrous... fuck, whatever that was, requests for test animals and safety equipment, reports that needed to be cataloged, duty assignments from the First Squad and... the food requisition form.

Yumichika saw red, and the entire stack was suddenly on the floor and he was stomping on it. "Damn it, damn it, damn it!" He didn't care what sort of graceless display this way, Kurotsuchi was just mocking him now! Dangling food right in front of him!

Thirty seconds of swearing and violence at innocent paper later, Yumichika realized exactly how silly he had to look, and caught his breath. He dropped down to his knees to pick them up, and it was about then he heard approaching footsteps and a vaguely familiar voice at the door.

"Eleventh Division, right? You're Officer Ayasegawa." Yumichika glanced up to see Akon at the door, eyebrows raised and a hand on his hip. His gaze shot right to his feet- they were a lot paler than the skin of his face and hands- but Akon was scratching his head. "Uh, what're you doing here?"

"Weren't you told? I'm your temporary replacement." Yumichika quickly shuffled the papers in his hands into a neat stack and set it aside, avoiding Akon's gaze. "Not to worry, they'll send me back when you're recovered." He ran his eyes over Akon again. "I was told it'd be longer."

"It is, yeah." Akon scratched his head again. "But I'm up and around." He shuffled closer and got down on his knee to help gather the papers. Yumichika could tell his gait was shaky, and he was unbalanced even with a knee on the ground. "I've been cleared for very light duty and the Captain wants to..." Akon sighed, head hung. "Try some stuff." He handed Yumichika a stack of his dropped papers. "I'm sure he's been trying stuff on you too, huh?"

"Oh, you have no idea." Yumichika rolled his eyes as he got to a stand, and Akon blanched, eyes wide, when he saw Yumichika's shape under the hang of his kosode.

"Hell! He's gotten to you, too?!"

"It's a long story. Let's not talk about it," Yumichika muttered, then flashed him a fierce glare over the papers in his hands. "And do me a favor and talk to nobody else about it, either." He put his papers back in a neat pile. "Just..."

"No, I get it." Akon actually looked genuinely sympathetic. He probably hadn't been told Yumichika was nothing but a guinea pig, and the thought that every other squad member had made his ears burn. Akon went on with a sigh, "I better clear out before the Captain finds out I came in. I just wanted to look over these." He grabbed a few packets from a dust-coated inbox, and gave Yumichika's shoulder a firm pat. "I'll see you, Ayasegawa. Try not to let it get to you."

"Mmhm." Yumichika lowered his eyes in deference, and Akon shuffled past him, shoulders slumped, and Yumichika could distinctly hear him mutter:

"Glad it's not me."

The papers were on the ground in an instant flurry of parchment and printed ink, and Yumichika was swearing and stomping again.

Nemu came in just as Yumichika got his pile sorted again, but stopped cold. Yumichika could imagine why. It was either the puffiness in his eyes or his red cheeks, or the tremors in his hands, because he surely looked an angry little mess, but she quietly got over it and went to her desk with her smooth brow knit into slight wrinkles. "Are you drinking enough?" she broached, and Yumichika moaned as he sank down into his chair.

"Of course I am." He dropped his forehead against the desk, then lifted his face to fix her with an angry stare. "Do you know how often I've had to excuse myself because of how much I've been drinking?"

"I'm sorry," she squeaked quickly, and he sighed and turned in his chair to face her, legs spread a little to flex his hips.

"No, I am. I know this isn't your fault. I did this to myself." He cupped his belly, and flared his reiatsu. The baby kicked in response, and he smiled sadly. Nemu's head perked up, intrigued.

"Oh, I felt that. Have you been communicating with it like that?"

"A little, yeah," he dismissed, and put both hands on the swell. "I love it, after all, it's mine."

"And someone else's."

"And his, yeah." Yumichika's face fell again. He shifted around again to face the mind-numbing paperwork awaiting him, wishing it could possibly drive everything else from his mind. Nemu didn't seem to be quite ready to put her nose to the grindstone yet, still watching him with wide, wet eyes.

"I'm sure the hunger must be difficult, but the Captain's experiments aside, this is very much worth it, isn't it?" She raised herself from her chair and tiptoed to his side, then knelt down by his feet. She let her hand light on his middle and gave it a careful caress. "For the sake of having that man's child, yes?" Heat flushed Yumichika's face, and he nodded, though feeling numb. "I've seen him, you know. At the Lieutenant's meetings, with Lieutenant Kusajishi."

"I'd thought you would." He smiled a little, though the words were torn out of tender places in his chest as he went on. "How... how is he?"

"As good as can be expected." Nemu lowered her head a little, and Yumichika could tell she was deflecting. She was leaving something unsaid, but as her hand traveled over his middle, he forgot to demand she tell him more. "You know," she continued, her eyes shifting to the gray cabinets on the walls and the orange light falling on them in oblong, interrupted squares, the white drop tiles of the ceiling, anywhere but his face, "I spoke with him. A bit. He's... er... eccentric, isn't he?"

"Well, I wouldn't think you'll find anyone who isn't at least a little eccentric in the Eleventh." He settled back in his chair and let her continue her gentle ministrations to his midsection, relaxed by her touch but somewhat unnerved with her words. "I guess you could say the same for the Twelfth. Hell, any of us going out and putting our necks out for others like we do, we're all a little weird."

"Hmm." Nemu leaned into the side of his chair, the creases in her face shifting like an owl's might. "I suppose I was being indirect. I suppose I should say, from what I know of you, he doesn't seem the type of man you would want to be partners with."

"Why not?" Yumichika's arms and back tensed, and he sat up just enough to push her off. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, particularly." Nemu sat up now too, and scooted back on her knees then rolled to a stand. "But he doesn't seem like a likely romantic match for you." She perched herself on the edge of his desk, knees tight together and feet dangling flexed against the sideboard. "He's rather coarse. His manners and socialization leave much to be desired, nor is he particularly intelligent. He's middling in terms of physical attraction, certainly not so much as you. You might consider his brutish ways downright ugly." She pursed her lips for a moment as she watched Yumichika's nostrils flare. "From everything I've seen, he's just not your  _type_ , as most would put it. I would think Captain Muguruma or Captain Otoribashi might appeal to your aesthetics."

"Yeah, but that doesn't matter." Yumichika grounded his heels and cocked his head back. "Ikkaku's got the most beautiful face I've ever laid eyes on."

"Elaborate, if you would."

"Sheesh!" Yumichika kicked his feet out and lifted his gaze to the ceiling. "He's just beautiful to me. I think I love those eyes of his the most." Nemu could feel the sentiment in those words, and see it in his face light pink on his nose and cheeks, and in an expression like that of someone floating on champagne bubbles. "They're so sharp, so fierce, so focused. They're the kind of eyes that can see right through bullshit and get to what's real." He chuckled a little, and used the tip of his toe to rock his chair on the floor. "And his features are ruggedly handsome, too. All his scars and bumps just speak to his experience, his worldly knowledge, and all the paths he's walked." Yumichika hummed and toyed with his hair as his mind drifted. "If he lost an ear, I'd kiss the hole that was left. If he lost an eye, I'd kiss the socket. They'd just be part of him and be beautiful for it." Nemu smiled at this, so Yumichika leaned back a little further and continued. "I love his strength, too. I love that he never backs down when he's challenged." He scoffed. "He doesn't let me give him shit, that's for sure." He gave himself another rock, and rested one hand over his navel. "But at the same time, he lets me be me, as much as I need to. He doesn't care that I take forever sometimes getting my makeup just right, even if he does tease me." He touched his cheek for a moment. "I know he hardly notices the difference, but he knows to say sweet things to me when I try harder."

Yumichika started keeping count on his fingers. "He's dependable. If something needs done, he'll do it, especially if it means kicking the shit out of something. He's passionate about what he does, always gets so fired up about it! Have you seen the Lucky Dance?"

"No, I..." Nemu considered it, but could only remember hearing a note of song when he'd said the word during conversation once. "I don't believe I have."

"God, it's the stupidest thing. He does these Kabuki poses and sings this song- I dunno." Yumichika cleared his throat, but he couldn't make himself sing it, instead lamely chanting: "Who is lucky? I am lucky! None so lucky as me!" He burst into laughter, hard enough that it made his eyes and face hurt. "It's so stupid! I have to roll my eyes at him, but when we're in a bad situation and he does it, 'cause he's getting all fired up, it makes me a lot less tense." He held his hand up, trying to remember where his count was, but couldn't. There was too much. "It's... it's a charming quirk. He has a lot of them."

Yumichika hesitated, feeling the walls close, too close for comfort, but Nemu stared expectantly, so he had to go on. "He's... he's got strong convictions. I like that. He sticks to his guns." He sighed sadly. "Can't fault a man who knows what he wants, what he likes and hates, and isn't shy about it." His hands dropped to his middle. "After all, he would hate this." He sighed again, because something was building up in him and had no other way to escape. He felt strangely hollow as it kept coming. "Really, what you should be asking is why he likes me. He's better and stronger than me, more true to himself, better than I could ever be. All I really see in myself that he might like is my beauty, but he's never been one for appearances. I can stand at his side, but I can't..." He slumped over, and Nemu's brow wrought up.

"Yumichika?"

"Was that what you were getting at, Nemu?" He stiffened completely, and lifted his eyes, reddened with anger and tears. "That he's better off without me? That I have nowhere to go if I give up?"

"Oh, no, Yumichika, no!" Nemu dropped to the floor and held her hands out, and her voice started to tremble. "I had only hoped thinking of him might distract you-"

"You've got it in for me, too, you're just Kurotsuchi's puppet!" He jumped up to his feet and threw his chair back. She winced at his words, hands over her mouth, but he roared on, "You just wanna hold me down and make me feel worthless so you can treat me like trash!"

"Please, I hate what he's doing too, I just-" Nemu was shaking all over, but Yumichika was blind with rage, like a rabid dog cornered and biting back at the catch pole.

"I'm not stupid! I'm not a genius, but I can see through this!" He knocked his papers over again, sending them flurrying like a tornado passing through. "You don't have to torture me with things I can't have anymore! If you're trying to break me, consider me shattered! A thousand, million, ugly jagged pieces that you can manipulate however you want, and what the hell can I do about it anymore?!" He pushed past her, and she squeaked, but he stormed for the door.

For a split second, he leaned on the jamb between the office and the hall, still aware of Nemu quivering behind him. Regret inched its way into his heart- Did Nemu really mean so ill? Should he have been so harsh? Too late now. He hung his head and marched on. He needed to beat something into submission, and he couldn't very well do it to himself.

* * *

He drifted, listless and lonesome, through the next two days of hunger. No interaction with another soul whatsoever except for giving instructions during training. The tastelessness of his daily meals spread to every other facet of his life, until he was nothing but a transient cloud drifting under the gray pall of hunger and fear. Nemu approached him near mid-day of the seventh day of the limited diet, but didn't speak. He had spent the lunch hour seated on some of the grass between buildings, the way Kenpachi would use the world as an office, but put his legs out in front of him and watched the sky. He thought he could see some of the buildings of the Eleventh Division over the walls and through the trees and other buildings. His stomach was still growling, but that had become such a near-constant that it was all part of the gray.

Just like the rest of his world made small.

After standing behind him for a few minutes without him greeting her, she broke the silence. "Ayasegawa, the Captain would like to examine you."

"Mhm." He lifted himself to his feet with a lot more care than usual, and slouched at her side. She seemed taller than him, with her back straight and rigid and her arms folded oppressively tight against her chest to hold her clipboard. He shuffled along at her side, with everything rotten in his world running through his head in a constant, rushing stream. He was small, dirty, alone, hideous, a disgrace, sullied, ruined, he'd ruined everything good he had...

Nemu held her notebook out to Kurotsuchi as she arrived in the office, and Yumichika mechanically stripped his clothes off, dropping them to a sloppy pile on the floor. His eyes stayed forward as he stepped on the scale, and Kurotsuchi had the gall to chuckle as he noted it down.

"One-fifty. You're exactly on target. And quieter, to boot."

Yumichika swallowed hard, but he stepped down and towards the examination table. He hardly heard Nemu addressing Kurotsuchi behind him. "It seems that the previously-observed effect on the morale of individuals on this diet holds true for pregnant individuals. Even more so, by my observation. If we were to maintain him on the limited diet, then his emotional well-being is at risk."

"Stupid girl, that's not what I was looking for." Kurotsuchi slapped her notebook on his desk. "I do hope you didn't waste all your time frittering about stupid things like feeling and emotions!"

"You'll find him significantly less cooperative than usual."

"Bah!" Kurotsuchi waved her off. "Just go stand and watch. I can deal with an uncooperative animal."

Yumichika didn't even feel pain at the insults anymore.

He was still and quiet as Kurotsuchi performed the sonogram, snickering quietly all the while. "Yes, I'd hoped you'd develop a bit of restraint. It's a shame, such a shame, that it had to be forced on you to give you a modicum of dignity." Yumichika held his tongue, even as Kurotsuchi palpated his belly with cold, gnarled hands. "This poor, stupid thing would suffer terribly if its mother was incapable of extracting his head from his anus."

"I think it'd be worse," he muttered, his hands drifting protectively to the top of the swell, "if we were to starve."

"Oh, please! You weren't starving!" Kurotsuchi rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. "I gave you a full 3,200 kilocalories daily, with a balanced mix of carbohydrates, protein, fat, fiber, and assorted nutrients! You have nothing to complain about! It's not my fault you digested it too quickly!"

"You can feed me that line, but even I'm not hungry enough to eat it." Yumichika was starting to feel the fire burning against the ice he'd been caged in. "You've given me no reason to believe you. For all I know, you're feeding me Hollow masks and dirt."

"Hah! As if I would risk my experiment like that!" He flicked Yumichika's protruding navel. "Hold your tongue. Here I was just giving you credit for gaining some self control."

"Stop touching me!" Yumichika swiped his belly clean and rolled off the examination table to his feet, knocking the wand out of Kurotsuchi's hand in the process. "I swear, you're not a scientist, you're a torture technician!"

Kurotsuchi rattled to a halt as Yumichika snatched his pants off the ground and yanked them up. "Repeat that."

Yumichika didn't have the sense of mind to hear the dare, the utter challenge in those words, and he whirled around on Kurotsuchi, and stuck his chin out and put his face far too close to the Captain's, matching him glare for glare. "I said you're not a scientist, you're a dungeon master! You don't even conduct experiments, you just make everyone around you miserable because you get off on it!"

He could smell the meat and salt on Kurotsuchi's breath, and then felt the anger flooding out of his reiatsu. He felt it a second too late, because Kurotsuchi's hand was in his hair and he was chanting some sort of kido spell. Yumichika finally got enough sense to struggle as ropes closed around his wrists and ankles.

"Dear boy," Kurotsuchi growled. "How dare you. I have accomplished more in my work here in the past century than you could even dream of accomplishing in a millennium!" Yumichika opened his mouth to protest, but the ropes wrapped around his jaw in a flash, leaving him biting down on cord. "I," Kurotsuchi snarled, "have dedicated my full existence to improving the lives of shinigami! Sacrifices must be made for the sake of science, and you're one of them, boy."

"No!" Nemu suddenly gasped, and sprang forward. "Captain, your agreement! I won't-"

Kurotsuchi swung his arm out and struck Nemu. The blow sent her flying, crashing into the desk behind her and the tubes and beakers and equipment with a thundering clatter. "Impudent girl! I've no need for a subordinate who doesn't follow orders!" Yumichika cried out and tried to thrash towards Nemu's prone form, motionless on the broken table- he could still see her breathing, but only just- but Kurotsuchi pulled him around and brought him face to face again. "As for our 'agreement,' boy?" Kurotsuchi smirked. "Perhaps you should have read your own words a little more carefully. But really, whoever saw either of us sign the silly thing?" The simper, the mocking was back to his tone, but Yumichika didn't have teeth to bite back anymore. "You're dissatisfied with our arrangement? Fine! Consider it moot." That horrible grin was back in full force, his oppressive spirit crushing down around him from every dark wall. "I no longer guarantee your survival..." He flung a door behind him open, and Yumichika smelled blood from below. "... and you're no longer a voluntary test subject."


	8. The Dark Depths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika is dragged into the depths of Kurotsuchi's lab, but someone's come chasing after his dark secrets...

**8: The Dark Depths**

Another lifeless day of lukewarm existence. Ikkaku'd had to recite his daily schedule a few dozen times in the mirror to remind himself he had stuff to do, people that needed him to do stuff. He'd made it through the first half of the day successfully: "Take a shower, put on pants, eat breakfast, train the ninth and twelfth squads." He forgot to eat some mornings now, at least until Yachiru shoved cookies at him. "Pants" was usually easy enough, but "clean pants" was a rare occasion and had been for the past few weeks. He got by, though. Now, it was nothing but the afternoon, "Lunch, paperwork, then I got the second shift of patrol 'til eleven with the third squad." Then, sleep. He didn't sleep too well anymore. After a good night on patrol, either in the Rukon or the Living World, sated from a good fight, he just wanted to fuck, but without Yumichika, all he had was to jerk off and hope he fell asleep.

That second part wasn't coming all that often anymore.

"Lunch," he muttered as he shuffled off the battlefield. "Lunch, paperwork, patrol." Maybe there'd be another rejection of his "request to transfer," so he could fill out another. "Lunch, paperwork..."

And then, there was a sudden change of schedule.

Ikkaku wasn't all that good at sensing reiatsu, but when he felt one come towards him screaming like a rocket, it stopped him in his tracks. He had to turn, as Nemu Kurotsuchi bolted towards him like a homing missile, flaring her spirit energy like an alarm. If she was trying to draw attention, it was working, but it wasn't just that catching Ikkaku's eye. She was bleeding from cuts all over her body, blood blooming and soaking her face from a wound on her head, limping on a badly-bruised left leg, and she halted in front of him, panting. A cold, hard pain stole through Ikkaku's chest, and he tentatively reached for her.

"Lieuten-"

She seized his arm and looked into his eyes. "He's going to cut him open."

* * *

It was a small mercy that Kurotsuchi was too enraged and distracted to use flash-step, because Yumichika was sure he would vomit right into the gag, aspirate it, and be dead before he even knew what was to become of him. Instead, he staggered behind as Kurotsuchi pulled him down the stairs and through long, featureless hallways lined with steel doors and lit only by red emergency lights, stumbling on the ropes around him, slipping on the hem of his unfastened hakama and still straining against the bonds. Kurotsuchi's kido ropes were strong, and holding him tight, and the further down they went, the more disoriented he felt. There was the stench of blood, sweat, rotting meat and bodies from the locked doors all around him, and the fetor of Kurotsuchi's breath as he ranted. "... You complain about your treatment? Look around you!" He yanked the cord around Yumichika's jaw, forcing him to look through one of the doors. He caught a glimpse through the tiny window, a broken body, naked, hairless, face drooping and the left side covered in black rot, but Kurotsuchi yanked him along before Yumichika could shudder. "I let you eat regular meals! I let you bathe! I let you sleep in your clothes! I let you play at being Officer, all because you made such a valuable offer!" He threw Yumichika against the wall as they reached the first landing. "And you couldn't hold up your end of the bloody bargain!"

"Nggmph!" Yumichika tried to protest, tried to scream, but there was nobody left to hear him.

"I was so generous, and you didn't even recognize it!" Kurotsuchi knocked his head on the wall, and dizziness rushed up over him, worse than before, and he didn't have time to clear the sensation before Kurotsuchi tore off down the next flight of steps. "I deserve a little more credit, damn it! And to think! I had started these experiments with the intention of making things better for the idiotic shinigami army! We complain about the low birth rate and the lack of fresh blood in the ranks, but I try to introduce a new option, and what do I get?!" He rolled his eyes wildly, and shrilly imitated his detractors: "'You need consent from the officers, Captain Kurotsuchi!' 'You can't barge in on someone's private medical decisions, Captain Kurotsuchi!' Blithering idiots! They have no concept of what I'm trying to achieve!"

"But then there's you! You throw yourself at my feet and beg-" Yumichika choked as Kurotsuchi slipped a finger in through the ropes around his face and neck and tugged. "And plead, 'I want his child! I can't tell him!' Coward!" Kurotsuchi threw him again, then dragged his face on the slick metal wall. Every riveted ridge between panels caught the skin of his cheek, cutting and scraping, and Yumichika would have screamed if he could. None of it hurt nearly as much as that word.

The truth burns. Yumichika could feel his eyes burning from the ache in his jaw and started to feel hot, angry tears scorching down his face. No humiliation less fitting for him. He could feel his Captain spitting the same insult at the last and best-known traitors in the Gotei 13. Why not him?

Kurotsuchi seemed to have marginally calmed, but only in his voice. "Did you even read that contract of yours, Ayasegawa?" He flung a door open to a clean operating room, and Yumichika couldn't withhold a fearful moan at the scalpels and clamps and shiny, unidentifiable implements lined up on a plastic lined tray adjacent to an upright, flat board adorned with four metal straps, one in each corner. Kurotsuchi shoved him into the cold room and locked the door behind him. "I read it. Word for word." He pushed Yumichika against the board, and the bindings on Yumichika's wrists loosened. "It was, shall we say, deceptively simple." Yumichika immediately lashed out, but Kurotsuchi caught both of his wrists in both hands, smirking at him. "Not that you put any special handicraft into it, no, it was written stupidly." He strapped Yumichika's left wrist into one of the straps, flipped it shut with his free fingers, then moved to the right as he recited:

"'In exchange for the pregnancy lozenge, a position as your Third Seat to cover the absence of your current Third Seat, and your secrecy, as well as that of your squad, I offer the use of my body for experimentation during the course of pregnancy, on the condition that I and any result of the pregnancy survive, healthy and whole, within control (i.e. barring acts of God),' and so on, so forth." He latched Yumichika's right wrist in, then knelt down by his feet. "You thought you were so clever, including that clumsy little clause where you survive." He released the rope on Yumichika's ankles and swiftly worked the right foot into the latch. Yumichika tried to kick out with the left, but Kurotsuchi caught it and pinned it in the last restraint, then launched up and seized onto both of Yumichika's wrists.

"Tell me, when does this arrangement expire?" Yumichika's answer was muffled by the cords, but Kurotsuchi clicked his tongue and shook his head. "There was no time limit. You didn't make me sign anything like that. I could keep you as long as I wanted, keep your pregnancy in stasis for decades, and perform any test I wanted. And did you write in here that your first pregnancy had to be successful?" He rattled Yumichika against the table. "The answer is no! If this-" He jabbed Yumichika's belly- "had failed, then I could have just sent you crawling back to your ignorant lover to convince him to knock you up again and have you right back at my feet for more!"

"But since you've been so inexplicably uncooperative, I've decided on a new path forward." Kurotsuchi stepped back, and the gag in Yumichika's mouth withdrew and crumpled away.

"You son of a bitch! You're sick! You're a psycho! I won't let you-"

"And just what are you going to do?" Kurotsuchi whipped back around and seized Yumichika's chin. "Bite me to death?" He shoved Yumichika's head back against the table, and Yumichika got a wave of nausea from his belly to his throat from his third hit to the head in succession. He choked down his own retch as Kurotsuchi hurried to a screen behind him and pulled off his headdress in favor of a surgeon's cap. "Perhaps you should listen to your Captain's orders for once in your life."

"Yeah, and he'd tell me to kick your ass." Yumichika's head slumped, and he winced down at his belly as the creature inside throbbed against his skin. "You were never my Captain. You're nothing but shit."

"Ha! And here I thought you'd beg for mercy. What, are you expecting if you fight back hard enough, someone will come to your rescue?" Kurotsuchi grinned, teeth gleaming in the blue light. "That's stupid. You're stupid. And you know it."

Yumichika swallowed and cringed as tears sprung forth, unbidden and unwanted, because again, Kurotsuchi was right. He was completely screwed here.

* * *

The Twelfth Division gates slammed to the ground with a resonating BAM! And Kenpachi, with Yachiru on his shoulder and Nemu on his back, stormed the yard, followed by Ikkaku and the rest of the seated officers. His eyepatch was off, reiatsu flaring in full force, zanpakuto drawn, and a single growl sent every single unseated officer collapsing where they stood. Nemu trembled as Kenpachi heaved deep, heavy breaths, his teeth bared like an animal's, but had presence of mind enough to catch the eye of one of the seated officers still standing, and call an order:

"It's an inter-division incident. Please send a Hell Butterfly to the Second Division's HQ to alert them."

Kenpachi turned to face the seated officer as well, eyes wild. "And where the hell is that painted bastard keeping my Fifth?!" The seated officer paled and scrambled for the back of the Division, screaming blue, bloody murder. Nemu tapped his shoulder and pointed.

"If the plans he discussed with me remain true, Ayasegawa is-" Nemu didn't have time to finish, as Kenpachi hurtled forward in the direction she pointed. Ikkaku gritted his teeth and flash-stepped after him.

"Captain!" He jogged at Kenpachi's side. "I can get there faster. Let me take her!"

"Fine!" Kenpachi halted for a second and set Nemu down at Ikkaku's side. "Get us in there, but you stay out of the way if shit gets hot." He caught Ikkaku's collar in one finger as he tried to kneel by Nemu. "I'll deal with the creep. Grab Yumichika and get the hell out!"

"You got it!" Ikkaku dropped to his knees. "Nemu, get on."

Nemu carefully clambered onto Ikkaku's back and fastened her arms around his shoulders. Yachiru peered down from her perch. "Nemu-nemu, are you feeling alright?"

"I'll recover quickly." Ikkaku glanced first to the wound on Nemu's head, roughly patched with the salve in the hilt of his blade but her hair still crusty with blood, then down to Nemu's ankle, swollen and purple. She shook her head. "My body... it's designed..."

"Ch'." He ground his teeth together and secured her ankles under his arms. "Well, he ain't gonna design shit on Yumichika. Show me the way!" Nemu pointed again, and Ikkaku launched into flash-step.

He moved blindly, led only by Nemu's whispered directions and one driving thought: "I'm gonna save him. Nothing's gonna stop me."

Besides, he was feeling pretty damn lucky today.

Nemu's guidance led him into a dark room equipped with strange implements and large, complex machines Ikkaku didn't recognize, and a soft, humming whirring noise filled the room from a screen left on and ignored, filled only with shifting black and blue-white gradient. Nemu pointed to a back door. "His personal test subject storage is-"

Ikkaku's soul burned red, and he threw the door off the hinges and bolted through. His every sense was wild and alive, he could feel lifeless souls barely breathing behind the locked doors, smell blood and fester and cold iron, and hear him.

He could hear Kurotsuchi. He wasn't even trying to be quiet.

"... and to think, I put up with all your griping and groaning all these weeks!" There was a malicious kind of delight in it, as the vile Captain cackled somewhere ahead. Ikkaku growled under his breath and picked up speed, hitching Nemu tighter because he no longer needed her to point the way. He could follow his ears.

"All your little temper tantrums, 'Ikkaku, Ikkaku!' Did you think I didn't hear about every single whine and wail?" Ikkaku's gut clenched- he'd seen Yumichika cry before, but it was a rare thing. It was a 'once' thing. He'd made damn sure he wasn't doing anything that'd make him cry if he could help it. Knowing that he had reason to cry again... "Such a crybaby!" Ikkaku came  _thisgoddamnclose_  to choking on his own tongue as Kurotsuchi doubled down. "I thought you were from the tough squad. Don't you know how hideous you look with your eyes and cheeks all swollen?" He cackled aloud. "I'll personally make a note on your record on how much of a child you were, now that you're going," Kurotsuchi paused and giggled. "'AWOL.'"

Who gave Kurotsuchi the right? He sure as hell didn't have the balls. What the hell was he gonna do?

"The door will be locked," Nemu whispered as Ikkaku flash-stepped down another flight of stairs. "I can open it."

"Yeah? You better open it, or you're gonna need another new door."

"You have nothing to worry about."

Cryptic as she was, it was almost comforting. Even that paled when he heard Kurotsuchi again:

"Now, what shall I do with this?" He heard Nemu whimper in his ear. "The possibilities are endless. I've already come up with ten different experiments I could perform on  _this_. It's a pity I'll only be able to complete a few."

That made Ikkaku's ears burn, and he tasted blood then. Whatever  _this_  meant, whatever he was going to do to Yumichika...

"Please." Ikkaku's spirit jumped- that was him, he was still alive! And... "Please!" Crying. No. Hell no. "Please, don't. It's innocent. It never did-"

"Of course it didn't," came Kurotsuchi's patronizing reply. "It's non-sentient. A blob of meaningless flesh. Meaningless to me, anyway. Just more test subject material, important only in that it is unique. But it means something to you, doesn't it? To you, this was a gift." Yumichika sobbed, just as Nemu seized Ikkaku's shoulder.

"This door." She pointed, and Ikkaku screeched to a halt and set her down. She fished into her kimono, as he stood back and listened. He could feel Kenpachi closing in behind him, along with the rest of the squad, and clenched his fists. He was smart enough to know not to tip Kurotsuchi off, but he couldn't keep his spirit from flaring alight.

So close he could feel Yumichika's energy raging against Kurotsuchi's, but faltering and frail. That knowledge flared in his soul like a bellows, and he felt stronger than he had for weeks.

If Kurotsuchi had noticed him, he wasn't saying anything. He was far too busy taunting Yumichika. "You wanted this. You demanded this. You were even willing to give up that important Ikkaku for your stupid, sentimental nonsense!"

Yumichika was sobbing openly. "Ikkaku, I'm sorry..."

"Nemu," Kenpachi snarled from above, because for some reason, Ikkaku was only hearing a dissonant ringing in his ears. "Open that door or I will."

Mayuri, inside, delivered one last taunt: "Now, do yourself a favor and shut up for once, and I might give you anesthetic!"

Nemu flung the door wide, and Kenpachi roared through it, zanpakuto drawn, with a shout of, "You're the one who's gonna need anesthetic!" Without even looking, he pounced onto Kurotsuchi and backed him against the wall with his sword on his neck, then shouted behind him, "Baldy, go!"

Ikkaku was petrified in his place, because he was laying eyes on Yumichika for the first time in more than five months, and his very heart had come to a stop.

All the superficial cuts and bruises faded to white as his gaze found the biggest change and stared. Yumichika gazed back at him helplessly, before letting his gaze fall to his visibly swollen midsection, marked with an X right through the center. Ikkaku unfroze and hurried over to him, and worked the clasps on his ankles loose, then those on his wrists. He fell loose, and Ikkaku caught him against his chest.

"God, Yumichika," Ikkaku muttered into his hair, then held him at arm's length and looked him up and down. Yumichika watched a tableau of hurt played over Ikkaku's face, shock, betrayal, something he couldn't name, and finally, raw anger. Rage curled in his lips and eyebrows, the dark pits of his eyes, his every feature wrought with agony, before he dropped Yumichika and whirled around on Kurotsuchi. "You dirty son of a bitch, what the fuck did you do to him?!"

"IKKAKU!" Kenpachi roared, as Yumichika fell to a limp heap on the ground, and Yumichika heard Kurotsuchi cackle from under Kenpachi's blade:

"I think you'll find the question best answered, what did  _you_  do to him, Mister Madarame?"

It all happened at once. Kenpachi wound his free hand back in a blood-red, tight fist. Yachiru tipped her head around to examine Yumichika and gasped, her eyes bright with delight. Ikkaku screamed and rushed towards Kurotsuchi, there was a roar of noise as the Kido Corps hustled into the room, and everything caught up with Yumichika in an ugly, riotous tornado of sensation.

His vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is going to sound really stupid, but I sort of have a soundtrack for the end of the last chapter and this one. I have songs that I associate with a few chapters, especially the ones with big emotional moments, so if you're interested: From the last scene break in the last chapter through the first scene break in this one (or, from the last scene that starts with Yumichika alone in the Twelfth through Nemu's "He's going to cut him open" in this chapter), the song is "Carolina Low," by the Decemberists. For the rest of this chapter, the song is "Better Not Wake the Baby," same band. They follow one another on the album they're on, and to me, they seem to lead one into the next. There's only one other song that inspired a scene quite as much, and I'll mention it when I get to it.
> 
> Yumichika's big secret is out, and we've got a nasty mess on our hands. What happens next? Come back and find out!


	9. Rock the Cradle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chickens have come home to roost for Yumichika. What will come up when the truth comes out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank all you lovely folks who have left comments so far! For those of you who haven't, I promise I don't bite~ Talk to me, your words keep me going!
> 
> It is in this chapter that we have a clearer discussion of the "mildly dubious consent" mentioned in the tags. It is very much a matter of opinion how you interpret it, but I felt I would be remiss in ignoring the implications of Yumichika's actions. We also are bringing in a little more of Algernon Fenton's universe, which I explained pretty well in the first chapter. That said, enjoy!

**9: Rock the Cradle**

Byakuya Kuchiki, Captain of the Sixth Division, and the current head of the Kuchiki clan, was a man with pride in spades. As such, private time with the heir to the Kuchiki clan was done in extreme privacy. After all, a young man born with a destiny of unfathomable weight needed guidance, discipline, and the kind of knowledge only a father could give a son, and only in deepest secret.

Or, in this case, every single lullaby Byakuya didn't know he knew until about five months ago.

"You're being remarkably uncooperative," he sighed to the infant in his arms, as Takahiro tried to crawl up over his shoulder to the window behind him. "I'd say you take after your father, but that's a given, isn't it?" He teased some of his wild red hair between his fingers, then released it into spikes. Takahiro whined softly, but continued to reach for the window. "Is it all the butterflies, young man?" Byakuya glanced out to the crowded sky, blue covered in swaths of black. "There certainly are a lot."

Takahiro whined, then turned on Byakuya's shoulder to the nursery door just as it flew open and Renji strolled in. "Hey, Taka." He leaned over and kissed Taka's forehead, then Byakuya's cheek. "How's my favorite guys?"

"I was enjoying my afternoon off until someone decided he was less than amenable to napping."

"Really? That's a shame. I'm pretty open to a nap right now." Renji stretched his arms over his head, but his smile looked like it was stretched thin. "I'd love to dive in and have one for him, but I've got like ten minutes and I gotta go help with damage control."

"Damage control?" Byakuya frowned, and rose to his feet, shifting Taka to his hip. "I don't suppose it's to do with all those Hell Butterflies on the wing, is it?"

"Yeah." Renji hung his head and set his shoulders back. "And that's why I'm here. M'supposed to brief you on an incident, Captain."

Captain. This was business. Byakuya promptly lay Taka down in the crib behind him and faced Renji, arms folded. "Report."

"There's been a violent incident between members of the Eleventh and Twelfth Division. Captain Zaraki was informed that Captain Kurotsuchi was performing inhumane experiments on his borrowed Third Seat, Eleventh Division Fifth Seat Yumichika Ayasegawa-"

"That's one of your friends, Renji." Byakuya seized his wrist. "Is he alright?"

"Y-yeah." Renji swallowed. "Lemme finish." He set his shoulders back again, spine straight. "Captain Zaraki led a raid, with his Seated Officers, including Third Seat Ikkaku Madarame, and invaded the Research Building's private offices. Ikkaku Madarame led the charge-"

"They're lovers. I'm not entirely ignorant of your friends' activities." Byakuya pinched his temples between his index finger and thumb and slowly trailed back towards the chair. "Dear God, tell me he didn't see his lover being peeled like a clementine."

"N-no. They got there in time. Captain Zaraki apprehended Captain Kurotsuchi before he could make the first incision, but there's lines all over him, you can tell just where he was gonna cut." Renji winced, and made a circle around his midsection. "Turns out- er, it was revealed that Officer Ayasegawa was expecting. Captain Kurotsuchi insists that it's Madarame's child, but this was the first time anybody outside of the Twelfth Division had been informed of it. This includes Officer Madarame."

"Oh." Byakuya never found himself quite so lost for words as when he was around Renji, but this had nothing to do with his dashing charm. He rubbed his eyes with his palm and took a deep breath. "So this was conducted in secrecy."

"Captain Kurotsuchi insists that it was an arrangement he had with Officer Ayasegawa, and that nobody has any right to interfere with his examinations." Renji scratched the back of his head, his gaze darting to the bottom of the fluttering curtains. "Captain Zaraki is, uh, unhappy with the treatment of one of his men. Officer Madarame is... well, he's steamed. The Twelfth Division is in total disarray. The Eleventh is causing a riot. S'why I can't stay too long. Me and Tetsuzaemon Iba are getting sent in to cool things off, since the Captain and three top officers are all MIA at the First, and we're both Lieutenants who were there before, so they'll listen to us. That's the basic status."

"Officer Ayasegawa?"

"Unconscious, on last report."

"Hm." Byakuya sat down into the rocking chair slowly. "Renji."

"Sir?" Renji stood at attention.

"It's just us. You've delivered your report." Byakuya lifted his face to meet his eyes. "They're your friends. Are you alright?"

Renji glanced behind him, then released a groan and dug his fingers into his hair. "God, Byakuya, I can't believe this. I don't wanna believe this." He glanced to Taka in the crib, absently swatting at the butterflies in the window. "I mean, when Captain Kurotsuchi says Yumichika wanted this... And the thing is, I know he did. The baby, at least. You an' me, we talked about this. You said Ikkaku would come around for someone he loved. Why couldn't Yumichika just talk to him?"

"Unfortunately, you can't know everything in someone's heart." Byakuya laced his fingers. "After all, Mister Madarame himself knows a thing or two about keeping secrets."

Renji blanched. "Uh. Yeah. Guess so." He scratched the back of his head again. "But... this is bigger than that. I mean, sure that's big, that's really big, but... We're talkin' about a baby, here."

"I'm afraid I can't speak to it, Renji." Byakuya rose from his seat. "You know them better than I." He rested a hand on Renji's cheek. "If you choose to intervene, I trust you'll do what's best for everyone involved."

"I dunno." Renji slumped a little, but leaned into Byakuya's touch. His hand was cold, but felt nice. "I dunno what's best for everyone. This is a total clusterf-" He glanced to the crib and Taka's little hands visible over the railing. "Mess. Like, mess on top of mess on top of-"

"Renji." Byakuya turned his face back towards him with a cupped hand. "I trust your judgment." He kissed his lips chastely, then took a step back. "Do you think it will help if I have words with Mister Ayasegawa?" He, too, shot a glance at the crib, then back to Renji. "As a mother."

"I dunno. Maybe?"

"Hmm." Byakuya patted his shoulders, eyes lowered away in thought, and then returned to the chair. "If I can help, then by all means, ask."

Renji tried to turn for the door, but couldn't make himself, and a little smirk came to his mouth unbidden. "Y'know." He crossed his arms. "I think motherhood's makin' you soft."

Byakuya sat back in the chair and gave Renji a cold state. "Abarai, don't you have to be on duty?"

Abarai. Business voice. Renji about-faced. "Yes, sir!" With that, he marched out, and Byakuya glanced back to the window to watch the butterflies all on their path.

He may not have known the man very well, but he knew what it was to be a mother, and even at this distance, he pitied him this.

He summoned up a Hell Butterfly, lifting his index finger, and sighed as he composed himself. "Head Captain, I am preemptively requesting a stay of any formal inquiry on behalf of Yumichika Ayasegawa..."

* * *

Byakuya and Renji weren't the only mother and father in the Seireitei. There were two captains considered a father to nearly everyone in the Gotei 13, and they happened to pass like two ships at a busy port on a pathway around the First Division's offices. One caught a glimpse of pink, the other a flash of white, and each stopped around the mass of Hell Butterflies flitting between buildings to turn and face the other.

"Jyuu-chan!" Shunsui dashed back towards him, threw his arms around him, and kissed his cheek, sending the smaller of the pair stumbling back across the planks laughing. The other shinigami had to rush around them, and they quickly moved off the path, still in embrace, into a small garden between buildings to chat.

"Shun, what a surprise. Avoiding your work directly, or just Nanao?" Jyuushiro caught Shunsui around the waist and kissed the stubbliest part of his cheek. Shunsui chuckled and released Jyuushiro.

"You wound me, Jyuu-chan! No, I'm here because-" It was just then another Hell Butterfly joined the little flock dancing behind him, and he looked visibly dismayed. "Man, more?"

"Oh, are you getting that, too?" Jyuushiro waved an arm back at the whirlwind of butterflies at his elbow. "It seems my entire division is looking to me for confirmation."

"Ah. " Shunsui gestured to his own black and purple retinue. "These are all from Nanao, looking for the same, since everyone in the Division is asking her."

"So you are avoiding Nanao?" Jyuushiro chuckled warmly, and Shunsui flushed a bit and laughed it off, head cocked back.

"In a sense, I suppose." Shunsui held his hand out to dismiss the butterflies, then summoned one, and looked significantly at Jyuushiro before addressing it. "If they keep asking you, tell them it's none of their business and I'll brief the entire Division once I've got the facts. I'm doing some looking right about now." He sent the butterfly off and turned back to Jyuushiro. "So, you're here to stick your nose in, too?"

"Actually, I was here only to ask why the information's gone public so quickly." Jyuushiro's smile didn't hide a note of displeasure.

"Oh, I can tell you that one." Shunsui mimicked stuffing something into his mouth. "Second Division Lieutenant Omaeda." He mock-swallowed for good measure. "Sui-Feng and her crew got called in to break it up, someone heard him wailing about it, and the gossip started from there."

"Was the gossip always this bad?" Jyuushiro tsked and frowned at the Hell Butterflies still clouding the sky. "It's hardly been half an hour, if what I've heard is to be believed."

"Considering you know that," Shunsui smirked, and Jyuushiro gasped and blushed, "I think you know the answer to your own question."

"You're cruel to me, Shun!" Jyuushiro tapped his arm and mock-scowled, but his smile didn't stay away for long. "Now, where were you going?"

"Captain's office." He thumbed behind him, and Jyuushiro turned and followed him.

"That poor boy," Shunsui caught Jyuushiro whisper, and nudged his arm.

"Eleventh Division's Ayasegawa?" Jyuushiro nodded.

"Poor thing." Jyuushiro glanced at the butterflies overhead. "This should be a private matter, and his personal business is being spouted all over the place. If he's at all sensitive, it'll be impossible to live this down."

"Mm, dunno about that, Jyuu-chan." Shunsui rubbed his chin, then folded his arms. "If he brought it on himself..."

"He's a child, Shun," Jyuushiro whispered. "I don't think he's been here a century yet."

"Doesn't look like a child to me."

"Everyone's allowed to make mistakes." Jyuushiro puffed his chest up. "And besides, he's not the only one in the ranked officers guilty of putting too much trust in Kurotsuchi."

"Sure, but you're never taking medicine from him again." Shunsui sighed and slung an arm around Jyuushiro's shoulder. "Have you ever met Ayasegawa?"

"In passing, only," Jyuushiro admitted. "Have you?"

"Same as you." Shunsui shrugged. "But I've seen his partner at my favorite izakaya every once in a while. Pretty decent kid, holds his drink well." He chuckled a little and flicked a stray curl from his face. "He asked me for advice once, but I think he might've been blitzed when he asked me, so he probably doesn't remember."

"Ah." Jyuushiro tapped his lower lip and crossed his arms. "Still, I have to empathize with the both of them. Ayasegawa..." He hummed, his head bowing. "Shunsui, if... if the day we found out about Emiko, if you'd said no to her..."

"It wouldn't've happened, Jyuu." Shunsui caught Jyuushiro's elbow in his hand. "I still feel rotten for laughing."

They stopped outside of the Head Captain's door just as there was a loud outburst from inside:

"Head Captain, how the hell are you gonna believe a word comin' outta that sicko's mouth?!" Shunsui and Ukitake both had to jump a little at the flare of reiatsu from Ikkaku. Both Captains traded glances, but they could already hear Kenpachi growling an order for him to "calm the hell down." Shunsui tried to slide it open, but found it blocked.

"Seems it's a closed-door meeting." He flicked his glance to Jyuushiro significantly, then back to the door. "Guess there's nothing we can do but wait." The two of them took their posts on either side of the Head Captain's door and waited, sharing anxious glances and straining to catch the noise within.

* * *

Noise, first. A gradual rumble around him, voices melding together like the uneven, but quiet cacophony of a dozen hell butterflies all speaking at once. Then, certain voices came into sharp focus, like blades through their wings.

"- can't believe this shit! You're actually gonna-"

"He consented to all this. His signature is on paper. I've done nothing wrong-"

"- Ain't nobody got the right to treat nobody-"

"Why are you just letting him lay on the floor like this? Does he really need to-"

"Oh?" Yumichika felt one of these voices close to his face, and opened his eyes. Lieutenant Sasakibe was over him, and smiled a bit as he fully came to. "Thank goodness, you are awake." Yumichika realized he was wrapped in a blanket but sitting on the floor in the corner of the Head Captain's office. Sui-Feng was standing in front of the door, arms folded and holding a cord linked to a reiatsu-suppressing collar, which happened to be fastened around Mayuri Kurotsuchi's neck. Kurotsuchi was seated in one of the two chairs in front of the desk, his headdress off and his head weirdly small without it, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair and grinding his nasty teeth together. Nemu was trembling against the back wall. Kenpachi was standing in front of the Head Captain's desk, hands on Ikkaku's shoulders, as Ikkaku gnashed his teeth with his hackles raised, ready to bite off someone's head and obviously caring less and less who it was. Captain Yamamoto was slumped at his desk, rubbing the wrinkles in his forehead with his hand. Lieutenant Sasakibe, to his credit, smiled kindly at Yumichika. "Would you like a cup of tea, young man? You seem like you could use it."

Yumichika cleared his throat, and the rest of the room fell silent and turned their eyes to him, Yamamoto leaning up from his desk. "Ah..." Yumichika hunched down a bit, and spoke in a voice that even Sasakibe could hardly hear. "Tea would be lovely, thank you."

"Okay, he's awake, fantastic." Sui-Feng rolled her eyes. "So he's not comatose. Now, we take him to the Fourth, right? The guy's got a goose egg on the back of his head something nasty."

"He don't need no wimpy-ass healers!" Ikkaku barked, rising on the balls of his feet, and Kenpachi pushed him back down, growling a warning:

"You keep sticking your neck out, you're gonna get it cut open."

"Not until we clear this up, anyway!" Kurotsuchi interjected, and pointed directly at Yumichika. "Tell them about our arrangement, damn you!" Yumichika flinched, and Kenpachi put himself between Kurotsuchi and Yumichika.

"Listen to me, you fuckin' psycho nerd, I don't care what sorta shit you dreamed up in your lab." Kurotsuchi sputtered, as Kenpachi drew a tight fist. "You ain't got no goddamn right to do that!"

"You don't even know what I was going to do!"

"You got my Fifth Seat knocked up and got lines drawn all over his belly like a fuckin' Tic-Tac-Toe board!" Kenpachi's eyes hit Yumichika, and he flinched again. Kenpachi's lips twitched, almost apologetic, before turning back to a snarl directed at Kurotsuchi. "You were gonna hurt him and his kid. I don't give two shits about the rest of the fuckin' details! He's an Officer of my Squad-"

"He was in my Squad at the time! My man! My orders!" Kurotsuchi squawked indignantly, and launched himself towards the Head Captain. "I have authority in my own squad, is that not so?!"

"Gentlemen, please," Yamamoto muttered wearily, as Sasakibe crouched down next to Yumichika with a cup of tea.

"Sugar, Ayasegawa?"

"Honey, please." Sasakibe smiled approvingly and turned to get it, and Yumichika pulled his knees in and took the first sip without. Earl grey, very strong, bitter, and hot, and the warmth was welcome in his hands. Sasakibe gave him a spoonful of honey, and Yumichika touched his hand. "Thank you. Thank you very much."

He'd never thought a cup of tea could make him feel so human. Sasakibe chuckled and smiled at him.

"I thought you needed it." He stepped back to the Head Captain's side, as the argument had continued right over Yumichika's head.

"... There are a multitude of incidences that have come to a head at once." The Head Captain folded his hands and sat forward. "I'm disappointed in both of you. Captain Zaraki, you have been Captain long enough to know that these sorts of things must be handled through the correct channels in a civilized manner."

"Hey, I'm plenty o' things, but civilized ain't ever been one of 'em." Kenpachi crossed his arms, smirking in a way that clearly showed a little pride, and Ikkaku lunged forward again.

"Can't believe you're givin' my Captain crap when that creep did- did  _that_  to Yumichika!" He pointed right at Yumichika, the first he'd actually acknowledged his partner since he woke up, and he was too obviously indicating the swell of his belly.

"That is indeed a topic for conversation, Officer Madarame," Sasakibe intervened, "but I'll ask you to control yourself."

"Captain Kurotsuchi, he raises a valid point." Yamamoto sighed wearily. "It seems you may have given the Eleventh Division valid cause to enter your squad out of concern for their borrowed member, who appears to have been impregnated without anyone's knowledge and subsequently became a test subject. That you put your entire squad to secrecy over this fact is, frankly, almost admirable, but that you treated an Officer of the Gotei 13 like common meat for dissection is inexcusable." Yumichika shuddered at the word 'meat,' and Kurotsuchi scoffed and rolled his eyes again. "In addition, the circumstances of Officer Ayasegawa's transfer are more than suspect."

"I'm telling you, he asked for this! He demanded this!" Kurotsuchi pointed at Yumichika, his sharp fingernails arcing in his direction. "If you're looking for a scapegoat, he's coddled up right there, sipping tea like this is a goddamned garden party!"

All eyes turned to Yumichika again, then to Sasakibe, when he cleared his throat. "What would you have us do?" He fixed Kurotsuchi with a chilling stare. "Take away the poor boy's tea?"

"Yeah, I'm with the Brit," Sui-Feng snapped. "I mean, seriously, we've got an injured pregnant guy, you guys are insisted on interrogating him when he could probably really use a medic, and-"

Interrogating? Yumichika heard white noise and felt dizzy and sick.

"Oh, oh no," Yumichika moaned, and put his face in his hands. He shuddered and took a few deep breaths. Ikkaku broke away from Kenpachi and crouched down next to him.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Ikkaku grabbed his hand. "You just tell the truth, and Captain Creep goes back to the Maggot's Nest. We'll get that thing outta ya, and it'll all go back to normal."

Yumichika swallowed hard, and he heard Captain Kurotsuchi chuckle low in his throat.

"Officer Ayasegawa," Captain Yamamoto spoke aloud, and Kenpachi stepped back to let Yamamoto have a clear view of him and to set a firm, heavy hand on Yumichika's shoulder. "Are you aware of the circumstances that led to this incident?"

"Pfft, I told you already!" Ikkaku whipped back around, hands on his hips. "Kurotsuchi got Yumichika transferred over to take Akon's spot after he got mutilated-"

"- an accident!" Kurotsuchi insisted.

"And wouldn't transfer him back!" Ikkaku marched back over to the desk and put his fists on the surface. "Do you know how many times we tried to get him sent back?!"

Sui-Feng sighed exaggeratedly, then poked her head out into the hallway. "Hey, Fatass! Get in here- Kyoraku, get out of the- Lieutenant Omaeda!"

Omaeda hustled in, out of breath but still with a mouthful of rice crackers. "Yeph, Capdain!" He swallowed, saluted the Head Captain, and cleared his throat. "A cursory investigation showed that the officer handling transfer requests was a recent transfer from the Twelfth herself. You talk to her, it's pretty clear there's some brainwashing involved."

"Hmm." Yamamoto slid a narrow gaze towards Kurotsuchi, who lifted his chin and looked away.

"I have no intention of confirming or denying such accusations."

Yamamoto didn't pry further, but cleared his throat. "Lieutenant Sasakibe, kindly make a note to root out any recent transfers to the Administrative Offices from the Twelfth Division and have them examined for any implanted suggestions." Sasakibe nodded and made a note in a small pad in his hand, Kurotsuchi moaned like a twelve-year-old who'd been told to clean his room, and Yamamoto looked back to Yumichika. "I suppose I should say congratulations on your pregnancy." Ikkaku ground his teeth together and growled, but Yamamoto held a hand up. "But I suppose they may not be in order. Officer Ayasegawa, do you know how you came to fall pregnant?"

"The same way as anyone else might!" Kurotsuchi half-laughed, half-shouted from his chair, then whooped and tossed his hands up. "Insert Tab A into Slot B, repeat as necessary!" Nemu shuddered, and Yumichika hung his head.

"I... that is, I..."

"Yumi." Ikkaku crossed the room to crouch next to him. "I know it's rough, but just tell the truth." He slipped his hand over Yumichika's. "S'gonna be okay. Everything'll go back to normal."

"Ikkaku." Yumichika held his hand for a moment, and tried hard to read his face. Ikkaku's smile was there, but drawn down tight over his anger.

"Officer Ayasegawa." Yamamoto suddenly sounded stern, and the hair on the back of Yumichika's neck stood up. "You very clearly have the least to lose in this."

"I have so much more to lose than you know, Head Captain," he whispered, then steeled himself and got to his feet, stepping in front of Ikkaku and holding the blanket around himself. "I orchestrated my own transfer to the Twelfth deliberately. On purpose. For the purpose of conceiving and having a child, by what few means I had."

The room fell silent, as Yumichika took a few steps past Ikkaku and towards the desk. The Head Captain's eyebrows rose, and Yumichika clutched the blanket closer and set his empty teacup down. Ikkaku's jaw hung open wide enough to catch flies, reduced to a weak rasp of, "Yumichika?"

"Our arrangement," Yumichika continued stiffly, ducking his head down under Kenpachi's hard, stunned gaze. "Was that he would give me the material means by which to conceive, and shelter me for the duration of my pregnancy, in exchange for allowing him to study me. I didn't have any plans for the aftermath." He gestured to his body. "I had no other way of obtaining the medicine that allows a male shinigami to have a baby."

Kurotsuchi chose this moment to pull their contract from the inside of his kosode. "Like I've been trying to tell you lot!" He slapped the paper down on the table, and there was a sharp intake of breath heard from at least three otherwise silent forces. Yumichika linked his fingers in anxious knots as Yamamoto and Sasakibe read over the contract. Ikkaku, behind him, but so distant as if he were under glass, was hyperventilating into tightly clenched teeth. Sasakibe winced and hung his head as he reached the bottom of the page, and the Head Captain growled under his breath.

"Officer Ayasegawa, I don't think you need me to tell you how foolish of an idea this was."

"At the time, I had no other options to achieve my goal." Yumichika winced under the Head Captain's glare. "I thought it necessary, and I acted rashly. It was, to a certain extent, a mistake. This," he touched his middle under the blanket, "was not."

"You see?" Kurotsuchi crooned softly, leaning in, persuasion in the turn of his hand. "This is a great misunderstanding. I had agreed that Ayasegawa would survive my experimentation. It was my intention that he survive this  _aborted_  investigation." Nobody in the room missed the implication of his words, but it gave Yumichika chills.

The next voice he heard froze him solid.

"You were gonna kill my guys' kid!" Kenpachi stormed forward, fists drawn tight. "Ain't that shit in your fuckin' contract too?!" Sui-Feng had to put herself between Kenpachi and Kurotsuchi, because Kenpachi was pouring off anger in a flood, eyes alight with malice, but Kurotsuchi clicked his tongue and wagged a finger.

"Tut, tut, I promised him he'd walk away with his child. I never promised who would father the one that lived." Ikkaku gagged behind Kenpachi, hands clapped over his mouth and nose, and Yumichika winced and hung his head. It was more than clear who was winning this argument, because Kenpachi was losing what little temper he kept and Kurotsuchi was laughing on the inside.

"You son of a bitch! You dirty, nasty bastard, how dare you take advantage-"

"I take what opportunities I get, Zaraki, don't you know what it is to stab a man when he's down?!"

That was when another force made itself known, and Yumichika looked up to see the Head Captain himself with his fists clenched, fire in his eyes, and fire emanating from his entire form. Sasakibe side-stepped from his post, as the paper in Yamamoto's hand ignited and was swallowed in red flame, and Head Captain Yamamoto himself was suddenly blasting reiatsu like a furnace explosion.

"ENOUGH! SILENCE! BOTH OF YOU!" The Head Captain was on his feet, and Yumichika stumbled back. Kenpachi caught his shoulder and gripped tight. Yamamoto loomed over Kurotsuchi. "All your nonsense about a poorly-written agreement! Your actions are not at all in the spirit of your agreement-"

"Sp-spirit?!" Kurotsuchi sputtered, losing his composure for the first time. "Poppycock! How can you-"

"We are men of honor and law, Captain Kurotsuchi!" Each phrase came like a sonic boom, the room shook. Lieutenant Omaeda was shaking even at the back of the room. "While there are no rules about your treatment of prisoners of war or fallen enemies- a policy I have long protested, mind you!- there are very clear rules in place about experimentation on Officers and soldiers of the Gotei 13!" The Head Captain was shaking with anger, and Kurotsuchi was not smiling anymore. Yumichika had never seen the fear of God on the scientist's face before, and he tried to put it to stone in his memory so he would never forget. "Was your censure for your assault on Captain Ukitake two years ago insufficient?!"

"I disagree with your definition of assault, Head-"

"Look it up in the damned regulations, Kurotsuchi, you forced something on him he did not want, and it near took the man's life!" Yamamoto roared, and Kurotsuchi shrunk down in his seat. The Head Captain caught his breath, and spoke with only a modicum more calm. "For this infraction of policy, I am forced to levy further censure. Your experimentation funding will be frozen for five years. You will have no democratic voice during Captains' council meeting votes for the next year. Your agreement, such that it was, with Mister Ayasegawa, is considered void. In addition, I will personally ensure that you are to receive no sapient test subjects for the next decade, and no, you may not make the sapient unsapient or otherwise unintelligent for the purpose of defeating this rule!" Yamamoto huffed for air, then finished, "And rest assured, this will all be written out for you in plain black ink, with all pertinent terms fully, exhaustively defined to avoid any further confusion!"

Yumichika had never thought administrative terms and legalese could sound so very intimidating, but he very nearly pitied Captain Kurotsuchi, who now cringed as far back in the chair as he possibly could. One look at those horrid eyes and teeth, though, and Yumichika reminded himself: Nearly.

"As for you, Captain Zaraki." Yamamoto turned hard eyes and tense shoulders towards Kenpachi. Kenpachi didn't flinch, but Yumichika could hear and feel that Yamamoto had softened, if only just. "Your actions were unconscionable, irascible, rash, foolhardy, destructive, disruptive, in violation of no less than three regulations, and in this situation, entirely justified."

"Tell me somethin' I don't know." Kenpachi grinned crookedly, with all his usual roguish bluster, and Yamamoto leveled a scowl at him.

"Your squad's budget will be docked for the next three years, with those funds diverted to make repairs to the Twelfth Division's facilities." Kenpachi rolled his eyes a little and tossed Yumichika an assured smirk, as Yamamoto settled in his chair again, folded his hands on the desk and continued "You, too, will be denied voting privileges at Captains' Council meetings for the next year. None of your men will be penalized for this infraction, as they were following your orders." Yamamoto's nostrils flared. "You, however, will be censured, and there will be a formal investigation of your command structure."

"Fine, whatever." Kenpachi pulled on Yumichika's shoulder, but Yamamoto straightened up in his seat.

"Officer Ayasegawa." Yumichika rooted his toes to the spot and hoped nobody could see him trembling. "Did you at all deceive your Captain in your actions?"

"No," Kenpachi answered for him. "Guy told me he was following orders, and he was. He might'a asked for it, but he got the orders and followed 'em." Kenpachi glared down at Yumichika with his one visible eye, and Yumichika bit his lip. Kenpachi just squeezed his shoulder again in answer.

"Hey!" Yumichika flinched at Ikkaku's sharp bark behind him. "The asshole lied to me! You son of a bitch, you fed me so many goddamned lines!" Yumichika pinned his lips shut and lowered his head. Ikkaku stormed from where he'd stood, shaking in his spot until he couldn't take another second, and seized Yumichika's shoulder. "Sayin' you were gonna come back." There was a lot of hurt in those words, but Yumichika was reading a lot more anger. He didn't even need intuition, only to brace himself when Ikkaku reared back and pushed him. "You were never gonna fuckin' tell me we had a kid?!"

Kenpachi caught Yumichika when he stumbled, and bared his teeth at Ikkaku. "Piss off!"

"The fuck, Yumichika?!" Ikkaku lunged for Yumichika again, and Sui-Feng shoved the leash holding Kurotsuchi into Omaeda's hands and bolted forward to restrain him. "Liar! You fucking liar! You stick by me for years, and throw it all away for nothing! Why the fuck would you tell me shit like 'I love you' and 'I'll miss you' when you just wanna do... fucking... THIS!" He threw his hand out, even as Sui-Feng tried to lash him back by his elbow. "What the fuck even are you!"

"A liar," Yumichika whispered, and straightened up at Kenpachi's side. "But at least I know you were listening." Ikkaku froze.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Ikkaku." Yumichika forced his shoulders straight and crushed the tears gathering behind his eyes, and couldn't make himself meet his partner's face. "I wanted a child. You didn't. I thought this was worthwhile. You didn't. I see no reason why I should have to give up what I wanted because of you." He spared him a weary glance, then looked back to the floor. "In the Eleventh Division, we fight for what we want. That's it." He crossed his arms. "Nothing you say or do will make me regret it, either."

Ikkaku wound up again, "You stupid, selfish, son of a-"

"CHILDREN!" The Head Captain was on his feet again, and both fists, white knuckled, thumbnails blood-red, slammed onto the table. "I WILL NOT NEGOTIATE YOUR PETTY SQUABBLE!" Ikkaku and Yumichika both stood stark straight, each against the Captain restraining him, and the Head Captain sighed and sank back down. "There's a reason we have anti-fraternization rules, but those have been flouted for centuries, courtesy of the two eavesdroppers-"

There was a muffled, "Is he talking about us, Shun?" from just outside the door.

And an equally-muffled reply, "Shh, he can't possibly know we're here."

"I cannot begin enforcing rules that have been ignored for years, even in the face of a public incident such as this, as it would require me to bring charges against at least five Captains, several Lieutenants, and countless unseated Officers." Yamamoto sighed. He looked older than usual when he laced his fingers and studied Yumichika's face. "Let me make clear, Officer Ayasegawa, your behavior is reprehensible. However, as you did not directly deceive your Captain, and there is no regulation against privately arranging a transfer, I cannot, as yet, determine that you have committed any violations." His rheumy eyes turned briefly to Kenpachi. "Captain Zaraki, if you want Ayasegawa back in your squad, he is yours to deal with personally."

"Yeah, yeah, he's comin' home with me."

"Captain Kurotsuchi, you're free to go. Your Lieutenant may go with you."

"Hmph!" Kurotsuchi rolled up to his feet and yanked the cord out of Omaeda's hands, releasing himself as Omaeda flattened his back on the wall, and he dropped the red collar to the floor behind him as he flounced out, Nemu trotting unevenly along behind him. Yamamoto looked to Omaeda with a sigh.

"Kindly fetch Mister Ayasegawa a shirt. I think he's lost quite enough dignity today."

"Oh! R-right!" Omaeda saluted. "Yes sir!" He threw the door open after Kurotsuchi and leaned out. "Uh, 'scuse me- oh, thanks, Captain Ukitake!"

"Don't mention it!" Omaeda shut the door on Ukitake's chipper response and thrust a kosode and undershirt towards Yumichika, which he gingerly took and unfolded. Ikkaku shivered, teeth gritted, as Yumichika revealed the sigil of the Eleventh Division embroidered on the inside of the kosode, but Yumichika dropped the blanket from his shoulders and tied it on just the same.

The linen felt heavy on him, but it hung on his body correctly, just right. It felt right.

He folded the blanket and returned it to Sasakibe with a little bow, Sasakibe bowed back, and Kenpachi led him out. Sui-Feng and Omaeda moved to follow, but Yamamoto cleared his throat.

"Captain Sui-Feng, if you would begin the investigation on Captain Zaraki, kindly do so. I will have further words with Mister Madarame. Lieutenant Omaeda, if you would stay." Sui-Feng scoffed and stalked out after Kenpachi, leaving Ikkaku alone with the Head Captain, Sasakibe, and Omaeda in the shuttered office.

Ikkaku unclenched his fists when the door shut behind him, and Sasakibe cleared his throat. "Mister Madarame, you may sit." Ikkaku glanced around, and lowered himself into the chair that Kurotsuchi had not occupied. The leather was cool, but it did nothing for his temper. "Did you want some-"

"No, I don't want tea." He let his head drop, and ran his palm over the skin. "How much trouble am I in?" He dug his fingers into the skin. His brain ached.

"None, and that's not why I wanted to speak with you alone." The Head Captain sounded utterly exhausted, and he heaved a weighty sigh that settled in all the dusty corners of the room. "It has never been my place to negotiate inter-officer relationships, friendship or otherwise, and I am far too old to deal with this sort of thing, but Mister Madarame, a terrible wrong has been committed against you."

"Goddamn right," Ikkaku grumbled.

Yamamoto hummed, then shot a quick, hard glower at Omaeda. "Due to the sensitivity of this issue, none of this leaves the room."

"Yessir!" Omaeda saluted stiffly and bit down on his upper lip to seal it shut.

Yamamoto studied him a moment longer, then cast his gaze back to Ikkaku. "Officer Madarame, would you have us charge Officer Ayasegawa with sexual assault?"

"What?!" Ikkaku's head shot up, and the ache in his brain shot straight to his chest.

"His violation of your trust, and his use of deception in performing sexual acts on your person, are a form of sexual assault," Sasakibe explained softly, and lifted a hand in a gentle shrug. "It does not matter that he did not act with intentional malice, nor that you consented. If you would not have consented had he been honest with you, then he committed a grievous crime."

Ikkaku felt completely keyed up, heart pounding, like his sword was in his hand screaming for blood and he had none to feed it. "I... I... what?"

"If you wish to report this incident as an assault, then we will charge him with the crime, but with no other witnesses or official reports, that is the only way we could hold him responsible. I imagine that, were you to allege the charge, Ayasegawa would confess to the act." Yamamoto laced his fingers, each intonation a death knell. "I would ask Officer Omaeda to bring him into custody immediately. He would stand trial before the Central 46, wherein his confession of guilt would hurry him through the justice system. He would be confined to imprisonment. His child would be taken from him at birth, at which point you would have the option of taking custody or remanding the child to adoptive services. Depending on what sympathy the Central 46 might or might not have, he could be executed, or remain imprisoned for centuries. If you wished to levy punishment on Ayasegawa for his assault on you, it is your option to charge him with the crime."

"The question, Mister Madarame, is, do you wish to charge him with this crime?" Sasakibe's sharp eyes focused on Ikkaku, and Ikkaku felt every single eye hot on his face and neck and back and heart and everything.

Yumichika... assault him?

"No."

* * *

"So, you gave your men commands?" Sui-Feng tapped her foot impatiently as Kenpachi's harsh glare roved over her.

"Yeah."

"And did your men follow your commands?"

"Yeah." Yumichika huddled close at Kenpachi's side, still glancing around and behind him. Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake had been outside the door when they'd come out, but had hurried away to have a whispered conversation ten paces behind him, surrounded by a flock of hell butterflies. Kurotsuchi was having some argument with Third Seat Okikiba twenty paces off, but Yumichika trained his ears to his own Captain's voice as Sui-Feng made a few notes in her little notebook.

"You give commands, your men follow them. Your command structure sounds fine." Sui-Feng crossed her arms. "Give better commands."

"Whatever."

"Hmph." Sui-Feng threw her hands up. "I'll tell the Head Captain my investigation is complete. Now take your man there to the Fourth."

Kenpachi smirked again. "Heh." He clapped Yumichika's shoulder, hard enough to make his knees wobble. "We don't need that crap 'less we're bleedin' out. He'll go if he thinks he needs to."

"Ugh, whatever!" Sui-Feng threw her arms down. "I gotta go deal with my idiot subordinate." Her eyes shot to Yumichika, and she gave him a halfhearted smile. "Feel better." With that, she stalked off, but the moment she was gone, another voice replaced hers.

"You!" Mayuri Kurotsuchi was breathing down Yumichika's neck, and he stepped back, directly into Kenpachi. "Do you know how much I've lost because of your stupid stunt?!"

Yumichika shook his head. "Not nearly as much as I have, Captain Kurotsuchi."

"Rotten little shit!" Kurotsuchi spat on the ground at Yumichika's feet, and roared on, "Are you fucking happy now?"

"I'll never be happy. If that makes you happy, so be it." Yumichika braced himself, but the blow never came, probably because Kenpachi was leering at him over his shoulder and just plain  _daring_  him to test his patience, and Kurotsuchi stormed off with a shrill, incoherent scream in a flurry of hakama and haori. However, another hand touched his.

Nemu hadn't followed Kurotsuchi. "Yumichika."

"Nemu!" He seized onto both of her hands, and Kenpachi took a step back. "Nemu, I said such awful things-"

"You should be grateful," Kenpachi muttered. "Nemu there's the one who raised the alarm."

"I'm so sorry!" He threw his arms around her, and she staggered back, but caught him. "You saved my life, and I didn't deserve it. Thank you- I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, really. You didn't mean a word of it; you were hungry." She stepped him back, and he spotted her limp.

"Ohh!" He grasped both of her hands. "That brute, he did hurt you!"

"I'll be fine, I promise." She smiled, just a little. "I only wanted to say goodbye."

Yumichika bit his lip. "Goodbye?"

"We won't see each other as much anymore. 'Goodbye' is appropriate when one must leave, isn't it?"

"But you can visit me!" He squeezed her hands in his. "Anytime! I'll do your makeup for you again!"

"Would that be possible?" She glanced over his shoulder to Kenpachi, who smirked.

"Sure. You ain't a pile a' shit like your Captain, so you can come around when ya feel like it. Just bring your sword, maybe we'll test ya out sometime."

"O-oh. Er." Nemu edged back. "Perhaps. If you'll excuse me." She turned on her heel, but as Yumichika tried to call his farewells, the Head Captain's door flew open again, and Lieutenant Omaeda scrambled out, closely followed by Ikkaku. Yumichika stiffened, as his partner-

"You. Ayasegawa."

… former partner fixed an icy glare on him, and took him in from head to toe. Ikkaku folded his arms. "It seems like we gotta be in the same squad again. Just stay the hell out of my way, got it?"

Yumichika studied Ikkaku for what felt like a very long time, because he knew this face. This was the face he'd worn when they first met, when they'd first drawn their blades and faced each other, when Ikkaku put his battered, rusty katana to his throat. The only difference was that Yumichika wasn't flat on his back, beaten, except in his own mind.

He did the same thing he'd done on that first dreary, wet day and smiled at him through the pain. "Of course, sir." Ikkaku's lips curled in a dog-like snarl, and he pivoted sharply and stormed off, swearing under his breath.

"Feh." Kenpachi spat off the path, as Yumichika hung his head. Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake, still deep in conversation, both turned their shoulders away, their whispers between one another more frantic, but Kenpachi ignored them and pushed Yumichika's shoulder. "You're goin' back to HQ. I gotta figure out how to punish you."

"Transfer me." Yumichika couldn't face him.

"No." Kenpachi raised an eyebrow, and cuffed his shoulder with the side of his fist. "Just got your ass back, like I'm just gonna send you off again. You know what we've been through, tryin' to get you back from him?"

Yumichika's shoulders slumped, his chin fell to his chest. "I can only imagine. I'm grateful for it. Thank you, Captain."

"Goddamn right." Kenpachi grabbed the top of Yumichika's head and wrenched him around to face him. "I'm your goddamn Captain, you got me? Now, c'mon." He seized Yumichika's forearm, probably harder than he meant to, and hauled him in the same direction Ikkaku had taken. "Yachiru's gonna be askin' about her new playmate, and you're gonna hafta answer every single stupid question she's got."

New playmate? Kenpachi had hardly wanted to acknowledge either Captains Ukitake or Kuchiki when they were expecting- probably because he wasn't allowed to spar them, or maybe it just freaked him out- but he was making it very clear he was aware of this baby. And he wasn't pushing him back.

He didn't know what to make of his Captain, but the only clear thing in all this that he was incredibly fortunate to have Kenpachi Zaraki as his Captain.

Kenpachi escorted him, his hand on his shoulder, through the First Division. He could see and feel every eye pass over him, and the closer they got to the quad between divisions, the more Hell Butterflies he could see whistling back and forth in droves. Every single one talking about him, no doubt. He spotted Yachiru at the Division gates, standing with Lieutenants Hisagi and Matsumoto, but as Kenpachi came close, she broke away from them and bolted towards them.

"Kenny! Yun-yun!" She latched onto Yumichika's leg, then swooped around him off of Kenpachi's hakama to hug onto his middle. "I knew it! You an' Baldy made a baby! He wouldn't tell me nothin', but I saw your tummy and I knew it!"

"Ah, Yachiru-" Yumichika shot a frantic look to Shuhei and Rangiku, but he could hear Rangiku's gasp from where he stood:

"It's true." Her hands were clapped over her mouth, and Shuhei looked like he'd been kicked in the windpipe, mouthing at air. Of course. How could he expect his friends to look at him the same after seeing what sort of awful things he could do?

Yachiru was spouting off questions about where he'd been and the baby in bursts, but he touched her head, then pulled her off and set her on the ground. "Yachiru, I'm sorry, I can't right now. My head-"

"He's concussed," Kenpachi said, gruffly, and let his eyes rest on Shuhei and Rangiku for a moment, before facing Yachiru again. "Kurotsuchi bashed him in the head, so he's got the headache from hell. We're gonna take him home so he can rest and get better. You can piss him off after that."

"Mayurin hit your head?" Yachiru stuck her lower lip out, but scaled Kenpachi to his shoulder. "How rude! We'll tell him off for hurting our baby later."

"Yeah." Yumichika glanced down, folding his arms around him and unable to spare another look at Shuhei or Rangiku.

He didn't expect them to look at him, and kept his head bowed as he passed. How could he look at any of them again? Surely, all they would see was the ugliness inside, the awful thoughts that had driven him this far.

Every hell butterfly overhead was whispering his secrets, the things he'd tried and failed to lock away, every mouth and ear would be full of his shame. Vanishing, AWOL, into the Rukongai would have been easier and less painful than this.

Kenpachi escorted him to his former quarters, exactly as he'd left them, bedsheets rumpled, unmade and musty after five months of disuse, his old kosode on the back of the door. "You're remanded to quarters for two days." He gave Yumichika a push over the threshold, and Yumichika whipped around, eyes wide, but Kenpachi folded his arms and cocked his head a little. "Someone'll bring you food and clothes and stuff. I dunno." He shrugged lamely. "Newspaper or something. I ain't gonna put ya in the holding cell, but I gotta punish you a little." He grumbled under his breath, and uncrossed his arms. "I don't wanna do this at all, but... you probably really could use the rest." He set his hand on Yumichika's head, and Yumichika felt his callused thumb trace the lump under his hair. "I'll have someone come by and check on ya every couple hours. If ya start feelin' bad, just say somethin', and someone'll get you to the Fourth. Just... rest."

He stepped back and closed the door on Yumichika before he could protest, and Yumichika pressed his lips together and breathed. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. All the pretty words in the world wouldn't make him feel better now.

He stripped the bedclothes, ignoring the scent of old sweat and sex, and dropped them just outside of his door. His old kosode wouldn't fit anymore, but he stuffed it in a hamper nevertheless. He dropped down onto the bare mattress, kicked off his sandals, and lay flat, staring at the ceiling. He was functioning, and that would have to be enough for now. Above him, though, Hell Butterflies beat their wings against his window, and he could almost hear them whispering his name, whispering everything he didn't want to hear.

_Yumichika. Liar. Yumichika. Tricked him. Yumichika. Why?_

He had thought that if, somehow or other, he'd ever returned home, he would be happy. He never thought he'd have reason to cry himself to sleep in the Eleventh.

But things had changed, and what he'd set into motion couldn't be stopped, even now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of the end of the first half. After this, chapters are going to get a little longer as we delve into more detail, a lot more "why." I hope this isn't a problem for anyone!
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	10. Filling the Gap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika's finally back in the Eleventh Division, but fitting back in won't be easy. Luckily, Kenpachi's there to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the love you guys have given me is so very, very appreciated! Thanks for your support! I've really needed to hear some nice words lately, and knowing that I'm doing well on a story that has completely dominated my muse helps.
> 
> I also want to apologize in advance. I think I mentioned there being longer chapters? ... Er, get some popcorn and a cup of tea, everyone, this one got long, and the next few are going to be longer as well.
> 
> Enjoy!

**10: Filling the Gap**

"He had a concussion and Captain Zaraki didn't send him to me directly?" Retsu Unohana, perched primly on her office chair, pressed her hands to lips in shock. Isane shook her head, glancing to some of the books on the shelf as if ashamed to meet her Captain's gaze.

"I attempted to intervene, but I arrived too late." She laced her fingers and lowered her eyes. "I'm very sorry, Captain. I should have checked your message earlier, but there were so many injuries at the Twelfth-"

"No, it's alright. You had your orders from the Head Captain, and Captain Zaraki acts independently whether he should or not." Unohana sighed a bit and smoothed her haori down, then adjusted her braid where it hung, setting herself right to regain her composure. "I'll contact Yumichika directly. I'm sure he'll make his way here if his head injury is serious, but for someone like him, if he was conscious enough to talk, he should be alright." She folded the file on her desk- Ayasegawa's, a complete record of his visits, with no indicators of any mental illnesses or the like- and folded her hands under her chin. "It's a minor concern in the grand scheme. Nemu has sent me a message indicating that once she can acquire Captain Kurotsuchi's records on his pregnancy, she'll pass them on to me. Even if she can't get them to me, I do wish to examine him. Isane, if you have a chance to speak with Ikkaku, kindly inform him that I wish to see him and his partner here post haste."

"I admit, I'm concerned about that, ma'am," Isane said, then clapped her hands to her mouth. "Oh, not to question you, ma'am! But- they are both from the Eleventh Division."

"Yes, I know." Unohana smiled fondly. "And all the men there are more than a little stubborn about getting the medical care they need. But Yumichika is not unintelligent." She rose to her feet, and held a hand up to summon a Hell Butterfly. "If your report of the incident is true, then he would like his child to be healthy, and I have the same goal."

"And, on the same note, ma'am." Isane looked down and away. "I don't think they're partners anymore."

"Ah." Unohana tapped her lip. "I see." She considered for a moment, her fingertip resting on the dimple in her lip, then dismissed the Hell Butterfly. "I'll send him a message tomorrow. Once he's had a chance to recover. He surely needs some time to clear his head before we get into more serious business." She graced Isane with her usual, warm smile. "One day shouldn't make a difference. Sorry to hold you up. You're dismissed to your daily duties."

"Yes'm." Isane saluted and departed, and Unohana daintily returned to her chair and her daily reports awaiting her in neat stacks across her desk. She paused mid-motion in picking up her pen, held her palm open as if to summon a Butterfly, then laid it flat.

"One day," she reminded herself.

She harbored deep concerns, who wouldn't? Not when so much was at stake. But giving poor Yumichika a little time to settle back in and rest would be good before giving him anything else to worry about. He was surely exhausted from his ordeal, and the stress of his beloved abandoning him, even if it was deserved, had to be taking a toll on him.

"Once he's back on his feet, we can do what's best for him and the baby." She smiled to herself, and flipped into her papers. She did have other things to worry over, and no doubt, so did he. Surely, he didn't need her at his back just now.

* * *

Kenpachi found himself staring at Yumichika's back where he stood, motionless, in front of the buffet. Yumichika had served his two days "imprisonment" without trouble, not trying to leave or complaining. He only asked for clean clothes and sheets, and nothing else. Yeah, pretty goddamn weird for the prissy little shit, but he was probably just in an off mood after all the commotion. The Hell Butterflies had stopped swarming, though, so it was probably safe to let him get back into the swing of things. Kenpachi had sent Yachiru to tell him he could come outside and join the squad for breakfast, and here he was.

Not eating. Just standing, staring at the food like he'd never seen it before. Kenpachi glanced around, and realized that there was more wrong than that. No makeup, not even his feathers. That orange thing he wore on his neck and sleeve, that was gone. The only thing that set him apart from any of the other shinigami was the slight outward curve on his sides, the more noticeable curve out front, and that his sash was tied under his breastbone rather than at his waist. He wasn't moving. He wasn't eating. Yeah, that wasn't right at all.

He spotted a few of the seated officers passing him and grabbed one of them by the collar- a slumped-shouldered guy with arched eyebrows and a weaselly mustache- and yanked him around. Aramaki Makizo yelped with surprise, as Kenpachi peered down from above him. "Ah, g-good morning, Captain!"

"'Morning, Maki-maki." That was his name, right? Definitely his name. Didn't matter that the dude's face was turning bright red, he definitely answered to that. "Hey, I need a favor."

"A f-f-favor?" Aramaki blinked a few times, stunned, and Kenpachi put both hands on his shoulders and turned his body towards Yumichika.

"Somethin's up with Yumichika." Aramaki paled, his eyes flashing to Ikkaku huddled in a corner of the room, devouring a hunk of sausage he'd stolen off the tray of the last idiot who'd tried to chat with him, before said idiot got dragged away unconscious by two others, but Kenpachi pushed Aramaki in Yumichika's direction. "I don't get why nobody's talkin' to him, but you don't need me tellin' you all to play nice. Go check on him."

"M-me, sir?" Aramaki tried to stammer out a protest, but Kenpachi walked away, hulking through the crowd towards the buffet table, only pausing to pat Yumichika's shoulder on his way. Orders were orders, though, so Aramaki swallowed his nerves and approached Yumichika.

He'd heard about what had happened to him in the Twelfth Division. The entire squad had heard, or at least as much as they'd been instructed to hear. Renji, to their surprise, had addressed the squad the night after the blow-up, because Kenpachi wasn't much for giving briefings and Ikkaku had been nowhere to be found. The facts were simple- Yumichika was pregnant. Yes, it was Ikkaku's, and no, Ikkaku hadn't been told. Renji had winced every time he paused for breath. They hadn't been told what sort of "experiments" had been conducted on Yumichika, and Aramaki feared the worst.

"What if he's a bomb?" He squeaked to himself, but tiptoed towards him and tapped his shoulder lightly. "Er, Ayasegawa?"

Yumichika's eyes tipped away from the table. "Aramaki." He returned his gaze to the spread, as Aramaki stood back in surprise.

"Er, yes, well, is something wrong? Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine. Thank you." Yumichika wasn't making eye contact, but this wasn't all too abnormal. Yumichika liked to look at things he deemed beautiful, and if Ikkaku were around, that was usually the focus of his gaze. Still, he would flutter his eyelashes at you when he talked to you, if only to show them off, or smirk and mock and call him 'Maki-Maki!' He wasn't at all used to the flamboyant Fifth acting as flat as a doormat.

Aramaki steeled himself, and stood in front of Yumichika so he could see his face. The skin under his eyes and on his cheeks was marred with faint red splotches, and his lips looked bitten, pale and chapped. He looked like linen rubbed raw. "Er." Aramaki cleared his throat. "You should get something to eat, before the cooks stop replenishing the trays."

Yumichika nodded, then laughed under his breath. Aramaki raised an eyebrow, and Yumichika shook his head. "Sorry, sorry, just, it's funny." His hands finally moved from hanging limp at his sides to cup his middle. "In the Twelfth... they just give you what you're supposed to eat. The last week before I got brought back here, they just gave me this nutrition brick, and that was all I got, but I ate it because that was what I was supposed to eat. I just laid down and took whatever they gave me. Now, I'm here, and I can have anything, but..." Yumichika choked, and Aramaki gaped as he saw fresh tears spring to his eyes and the red splotches swelling again. "I don't know what I want."

"Oh, hell, no!" Aramaki lurched around, alarmed, to check if Kenpachi or Ikkaku were watching. They weren't, and Aramaki patted Yumichika's shoulder. "There, there, it's alright!"

"It's alright," Yumichika repeated.

"Yes, it is! You're going to be fine! Come, come on!" Aramaki seized his elbow and led him closer. "See?" He put a tray in his hands. "Just... pick things that look good. You must remember what it's like in our squad, you've been here longer than I have."

It took some coaxing, but Yumichika soon had a reasonably full tray, biting his lips the whole way. Aramaki could tell he was second-guessing his every selection, but Aramaki tugged him down the line. "Is that all you want?" It felt way too weird, talking to a superior officer as if he were a stubborn child. Yumichika nodded.

"I'm hungry, but if I eat too much, I feel sick." There was the faintest note of self-deprecating laughter in his voice then, and Aramaki chuckled and gave him a slap on the back.

"Ah, my sister complained of that before my nephew was born! Then again, all she ate for three months was meat buns and pickled ginger. No wonder she was nauseous!"

"I didn't know you had a sister, Aramaki."

"Nobody's ever asked!" Aramaki laughed, and Yumichika chuckled along weakly. Aramaki managed to take him to a table and convinced him to sit, and the two ate together. Yumichika didn't try to make conversation, and Aramaki kept picking out things that were wrong about Yumichika's appearance, wrong with Yumichika's everything. He was too stiff, too reserved, no snark, no sarcasm, no bruising wit. And strangest of all-

"Aramaki, do you have a napkin to spare?"

"Maki-Maki." Aramaki frowned, and Yumichika blinked, bewildered. "It's... it's Maki-Maki! Everyone who talks to Yachiru calls me Maki-Maki! You've known me ten years, and that's all you've ever called me!"

"Oh." Yumichika pursed his lips, and his eyebrows quirked up. "And, you never minded?"

"Of course I minded! My name is Aramaki Makizo, it's not my fault the Lieutenant either can't or doesn't like to say it! But because you're all so intimidating, I couldn't say anything!"

"Intimidating." Yumichika considered it, then smiled for the first time since coming into the room. "I suppose I'll have to live up to that." He put his napkin and chopsticks down on the tray. "Hey, this might sound like a stupid question, but did your sister ever mention her skin being really itchy when she was, y'know..." He nodded down, and Aramaki's jaw hung open for a moment to take in his meaning.

"Er... she never mentioned it, no. But there are books and such, you know."

"So there are." Yumichika stood up, tray in hand. "Hey, thanks." He smiled directly at him, and Aramaki stuttered again.

"You're... welcome?"

Yumichika giggled a little. "See ya 'round, Maki-Maki." With that, he walked away. It wasn't his usual saunter, and his voice still didn't have its usual lilt, but he seemed a little less distant. It was like his feet had touched solid ground again after falling a long, long way. Aramaki set his shoulders back and smirked, feeling just little proud of himself, until he got up and found Ikkaku standing just behind him.

"'Ey, Maki-Maki. What'd he say to you?" The accusing finger Ikkaku pointed at him may as well have been a blade, and Aramaki cringed back, hands up in an instant 'I surrender!'

"Nothing! He was overwhelmed, and he only asked about- n-nothing you'd care about!" Aramaki flushed and rushed past Ikkaku, who glared at him all the way out of the crowded mess hall.

A lot of the whispers about the two had died down in the day after the raid, but that was only because everybody already knew what sat, heavy and fetid and obvious, between them, and nobody wanted to put themselves in that awful spot. Aramaki didn't know much about their relationship, but he knew enough that they wouldn't let a Fourth Seat between them. It might have been that space that Yumichika was trapped in, or falling through, and there simply was nowhere to land.

* * *

The division gathered, grouped by squads, for morning exercises. The first squad, the Seated Officers, lined up on either side of him by rank, except for Yachiru perched on his shoulder, and Yumichika, who stood back and stared at the lineup. He knew where he used to stand, when this was his squad. This was his squad, wasn't it?

"'Ey!" Kenpachi's gaze was like needles in his eyes when Yumichika caught it. "C'mon!"

That answered that question, and despite Ikkaku hunching over towards the Captain to whisper what was surely a protest, Yumichika marched up to the line and took his place, leaving a significant gap between him and the Third Seat's space. Ikkaku gnashed his teeth together, but held his tongue, as Kenpachi faced the squad to lead a warm-up kata.

He held it for all of twenty seconds.

"What do you think you're doing?" He growled as he took the first position. Yumichika followed along, settling into horse stance with natural grace.

"Morning warm-ups, Officer Madarame." The word 'Officer' was stiff and harsh on his mouth in addressing him, but Madarame was easier. If that was how he was to address him from now on, as a superior officer, then liking the sound of his surname was a comfort, if a cold one.

"The hell do you think you're playing at?" Bow stance, leg back, arms up, then three sets of punches where Ikkaku couldn't spit fire at him from between his flurrying fists. Yumichika was panting when he finished, but not badly enough that he couldn't answer.

"My health is fine, and I see no reason not to participate." Defensive stance, back kick, twenty on each side, and Yumichika felt the strain in his groin muscles especially, but that was definitely from disuse. He hoped.

Ikkaku growled under his breath as they landed and started a set of back-and-forth punches, chops, and kicks, and he snarled his next between breaths: "You... look... ridiculous!"

Yumichika landed squarely on both feet and fell neatly back into bow pose, blew a bit of hair from his eyes, and glanced at Ikkaku's feet. Anywhere but his face. "I respectfully disagree, sir."

"Both of you, hush!" Yachiru hissed from her place next to Kenpachi, and Ikkaku stuck his tongue out at her. Yachiru stuck hers right back, and Kenpachi bared his teeth at all three of them before facing the squad and bowing deeply at the waist. The seated officers all followed suit, and Yumichika held his breath until he could rise again.

Ridiculous. At least he hadn't called him ugly.

Kenpachi was already barking orders: "Fifth and Seventh squads, you'll be with Madarame today! Ninth Squad, you're with Ayasegawa!" A titter ran through the Ninth Squad, and Kenpachi glared at them. A hush fell over all of them, even as Ikkaku rolled his eyes.

"Captain, with all due respect, that's a goddamn farce and you know it."

"You questioning my orders, kid?" Kenpachi cocked an eyebrow, his fingers itching at the pommel of his zanpakuto, and Ikkaku sneered.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." Ikkaku rolled his neck and widened his stance, then thrust his hand out towards Yumichika. "Look at 'im, Captain. Ya might as well transfer him to the Fourth for all the good he's gonna do our squad."

"Funny, that." Kenpachi pulled out a wrinkled sheet of paper from the pocket of his hakama. "I already got a message from the Fourth about that. I got a full list of what Ayasegawa is and ain't allowed to do, direct from their Captain. Hands-off, no-contact, kendo or hakuda, anything but sparring." He turned to Ayasegawa. "You got that? I want you to give those guys a good technique demo. The newer guys could use it."

Yachiru chose then to pipe in: "Kenny says if Yun-Yun gets hurt, then Re-chan's gonna be pissed, and if Re-chan gets pissed at him, he's moving to Hueco Mundo!"

Kenpachi turned fuchsia- not a good color for him, so Yumichika thought- and yanked Yachiru up by the back of her shihakusho to tell her off quietly into her ear, as the squads near the front who'd heard her burst into uproarious laughter. Yumichika took the opportunity to approach the Ninth Squad.

It was already unusual. Usually, he and Ikkaku worked with whatever squads they were assigned together, and used one another as demo partners and training dummies as necessary. Now, he stood alone, as they all summed him up, some smirking, some scowling. They knew. Of course they knew. But Yumichika wouldn't let that get in his way.

"I want to make one thing clear to the lot of you." He set his hands on his hips. His thumbs framed the lower curve of the swell at his middle. "Whatever my condition is, I'm here to make you better fighters. If you don't think me capable, then drop your zanpakutos and walk off now. I'm a superior officer, this is my position and my duty, and if you're not willing to take my orders, then you might as well quit." He straightened his back. "So, there's your options, boys. Quit, walk away, go back to the Rukon and pray you don't end up fly meat, or practice hakuda for two hours with a pregnant guy. Your pick."

As surreal as the second option was, every single member of the squad took it. Not a one of them dared to say a word to him throughout, even ignoring when he stopped in the middle of a set for water or to check his position. It was only at the end, after they finishing stretching, that one of them even dared.

"Hey, why're you doin' that with your legs?" Yumichika stopped in the middle of rotating his ankle, as one of the squad members pointed at him. Yumichika scowled.

"Don't be rude. And my ligaments actually kind of suck right now." He took another long guzzle of water, and got to a stand. "See, the ankles, knees, hips, they're all kind of wiggly. Makes it easier to carry a load like this around, but makes it hard to hold positions for long periods or do repetitive motions." He gestured to his middle with an open hand, then went back to stretching. "So, I gotta keep compensating, and I kinda gotta carry my body really carefully." The squad member scrunched his face up.

"That sucks. Why're you still training, anyway? Ain't nobody gonna make you go on patrol." A few other squad members were paying attention now, and Yumichika took another gulp of water and spit some of it out to clear the taste of bile from his throat.

"Cause in about four months, I'm gonna be back on patrol, and I'm gonna have to rebound fast. I'll probably pick up some extra shifts as soon as I'm back to top condition. I've got some savings, but it ain't really enough for a long break." He finished his water, crushed the bottle, then looked over at the four or five squad members still lingering. "You're free to go. Clear off."

"Ch'." Yumichika winced when he heard a scoff from behind him, and turned to see Ikkaku behind him, hands on his hips. "Quit lingering, people got other shit to do!" Yumichika huffed and folded his arms, but lowered his eyes.

"Everyone's dismissed." He turned and walked around Ikkaku, unable to make himself hold his head up and look at him. He only became aware of anything when he passed under Kenpachi's shadow.

"I saw ya. You kept up pretty good." Kenpachi's heavy hand landed on his shoulder. Yumichika held firm under the weight, but spared a timid glance up.

"Thank you, sir." Kenpachi was being weirdly civil, so it only seemed right to be equally polite. "I didn't see my name on the duty sheet for this afternoon. Actually, I didn't see the duty sheet."

"You wrote the duty sheet. Pretty sure you invented it." Kenpachi's eyebrow raised in a questioning arch. "I just tell 'em to do stuff."

"I... guess that's true." Yumichika grounded his heel and faced Kenpachi. "What would you like me to do this afternoon?"

"Not a damn thing." Kenpachi crossed his arms and held his head high, looking right down his nose at him. "You're just getting over some shit. Captain Unohana told me to go easy on ya." He cocked his head to the side. "Actually, you prob'ly ought'a go have a chat with her, what with that knock on your head."

Yumichika felt every muscle seize at once, and he could only rattle out, "Is that an order, sir?"

Kenpachi stared at him like he'd grown a second head out of his trembling Adam's apple. "Does it need to be?"

"No, sir." Yumichika hunched over, avoiding Kenpachi's gaze. Kenpachi grunted and patted his back.

"Take a free afternoon. Just, go, do something else. Maybe outside of the HQ."

"Captain, I need something to do," Yumichika babbled without thinking, and found himself seizing his sleeve. "Some sort of errand, please."

As if on cue, opportunity hopped up and grabbed Yumichika's leg. "Yun-yun!" Yachiru swung around a few times, sending Yumichika stumbling to his hands, but that just let her pat his back. "Kenny said he wasn't gonna make you work so's Re-chan won't hate him! But since you're not busy, take me to get cookies!"

"Aha." Kenpachi's toothy grin spread wide, and he set his hands on his hips as if he were especially proud of himself. "Take Yachiru to the commissary after lunch."

It was better than nothing.

It was scantly a few months ago that Yumichika could strut between the buildings with his shoulders back, flaunting his new look or how bright his skin or how smooth his hair was that day. Now, he trudged with overcast features, hoping none would notice him at all. His eyes and face were clouded, dull from restlessness and exhaustion. Yachiru's little hand wrapped around his was the only thing that gave him the will to walk on. He used to enjoy the eyes of others roving him, admiring him, burning with jealousy at how he could look so much more beautiful than them in the same clothes and wearing the same skin. Looks could be so deceiving, couldn't they?

He saw strawberry blonde ringlets and a pink sash out of the corner of his eye, and turned his eyes down. If Rangiku saw him, she didn't say anything. Yachiru even waved to her, but he only heard her call back to Yachiru. As if he wasn't even there.

"Probably for the best." He cast his gaze at the tiles on the footpath and trudged onward.

Yachiru treated the commissary like her own personal mini-mart, and used Yumichika's arms like a basket. "Usually Kenny sends whoever sucked the most at practice, but this is much better!"

"Mhm." Yumichika nodded and stacked a few more boxes of sweets in his arms. Yachiru pursed her lips and 'hmmmm'ed loudly.

"Say, Yun-yun, what kinda cookies does the baby like?" She pointed right at him, her little finger jabbing right into the soft center of his stomach. He winced and tried to back up, but she grabbed his hand and yanked, and he stumbled forward, dropping all the boxes in the process.

"Ow, watch it, Yachiru!" Yumichika tried to shake her off. "What makes you think the baby wants cookies, anyway?"

"Well, it's a kid, right? All kids like cookies!" She grinned and held up a box of chocolate chip cookies. "So, if I'm getting some for me, I gotta share!" She put the box in his hands, then patted his sides with both hands. "So, what kind do you like, baby Baldy?"

Yumichika wasn't sure what color his face was, somewhere between blushing from having someone talk to the baby or pale from the rest of the sentence. He recovered enough to point out the ginger snaps just behind her. "The... baby has been asking for ginger cookies. With vanilla ice cream and pickles."

Yachiru squealed with glee and whirled to grab the cookies. "Let's get some ice cream, then!" She seized onto his hand again and pulled him along like a duck on a string, but this time with all the boxes of cookies stacked in her hand or tucked in the belt of her shihakusho.

Walking back, Yumichika only had to carry the ice cream and pickle jar, and Yachiru toted the rest of her chosen treats on her hands and all over the rest of her. Yumichika kept his lip buttoned and only barely tried to hide his little haul. He was sure they'd walked past at least four First Division officers, but not a one had dared to say a word to Yachiru. He got a few sideways glances, but he caught someone from the Twelfth, a girl he'd spoken to once, eye the treats in his hands and turn away to giggle. He sighed to himself, and tried to lose himself in Yachiru's pleased babble. He tried to drift a little into the quiet peace of the blue skies and fresh air, until he heard his own name:

"... Yun-yun? Didja hear me?" Yachiru slowed a step and cocked her head back to meet his eyes. He came up short, and she scowled and stuck her chin out. "You weren't listenin', were you?"

"Ah, sorry, Yachiru." He sighed and tossed his hair back. He was even disappointing her, wasn't he? "What's wrong?"

"I was askin' why you an' Baldy aren't gettin' along. Kenny says I gotta leave ya alone 'cos it's adult stuff, but I wanna know!"

How nice to be young and naïve. It was almost a relief that Yachiru couldn't see how obviously awful he was. Yumichika sighed again and patted her back. "Because I did something wrong. Something very wrong. Something so terrible that it should make it well impossible for him, or really, anyone to like me anymore."

"Well, yeah, sure, I figured one of ya did somethin' bad." She put on a lascivious little grin. "But what'd ya do?"

Childlike curiosity, and she couldn't see that digging deeper only hurt. "I lied to him, Yachiru." He grimaced to himself, and held his treats a little closer. "Let's leave it at that."

"Aww." Yachiru stuck her lower lip out, then pivoted to walk backwards so she could face him. "Have you apologized?"

Yumichika tried to give her a smart answer, but stopped when he realized he couldn't. "No. I haven't. Not yet."

"Then you should! That's what happens when people get mad at me!" She turned back around, smiling as if her idea were the most brilliant since someone first thought to box cookies. "I say I'm sorry 'cause I am and mean it, and soon enough, we can be friends again!"

"Just like that, huh?" He couldn't hide a little bit of amusement from his voice.

"No, not always." Yachiru waved a wise little finger and skipped down the steps to the lower path to the outer divisions. "Sometimes, it takes a little while for it to sink in, y'know?" She smiled over her shoulder again, gathering her boxes in front of her as the stack rattled, and going on with a chirrup, "But once it does, bam! Best friends again! Works on Byakushi and Nana and even Gramps, and they're a lot grumpier than Cueball most of the time!"

"I suppose it's worth a try." He shrugged a little, then glanced down to the treasures in his arms and the bundle they obscured. "Maybe he won't completely hate me forever if I try."

"Hate you?" Yachiru's brow knit up into genuine worry. Yumichika tried to answer, but found, for a third time, that he simply couldn't. Yachiru didn't press further, but she freed up one hand by stuffing a few boxes into the front of her kosode and wrapped it tight around his elbow. "Nobody hates you, Yumichika. You're too pretty."

He wished he could believe her, but nothing, even those words, seemed to fit right now.

* * *

Kenpachi found his afternoon nap wasn't quite as restful as it usually was. It was starting to get cold outside, even in his favorite sunny patch on the quad. Still, he had a lot riding on his mind. Training had been rough that morning- the guys were getting lazy without any good strong guys out there to fight, huh? Maybe he needed to send them out on patrols more often. Plus, Yachiru sure was taking her sweet time on her candy run, wasn't she? He didn't feel like trying to explain her off today. And of course, the trouble with his Fifth and Third seats weighed pretty heavily on him too.

He wasn't much for numbers, but he'd known 'em, what, fifty years? Sixty? Longer, maybe. He sort of remembered Ikkaku from way before that, and half-remembered him having a pretty little thing dragging his body off after Kenpachi finished playing with him and gave him the message that kept him chasing his heels all the way into the Seireitei. He and Yumichika got him, and that was cool. He thought he got them, and they were good for taking out the small fry so he could focus on his fight. He didn't like that that just might be changing.

_"Transfer me."_

No goddamn way. He'd seen a lot of things cross the guy's face when he and Ikkaku came to the rescue, but relief was definitely one of them, and not just because he was keeping the blade off of his belly. He wanted to come back, Kenpachi was sure of that. But something was twisted in his head, and Ikkaku treating him like dirt couldn't be helping.

But there was more to it than that. He'd been in a funk even after two days of not getting screamed at.

"Hell," he grunted, and sat up. He let his gaze travel, and spotted a familiar set of slumped shoulders. "Yo! Maki-Maki!" He rested his elbows behind him as Aramaki looked over to him with a stunned, 'Who, me?' expression, and Kenpachi curled his lip and waved him over. Aramaki trudged up to him, clearly doing his best not to tremble, and Kenpachi studied him. "You talked to Yumichika this morning, right?"

"Ah, yes sir," Aramaki stammered. He stammered a lot. Bugged the shit out of Kenpachi. How'd he even get to be a Seated Officer, anyway? Aramaki then steadied himself and continued, speciously, "Though he didn't talk very much."

"Hmm." Kenpachi scratched his chin. "A'right, you got any clue what his deal is?"

"Me, sir?" Aramaki's eyebrows rose, he pointed to his own chest. "I'm no expert, but if you had to ask me, he's... well... displaced."

"Displaced."

"Yes, er, after such a sudden transition to the Twelfth Division and all their strange ways, then a traumatic transfer back here during a period of great emotional stress, he may feel as if he doesn't belong." Aramaki glanced away to a patch of grass beside them, too intimidated to meet Kenpachi's eyes. "I don't like to talk about a superior officer this way, but the man makes me think of a peg in a gap the wrong size. He just doesn't have the strength to make himself fill it right now- not that he isn't strong, of course!" Aramaki held his hands up and stumbled back as Kenpachi lifted his head and growled. "Mentally! Emotionally! I can't even imagine what his internal state is after being tortured by Captain Kurotsuchi."

"Hmm." Kenpachi ground his teeth together as Aramaki caught his breath and settled back down on the ground. "You're sayin' that 'cause his head's messed up, he's feelin' like he don't fit here no more."

"That's... the general gist, sir."

"Yeah." Kenpachi nodded, and brought his fist under his chin. "Yeah, that sounds about right." He jumped to his feet, towering over Aramaki with a wild grin. "What're we gonna do about it?"

Aramaki stammered incoherently and stumbled back into the sunlight. "I don't know, sir!"

"I'll tell ya what we're gonna do!" He grabbed Aramaki's shoulder. "You get the rest of the seated officers, meet me at the Fifth's quarters. We're gonna show that fruitcake he belongs here!"

He shoved Aramaki off, and turned and marched for the barracks. There wasn't much he could do for Ikkaku- the guy was pissed, and had a right to be pissed- but Kenpachi was puzzling out Yumichika bit by bit, and the only corner pieces he had were that Yumichika belonged under his command, in his Division, at Ikkaku's side, and that he needed something he didn't have. He wasn't sure how to fill in the rest just yet, but if he could make the puzzle that was Yumichika fit in his Division, then he was going for that.

"A gap he can't fill. Yeah, let's just change the shape on that motherfucker."

Across the Division, Ikkaku was leading afternoon exercises. Kenpachi had forbidden him from patrols for days now, saying he was "in no state" to have live steel around anything humanoid and alive, and that just pissed him off enough to want to destroy anything close. As it turned out, this meant leading advanced kendo and demolishing their training dummy supplies. He mopped the sweat away just in time to see Yachiru leading a black stormcloud to their pantry, and rushed right back into his work. Better than thinking about anything else, for damn sure.

Yumichika finished putting away the extra treats, except for the three boxes Yachiru was taking with her on patrol that night, and dusted his hands on his kosode where it was tucked into his hakama. Yachiru was, of course, contently and enthusiastically debating with herself over which boxes to take, so Yumichika could slip out of the dim, close pantry and back out onto the field. He observed Ikkaku from a distance for a few minutes as he tore into another dummy with a flurry of blows. Hozukimaru glinted in the sunlight, white, bright, and dangerous like a fang. Yumichika felt a strange pull on his neck and shoulders as he watched it move- anxiety? Why? Had he ever been afraid of Ikkaku? Not even that first day, no...

"Hey!" The fang stood upright, and Ikkaku had turned, muscles taut and jaw tense, and Yumichika swallowed. Even rigid and barking at him like a mad dog, Yumichika could only see the smiling, powerful ally he'd been, and the passionate beast. He still remembered what that taut skin felt like on his tongue, tasted like, the stinging rub of his stubble on his cheek. If Ikkaku had any sensory memories like that, then he was blind to them now, instead glowering at Yumichika like he had blinders on. The other squad members halted in motion to stare at their unspoken exchange, the two meeting eyes across the empty lawn. Ikkaku finally pointed Hozukimaru at him. "What the hell're you starin' at?"

Yumichika's mouth went dry, but he spoke nonetheless: "Just you. Someone I still consider a friend." He took a few shaking steps closer. "Ikkaku, I wanted to-"

"Officer Madarame." Ikkaku slung Hozukimaru against his shoulder, tapping the flat edge of the blade against the round of muscle. Yumichika sucked in a nervous breath, and started again.

"Officer Madarame, I wanted to formally apologize." He set his hands at his sides and bowed at the waist, as deeply as he could. "I recognize that I wronged you, which surely wounded your pride and offended you. For that, I am deeply sorry."

"Crawlin' for forgiveness, huh?" Ikkaku folded his arms. "So, what're ya gonna do about it?"

Yumichika hadn't thought that far ahead. "If you're asking me to make it up to you, I don't believe I can." He lifted back up to a stand. "What's been done can't be undone." He shook his head, because Ikkaku was only tensing further and further, winding like a piano wire, and Yumichika stanced his legs stiff and straight, but kept his head down in contrition. "I only want to say I'm sorry this turned out this way. I lied to you. I wish I hadn't had to. If you can't offer forgiveness, then I-"

"Do you regret it?" Ikkaku's fingers were itching on Hozukimaru's hilt. Yumichika knew he was gunning for him now, and it was only a matter of time.

"I'm trying not to." Yumichika felt his way to Ruri'iro at his hip, fingers resting on the grip and drumming as he paced slowly to the left. Ikkaku matched his motion.

"You'd do it again if you had the chance, huh?"

"Not in this way." Yumichika's thumb touched the side of his belly, but he shook his head. "I wish I had reason never to lie to you again."

Ikkaku growled with frustration, his steps becoming more firm, and he dropped the pace to storm close to Yumichika. "You don't regret it and you'd do it again! Why're you even apologizing?!" He huffed and stomped in, and Yumichika faltered and stepped back. "You're such a stubborn idiot!"

"You're asking me if I regret our child." He felt Ikkaku's  _everything_  shudder at the word, but steeled himself and doubled down. "I will never regret that I am having our child, or that I have your child. I only wish I had done it in a better way-"

"You wish, you wish." Ikkaku sneered, twisting his wrist so that the blade of Hozukimaru faced Yumichika. "Yeah, wish in one hand, shit in the other. Why not fucking talk to me?! You're sure full of fucking pretty words now!" He pointed Hozukimaru at Yumichika, the point too close to his nose for comfort. "You ain't givin' me shit! Just tell me why!"

"Why?"

"Why, dammit! Make me understand!"

"Hah." Yumichika turned his face away, and steeled himself. He wouldn't lie to Ikkaku now, but he knew that the answer he would give was sealing his fate. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I don't think you'd understand even if I spelled it out for you. If there was more I could offer you, I would, but there isn't, and for that, I'm so-"

Yumichika raised Kujaku to block just as Hozukimari came down, but in an instant, Ikkaku threw Hozukimaru away and sent Kujaku with it. Then, before Yumichika could recover his sword hand, Ikkaku flew in with his fist up. Yumichika only just ducked under and tackled Ikkaku around the waist, pinning him under his weight. Rage flooded over any contrition he had, lips contorting into a snarl. Ikkaku had committed the ultimate wrong.

"You were going to punch me in the face!"

Ikkaku slid out from Yumichika and pushed him off. "Yeah, well, I missed, didn't I?!"

"You bald bastard, you were going to punch me in my beautiful face!" Yumichika jumped up to his feet, swallowing his nausea as he landed, and barreled forward, fist back, and Ikkaku screamed and rushed towards him.

Then, a whirlwind of black. Kenpachi had caught Ikkaku by the back of his neck like a she-bitch with a snarling puppy and hoisted him off the ground, and all of the squad members who had been practicing with Ikkaku had grabbed Yumichika's limbs and were holding him back. He screamed in futility and lunged at Ikkaku, but with five of them restraining him and him already dizzy, it wasn't happening. Yachiru stood back on the walkway, a box of cookies open in her lap and contently munching, even as Kenpachi gave Ikkaku a shake.

"Didn't you hear Yachiru? If that idiot gets hurt, Unohana's gonna get pissed." He glowered at Ikkaku with a toothy grimace. "And if that lady gets pissed, we all have to move to Hueco Mundo." He pushed Ikkaku down into the ground, digging his heels into the soft dirt, even as Ikkaku tried to take a swing at him. Kenpachi just held him at arm's length by his scalp and rebuffed what few hits landed off the broad side of his arm. "I wanna kick his ass too, but now ain't the time!"

"Captain, the stupid sonofabitch-"

"I know!" Kenpachi shoved Ikkaku backwards to the ground and stepped on his chest as he fell. Ikkaku dry-heaved, as Kenpachi dug his heel into his solar plexus. "But I'm orderin' you not to try to kill 'im before both parties involved here can fight back!"

Yumichika had to shout that time: "I'm not that delicate, Captain! I wouldn't be in your squad if I were!"

Kenpachi didn't lift his head from his glare down at Ikkaku, but the low growl in his voice made it clear he was speaking to Yumichika: "Goddamn right. Which is why you two can murder each other when you ain't puttin' someone else in harm's way. Until then, just stay the hell away from each other." He grunted, and stomped hard on Ikkaku's chest. "Goddamn shit, I told you idiots to keep it off the battlefield!" He turned his fierce glower onto Yumichika, and Yumichika's knees and elbows went weak. "You're goin' back to your room for the rest of the day. I'm taking this idiot to lockup." His face relaxed as he craned his neck around. "Yachiru, what'd he do wrong?"

Yachiru waved her little hand. "Unprovoked assault on a fellow officer!"

"It wasn't unprovoked," Yumichika said under his breath, then aloud: "I provoked him. He did nothing wrong." He willed himself to relax, and the men restraining him released him, one by one. Kenpachi released Ikkaku, sneering as he wheezed for air, and hooked Yumichika under the arm.

"What, you don't want him in trouble?"

"I shouldn't have provoked him if I wasn't looking for a fight, and really, when aren't we looking for a good fight?" Yumichika smiled softly, but it didn't spread to his eyes. Kenpachi grunted, but dragged him along in the direction of the barracks between the long shadows of the walls and buildings. Yumichika kept his head low as they trudged past Ikkaku, but forced a stop near where their swords had landed. He picked up Ruri'iro Kujaku and cleaned it on the bottom of his sleeve before he sheathed it, but didn't touch Hozukimaru. Then, he let Kenpachi escort him away. Ikkaku, meanwhile, got to his feet, and caught enough of his breath to yell after him:

"Asshole! Idiot! Stupid,  _ugly_   _TWINK_!" He stomped one step forward, but all the men around him moved in to block him, and he rooted himself down and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Go back to the Twelfth! Maybe someone'll  _understand_  your crazy ass there!"

"Enough already," Kenpachi grumbled, and pushed Yumichika forward to speed him up. Yumichika didn't feel it. Everything else just hurt too much.

Ugly, was he? Maybe.

Yumichika limped at Kenpachi's side until Kenpachi shoved open the door to his barracks, and Yumichika froze in horror at the sight of the room. He heard Kenpachi laugh sheepishly above him.

"Right, so funny story."

"I'd really like to hear this one, Captain." Yumichika pivoted on his heel to face him, turning his aghast gaze from the large hole punched through his wall and into the vacant room next to his. It looked to be vaguely Kenpachi-shaped, but wider, and half-sanded on one side. Whatever had made the hole had covered most of his belongings with plaster dust and bits of broken wall.

"'Fore you started actin' up, I thought I'd do ya a little favor, and make a little space for ya." He folded his arms and put on a wicked smirk. "Thought I'd give you and the kid a little extra space."

"Captain, that room's for the Fourth Seated-"

"Yeah, I know." Kenpachi cocked his head, and Yumichika's eyes widened as he got his meaning. Kenpachi's smirk broadened. "Comes right between the Third and Fifth. Seemed right. Me and the guys, we're gonna put a door there so you can get in from here." He lowered his hand and gave Yumichika's midsection a prod. "You're in charge of makin' sure our Fourth Seat's safe and sound, alright?" He set his hands on his hips, clearly proud of himself for this, and Yumichika could only hang his head.

"You said you wanted to whip me into shape, Captain?"

"Damn right I do." Kenpachi crossed his arms again, shoulders back and nearly filling the entire doorway with his dark, cool presence. "You're kind of an idiot. But that'll hafta wait." He waved a hand next to his head. "I get that there's somethin' I don't get goin' on here, and I ain't dumb enough to fight shadows, or anythin' that don't fight back." He heaved a sigh and backed out. "That said, try not to fuck around. I'm gonna ask you to stay in here for the rest of the night, or I just might hafta reconsider not kickin' your ass today."

"Yes, sir." Kenpachi moved to leave, but saw Yumichika reaching for his face with both hands and grimaced.

"Hey, uh..." He looked behind him, then grabbed Yumichika's shoulders. "Look, I ain't good at talkin', but... I'm your Captain, alright?" He gave Yumichika a shake, then backed out and shut the door behind him.

Yumichika lowered himself down to his bed, exhausted, still nauseous and dizzy, his stomach and legs aching. He hadn't thought the fight would strain him so much, but it had, and he could feel distress from somewhere other than his own head. He put his hands over his middle, covering the swell by spreading his fingers. The baby kicked wildly, and it made his bladder and insides all shudder. The baby's reiatsu, too, was frantically pulsing and writhing against his, and Yumichika tried hard to read it.

Pain? No... confusion?

"It's alright," he whispered. For a fleeting second, he entertained the thought of asking to be taken to the Fourth Division, but something inside him screamed back at him that Unohana was  _the last thing he wanted._ He shuddered and rolled onto his side. "It's alright, darling."

Even if Ikkaku thought him ugly. "He's just seeing what's been on the inside the whole time." He curled up, knees to his chest, hand still on his middle, flat in the orange afternoon sunlight and drowned out by the harsh light. He couldn't feel it, couldn't see it. The only light he sensed at all was inside, grabbing at his hands and twining around him. It was enough to make him smile.

"The Fourth Seat, huh?" He gave the swell a slow caress, from the base to his breastbone. "You're going to be born with a promotion."

There might have been a space he couldn't fill, but he hoped upon hope that he could fill it before long. Wasn't that all part of the 'why'?


	11. Just Talk to Him, Dammit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika's friends decide to step in.

**11: Just Talk To Him, Dammit!**

There was talk. There was always talk. Captain Ukitake had complained, but the words got around best from man to man. Rumors moved faster than feet, and Yumichika knew, too nauseous for shunpo and with sore legs and hips, he was moving slower than ever. Every word passed right by him.

"Did you hear they had a fight?"

"He's been getting really fat, too. Probably overeating 'cause he's so miserable."

"Crazy."

"Moron."

"Has anyone found out why he did it?"

He walked on, trying to take it like a wall would a rotten tomato, hard and firm. He was in the Eleventh, he could dam those things back. He had to shore up his defenses for when everything came crashing down around him. He couldn't let the words crawl into his cracks, or he was sure he'd shatter.

He wasn't the only one hearing it, though. Renji was hearing it from somewhere unexpected.

"... That's the size of it." Renji shifted uncomfortably as Kenpachi leaned back and propped his shoulder against the division gate, and continued, "He ain't talkin' to nobody, he's dazed, he's hardly eating sometimes. You've dealt with-" Kenpachi made a circle in the air around Renji's stomach. "Y'know, that, before. I ain't got a clue what to do."

"Captain, I wish I knew what to tell ya." Renji's shoulders slumped, and he rubbed the back of his head, then glanced out onto the division quad. He could spot Yumichika at the doors to the offices, carrying some papers against his chest, because Kenpachi had discovered that leaving Yumichika to his own devices in the afternoons only led to him pacing anxiously in front of his door. He faced Kenpachi, and edged back into the shadows of the wall. "I don't even think this has anything to do with, y'know, that. I think he's depressed 'cause he just broke up with someone he's been with since before either of us knew 'em, and the hormones can't be helping. Has he been to see Captain Unohana yet?"

Kenpachi spit on the ground. "He ain't hurt, on the outside, anyway. He don't need her."

"Captain, no, she needs to check on the baby."

"Huh?" Kenpachi cocked his head, his nose and lips scrunching up, and Renji sighed. Why was he the one explaining this to him?

"Uh, well, see, Captain Unohana's got this machine." He gestured the size of the box with his arms, then drew a line in the air. "It's got this wand connected to it-" He traced the shape, then made a square with his thumbs and index fingers. "And it all goes to a screen, so she can see inside and look at the baby. 'Cause, we can't see how the baby's doin' from the outside, and sometimes, stuff goes wrong on the inside. It can be pretty scary. Like, my Captain was worryin' about the cord wrappin' around Taka's neck, or him sittin' in a bad spot where he could get hurt. There's tons of stuff that could go wrong, and I'm actually pretty worried about it happening to him, 'specially since Yumichika's, well..."

"Yeah, I get it. He's tough, but the kid's gonna be squishy for a while. Gonna be a while 'fore our Fourth Seat's actually ready to serve." Kenpachi's lip curled, and he glanced over his shoulder again. "He wasn't in a good spot before. Ain't no way of knowin' what's goin' on inside. Wish I knew what Kurotsuchi'd done to him, just so I could kick his ass again." He gave a grizzled grin, not a friendly one, and shook his head. "Thing is, when I suggested he go get checked out- that lump on his head was pretty nasty-lookin', he was actin' wrong, and I don't fuck with head injuries- he freaked. I think he might be scared of her."

"I actually don't blame him." Renji shook his head and hid an exasperated smile into the dim shadow under the gate. "She'll probably give him a big load of grief for lyin' to everyone, but he's gotta suck it up." Kenpachi grunted.

"Right, well, if he don't go on his own soon, I'll give him a reason to go. Now, how do I get my Fifth seat back?"

"I dunno, Captain." Renji's shoulders fell back, and he looked away as Kenpachi snarled under his breath and stomped both feet like an impatient horse. "Look, I'm worried too, but I got my own Division and people to take care of, and, to be honest, I'm closer to Ikkaku than Yumichika." His face fell a little. "I don't think Yumichika's gonna get back to bein' him 'less he and Ikkaku can have a civil conversation, and Ikkaku doesn't do civil conversation 'less he's got Yumichika holding his leash, so somethin's got to give." He shrugged, hands upturned. "I gotta work on sortin' Ikkaku out, and if I'm dealin' with Yumichika, he ain't gonna talk to me. Thing is, I know there's plenty of people who could deal with him. I don't know why none of 'em are even tryin'. But my Captain's concerned for Yumichika, and Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku have both been askin' me how those two're doin'. And now you're askin' me to step in. I'm kind of in a bind here."

"Someone else to talk to him, huh?" Kenpachi's brow wrought itself into knots. "Who?"

"Hanatarou Yamada's okay, quiet and gentle and all, and definitely a good listener, but I'm worried Yumichika might get antsy, since he's from the Fourth." Renji drummed his fingers together, then took a few steps away from Kenpachi and towards the main road. "I'll try and see if Hisagi or Matsumoto feel like talkin'. I think he gets on with some of the other gals in the SWA, mostly through Matsumoto, so if Matsumoto doesn't think she can handle it, maybe Ru- uh, Kuchiki, in the 13th. She still sorta owes him a favor, anyway. He's got friends, and all." He shook his head. "I just don't get why nobody else has tried."

"I don't know 'bout any of this stuff." Kenpachi rubbed the back of his head, as close to sheepish as a wolf like him got. "It just burns my ass to see one of my guys in rotten shape. If I sent him out on the battlefield in a funk like this, tot or no tot, he'd get slaughtered in a second, and I don't like burying bodies when I know the faces attached." He smirked. "Or what used to be attached, however it goes."

"Dark, sir." Renji managed a weak chuckle, then snapped his fingers and whipped back around. "Hey, uh, you got anything doing after this?"

Kenpachi folded his arms. "Was gonna catch a nap."

"Alright, uh, if you skip the nap, how quick can you get your bells on?"

* * *

Yumichika heard the bells first, and put his papers down to peek out the door of the unused office to see Kenpachi strutting towards the division gates, wearing a devilish smile and his Captain's haori. Yumichika just as quickly ducked back in when he saw Captain Kuchiki approaching, Renji at his shoulder. Curiosity got the better of him, and he just had to peer out again when he sensed their forces coming within touching distance.

"Well, good afternoon, princess." Kenpachi smirked, setting his shoulders back. "Thought I smelled your perfume comin'. What brings you in?"

"Hmph." Byakuya narrowed his eyes and flattened his nose at the 'princess' comment, but had class enough to let it go. "I had hoped to ask you a favor, Captain Zaraki."

"Oh, that's rich, comin' from you!" Kenpachi laughed hard, a boisterous noise that rattled the windows, drawing more and more of the division from where they'd been to watch the encounter. "The richest bastard in Soul Society, askin' l'il ol' me a favor!" Kenpachi set his hands on his hips and craned his neck forward, sarcasm dripping off every pointy tooth as he grinned down at Byakuya. "What can I do ya for, Captain Kuchiki?"

Byakuya, to his credit, maintained his composure with nothing more than his usual sedate expression. "To be frank, I was hoping to test myself. I've felt a bit rusty of late, after some downtime due to..." He cleared his throat. "Personal needs. I had hoped to challenge you to a spar to gauge my recovery in battle."

"Is that all?" Kenpachi laughed again. "Ya don't gotta be so formal, Mister Stuffed-shirt! Just draw and come at me, I'll whup you 'round the Division any day of the week!"

"I had hoped we could be incrementally more civilized than that." Byakuya straightened his haori. Its flaps swayed heavy against his legs. "I was hoping for ten rounds, a match to the touch."

"Ahh, to the touch?" Kenpachi grimaced, leaning back and scratching his head, before smirking down at Byakuya again. "Twenty."

"Fifteen." Byakuya's gaze and shoulders were firm. "I do not intend to spend the whole of my afternoon off in the Fourth Division, Zaraki, and I am still more than familiar with my present limits."

"What, you scared?" Kenpachi sneered, but the angle of his smile told Yumichika this was all good-natured fun for him. If Byakuya were scared, he wouldn't be standing in front of the strongest swordsman he knew, daring him to draw. Byakuya, too, returned a cool, sardonic smile.

"What do I have to be afraid of, other than wasting my time?" He shifted his haori off. "Abarai." He passed the jacket over to him, and Renji slung it over his arm as Byakuya rolled his eyes. "The Head Captain pitched the worst fit when I lost it, I'd rather not have it damaged."

"Right, right." Kenpachi removed and dropped his ragged haori to the ground. Byakuya sniffed disdainfully and swung a step back from it.

"Give it to your adjutant so it doesn't get-"

"Kenny!" Yachiru chose that moment to jump up onto Kenpachi's shoulder. "Kenny, I just saw a dog! Captain Doggy must have invited his fam'bly over! But it was big and cute and fluffy! I'ma go kick its ass!" She thrust both little hands into the air, and fell to the ground with a  _whumph_  as she lost her grip. Byakuya pinched the bridge of his nose as Kenpachi doubled over with laughter, and spoke just loud enough to be heard:

"Or perhaps select a squad member to use as your second and to judge the contest." He stepped back as Renji checked on Yachiru, dusting her off and quietly scolding:

"Don't hurt Goro, okay? He must'a just hopped Captain Komamura's puppy gate."

"Right, right." Kenpachi cleared his throat and swung his head around. "Where's Ikkaku?"

"He went on patrol this morning!" One of the unseated members volunteered, and Kenpachi sneered.

"Right. Alright, Yumichika, where ya hidin'?"

Yumichika flinched, but straightened up and exited the office. "Captain." He saluted, knowing better than to flout the rules in front of Byakuya, and stepped to Kenpachi's side. Kenpachi picked up his dusty haori and dropped it into Yumichika's hands.

"You got good eyes, right?" He smirked crookedly. "If Captain Princess here gets so much as a whiff of my blade, you better catch it."

"Sir." Yumichika bowed his head, and he and Renji turned to follow their respective captains to the ring. The Eleventh Division whooped and cheered at the chance to see their Captain in action, but Renji scooted towards Yumichika as they walked.

"Hey." He gave Yumichika's arm a nudge with his elbow. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you. You been okay?" Yumichika didn't answer, eyes low and away, and Renji pursed his lips, until inspiration struck again. "Hey, uh, you haven't seen Taka since you went away. I got a bunch'a pictures, you wanna take a look?"

Yumichika was silent but for his footsteps for a long time, then smiled. "I would."

Renji and Yumichika stood side by side as their captains clashed, watching each round closely, always calling it for his own Captain when they broke apart, but looking furtively as the little stack of pictures Renji had hidden in a pocket he'd gotten sewn into his kosode. "See, when he hit three months, he got his first formal." Renji let Yumichika take the photo off the stack and examine the baby in black silks and wearing kenseikan placed above either ear. He scowled from the photograph, and Yumichika could almost see him batting at the heavy jewelry from the curve of his chubby hand where it was propped. "They got him smiling in one picture, and Captain Kuchiki's sent that one to a painter to have it done 'properly.'" He flipped a few pictures down the stack. "I like these better!" The lens had been obscured by blades of grass, but it was a close view of a curious infant's face crawling through, his honey-brown eyes and red hair illuminated by sunlight. He could see some of Byakuya's legs, clad in his usual hakama but with more expensive shoes than anyone else Yumichika could think of, in the background, and as he flipped through the pictures, he could spot an opened picnic basket and toys on a woven blanket under a tree behind the curious baby. "This was the day he turned five months, so we took him on a picnic, and-"

"Abarai."

"Hey, Yumichika, pay attention!"

The two Officers quickly stood attention and faced the battlefield again, but as the round began again, Yumichika passed the photos back to Renji. "He's precious. You must be so proud."

"You have no idea! He's so great!" Renji laughed a little, but sharpened as he looked back to the ring. "A touch on Zaraki's right thigh!"

"I object! A touch on Captain Kuchiki's lateral left breast!"

"Ahh, hell." Kenpachi spit at the ground. "I'll give him the point." He showed the tear in the leg of his hakama and the thin line of blood on the skin underneath with a smirk, first at his men, then Byakuya. "You better have your fancy-pants-pants-fixers at the ready, 'cause I'm gonna give you two back!"

"As you might say, Zaraki," Byakuya drew his heels to stand fully upright and lifted Senbonzakura: "Bring it."

The matches continued with six points to each Captain, and three matches undecided, and Captain Kuchiki sheathed his sword. "An excellent match, Captain Zaraki. It is only a pity that we remain even."

"Every damn time." Kenpachi dusted his hands and started to look at the bruises on his arms and the tears in his clothes. "I'll keep gettin' better."

"I'll not allow you to surpass me." Byakuya smirked coolly as he rose, but despite his pride, he was sweating and flushed from the effort. "Perhaps we can match again some time soon."

"I tol'ja, Princess. Any day!" Zaraki set his hands on his hips and laughed at Byakuya, pleased, as Byakuya retreated and approached Renji.

"My haori, if you would."

"Sir." Renji held the haori out, as Kenpachi stepped down and swiped his from Yumichika and swaggered away, peeling off his kosode and waving it to shake the sweat out.

"Lieutenant Abarai, if I might be momentarily forward." Yumichika folded his arms nervously, as Byakuya stepped away to fix the ties on his clothes. "You carry all of those photographs on you? Aren't you worried you'll lose them on patrol, or if your clothes get damaged?"

"I got extra copies." Renji shrugged, then stepped in close to Yumichika. "Plus, uh, to be honest, it's sort of this thing I got in my head." He tapped the side of his forehead. "I know we're having some calm times, but I always kinda worry that somethin' might come up, and I'll be stuck out on a long mission with no warning, and I wanna be able to see my boy wherever I am." He let his mouth linger near Yumichika's ear. "Plus... if I get run through... if I'm not gettin' home again..." He pulled a photograph out, of Byakuya holding Taka in his first swaddling, father and son meeting eyes for the first time. "This is the last thing I wanna see."

Yumichika seemed to freeze up at those words, all the soft light that had warmed him looking over the pictures clouded over, and Renji put the photo away and patted his arm. "It's morbid, but that's the facts of life. We're soldiers, after all, and while I don't want to die, I know that it just might be in my stars. So, I get on with life and deal." He gave Yumichika's shoulder a good shake, but it didn't loosen him up at all, so he just gave him his most winning, reassuring smile and retreated to follow Byakuya. Yumichika remained in place, staring at Renji's broad back. Byakuya, however, halted, and Yumichika could swear that those harsh gray eyes had flashed to him for a fraction of a second before he shook the folds of his haori, and spoke aloud.

"Abarai, I'm missing something."

"Sir?" Renji stood attention, as Byakuya reached into his haori.

"Yes, I had a parcel in my inner pocket." Byakuya turned and cast his eyes around the emptying ring, and continued speaking in a voice loud enough that Yumichika could clearly hear. "Wrapped in paper."

"Huh." Renji took a look around, and Yumichika was sure he'd looked right at him in the process of doing so. "I'm terribly sorry, sir, it must have fallen out while I was carrying the jacket."

Byakuya sneered. "It's surely been trampled by now, at which point I won't want it back. A shame." He gave an exaggerated click of his tongue and shook his head, eyes briefly resting on Yumichika again. "I'll have to send some servants to fetch me more of the same."

"Oh, that ain't fair, it was nice stuff." Renji moaned, but his gaze passed over Yumichika and to the bench behind where the two of them had been standing.

"I can replace it. If anyone here can appreciate it, I do hope they locate it, but it's no great loss to me." Byakuya fixed his scarf and pivoted on his heel for the gates. "Come along, Abarai, we've no more time to tarry."

"Sir." Renji bowed his head a little, threw one last wave to Yumichika with a final wink, and as they departed for the Division gates, Yumichika promptly turned to the bench to see a box, no bigger than a rather dense novel and wrapped in purple paper, underneath.

Yumichika briefly entertained the thought that Renji had convinced Byakuya to put on this act just to discreetly pass him something. He tried not to laugh at the thought of Renji forcing him to rehearse lines.

Byakuya did have one last line for Renji as they walked out: "You said Captain Zaraki said he'd been depressed?"

"Yes, sir." Renji nodded, because he'd seen that broken look on Yumichika's face.

"I see. You may wish to advise him not to eat out of his emotions."

"Sir?" Renji furrowed his brow, as Byakuya's eyebrows sloped across his forehead.

"Even I was not so large at twenty-four weeks." He shook his head with silent, somber disapproval. "He'll want to be careful. Gestational diabetes can be very dangerous, especially if he's not yet sought Unohana's aid."

"Oh." Renji glanced both ways, then nipped up to walk right at Byakuya's side. "That bad, huh?"

"M-hm."

"Yeah, 'cept..." Renji hung his head. "Kenpachi told me..."

Yumichika didn't dare peel away the paper until late that night, alone in the construction zone his room had become (with a square, smooth hole that had come together in the days since Kenpachi had first punched through, ready for a door), and found it was not a book at all. Instead, it was a sturdy pasteboard box, with little containers of lotion that smelled sweet and felt light, in varying degrees, on his skin. "Eyebright, for sleepless nights" was written in impeccably neat handwriting on a tag attached to one, "Helps with dry skin and blotches" on another, "No more stretch marks" on a third. There was also a glass bottle labeled simply "Vitamins." A note sat in the bottom:

_"These aided me when I stood in your place. I hope they are of use to you."_  The sigil of the Sixth Division was the only signature needed, as if the perfect script and the assembly of what must have been very expensive cosmetics hadn't been enough. Yumichika almost didn't want to use them, just because he would eventually run out and he'd probably never be able to afford anything this nice ever again. Then again,  _almost_. He didn't care that he was getting Byakuya's leftovers. This was something he couldn't have on his own, and something he couldn't ask for.

Someone to just be nice to him. That feeling seeped into his cracks and broke him down.

Anyone who'd said he'd been overeating hadn't seen him, hardly even touching what few things he did take for himself. He missed that night's dinner too, sobbing in the fetal position and trying to rebuild his wall. It was exactly like Renji had told Byakuya, far away from his ears:  _"He's hardly eating at all."_

He knew he needed to do better, for himself, for his child, but it was hard enough going from day to day when every little shock left him shaken, too rigid to roll with them. Byakuya's present would help the outside, but even he couldn't know what would help what lay beneath.

* * *

Kenpachi still let Yumichika lead the lowest level of morning exercises three days a week (while by some coincidence, Ikkaku was being sent out on day patrols on all three of those mornings), but left him to his own devices or gave him paperwork the rest of the week. None of the squad members who had been doing the busy work while he was away minded (quite the opposite, really), and Kenpachi did his best not to feel guilty ushering him into the otherwise unused office with the forms and schedules that needed to be filled out every week.

"I need ya to take stock in the pantry, and then do the food requests. Also, some guys have been askin' for new uniforms and stuff, so you should do an order from the quartermaster." Kenpachi looked at the piles of papers in sloppy disarray over his desk, but Yumichika quickly found them and took them up, raising an eyebrow at Kenpachi. "Alright, good. And, uh." He smirked a little. "You know, I don't check them, so make sure you put down everything you need."

"Sir." Yumichika bowed his head a little, made space on the desk, and hunkered down to reviewing the uniform requests. Kenpachi strolled out, and Yachiru bounced in past him.

"Aww, Kenny's making you do the boring papers again?" Yumichika nodded as Yachiru perched her hands on his leg. "Can I do them?"

"He asked me to, Yachiru. I don't mind it. You should go for morning exercises." He granted her a weary little smile, because she was a tiny little girl, still, she couldn't be expected to understand him just wanting to be left alone.

"But I wanna!" Yachiru grabbed at the papers, but he held them aloft, high over her head. "I can ask for lots of candy and stuff, and Kenny won't stop me 'cause he doesn't check! Grampa's men check, though, but-" And she dropped to a secretive whisper just into his ear. "If you just put a little extra on, they don't notice." She then pushed off and hopped away. Yumichika blinked a few times as he took the full meaning of what both Kenpachi and Yachiru had said.

_"... everything_ _ you _ _need."_

_"... just put a little extra on..."_

He laughed to himself, his eyelids crinkling up for the first time in ages, and turned over the food requisition forms to mark down a few extra jars of pickles and boxes of candied ginger. He might not have been very hungry, but he knew what his body wanted.

The afternoon after Byakuya's visit to the Eleventh Division, Yumichika was charged with taking files and papers to the main filing office to be processed. This was one of the less-favored tasks he'd been charged with lately, just because it put him in the public eye. He was fully aware of what he looked like, what they all said about him, and how every person he walked past would whisper in his wake. He kept his walls up tight, shutting everything in, walking through the empty space left by the life he'd ruined.

It was this afternoon, no more significant than any other, as bright with sunshine and peaceful as most days were of late, that Yumichika got more than a passing glance of light in his world. He never expected it to find it in the filing office, but it came in the form of a familiar voice.

"Oh, Ayasegawa." Hisagi's voice, muffled by the stack of books and papers in front of his face. He set them down on the desk in front of the pigeonholes and shelves and wiped his brow. "Hard at work, still?"

"Always." Yumichika put on a bright, false smile and turned back to the shelf, ignoring the way Shuhei's eyes lingered on the significant swell in his shihakusho. He gave a little sigh, and joined Yumichika in putting his borrowed files away. They didn't talk, except for the occasional, "Can you put this there?" or "Can I get past you?" It was like nearly every encounter Yumichika had with his once-familiar comrades since coming back to the real world, and really, he should have been used to it. It didn't keep him from sighing after ten minutes of awkward silence.

"Whoa!" Shuhei jumped back into the shelf, knocking a couple books off the shelf behind him. Yumichika wasn't quite sure what to make of that, but crouched down to pick them up.

"You alright there, Lieutenant?"

"I should be asking you." Shuhei shook his head a little, but got down on his knees. "I'll get those, you're gonna hurt your back."

"Uh." Yumichika didn't know what to make of that, either. "Thanks." Shuhei got up and put the rest of the books on the cabinet behind them, and picked up the book he'd been holding just moments ago. His eyes roved over Yumichika again.

"Hey, so, how have you been?"

"Me?" Yumichika quickly looked away and went back to searching the bookshelf. He wasn't expecting this. "As good as I can be, I guess. It's been a readjustment."

"I can imagine." Shuhei sucked his upper lip for a second, then heaved a sigh. "You know everyone's worried, right? They think you lost your mind or something."

"Yes, yes." Yumichika shoved the file in his hands into place a little harder than he had to. "Thank you for reminding me, Lieutenant. I'm insane. I'm stupid. I should be tossed out on my ass and I'm lucky Kenpachi-"

"Yumichika." Shuhei dropped his book and grabbed his arm. "Look, talk to me. Off the record. Stop calling me Lieutenant, it's just us." Yumichika made himself stone in Shuhei's grip.

"Okay." Shuhei loosened his hand a little, and his lips spread in what Yumichika knew to be sympathy. Maybe even pity. And god did he hate that.

"Help me understand." Shuhei let go of him and folded his arms. "You and Ikkaku have been an item longer than I've known you-"

"- were an item-"

"But why would you split up with him over something like-" He made a vague gesture towards Yumichika's midsection. "This?!"

"I wanted the baby." Yumichika spun away on his heel and continued filing. "He didn't. It seemed an appropriate dividing line."

"Seemed? Yumichika..." Shuhei squinted, his jaw hung open for a moment, and then he shook it off. "When you say that, it sounds like you were just waiting for a good reason to split up with him."

Yumichika considered it for a moment, his hand stilled with lithe fingers pushing in the book by its spine, then slid down and dropped away. Maybe, just maybe... "Shuhei. You've kept my secrets before."

"Yumichika-"

"Shuhei." Yumichika faced him again and put one hand on his hip. "I got tired of lying to him." Shuhei's eyes widened, almost imperceptibly, but Yumichika hung his head and shook his hair from his eyes. "The lies I've told him. The lies I've told without speaking at all. I've lied to him to keep him happy with me, because it was so much easier than standing and facing him angry. He would have thrown me away if I even tried to get between him and the way he wants to live, it's just how he is."

"Don't you think you were more important to him than that?" Shuhei took a step closer, almost intimately so.

"He stayed with me because it was easy. That's all it ever was. I cared a little deeper than that." Yumichika couldn't keep the sad little smile off his face, and had to keep working, keep his eyes on the mind-numbing papers and dense files, to try and fight the wave of emotion rising up in his throat. "I knew I'd lose him if he knew the truth, so I lied, and he believed me. But I'm not stupid. It couldn't last forever." He pushed the file in and grabbed the last of his stack, putting more space between him and Shuhei. "I talk so big, sometimes. How he'd want to die if he couldn't win, and how I'd let him, because that's how it was supposed to be." He shook his head as if in disbelief, laughing weakly at the books and his faint reflection in the paint on the walls. "God, even you knew that was crap. You told me he was gonna die at the Karakura pillars, and I lost my cool."

"Hey, I was sharp with you right there and then because we were in a tight situation. Nobody blames you for getting upset, he was your partner-"

"But that wasn't the problem." Yumichika sighed, and propped his elbow on the shelf, chin against his palm, his other hand brushing his belly. Shuhei winced a little, as realization dawned.

"You mean..."

"He's fine with his death. I'm not." The hand on his belly absently traveled up and down. "I know that if he were in real danger, and I were there, I would throw everything away and get between him and his untimely demise, and he'd hate me for it." He smiled again, looking all the world like the crushing weight of his reality were just a summer breeze but for his lightless eyes. "I suppose I decided that if he really wants to die, I'll let him. I took what I could and got out so I wouldn't have to watch." Shuhei took it in, and folded his arms.

"Yumichika, that's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth." Yumichika 'hmph'ed and turned away again, as Shuhei threw his hands up. "I mean, you're vapid, but you're not stupid. Do you seriously think Ikkaku would break up with you if he knew you cared that much?"

"It's kind of moot at this point, anyway." Yumichika grabbed the books Shuhei had dropped and forced his way past him to put them where they belonged. "He's done with me, as as soon as the Captain realizes I'm useless, I'll be out of your hair forever." His face fell, though he tried hard to look at the shelves, to think of anything else. His task done, he brushed his hands off on his sides and turned to leave, but Shuhei grabbed his wrist again.

"You need to go to the Fourth."

"What, gonna have me committed? Stupid isn't-"

"Outside of the reasons you already know," Shuhei deliberately spoke over him, and wrenched Yumichika's arm around to make him face him. "You're depressed. The way you're talking, the way you're acting, you've got a serious problem." He shook his head, wearied. "I've spent too much time with Kira to not see it. You can't take care of yourself or your kid if you're shut down like this, and you're not seeing reality." He squeezed his arm, and Yumichika winced. "Please, go talk to Captain Unohana. You need to worry about the kid you wanted so much. You may feel fine now, but things can go bad quickly! Think of what happened to Captain Ukitake-"

"He was already sick. Let go of me, Hisagi!"

"Listen to me!" Shuhei dug his thumb in between the muscles of Yumichika's arm, and Yumichika released a weak cry. "You made a mistake, it happens, big deal! Shutting yourself in and avoiding people who care about you is just going to make you feel worse!"

"I'm not avoiding them-"

"You look away whenever we come close." Shuhei gave him a shake. "You know you're stronger than this! You're still in the Eleventh-"

"For now." Yumichika couldn't stop the words. Shuhei scowled, and squeezed harder.

"It's just this kind of stupid stuff that has us terrified. Don't you get it?! Rangiku's asking anyone she thinks you might be talking to, trying to see if you're alright. Renji's tearing his hair out. We're worried about you, you-"

"Hey!" That sharp voice. Yumichika's eyes widened. Shuhei didn't let go, eyes boring down into Yumichika's, as Ikkaku stalked in. "Ayasegawa, the Captain shouldn't have to send me after your fat ass! What the hell's taking you so long?!" He stuck his hands on his hips, jaw clenched, wide stance. Yumichika, to Shuhei's surprise, put on a sweet, bright smile as pretty as it was disingenuous.

"Ah, my bad, sir. It takes me so long to get anywhere, y'know?" He tipped his chin towards Shuhei. "Lieutenant Hisagi saw me struggling and helped me. You were a very big help, Lieutenant. Thank you. You can let go of my arm now." Shuhei let go all at once, like he forgot he'd been holding on in the first place, and Yumichika let his arm drop to his side, his smile pinned firmly in place, and turned towards Ikkaku. "I'm done, so I'll head back. Excuse me." He moved right past him, deliberately swinging his hip so they wouldn't touch, and Ikkaku followed him with his eyes as he vanished down the pergola walkway, then whipped right around to face Shuhei.

"What the hell were you two talking about?"

"Business." Shuhei grabbed the rest of his files and hurriedly shelved them. He stopped, midway through his last file, and glanced back at Ikkaku, who still stood there, fists clenched, clearly expecting more. "He tried to walk away before I was done talking to him. Quit giving me that look like I took the last beer out of the cooler. I'm not interested in him, and from what I understand, neither are you."

"You shut the fu-"

"He needs to go to the Fourth." Shuhei coolly turned away, dusting his hands against one another. "If you're full of crap and do actually care about him, you ought'a drag him there by his ears."

"I don't fucking care!" Ikkaku stomped his foot a few times, and Shuhei scoffed and circled around him.

"Whatever." He shook his head even as he walked away, and Ikkaku caught the last of what he said just in earshot: "The two of you are as pathetic as always."

Ikkaku huffed for air, then roared and knocked the nearest bookshelf over. Files, binders, and papers went everywhere, and he stormed back out. He needed to beat the shit out of something more satisfying, because when he was this amped up, it was fuck or fight, and the first one just plain wasn't on the menu right now.

He didn't even think of why Yumichika wasn't at the division headquarters when he got back. He just drew Hozukimaru and tore into the nearest training dummy until it was nothing but stuffing, then moved to the next. He couldn't possibly spare a thought for Yumichika collapsed in a privy between the filing office and the division, tamping down everything Shuhei had uncovered.

"They..." He sniffled and tried to think of all the times when he'd seen his friends pass him by in the past days... or had he passed them? "Do they really... do they care?"

He knew at least one of them didn't, and that black hole left by his absence had swallowed the rest.

The real bright spot was the man not running on hormones of some form, but instead, running back from his task with a clear head. Shuhei ran the conversation through his mind again, but he'd already come to a conclusion, and he sped past the Ninth Division and directly into the Tenth. Nobody batted an eye at him- with a serious face like his, of course he was there on business- and nobody stopped him from going right into the administrative office.

"Lieutenant Matsumoto!" He halted in front of her desk, and she swung her feet off the desk and clasped her hands on it.

"Aww, Shuhei, you look flushed." She put on a coy smile and leaned forward. "What's got your neck in a knot?"

"I just talked to-" His eyes flashed to Toshiro, reviewing patrol schedules with his pen in his mouth. "Permission to speak freely, Captain Hitsugaya?"

"Lieutenant Hisagi, you should know by now that Matsumoto doesn't bother asking." He twirled his pen by his lip. "Proceed. Pretend I'm not here if that'll help."

Shuhei promptly bent back over her desk and lowered his voice. "I just saw Yumichika. Renji wised me up that Zaraki was sending him to the filing office today, told me to try and intercept, and-"

Rangiku shot up from her seat. "Oh, Shu, how is he?"

"He needs help." Shuhei shook his head a little. "I didn't know why Renji thought I'd be able to get anywhere with him, most he and I've got are a few private conversations that went nowhere, but I guess he's seen us talking and figured we were close. Turns out, whatever conversations he and I've had have been good enough for him to crack a little." He lowered his voice further, near a whisper and as close to Rangiku as his crush on her would ever let him get. "He's got issues. He's obviously running on the notion of getting booted out of the Gotei 13 any day, and he's talking like he's circling the drain. I know he hasn't gone to see anyone in the Fourth yet."

"But what do you want me to do?" Rangiku clamped her hands down over his, pinning him to the desk by their intersected fingers. "It breaks my heart to see him like this. I mean, my rival, letting his looks go to waste weeping like this! I could kick him, but I don't even know how to talk to him." Her lip came out in an inadvertent pout. "He just looks so sad."

"It's tough, but for the love of God, talk to him." Shuhei slid his hands out from under hers and folded them behind his back, and quickly shifted his gaze to study an apparently interesting splotch on the tatami mat next to his feet. "I think he just needs someone he feels like he can talk to. Renji said that Captain Zaraki's behind him, full throttle, but there's a difference between a superior and a friend." Rangiku started a weak, whinging protest, but Shuhei clenched his fist. "Just talk to him, dammit!"

Rangiku's jaw hung slack for a moment, then clamped up and let the corners of her mouth lift into a crooked smile. "Y'know what? I think I will." She tossed her hair back and beamed at Captain Hitsugaya. "I'm going to take a brief walk, boss."

Toshiro moaned a little and turned a page. "Sure, whatever, don't let me or your overflowing inbox stop you." If Rangiku caught the sarcasm, she didn't care, and she set her shoulders back and strode out with a big smile on her face. Hisagi snorted, an inadvertent smile creasing his cheeks, and he turned to go just as Hitsugaya cleared his throat.

"Sir?" He whipped right back around, as Hitsugaya straightened the stack of papers in front of him.

"Mister Hisagi, you were talking about Mister Ayasegawa, right?" He cleared his throat again and tugged a little on the collar of his kosode. "You said... Zaraki was supporting him?"

"Yes, sir." Shuhei stood at attention, but cocked his head. Hitsugaya puzzled over this, chewing on his lower lip, then pushed back from his desk a little.

"I'd heard a rumor he was getting a Fourth Seat at long last. You don't think..." Hitsugaya's cheeks turned pink, and he spun back around in his chair and waved Shuhei off. "Ah, dismissed, Hisagi!"

"Yes, sir." Shuhei about-faced to hide a smirk, but glanced back over his shoulder. "And, if I might speak freely for another moment?" Hitsugaya lifted his eyes and an inquisitive eyebrow. "I wouldn't be worried about this kid surpassing you that fast. Look at his parents; they're idiots." Hitsugaya stifled a snicker, and Shuhei turned on his heel again, laughing softly into his palm. "I'll be sure Rangiku lets you know when the shower is and what kind of cake they're having." Hitsugaya turned three different shades of red.

"That's enough, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir!" Shuhei grinned to himself and went back on towards his division. It had been enough. He didn't even have to check later to know for sure.

* * *

Yumichika extracted himself from his crying bout as the sun started to sink down towards the horizon, and tried to return to his division discreetly along the dusty path back. He felt less than ever like letting people look at him.

Let alone grab on and cling.

"Here you are!" Yumichika gasped as he was seized by strong arms and swept up against a generous, pillowy bosom, and didn't even have to check and be sure it was Rangiku. He felt his insides freeze solid as she hugged onto him. "Yumichika, don't think I'm too awful!" She sounded to be near tears, and Yumichika fought his mouth away from her breasts to speak clearly:

"Why would you be awful?" How could she? Next to him, how could she be? Rangiku loosened her grip to hold him at arm's length and fixed a stray strand of hair from his face.

"I was scared to talk to you! I thought I'd say something stupid and upset you!" She held tight onto both of his arms, squeezing. "Please don't tell me I hurt you even worse!" Her lower lip wiggled, eyes big and wide and wet at the bottom, and Yumichika shook his head.

"Rangiku, I-"

"Oh, thank goodness!" Her teary expression cleared, and she hugged onto him again. "I missed you, you big moron!"

Yumichika wondered if she'd just guilted him into forgiving her for not talking to him until now, but she patted his face. "Oh, my gosh. No makeup at all?"

"Look at these awful red patches I have." He tugged at one of the blotches on his cheek. "I've got itchy spots all over, but this is the worst, because you can see it here! I tried to put on makeup over them, but that made them worse."

"Oh, no!" Rangiku quickly tipped his face around and clicked her tongue, her eyes piteous but her smirk devilish. "You must feel hideous standing next to me!" Yumichika flushed red, but Rangiku patted his bare neck. "Where's your sweater?"

"After I stopped wearing it for a few weeks, it stopped fitting." He blushed a little deeper, his face unpleasantly hot. "It's loose on the neck and arms, but pretty tight around the chest."

Rangiku clicked her tongue a few times, and traced up to his eyebrows. "And no feathers- the glue?"

"I stopped using them when I was in the Twelfth, but when I tried to put them back on, the glue made my eyelids swell up. It's terrible!" He moaned a little, and she patted his cheek.

"And your face is too skinny! Your cheekbones aren't this well-defined!"

"Yes, they are!" Yumichika gasped, scandalized. He knew what she was doing, and he was absolutely fine with falling back into her pace.

"You need chubby baby cheeks or the baby won't have them!" She pinched his cheek. "And then there's-" She stopped suddenly, dropping to a knee and cupping both of her hands around his belly. "Look at this! You've got such a cute tummy!"

"Ah!" Yumichika squirmed and tried to push her off, but she already had her ear on his midsection.

"Does he kick?"

"Sometimes- what are you-!"

"I wanted to hear the heartbeat or feel him move, but I can't. Guess I need a stethoscope or something!" Rangiku wrapped her arms around his midsection and nuzzled her cheek to it. "Hello, cutie-pie! You're getting awfully big in there! You're gonna be just as pretty as your mom, and still be jealous of me!" She gave him a squeeze, then backed off and stood up, then immediately returned her hands to feeling his belly over. "You're really big, even though your face is skinny."

"Gee, thanks." He rolled his eyes, even as she beamed with delight, then jerked into motion when she hooked her arm around his.

"C'mon, we're gonna fix that! We're gonna go get some food in town, and I'm gonna get you some makeup that's okay for your mommy-skin, and then you have to paint my toenails so I'll paint yours! Just 'cause you can't see your feet doesn't mean they can't be gorgeous!" She started to drag him off, but he dug his heels in.

"Rangiku! Wait!" He slapped her arm a few times, and she whipped around, appalled.

"What? You don't want to go have some fun?" She shook him a little bit, and he batted her off, stepping back.

"I- of course I do!" He twisted his head around, at all the shinigami staring at him as they passed on the main road. "Just- how can you stand to be around me? You know what I did. You know why Ikkaku hates me, why everyone should-"

"Oh, honey, I forgot the best part." She seized both of his hands in hers, lacing their fingers and squeezing tight with the biggest smile he'd ever seen. "We're gonna complain about loser boys who don't know what they're missing, 'cause they can't see we know what's best." She stood up, just a little taller than him, and clasped his hand in hers. He didn't resist this time, because she was saying all the right things.

Rangiku got dinner with him, and he ate more than he'd eaten in a sitting since leaving the Twelfth. She dragged him to a makeup store and tested out makeups until he found one that didn't make his skin itch worse. Rangiku got him a bottle of body lotion, too, then dragged him to the bookstore. "Maybe there'll be a list of stuff we can use that's okay for your skin and won't hurt the baby!" That was how she justified purchasing him a baby book.

She paid for everything. Rangiku  _never_  paid for everything. She'd either split the check or promise to pay him back next time. Yumichika even got a little disgusted when she bought the both of them ice cream.

"I have money, you know!" He tried to get his wallet out from his hakama pocket, but she slapped his hand down.

"Oh, no, you save that." Rangiku tapped his arm until he took his hand out of his pocket. "You need to save for all the cute baby clothes you're going to have to buy!" Yumichika's breath caught, and he hunched over. Rangiku touched his shoulder. "Hey, don't make that face. I mean, I'll get the SWA, we'll throw you a baby shower and help, but we're talkin' about  _your_  kid here! He's gotta look shar-"

"Could I have candied ginger on my ice cream, please?" He pursed his lips, and Rangiku wasn't sure what to make of the dark, difficult look that passed over him like a rain shower.

She made good on her word to give him a pedicure in her quarters, sitting him on the bed and sitting cross-legged at his feet, scolding him the whole time for "going so long without taking care of yourself!" It may have just been her way of getting him to leaf through the baby book while she did so, and quickly found some answers.

"'Pregnancy mask?' Nobody told me about that." He groaned and turned a few more pages. "Itchy skin's normal, too. And stretch marks- I've actually been really lucky so far."

"Can I see?" Rangiku put her pumice stone down and wiped her hands on the mat under her feet. Yumichika reached for the tie on his kosode, and winced as he went for the first tie. Her eyes widened, and so did his when he realized what had happened.

"I'm so much more screwed up than I thought." He forced himself to yank the belt off and untie his kosode to show his bare torso. Rangiku shook her head.

"That awful Captain Kurotsuchi. Making you scared to be naked."

"Yeah, he'd always make me undress before he examined me, and just hurl insults about my weight and stuff. I guess I hadn't realized how much they got to me." He pulled the sleeves loose and held his middle. "It's normal, though. This is what I'm supposed to look like."

"Yeah." Rangiku put both hands on his bare skin. It was smooth, but there were a few dry patches and a reddish line from the navel to the top of his hakama. He had a few stretch marks, blue and purple, around the edges and pointed towards the middle. Rangiku just smiled. "It's big, but it's cute!"

"Big?"

"Mhm." Rangiku snatched the book and turned a few pages. "See, even when Captain Ukitake was- you're twenty-four, twenty-five weeks? Yeah, he wasn't that big."

"Well, he was sick." Yumichika scratched his head, then scratched a patch on his side. "Maybe..."

"Maybe you should talk to Captain Unohana." Rangiku closed the book and passed it back to him. "Don't get me wrong, I get that it's a little scary, but she'll be able to tell you everything about the baby." She didn't miss how Yumichika tightened up again and shook his knee. "I'll go with you!"

"Rangiku, I..." He winced. "She... she's the last..."

_"Captain Unohana is the last thing you want, boy."_ He heard it in his head, remembered where and when he'd heard it, and that gave him the strength to see through it.

"... what can she do?" Yumichika blinked a few times as it came to him. "I mean, she'll chew me out, for sure, but I don't think she can actually hurt me. And... she can't toss me out... can she?"

"I don't think she can do that, not unless you did something really awful, and even then, she might have the Head Captain's ear, but Kenpachi's your Captain, not her." Rangiku patted his knee. "Was that what you were scared of?"

"I... I guess. That, plus a little Eleventh Division pride." He laughed weakly, and pulled his kosode back on. "Tomorrow. I'll try and drop in over there tomorrow, and see if I can schedule a sonogram or something. Maybe not with Unohana herself, but just to check on the baby."

"Attaboy." Rangiku patted his knees, then hoisted up to a stand. "Okay, your turn."

Yumichika lifted his leg so he could see it, and chuckled to see she'd painted his toenails bright blue and his feet were buffed, smooth and soft. "Thanks, Rangiku."

He meant it, in more ways than she could know.

Pedicures done, the two of them lazed towards curfew with a magazine they were barely reading. "Rangiku." He nudged her arm as she flipped to a 'How To Get Him Back!' article and wrinkled her nose. "D'you think... if you'd had a chance to have...  _his_  baby, do you think you would've?"

"Huh." She bit her lower lip. "You go for the gold, don'cha?" She shut the magazine and put it on his face. "Why're you askin' me stupid questions like that?"

"Morbid curiosity." He pulled the magazine away to give her an easy smile, and she sighed and smiled reluctantly. "You ever thought about it? I mean, even if you couldn't change what he did, if you'd had a chance to tell him how you felt, and if he felt the same, and you had a chance... would you have?"

"Never thought about it." Rangiku's smile was sad, and she clasped her hands over her thighs and gazed down to her pink toenails. "I... I don't think so. The two of us, we wouldn't have been good parents. Too much time in the Rukon, we wouldn't know how to be stable. And if he still was going to do what he did, then I wouldn't have been a good mom by myself."

"Oh." Yumichika's face fell, and he pulled his knees in. Rangiku glanced at him, then elbowed him in the side.

"And that means nothing for you! Gin Ichimaru was- he was- I could never get a read on him, and whatever there was between us is nothing like what you have and what you are! If you think you can do this, then I think you're right."

"Had. What I had, Rangiku." Yumichika's shoulders hunched, and his head fell. Rangiku scoffed and elbowed him again.

"Sheesh, you're moodier than me. Told you we were gonna complain about boys, right?" She slapped his back, her eyes twinkling with mirth. "That loser has no idea what he's missing. I'll talk to Renji and the guys and stuff, see if they can maybe get him to come around."

"I don't want him to come around. I can't ask him for that." Yumichika shook his head again. "I think I'd be content if we could be around each other without going for each other's blood. Kenpachi can't send him on extra patrols forever."

"Going for blood's kind of what you do, silly." Rangiku snickered and jostled him a few times, and he chuckled and tried to rebuff her with his hands. "But whatever you want. You deserve it. Even if you've made mistakes, you deserve forgiveness, don't you?"

"I wish." Yumichika laughed it off, low and sarcastic, and Rangiku frowned at him as he got to his feet. "It's late, and I'm tired, and it takes me forever to walk anywhere. I better head back."

"Sure." Rangiku stood up as well. "Hey, I'll come check in on you tomorrow afternoon, after you see Unohana. You gotta show me the pictures!"

"Heh, sure." She held the door for him, and he left, waving over his shoulder as he made track for the gates to the Tenth.

A night nearing normalcy, for him, at least. He felt strong, stronger than he had been that morning, and a little more ready to face the future. He could smile indulgently down at the round part of his middle, touch it, reach out with his spirit and feel it reaching back as he spoke. "Did'ja hear? Auntie Rangiku wants to see you. I want to see you, too. I've wanted to see you since before you even happened."

He was starting to see everything a lot clearer now, from even just that flash of shining light.

* * *

Cold morning light often makes one see things very differently. Yumichika knew such sentiments usually belonged to nights spent with too much sake and the wrong kind of man, but he was getting that same feeling as he took his first few steps past the gate into the Fourth Division.

The sky was bleak, pale blue and almost gray, and the grounds were deserted. It was early, so he hadn't expected a lot of activity, but that was deliberate. The less people saw him here, the happier he'd be. Besides, if he got in and out fast enough, he wouldn't miss morning exercises, and Kenpachi wouldn't have to know he caved. Still, the closer he got to the doors of the relief station, the more he regretted even thinking about it.

He wasn't sick, or dying, or bleeding, an officer of the Eleventh doesn't need help unless they only find victory a step from Death's door! Besides, Unohana would... he still had no idea what she'd do to him, but he had no illusions of her being kind. Her tongue could be razorblades. She could be cuttingly vicious with a single sideways glance. Anyone who saw her as the smiling, sweet lady she presented as was dead wrong, and probably would be dead if they crossed her. Did he have proof? Didn't need it. Retsu Unohana smelled wrong, and anyone could tell you that she didn't need to have her sword out to rip you to shreds. He'd heard that she'd even scolded Byakuya. Byakuya Kuchiki! It took a lot of balls- ovaries? Whatever- to give a nobleman lip and get away unscathed!

Who knew a healer could be so intimidating? He'd never even seen her raise her blade.

He sighed as he came to a halt outside of the Relief Center doors. He couldn't hear anyone inside just yet, but he was sure the night crew was there, finishing the overnight shift and doing their last set of rounds on the patients. They wouldn't be so bad, would they? It was peaceful here, the gardens beautiful and well-kept, the morning glories and early buds smelling sweet in the fresh dawn air. He should be relaxed. This should be fun and exciting. He couldn't place why he was so tense, when everything else seemed so innocuous. He raised a hand to slide the front door open, but stopped short.

He needed to brace himself.

He stepped back and sat on a retaining wall in front of a garden, and took a few breaths. The flowers did smell especially sweet here, didn't they? This was going to be nice, this was going to be good- no matter how much he repeated these things inside his head, they never quite crossed into being fact. He tried, instead, to focus on the well-kept blossoms behind him. Anyone who kept such nice gardens couldn't do him harm, right? Not when they smelled so good. Especially a white and purple one at his elbow that had the distinct aroma of vanilla and ginger...

His mouth watered.

Yumichika hadn't realized stress-eating included flowers, but without even thinking, he'd picked it, pulled a petal, and put it in his mouth. He'd chewed and nearly swallowed before he realized what he'd done and stopped completely cold, and his eyes fell to the crumpled blossom in his hand. Before he could even begin to reconcile what was happening with everything in his head, he heard a high-pitched gasp from beside him.

Hanatarou Yamada was not an unfamiliar face. Especially not when it was all pulled tight with shock. The two of them met eyes and stared, each wearing "stunned" in different fashions- Yumichika wide-eyed, his shoulders falling as what little confidence he had left him, Hanataro with his mouth wide open and covered by both hands slammed over it, back and shoulders arched like a cat that had gotten doused in icy water. They both reacted, a split second apart: Yumichika jumping up and bolting for the front gate as fast as his legs would carry him, and Hanataro scrambling forward, calling, "Yumichika, wait!"

Even in his state, Yumichika was gone before Hanataro could do anything more, and he moaned to himself and summoned a Hell Butterfly. "Rangiku, I saw him, but-"

A slim, soft hand closed over his, and the Butterfly fluttered off. Hanataro turned to see Unohana had slipped up behind him as silent as still water, her shallow smile hiding untold depths. "Mister Yamada, why don't you tell me first?"

* * *

Kenpachi didn't know what to do with shit like this. Not once in his tenure had he ever walked down the hall to find one of his men- let alone a Seated Officer- curled in the fetal position, weeping like a woman. And yet, he and Yachiru, with her arms flung around his shoulders as a sling, found themselves distracted from breakfast by the Fifth Seat's door left open and Yumichika collapsed in a ball at the base of his futon, elbows curled around his knees and his face buried in his sleeves. Kenpachi groaned to himself and glanced to Yachiru.

"Hey, can you make that Hell Butterfly thing happen?"

"You got it!" Yachiru summoned a Hell Butterfly, and Kenpachi nodded.

"Thanks." He turned his shoulder and touched the Hell Butterfly as gently as he could (still crumpling its wing a little) and spoke. "Hey, uh, Rangiku, I kinda need you to come over here now." He let go and turned back to Yumichika, and set his hands on his hips. "Alright, now send that over to Big Boobies in the-"

Rangiku burst past him at full speed. "No need, I'm here!" She slammed the door shut behind her and dove down to Yumichika's side. "Honey, what happened?"

Yumichika couldn't respond around a mouthful of sobs, but as she tried to unfurl him, a Hell Butterfly arrived through his window to answer her question, in Unohana's voice:

"Good morning, Mister Ayasegawa." Yumichika lifted his face, his mouth twisting into a grimace at her polite, dulcet tones. He could hear her meaningless smile from here. "Doubtless, you were hoping I would not take notice of this incident, but I had hoped that I could alleviate one of your concerns." Rangiku felt Yumichika's spirit flare, and had to scoot back from him. "Pica, or the consumption of items that are not generally considered food, is an unusual but not unheard-of side effect of pregnancy. It often manifests in the form of eating chalk or dirt, which is indicative of a mineral deficiency, but while I cannot say what nutritional deficiency is fueling yours, I am pleased to inform you that the flower you ate is, in fact, completely edible, as all the flowers in our gardens are medicinal in nature and meant for consumption in some fashion."

Rangiku mouthed 'you ate  _what_?' but Yumichika wasn't watching her, instead glowering at the butterfly as Unohana's voice continued to resonate from its wings. "I would be happy to give you more details in person. While I am still attempting to acquire Captain Kurotsuchi's records of your treatment, a thorough examination would be beneficial for you and your unborn child. Kindly return to the Relief Station. Barring an emergency situation, I will make myself or Lieutenant Kotetsu available to you." Then, the sharp edge. "I do not intend to chase you, Mister Ayasegawa, but I want to see you face-to-face."

Yumichika's lip was curled in a snarl as the Butterfly folded its wings and departed, and his fists hit the ground. "Why?! Why, god damn it, why?!"

Kenpachi, still in the hall with Yachiru hanging against his back, heard something heavy hit the sliding door and arced an eyebrow. Ikkaku swaggered behind him, still rubbing his head and yawning. "Captain, the he-"

"I don't need it! We don't need it!" Yumichika was screaming, and Ikkaku stopped cold.

Rangiku tried to mollify: "Yumichika, calm d-"

"Fuck it! It doesn't matter! I'm a soldier of the Eleventh Division, there's no goddamn way I'm going to a healer unless I'm fucking carried!" Strong language from a subtle mouth, but all things considered, Kenpachi couldn't be bothered to be surprised. He instead curled his lip and glanced to Ikkaku, who was gawping, wide-eyed, at the door.

"Ain't you got nothin' better to do?"

"Ch'." Ikkaku sneered and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "'Course." He scratched his head, and narrowed his eyes in the direction of the door. "Still, bet you're proud. Talkin' like a real man, for once." He nodded at the door, as Yumichika snarled again at the soft, nonsense comfort Rangiku tried to give him, and Kenpachi glowered after him as he walked away.

That was the nicest thing Ikkaku had said about him since he'd come back. It might've been nice for Yumichika to hear it, but that wouldn't have fixed anything. Someone needed to talk some real sense to him.

Still, as Rangiku brought Yumichika down, Kenpachi decided it was just good that someone was saying something, anything to him. He didn't know much more than fighting, but he knew that some wars had to be fought with words. Weapons didn't work against the demons in your head. Words could hold the line for now, and break out the big guns later. Kenpachi, and anyone who wanted to solve this, would just have to spot an opportunity to break through to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story doesn't have a set update schedule, but somehow or other, I've been cranking the chapters out once a week. Unfortunately, due to some personal business, there will be a delay between this chapter and the next. I'm going to be out of the country for a week on my honeymoon and nowhere near a computer. That's the reason this chapter is so long- gives you more to tide you over!
> 
> Until next time!


	12. The Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to throw a shower for Yumichika! Rangiku's got plans. So do Renji and Shunsui.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left their well-wishes! On with the show!

**12: The Shower**

It seemed, once Rangiku broke through to him and he got over the shock of his failed trip to the Fourth Division, that Yumichika was a little more relaxed than he had been. He could be caught smiling some days as he strolled from task to task, his hips swaying to compensate, his head back and eyes forward. Whatever voice had been whispering to him that he would be thrown out of the Gotei 13 or the Eleventh Division must have quieted, at least a little. He, too, was opening his eyes to the support he was getting.

On a morning when he was hungry, he loaded his plate with meat and riceballs, not caring who saw him, and found a seat alone. He didn't sit alone long, as before he could dig in, he heard a heavy impact on the other side of the table and glanced up to see Kenpachi putting a loaded plate down and setting Yachiru on the bench. "You showin' off or somethin'?" He put on a crooked smirk, as Yumichika felt a sting of defensiveness that he chose not to voice. "Tell y'what." Kenpachi put challenge in his tone. "How's about you an' me see who can hit the bottom first?" The hair on the back of Yumichika's neck stood up, but he smirked.

"Why, Captain, I thought you were waiting to challenge me."

"Hah. I'll take on the both of ya!" He didn't bother with chopsticks, just scooped up a hot sausage with a bare hand, and Yumichika started on the riceballs with a deft hand. Yachiru whooped.

"Go Kenny, go, go!"

Her shrill voice carried, and all ears turned their directions like someone had blown a dog whistle. In thirty seconds, they were surrounded by Eleventh Division squad members, taking bets and cheering on their respective side.

"Captain can take 'im!"

"I dunno, it's two on one. Show 'em who's boss, Ayasegawa!"

In the end, Yumichika's eyes turned out to be bigger than his stomach, and he pushed a mostly empty plate aside as Kenpachi dropped a cleaned bone onto his bare plate. "Man, that's what you get!" Kenpachi laughed, patting his stomach as Yumichika swallowed the green in his cheeks. "'Least you kept up. That kid sure packs it away, huh?"

"Yun-yun eats like a bird," Yachiru added, under the murmur of losers and winners exchanging funds and fistfights over who bet exactly what. "But the baby's got a big appetite!"

"I feel hungry all the time, but if I try and eat what my body tells me to eat, it makes me queasy." Yumichika dabbed his brow, then his mouth. "But I try, right?" He put on a smile, and Kenpachi gave him a few pats on the shoulder.

"Sounds about right. Good man." Kenpachi got up and trailed away, and the rest of the crowd dispersed, a few chasing Kenpachi, and one or two giving Yumichika a consoling pat on the back. He took a few deep breaths to chase back his nausea before he could get up, and only scantly caught Ikkaku leaving from a different exit.

During the day, Yachiru would check on him. She'd run up to him as soon as he was done with morning exercises, where he'd been reduced to teaching basic kenpo and zanjutsu with the lower squads, and grab onto his leg. "Feathers! Kenny said you were doin' good fightin' for two people! What kind of sword does the baby have? Can he do shikai yet?"

He brushed her off as gently as possible, sweeping past her. "If the baby had a zanpakuto, then I'd be having a lot more trouble, wouldn't I? And why don't you wait for the baby to be able to say a release command before you start asking about shikai?"

"Well, what if he doesn't need a release command?" Yachiru beamed, and Yumichika rolled his eyes as she continued to chase his heels.

"Look, kid, if I got an asauchi in here, I'm gonna have a lot of questions for Captain Kurotsuchi." He shuddered a little at the thought, but tried to get on with his day with the dismissal, "Angry, screaming questions."

Sometimes, she would run up to him out of nowhere and hug onto his belly, knocking him off balance as she patted him all over. "Hi, kicky squirmy baby Yun-yun! Big sis Yachiru came to visit!"

"Yachiru!" He tried to hook her under the arms to throw her off, but she giggled and he felt a pulse of her reiatsu. The baby reacted wildly inside of him, thrashing around under Yachiru's palms. His cheeks took heat, and Yachiru nuzzled his side, cheek rubbed against the linen of his kimono.

"Hello, cute thing! You like when I come to visit, huh?" She squeezed him in a hug clearly meant for someone else.

"You always get him so worked up!" Yumichika sighed, but caught her so his weight wouldn't drag him. "At least give a guy a little warning!" He couldn't mind too much. He loved when the baby got excited and kicked and rolled around, and Yachiru never failed to get that reaction. Even when Kenpachi would catch her at it, he had to give it a try.

"What you pesterin' the Fourth Seat again, Yachiru?" He snatched her off of Yumichika by the back of her kosode and swung her up onto her shoulder. Yumichika dusted himself off and cleared his throat, even as Kenpachi crouched down. "You say that thing kicks?"

"Sure does!" Yachiru answered, and with only a glimpse of hesitation, Kenpachi rested his hand over where she'd had hers. Yumichika froze up, feeling a tremor of Kenpachi's usual killing intent muted by odd curiosity.

"It does kick." He smirked, and lightly punched Yumichika's shoulder. "You try and get that little bastard to do some real hakuda. Feels like he's already workin' out in there." With that, he hauled Yachiru away to give him a little relief from her pestering, and let Yumichika get on with his day. Yumichika, though, glowed with pride at Kenpachi's approval. Even the sour look Ikkaku wore as he skulked past Yumichika in the opposite direction could only dull his enjoyment of it so much.

Rangiku talked to him most days, and if he passed by Shuhei, Shuhei would give him a nod and help him if he needed it. Things were getting better, more and more the closer his due date loomed, and before he'd even realized it, it was time for his friends to talk about a baby shower.

* * *

"We have to have one."

"We don't  _have_  to do anything." Renji ground his teeth together as Rangiku pulled him from the meeting room and onto the raised walkway between the First Division offices.

"Come on, Renji!" She clasped his hands in hers. "There's gonna be a new baby around in like three months, we have to celebrate somehow! Now that he's talking to people again, I'm sure he could stand an afternoon of partying!"

"Rangiku..." Renji sighed and checked over his shoulder. Ikkaku was inside, ignoring Yachiru and having a grouchy conversation with Iba a safe distance away, and he turned back to her. "Yumichika's not gonna wanna have all that attention on him."

"He loves attention!" She set her hands on her hips, already pouting. She wasn't used to hearing "no" from men.

"Byakuya was in a better spot than he is, and he didn't want the attention. I mean, take all the other hangups out, he's still dealing with being real uncomfortable and stuff." Renji scratched the back of his head, and looked to the road beyond the division walls. Like he wanted to talk about this. This was just awkward.

Sure, Yumichika had started to open up since Rangiku had broken the ice four weeks ago, but he still wasn't the smirking, snarky, strutting peacock that had submitted himself to the Twelfth. The return, in part, of his makeup and appetite helped, probably because he was visibly recognizable again, except for a little more roundness in his cheeks and a lot more in his middle. The die-down of gossip was helping too, and if anyone even tried, they got Rangiku's teeth. His smile was coming back slowly, from what Renji had heard. He'd tried not to talk to him, nothing but passing waves, in hopes of looking like a neutral party to Ikkaku. He'd tried to watch from a distance, and from what he could see, Yumichika was getting along alright.

Not great, but surviving.

He'd float along like a black balloon between divisions on errands, smiling vacantly, making idle conversation with whoever tried to talk to him. If anyone asked about the baby, he'd swiftly deflect:

"How should I know? You'd have a better chance asking him, and I'd give that a little longer, anyway."

He hadn't returned to the Fourth Division after his humiliating attempt to go, and Renji got stubbornness and manly pride, but this seemed like a little much. Kenpachi wasn't forcing the issue, Rangiku wasn't willing to risk pushing him away, and Renji- again, neutral party. He tried to convince Shuhei to say something, since it had sort of worked last time, but Shuhei shrugged it off.

"He's stupid like that. He'll go when he's ready. Or when someone drags him."

Still, Renji heard enough about his condition from Rangiku. His ankles were always swollen, his back was always sore. Exercising helped both, but gave him heartburn and revived his nausea, and the pain in his hips was only made worse by an hour of demonstrations. He was still moody at times, and he only really spoke when spoken to. Unohana could have helped with some of that, but only time could help the rest. Yumichika needed more. "Maybe ask him what he wants."

"Oh, he won't hear of it." Rangiku flipped her hair over her shoulder, blase as you please. "But I want to throw him a shower. He's a single parent, he could use the presents." Renji started a protest, but it died in his throat when Rangiku gave him a sharp look. "He was saying that he'd pick up extra shifts to support the two of them. And he looked like a ghost was moving his mouth when he said it."

"Ah, hell." Renji moaned, and his head dropped. "If we're gonna do this, we gotta keep it low key. It's not like he's a Captain, we don't have to invite the whole army."

"Perish the thought!" Rangiku covered her mouth as if scandalized, smirking behind it. "No, just people who know him and care about him. Friends, the SWA, people who want to see him happy."

"And nobody from the Fourth," Renji groused, low and angry.

"Right, right, nobody from the Fourth. And I guess not you, either." She sniffed a bit and rolled her hands back on her hips. "How's that 'neutral party' thing going for you, anyway?"

"Like shit." Renji sought Ikkaku over his shoulder again, where he now stood alone, glowering at the floor. "He's as much of a wall as Yumichika. He's just not pretending he's got any cracks you can slip into. I haven't had a chance to try."

Rangiku sighed a little and smoothed her hair back. "Keep working at it. He likes you, for whatever reason, even if he's gone all frigid on everything."

"Yeah, well, you worry about the stupid shower. Just let me know if you need help, okay?"

"You got it."

"Discreetly," he added darkly, unnecessarily.

"I'm blonde, but I'm not dumb, dingus." Rangiku tousled Renji's hair with her hands and flounced away, and Renji grunted and tried to fix his ponytail. He heard someone behind him, but didn't acknowledge them until they spoke.

"Did I hear something about a shower?" Captain Otoribashi, intrigued, at Renji's shoulder. "For the nice young gentleman in the Eleventh?"

"Ah, yeah, just, keep it quiet, okay, Captain?" Renji held both hands up, looking urgently behind him, to Ikkaku, fascinated by the bottom of his punch cup and slipping a flask back into his hakama pocket. "It's a... surprise shower."

"Oh! Brilliant!" Captain Otoribashi smiled pleasantly, then mimed zipping his lips. "I won't spoil it for him, you can trust me."

"Thanks, Captain." Renji wiped his brow, and Captain Otoribashi peered into the room and waved to Kira. Kira threw his empty cup out and joined his Captain, and the two of them departed.

As soon as Captain Otoribashi left the earshot of the meeting room, he summoned a Hell Butterfly. Kira raised his eyebrows, even as his Captain spoke to it. "Kensei, it seems it's going to happen after all. Have you gotten everything from the Living World? See if Shinji can get one of those baskets, you know, like an Easter basket. If not, I'll try and play hooky somewhere they're selling them-" He glanced to Kira with an innocent smile, then continued. "But we can discuss. Let me know a time we can meet to put it all together." He released the butterfly, and Kira waited for it to vanish.

"I think I heard Rangiku saying it was going to be small." He shifted his eyes up to his Captain, who only tapped his lip and hummed sadly.

"Is that so? All those who met him back during the Karakura town incident had hoped to see him. Not to mention Ichigo and Chad and their friends all heard, and wanted to send regards, if nothing else." His shoulders slumped, and he shrugged insincerely. Kira could tell he was only acting contrite about the whole thing, from that twinkle in his eye and the sly little smile he couldn't hide. "And all the Captains I've spoken to would like to at least pay respects to Captain Zaraki for taking such good care of his disadvantaged warrior." He smiled blithely and put a determined fist into his open palm. "Well, we'll simply have to organize things ourselves if Miss Matsumoto is unreliable." He held his hand up again, and another Hell Butterfly landed on his fingertip. "I know just who to call first."

Kira faintly wondered why Captain Otoribashi was pretending he hadn't known it would be like this all along. Maybe he had just wanted to hope it wouldn't be. Still, Captain Otoribashi smiled apologetically at him and addressed the butterfly. "I wanted to keep you apprised..."

* * *

Renji tried to keep tabs on Rangiku's planning as much as he could, but it seemed that she was trying to keep as many secrets as possible. He caught faint whispers out of the SWA's meeting room in the Kuchiki manor (and he still had no idea how they had gotten that sweet arrangement) and had occasionally been given lists of supplies to purchase (because when did Rangiku ever pay for anything?) but he hadn't been able to get a clear picture of what she had in mind.

So, like any curious animal might, he decided to do some sniffing around.

"Hey, Rukia!" Renji abandoned the file he'd been carrying for the sake of looking like he was on some errand, and Rukia lifted her face up from the fountain at the side of the Thirteenth Division's practice ring. He slowed to a halt near her, and let a slow, knowing grin slide over his features "Or, should I say, Lieutenant Kuchiki?"

"Hush up!" Rukia smacked his arm sharply, her palm still wet, then wagged her finger and hissed, "It's not official yet!"

"Right, right, sorry!" He laughed a little, and she rolled her eyes hard enough to make him dizzy and swiped a towel off the wall above the fountain.

"What brings you over, anyway?"

"I'm just here to be nosy." He propped his elbow on the wall as Rukia scrubbed her face and poured some water from her cupped hands onto her head. "You know anything about the-" he pointedly dropped to a whisper. "Baby shower?"

"I'm invited. You're not." She dried her face. "It's supposed to be kept quiet for a reason."

"Hey, I was the one saying it should be kept quiet in the first place!" Renji threw his hands out. "I'm just tryin' to be sure we don't do anything crazy!"

"Oh, ye of little faith!"

"Are you doing much of the planning?" He folded his arms, and she turned her nose up.

"I have my part to play. It's a small shower, so if all of us in the executive committee do a little, it'll get done in no time." She cast a sideways glare at him, lips twitched up in apparent annoyance. "Only it'd be nice if Isane were allowed to help."

"Yeah, that's none of my business." Renji groaned and put his face in his palm. Rukia sniffed, and ran the damp towel over the dusty spots on her top.

"Maybe you should make it your business."

"Yeah, you try and get that guy to do something he doesn't wanna do." He kept smearing his eyes against his palm, even as Rukia's face screwed up in panic and she quickly gestured for him to 'keep it down' and 'shh!' "I'll just have to wish Rangiku luck getting him to the stupid-"

"Ah, good afternoon, Renji." Renji jolted upright at the sound of Captain Ukitake's voice, and Rukia pulled her hands away from her lips and from pushing down in front of her to clasp them behind her back, and tilted big, innocent eyes up and away as Ukitake stopped behind him and smiled expectantly at Renji's back. He whirled around and saluted.

"Good afternoon, sir!"

"I see you're working hard." Ukitake giggled and folded his arms, and leaned around Renji to see the folder hidden poorly behind his back. "Did Rukia ask you to bring her the Sixth Division's budget charts? For comparison purposes, I imagine."

"Er..." Renji glanced at the folders, his cheeks striving to match his hair, until Ukitake laughed openly.

"Now, now, I don't mind you paying your friend a visit. I won't even tell your Captain you were here..." His eyes glinted. "Provided you have a current picture of your son."

"Oh." Renji grinned. "Gee, Captain, you sure run a high price for blackmail." he dug into his shirt and fanned out a deck of photographs. "Here we go, just got these developed from his six-month-iversary. Byakuya's house staff surprised us with a cake." He selected one wherein Taka had dressed himself completely in vanilla frosting and had his big, pink mouth wide open in uproarious laughter, and handed it to Ukitake. "That's my boy!"

"So it is!" Ukitake laughed pleasantly, melodiously, and tipped the photograph to let Rukia see. She smirked, but tried her hardest to sound put-out.

"Why don't you invite Auntie to all these parties?"

"Sorry, Rukia, they just sort of happen sometimes. We can't invite everyone every time he does something cute, y'know?"

"Yeah, yeah." She rolled her eyes, and tilted her hands on her hips in sternness that came off all-too-cute on her frame. "Were you done, Renji?"

"Yeah, just about." He glanced to Ukitake, who lifted his hand to his lips in mock surprise.

"Ah, am I interrupting? You'll have to pardon an old man his foibles." He laughed brightly, as Rukia rolled her eyes again.

"Captain, don't talk like that." She rolled her hands down to her hips, and he laughed again.

"My! I'm lucky to have such a stern adjutant. Do excuse me." He put the photograph of Taka into his pocket and strolled away, bearing his usual smile, and Renji turned back to Rukia.

"He's not invited, is he?" He sounded as disappointed as Rukia looked in response.

"Rangiku said not to invite Captains, even if they ask about it and want to come. She doesn't think Yumichika is especially close with any of them except for Captain Zaraki, and she thinks it might intimidate him. Especially Captain Ukitake." Rukia sucked her upper lip, then abruptly stopped and dabbed her mouth dry. "I hadn't realized he was that... Guess it's not my business. It'll just be nice to see him again."

"Well." Renji tucked his hands in his pockets and tossed his head back confidently. "If I got anything to do with it, he won't be so whatever-it-is for much longer." Rukia scrutinized his face, then smiled.

"No wonder my big brother loves you. You look so dependable sometimes." She turned her shoulder and returned to washing her face. "You better go, Renji... or maybe I should say, Lieutenant Kuchiki."

"Hah!" Renji cackled and slapped his hands together. "Rukia, the day I become Lieutenant Kuchiki's the day Chappy gets wings and flies to Brazil!"

He barely heard her comeback as he walked away: "Then you better start looking for airline tickets."

He snickered all the way back to the Sixth Division, not even noticing Ukitake perched on a bench with a hell butterfly in hand. "Hello, Shun. Keep an ear open for Komamura. I've got a feeling we'll hear some good information out of his division sooner or later..."

Maybe he should have known exactly how devious certain old men could be when they felt like it. But he had other things on his mind.

Rangiku had asked Renji explicitly to help with one item in particular, and there was never a better time than the present. "Yo! Iba!" Renji skidded to a stop outside of the Seventh's office, and Iba tipped his sunglasses off as Renji hopped the puppy gate.

"Yo, Abarai! What's up?" He put his sunglasses back on as Renji put his folder down on his desk and leaned close to whisper.

"Hey man, any big plans for the SMA this Tuesday?"

"No. Regular meeting's next Wednesday, though. You finally lookin' to join up?" Iba propped his chin on his elbow, grinning eagerly.

"Can't." Renji stifled a nervous smile, but cleared his throat and went on. "But I was hoping I could ask you a favor. You and Ikkaku are cool, and I know he hangs out with you all sometimes..."

Komamura's ears twitched, and he caught the sound of Renji's footsteps as he departed. He waited thirty seconds, then sidled from his chair to the office door.

"Did I hear Lieutenant Abarai saying there would be some sort of meeting on Tuesday?"

"Yes, sir." Iba drummed his fingers on the table. "He's asking us to compete with the SWA." He spun round in his chair and folded his arms. "What kind of party could those goofy girls be holding at three in the afternoon?"

"Afraid I haven't the foggiest. Compete anyway. Show your masculine pride." Komamura chuckled gruffly, which sounded very much like a soft bark, and returned to his desk. Rather than filling out another battle report, he took up his soul phone and dialed.

"Captain Kyoraku's information was good. Tuesday at three it is." He chuckled again into the receiver. "They think they can hide things from us. Not with the big mouth on Abarai..."

* * *

"You could have just asked me," Byakuya groused to Kyoraku as he nipped a piece of candy from the jar in his top desk drawer from where he was seated on the desktop. "Was it really necessary to recruit half of the Captains into your spy network just to get the information about the shower?"

"Necessary, no." Shunsui swung his legs over the edge of Byakuya's desk like a little girl on a bus bench and popped the konpeito into his mouth. "Fun, yes. Very yes."

"Hmph." Byakuya rolled his eyes and turned the page in his report. "It's being held at my house, I would have given you the details if you'd wanted them so badly. The question is, what are you going to do with it?"

"Oh, plan's simple." Shunsui rolled the candy on his tongue and tucked it into his cheek. "We show up one by one pretending we're there to see you or on business, congratulate the guy, give our gifts, and leave. I mean, Rangiku's got the right idea, keeping it low-key." Byakuya sniffed disdainfully, since Rangiku and "low-key" were not two things one usually put together, but Shunsui smacked his lips and went on, "Still, we gotta show our support. S'why I brought this over!"

He thrust a sheet of paper down at Byakuya, and Byakuya perused it with an unamused raised eyebrow. "You're asking me to sign up for a time to show up so there's no overlap. At a party being held in my own home."

"S'about the size of it, Bya- _chan_!" Shunsui laughed merrily and kicked his way off of the desk. Byakuya shoved the paper back at him.

"I'll be there, but I'll make myself scarce as needed. While I am not invited to the shower, Takahiro is." He rose from his desk as well. "Shall I see you out, Captain Kyoraku?"

"Aww, you're so cold," Shunsui complained, but let Byakuya escort him. Byakuya shut the office door behind him, and as such, didn't see Shunsui go for another Hell Butterfly. "Jyuu-chan, seems babies are welcome. Sounds like you've got another 'in'! You and Emiko are gonna have a wonderful time."

This was shaping up to be the party of the season, and Shunsui could see opportunities in in every angle.

"I'll have to make my approach very carefully indeed." He popped his hat on and tugged it down over his eyes. Though it didn't hide the contemplative smile, none could see the lines he was drawing and the plans he was building behind his eyes.

* * *

Tuesday came, and Yumichika was in Kenpachi's office, striving to organize it. Years of disuse made it difficult to find what he was looking for, especially when every time he turned around without thinking about it hard enough, he knocked one of the piles off of whatever level surface it had last been dropped on. He'd given up on seeing his feet for the next three months, and had switched over from the usual kosode to a longer one that reached his feet. It fell around him like the petals of a flower, highlighting the significant, elegant (in his opinion) curve of his middle. He could think himself as elegant as he pleased, though, it didn't change that there was nothing graceful about having less control over his body. Today, it had resulted in pissing into the ocean of chaos that was the office. He happened to be on his knees, picking up a stack of uniform requisitions that his protruding belly had tipped off the edge of what should have been used as a side table while trying to find the laundry orders on a cabinet behind him, when he heard loud footsteps.

"... Patrols, every other goddamned day. I'm startin' to think you don't like seein' my face around the squad, Captain." Ikkaku was complaining to Kenpachi, and Yumichika heard them stop near the door and held still to listen.

"'Ey, shit needs doing, you're the best I got at doin' it. From what I get, there's a war runnin' in that sandy place you're gettin' deployed to. Don't think any of the wussy squads'd be able to handle the gore. S'another reason I send you. Need you to watch the guys and see how they handle it, too."

"Whatever." Ikkaku huffed, and the two walked on.

"Jus' be grateful you ain't in the Third. They've been gettin' sent to some hospitals in that Europe place, huge breakout of some virus on kids. Only kids, too." Yumichika heard Ikkaku make a noise of disgust as their voices faded, and sighed to himself.

"Not you, let's hope," he remarked downward, and continued picking the papers up. He enjoyed the quiet a moment longer, as he used the desk to push himself up to a stand. It seemed everything was taking a little more effort of late, from walking between the Eleventh Division HQ and the administrative offices, morning warm-ups, even the very simple hakuda and kendo he could still manage as his body became less and less his and harder to negotiate. At least he was getting one benefit from pushing through: the scuttlebutt in the lower ranks was a little more favorable. He couldn't keep back a smirk whenever he heard them whispering:

"Man, he's still jacked."

"I'm pretty sure he could still kick my ass."

"How's he move like that?"

The answer to the last question was "with a lot of effort," and he was just a little grateful Kenpachi only put him up to it every other day. Stuff he considered "basics" were a huge exertion, and left him feeling faint and dizzy for an hour after. Even the really easy things made his head spin sometimes.

Like getting from a crouch to a stand.

"Mm." He grabbed his head as his vision blurred around the edges and his forebrain flopped in his skull like a fish flapping on dry land. He took a deep breath and waited the dizziness out before releasing it, only to open his eyes to see Rangiku standing at the door.

"You doin' okay?" She was smiling, but her eyebrows were all knit up. He demurely smiled back.

"I get lightheaded sometimes. Nemu told me my blood pressure might go kind of funky." He put the papers down and set his hands on his hips. "What's up?"

"I was hoping you'd run a little errand with me, actually. I don't want to go by myself." Rangiku held up a box, her face relaxing. "My Captain asked me to take something to Kuchiki manor."

"Kuchiki manor?" Yumichika repeated, in disbelief. "Not to the Sixth's HQ?"

"Captain Kuchiki's home today, but Captain Hitsugaya says, 'this should be in his hands by the end of the day.'" She scrunched her face up, then bounced right back to a smile. "I'd skive off or send someone else, 'cause I'm scared to head to that place alone, but I totally wanna see what his house looks like inside. Come with me!"

"Eh." Yumichika glanced at the half-organized office. "I could, but-"

Kenpachi chose that moment to appear behind Rangiku. "Go with the lady. Give Princess Kuchiki hell."

"Yes, sir!" Yumichika saluted, then hurried to lock arms with Rangiku and walk away. He didn't notice Rangiku turning back to give Kenpachi a thumbs up. Kenpachi chuckled, then turned back to where Ikkaku had waited, mid-conversation.

"What was that all about, Captain?" He folded his arms and scowled, and Kenpachi flicked his ear with his grimy fingernails. "'Ey-!"

"Nothin' you care about. She asked permission to borrow him, I gave it." Ikkaku grunted and rubbed his ear, and Kenpachi pushed past him. "You're free to go. Enjoy your day off tomorrow."

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Ikkaku scratched his head and tried to remember the schedule. He didn't remember being scheduled to be off, but then, he couldn't remember much of it at all. Still, if Kenpachi says 'day off,' Ikkaku didn't say no. An excuse to fuck around a fight where he wasn't being told to do it? That was the ticket. "Thanks." He shuffled off in the same direction as Rangiku and Yumichika, aimlessly headed for the gates to the Division. The two of them were nowhere in sight, but he did see a line of shinigami, all wearing sunglasses, in file approaching him, led by Tetsuzaemon Iba.

The Shinigami Men's Association surrounded him- since Ikkaku had caught sight of Izuru and a few others he recognized under their "uniform" glasses, but Iba cleared his throat.

"Uh, since your... ex... is having his baby shower today, we thought it'd only be fair to give you a 'dad shower.'" Ikkaku bristled, but Iba quickly tipped his glasses down before he could bite back and muttered, "Look, you need an excuse to come out drinking with us. We ain't gonna talk about your breakup, but we're getting you plastered. Our treat."

Any protest Ikkaku had died swiftly at that. "Yeah. Y'know what? That's fine." Iba offered him a set of the traditional sunglasses, and he shoved them on and followed the file out, finding a smirk rising to his face as the SMA members beckoned the Eleventh Squad members meandering around the yard, whooping and calling for them to join them.

Just thinking about Yumichika having a baby shower made him need a drink.

* * *

Yumichika was overwhelmed by the opulent foyer the Kuchiki servant led him through, but had enough manners to keep his mouth shut as they were led down a side hallway with the explanation of, "I believe you're looking for the drawing room." They had a drawing room! They had Western-style chandeliers, and opulent damask wallpaper! He'd known the Kuchikis were rich, but he hadn't imagined they'd display it this way. As if the acre of gardens out front (all of which he'd had to walk through on foot, mind you!) wasn't enough! The part of the house they were taken to was a bit less extravagant and more traditional, but Yumichika could recognize high-quality paint and wood when he saw it. Still, any musings on just what sorts of excellent decorating decisions and horrible financial power the Kuchikis must have at their command vanished when the servant slid a door open and a host of voices greeted him:

"Surprise!" Yumichika jumped back and right into Rangiku, and he hardly had time to check around the room to see that most of the SWA's executive board and a bunch of the members he'd met over the years were gathered, before they dissolved into "Welcome back!" and "Congratulations!" He gazed from eye to eager eye, all smiles, before turning around to Rangiku.

"Here ya go, buddy." She put the box in his hands and nudged him in. "Everyone got you presents, we're gonna play some games and eat some cake, and you're gonna damn well like it."

"Rangiku, I- this is-" He tried to resist, but she ushered him in with a strong arm around his shoulder.

"C'mon, the gals haven't seen you for months! We've all been hoping you'd come around again! Go mingle, I'll start the games!" She pushed him off, and broke off in a different direction. "Girls, we're holding a 'worst advice' contest! Give me the absolute worst pregnancy or parenting advice you can think of, and Yumi's gonna pick the worst one! We've got prizes!" Yumichika made to follow, but Nanao intervened and set a hand on his shoulder.

"Congratulations on the baby." She straightened her glasses and smiled faintly under them. "You know, we really could have used you at the last bake sale! You're the only one who can make your division stay in line."

He broke into a smile. "Well, there's an art to it. More like, a pecking order..." She ushered him in the direction of the snack table, and he caught a glimpse of what looked like a tiered vanilla cake topped with ginger gumdrops. Suddenly, this entire party seemed like a much better idea.

Yumichika caught up on the gossip from some of the unseated members. Sui-Feng checked in on him, "Your Captain's treating you right, isn't he?" Momo and a few girls from her Division chattered with him for a while, but it was sometime during Momo's rambling that he realized it wasn't all girls around.

"... Kira was just telling me that all the Dads in the Gotei 13 are giving guys ideas of having kids. After all, with this many Captains and such settling down, it makes people think we're going to have peace for a long time! Not that  _you're_  settling, or Mister Madarame's settling, or anything, but-" Yumichika dodged her gaze, but caught a glimpse of curly blonde hair on a body too tall to be Rangiku. "Oh!" Momo clapped her hands to her mouth. "I'm sorry! Please don't be upset!" He quickly turned back to her with a smile.

"No, you're fine, honey, I knew what you meant. Can I...?" He gestured behind him, and she quickly stepped back and out of the way. Yumichika heard her friends consoling her, but tiptoed up and tapped Rose on the shoulder. "Captain Otoribashi?" Rose promptly whirled on his heel from where he'd been talking to some of the girls from his division and broke into a soft smile.

"Oh, Yumichika! It's been ages!" He laughed aloud and clapped him on the shoulder. "Have you been well?" He surveyed him up and down, nodding over his midsection. "You certainly appear so."

"I've been alright, I'm mostly surprised to see you here. It's sort of a girl's party." His brow furrowed, as Rose straightened up.

"Oh, my certainly. I was here to visit Captain Kuchiki, but I heard the noise and would you look at that, there's punch and snacks." He giggled and held up a plastic cup. "The SWA does know how to party!" Yumichika blushed a bit, as Rose tugged him into their conversation by the elbow. "We were actually just having a debate, perhaps you can settle it..."

After breaking away from an intense conversation on body types and clothing styles, Yumichika started spotting more Captains. Lieutenant Sasakibe passed through, apparently having had a meeting with Captain Kuchiki as well, took a cup of punch and inquired on his health, and left as quietly as he'd come. Kensei and Shinji stopped by, each grabbing a cup of punch and a handful of pastries before Nanao shooed them off. Shinji had just enough time to push a basket bigger than the cake into Yumichika's hands before being forcibly removed.

"The folks in the Living World send their congrats! Everyone went in on that- ah, Miss Ise, you really are this cruel!" Yumichika let himself be distracted from Nanao pushing Shinji out by pulling the ribbon. He could quickly pick out some of their influences- Ichigo had sent a parenting advice book that Yumichika had spotted for sale in his father's clinic, Orihime and Tatsuki sent frilly pink pajamas and a tiny baseball uniform, respectively, Uryu sent knit hats and booties- but there were diapers and boxes of wipes and a blanket and a glass bottle with Urahara's handwriting on it that he wouldn't trust as far as he could throw, but it was a paradise of parenting goods. Yumichika thought he would cry, until Yachiru distracted him and looped him into a conversation about cookies.

There was a scratch at the garden window, and Yumichika caught Rangiku opening the sliding door to let Captain Komamura poke his nose in. "I... see I'm in the wrong place." He turned his eyes around the room nervously, as Yumichika approached.

"Captain, were you here to visit Captain Kuchiki too?" He smirked at Rangiku, who blushed a little but raised her eyes away in mock innocence. Komamura, oblivious to their exchange, nodded, but took a small parcel from behind him.

"The Seventh Division offers its congratulations, as well." Yumichika took it and bowed politely.

"I offer my sincere thanks." Komamura gave a rare, toothy smile, and slid the door shut as he departed. Yumichika whirled on Rangiku and cocked his hands forward on his hips.

"Don't tell me Captain Kurotsuchi's got an appointment with Captain Kuchiki too, or I'll tear the house down."

"No worries there, Yumichika." Rangiku slapped him on the back. "Plus, the Kuchiki staff are pretty good about rebuffing unwelcome guests."

"So I've heard." He giggled into the back of his hand as Rangiku led him towards the snack table, but he diverged to put the gift in the pile. "I just wish..." He paused, as he noticed a gift wrapped in brown paper. The handwriting on the tag was familiar. "Nemu."

"She wanted to come," Rangiku murmured, so only he could hear. "But her Captain's got her on triple duty for..." She trailed off, as Yumichika's face fell.

"She kept me going, for a while there. Even when thinking about him hurt inside, she was a good friend." He stepped back and sighed, and Rangiku felt a sting of panic when he rubbed his eyes.

"H-hey! Why don't we get to some of those party games?" She ushered him towards some of the chairs on the other side of the room. "I think I've got some awful parenting advice here, let's go around and read 'em off!"

After the game (Nanao won, with her suggestion of "Don't take a baby out in windy weather, or he'll get gassy."), more unexpected guests arrived. These had the courtesy to knock, and Yumichika happened to be by the door when they did. Jyuushiro Ukitake, with tiny Emiko in tow in a pink party dress, beamed as he met Yumichika's eyes.

"It's nice to see you, Yumichika! I feel like we've never had a good chance to talk before!"

Yumichika had to run through protocol in his mind- minor nobility, outranks him, has seniority to everyone in the room, but he was addressing him as an equal. Yumichika settled on a demure smile. "I believe the last time you and I were in the same room together was Captain Kuchiki's shower, and before that, yours. Did you have your little miss with you at Captain Kuchiki's party?"

"I don't think so, no!" Jyuushiro turned to Emiko, his eyes holding hers. "Emiko, this is Yumichika."

Yumichika carefully lowered himself to a crouch, and held his hand out. "It's nice to meet you." She hesitated, studying her Mama through big, wide gray eyes, then took hold of Yumichika's fingers and let him shake. He rewarded her with a genuine smile. "You have lovely manners. That's good! Boys think girls with manners are especially beautiful."

"My, my, isn't she a bit young to worry about boys? She's not even two!" Jyuushiro laughed, but Yumichika could hear the chide under it and lowered his head.

"I didn't mean to imply anything, only, I was told that as a child, and-"

"Emiko, see how big his tummy is?" Jyuushiro bent over at the waist and cut off Yumichika's apology, as Emiko dropped Yumichika's hand. "That means there'll be a baby soon. Just like you!"

"Like me?" She repeated, intrigued, and Jyuushiro nodded.

"Or like Taka. You know Taka!"

"Oh. Baby!" Emiko's chubby cheeks spread wide with a bright grin, and Jyuushiro captured Yumichika's gaze with an intrepid expression.

"Would you mind if she touched?"

"Oh, no." Yumichika moved his elbows back to give her full exposure, as Emiko turned towards him again. "Try it, sweetie. You used to live in your Mama just like my baby, too, a very long time ago." Her tiny hands reached out and made contact, and Yumichika could feel a burst of her energy.

"Oh!" She gasped again, then pulled her hands back to her mouth and giggled. "Baby! Baby!" She extended her hands again, and Yumichika could feel her reiatsu as she explored his.

"She's got a way with that," Yumichika remarked, as he felt her energy close in around his. She, outwardly, remained rapt with the object of her focus, whispering as she alternatively tapped each side of his middle:

"Baby, baby!"

"I know." Jyuushiro teased one of her pigtails, curling it around his finger. "She's got impressive control for someone so young, and she has a wellspring of power that she just can't tap yet. Lucky, too; her spiritual pressure would be immense, and I don't think she'd be able to control that just yet."

"Considering her family, I'd be surprised at anything less!" Yumichika laughed, even as he shifted his ankles beneath him. He could feel his balance threatening to give, but he dug in with his toes.

"Baby, baby!"

"Shun's awful proud of her already." Jyuushiro extracted his hand from the tangles of her hair. "She's just the light of his life. He can't imagine not being a father, and at this point, nor can I." His eyes, face, everything softened, and Yumichika wasn't even sure he was speaking to the same man anymore. He could almost feel the contentment rolling off of them from the clasp of his hand over her tiny shoulder, and it stung, abrasive, against all the soft parts in him that longed for someone else to say those same words. Jyuushiro seemed to see the wound in his expression, and his eyes widened.

"Baby, baby!"

"Emi, dear, that's enough. Let's not chafe Mister Yumichika raw." Jyuushiro gently moved her back, putting Yumichika out of her reach. Yumichika put his hands on his knees to push himself up, and Jyuushiro held out a hand. "Here, that looks impossible."

"It's fine, I'm used to doing it myself." He tried, but could feel his head already starting to spin. "Uh, on second thought." He put one hand on Jyuushiro's arm, and Jyuushiro let Yumichika use him as a bar. The moment his knees straightened, the tornado that had threatened behind Yumichika's eyes swelled up and swallowed him, and his knees buckled. Jyuushiro gasped and moved to catch him, but someone else beat him to it.

"Give me a heart attack, why don'cha?!" Shuhei complained as he wrapped his arms around Yumichika's elbows. Yumichika's vision cleared enough for him to smile at Shuhei.

"I live to make you squirm, Hisagi." Shuhei rolled his eyes and straightened Yumichika to rights. Yumichika realized all eyes were on him, and quickly waved his hands in front of him. "I'm fine. Really!"

"Like hel-" Shuhei started, but his gaze traveled down to tiny Emiko, her bright eyes affixed to him. "- heck you are."

Rangiku slipped in and took Shuhei by the wrist. "Boys, that's enough." She quickly smiled at Yumichika, clearly trying to convey 'Everything's alright' but not quite convincing him, and announced, "Let's open up some of these presents!" Rangiku ushered Yumichika towards the chairs again, and the rest of the group followed. Shuhei, however, remained in place and caught Jyuushiro's eye.

"Captain-"

"I know," Jyuushiro responded under the hum of vibrant noise issuing from the women, and followed Yumichika's back with his eyes. "But this is not the time or the place."

"Tell me when and where, sir." Shuhei folded his arms. "He's an idiot, but I'm not gonna let his kid suck the life out of him."

"Goodness, your clear distaste for him makes me wonder why you're here at all." Jyuushiro giggled faintly, and escorted Emiko in the direction of the gathering. Shuhei clicked his tongue against his teeth.

"My Captain sent me to get him a piece of cake."

"Oh, Miss Matsumoto thought you might like to offer warm wishes? How very thoughtful of her to include you." Shuhei flushed, and grumbled a 'how embarrassing is this' under his breath before quietly joining the crowd of women.

After gifts were opened and the cake was cut and distributed, the throngs began to clear. Girls called their farewells as a few members started to clean things up, and Yumichika could hear Rangiku instructing some of the unseated girls from the Eleventh to carry all the boxes of diapers and clothes and bottles to his room. He, however, sat back in the chair he'd been kept in and surveyed it all with more than a little wonder.

"It's strange, isn't it?" Yumichika jumped, because he hadn't heard the source of that sedate, familiar voice approach, and yet, there sat Byakuya, two chairs away, with Taka sitting alert and sucking his thumb on his lap. Byakuya folded his hands on Taka's thighs and nodded at the lay of the emptying room. "All these people who want to do something kind for you, for no virtue more than your procreation. I didn't understand it, myself."

"No?" Yumichika felt just a little hot under the collar, because he was talking to a high noble  _who was talking down to him_. "I guess, for someone like me, it's nice. I'm living on my officer's stipend, and I... I don't have any family."

"Renji made as much clear to me." Byakuya reached into his side pocket and withdrew an envelope. "And after experiencing it for myself, I realized that this sort of display isn't for me. It was for all those who wished me well." He offered the envelope to Yumichika. "Such charity is noble in mind and action, and allows one to express their sentiments without so many silly words that you would surely only hear over and over." He dropped the envelope on the chair between the two of them. "This is from both of us. Renji insisted on paying his fair half out of his officer's stipend."

Oh. Byakuya wasn't talking down to him. That was just how he talked. And the card, illustrated with a cartoonish stork, held the sentiments that Byakuya was too stiff to vocalize, and only just enough to verbalize:  _"You have our support. Our gift to you has been delivered to the private quarters of the Eleventh Division's Fourth Seat."_

Renji's message was as simple and sweet as the man himself:  _"Congratulations! Can't wait for Taka to have his first play date with my senpai's kid!"_

"Delivered?" Yumichika could only wonder, and Byakuya shifted uncomfortably.

"It was... too large. I had thought it would be unfair to ask volunteers to deliver it, so I asked my staff to do so. You'll see it when you return."

"Oh." His cheeks burned red. "Thank you, Captain. And for before, too."

"Don't mention it." Byakuya shrugged.

"I feel the very same," Jyuushiro chimed in, as he sat in a chair on Yumichika's other side, with Emiko, all partied out from playing with Yachiru, soundly asleep in his arms. "We mothers have to stick together."

"Is that how you think of us?" Byakuya scoffed, and adjusted Takahiro in his hold. Jyuushiro chuckled softly.

"Yes, I do. It's true. I'm even expected to lead the charge on the different things that would make our lives easier. Do you know, Byakuya, that the Fourth is planning on setting up a daycare division?"

Byakuya's eyebrows raised, but his gaze glanced off of Yumichika. "I hadn't, no."

"Well, since things have been peaceful since the Winter War, there have been quite a few couples springing up in the unranked members, and there's plenty talk of families." Jyuushiro cuddled Emiko contently. She yawned against his chest. "This doesn't even account for officers with families outside of the squads. Not all are as fortunate as we are to be able to afford private nannies and tutors, though. And beside that, I'd like Emiko to have friends her own age, or close." The slant of his eyes shifted from content to contemplative as he shifted in the chair and rocked her. "And, to be truthful, I may not be here forever, or even for very much longer. If such a thing comes to pass, and Shunsui is left on his own, it'll be difficult for him to care for her without the leeway I have in my division."

"Don't say such things," Byakuya growled suddenly, and both Yumichika and Jyuushiro froze. Jyuushiro loosened first, with a good-natured laugh.

"Forgive me; I don't mean to be morbid." Jyuushiro turned in his chair to fully face the other two. Yumichika remained petrified between them, trying to look at the last few volunteers folding up the table, Rangiku and Shuhei in quiet conversation in the opposite corner, anything to draw himself out of the clash of energies between the two Captains. How could Ukitake remain so calm when he was expending so much force?!

"But you must admit, Byakuya," Jyuushiro continued coolly, "That it would be useful to have some sort of service should both you and Renji be deployed where he can associate with other children his own age without putting a strain on your house staff." He gestured with an open hand, as if Yumichika wasn't covering between them. "After all, the noble families suffer the same low birthrates as the rest of Soul Society. Isn't he the newest High Noble to be born in six decades?"

"He is, yes, unless you count what we now know to be the Shiba siblings. I have no reservations to letting him associate with other children when he is old enough to do so on a meaningful level." Byakuya bit his lip, and Yumichika could relax as Byakuya did and Jyuushiro matched him. "Rather, Renji has no reservations, and he insists our son be raised to be a bit more down to earth than the typical nobleman."

"My, that's Renji for you. Certainly you can see the merit in raising the tyke to be a man of the people."

"I do, yes."

"In any case, I had thought-" Jyuushiro's gaze swung to Yumichika, "that such a proposition as an official daycare would be of interest to you, in particular. As a single father in a high risk division, it would be good to have some backup, wouldn't it?"

Byakuya lowered his chin, as dignified as any head of state, and quietly added, "Renji has offered to make himself available to your child in case of an emergency, by which I mean he is offering use of our house staff. Kuchiki manor is one of the safest places in the Seireitei, and, as our children will not be a full year apart in age, I imagine it is Renji's intention that they become friends. I have, for my part, approved of his offer."

Yumichika scantly heard Jyuushiro's "My, such largesse!" over the ringing in his ears.

Everyone had been kind to him today. Not one word of disapproval. Captains and Nobles alike smiling at him for the same reasons. Why did having that make the rest of his life feel so hollow? He felt the itch behind his eyes a split second too late to choke the tears back, and broke into blind sobs. His head ached, his vision blurred, and he pushed his face into his hands to try and smother everything.

Jyuushiro patted and rubbed his back. "Shh, shh, it's alright, no need to cry, we're right here for you." He felt Byakuya's thin hand on the back of his neck, too, but it was a presence in front of him that startled him from his tears.

"Hey, what's with the waterworks?" Renji was bent in front of him, hands cocked on his hips but wearing a nervous smile, and he put a hand on Yumichika's shoulder. "C'mon, man, those tears don't belong on a face as pretty as yours."

Yumichika tried to thank him and offer a witty comeback, but all that came out was a hiccup, accompanied by an indicative nod. Renji scooped a hand around his. "Come on, come get some fresh air. Just you an' me."

Renji mouthed an apology to Byakuya over Yumichika's shoulder as Yumichika accepted Renji's hand like a wallflower at a ball. "Thank you, Renji." He shuffled at Renji's side, too distraught to do anything but be led off. Behind them, Byakuya and Jyuushiro traded urgent glances and soft words.

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"I don't think you did. I think the hurt was already there."

Renji helped Yumichika sit down on the edge of the step down into the gardens, and Yumichika carefully smoothed the drapery of his kosode around him to disguise his shape as best as he could. Renji couldn't be fooled, though. "Jeez, gotta say, that kid's pretty big in you already. You're, what, twenty-seven-"

"Twenty-eight weeks." Yumichika wiped his hands over his eyes and smeared the tears off onto his front. "Ugh, how embarrassing. You shouldn't have to see me like this."

"Dude, I know you can't help it. Everyone knows that." Renji settled himself beside Yumichika as he composed himself, drying his eyes and catching his breath. A few geese passed overhead, wind rustled the groomed grass and trimmed topiary, and Renji waited. He realized, after a loon called through the still silence that had settled around them, that Yumichika wasn't going to start talking. "So, hey, I've been wondering. Is that an Ayasegawa in there, or a Madarame?"

He had to break the ice somehow, and he wasn't good at subtle.

Yumichika shivered, but instantly answered. "Madarame. Unless Officer Madarame objects. I... I find the name lovely, and pleasant to say."

"Any first names?"

"I... I suppose I had only thought of Tori, so far."

"Tori? Hmm." Renji rubbed his chin. "I guess it's okay. Maybe come up with a few more, in case you look at him or her and think it doesn't really fit. Or try it out. Just think, what's it gonna be like to feed Tori? Or call her in from playing down the road? Or scolding her for staying out too late?"

"It all just sounds rather wonderful to me." Yumichika's voice was as soft as his face, an oddly peaceful look overtaking him. "Nice, quiet, and typical. It'll almost be a bit of relief, leaving the Division and coming back to some domestic mundanity."

"Wouldn't've pegged you for the domestic type."

"I'm not. Not really. But doesn't everyone want to find a little peace sometime? Have a safe place they can go?" Yumichika shrugged, and his shoulders slumped forward. "I guess you can call it nesting."

"I can see that." Renji chuckled, and folded his arms as Yumichika let his hands fall to encircle himself. "Y'know, it's gotta be tough on you. As hard as it is for all of us to watch you hurt, it's gotta be ten times worse for you."

"Is it really so bad, Renji?" Renji bit his lip- the note of sarcasm was a blazing neon sign that he had just said the exact wrong thing. Yumichika, however, fluttered his eyelashes and drew himself in tighter. "I brought this on myself. I'm not asking for pity. I really would only like to move on with my life."

"Move on?" Renji had tried not to sound surprised, but failed. To his credit, he recovered quickly. "I mean, I guess I get it. You've been through some stuff. And Ikkaku hasn't been nice to you. I guess... it's just weird, 'cause, I'm pretty sure you still love him."

Yumichika was quiet, with no noise but the distant crickets rousing as the sun descended from aloft. Renji hardly heard his response: "I do." He cringed over, his face wrought, but Renji could hear a sentimental smile wobbling under his tenor when he spoke again. "His is the most beautiful face I've ever laid eyes on."

Renji was struck silent. Yumichika sighed, and had to smear at his eyes again. "I guess it might not be too hard to understand. He's been what I've followed, ever since the day I met him. It was an exciting life, but the longer I live it, the more I see it simply can't last." Renji wasn't hearing what Yumichika was saying, because he was already hearing what he wasn't saying. Yumichika lifted his hands a little, indifferent but helpless. "Nothing is permanent. Youth, beauty, luck. I had no illusion that Ikkaku and I could stay together forever. So, I took something that could stay a little longer and cut it off before I had to watch what we had..."

"Die." Renji's hands closed around the edge of the deck, his knuckles turned white against the wood. There was silence again, until Renji heard Yumichika start to sob. He hugged his hands tight around his belly, and Renji laid an arm around his shoulder as he rocked frantically on his hipbones and wailed.

"He would never have let me... he would never have let... I was always right there, on the edge of losing him!" Yumichika's makeup ran in streaks, his nose red, eyes swollen. He was not a pretty crier, and he didn't have the faculties to care right now. "Any day... any second... I could have... I would have... I wish I... Damn it all!" Yumichika dropped his fist hard onto the deck beside him, and smeared his face dry on his sleeves. "I..." He managed to turn to Renji, before dropping his eyes again. "I'm sorry, this is disgraceful. I can see what you mean. It must be painful to watch me."

That simple dismissal allowed Yumichika to put up his walls again, and Renji almost felt dizzy from the sudden change in his demeanor. Yumichika dusted his hands, clearly pretending Renji hadn't just scratched deep and wormed out something he clearly had been keeping in.

That meant that there was more, and Renji was putting it together, bit by bit.

Renji escorted Yumichika back in and directly to Rangiku. "Would you mind taking him home? I think he's a little worn out."

Yumichika tried and failed to shake Renji off. "I'm not some frail child, I can handle myself."

"After you damn near dropped through the floor?" Shuhei's eyebrows rose quizzically, teeth gritted, to Renji's surprise. "No way. We'll see he makes it back without passing out in a ditch."

"Hisagi, be nice," Rangiku warned, then gave Renji a cheerful, diplomatic smile. "He and I have to talk, anyway. I could use some honest feedback, since I planned this whole shindig!"

Yumichika relented, and let Renji release him. "Well, for starters, not telling me wasn't really all that nice..." Rangiku teased right back about how he wouldn't have come if he'd known, and Renji relaxed as Shuhei and Rangiku anchored themselves to Yumichika's side and walked him towards the door.

"I knew I could trust those two to take care of him, in whatever weird way they manage it," he remarked to himself, and to Byakuya who'd approached from behind him. Renji turned to face him. "I think I'm getting the picture, but I gotta talk to Ikkaku. Hopefully, Iba's got him loosened up, so it won't be too hard to get something out of him."

"And Shunsui?" Jyuushiro, still carrying Emiko, joined the conversation with concern wrought into his pallid brow. Renji nodded.

"Yeah, I got his Hell Butterfly. I told Iba to go to the izakaya in the 13th, and he'll be waiting nearby to intercept if I can't talk some sense into Ikkaku. If I can, he told me to use the code words 'Go away, old man.'" He chuckled and rubbed at his nose. "Seems pretty obvious, but not so much as the words he told me to signal with if I need help. Something I'd never say normally or by accident, so he hit it on the head."

"Do you think you'll need it?" Jyuushiro's eyebrows bounced nervously. Renji shrugged again.

"Could go either way. I just gotta try and get through to him. Yumichika obviously wants him, and Ikkaku... everything I hear says he hates him now, but just 'cause you hate someone doesn't mean you don't love them."

"I'll take your word on that." Byakuya patted Renji's shoulder. "I suppose I'll see you in the morning?"

"Sorry, babe." Renji's eyes flashed to Ukitake, and he quickly averted his eyes so Renji could kiss Byakuya on the cheek. "Apologize to Taka for me. I hate to do this, but-"

"It is fine, Renji." Byakuya ran a hand across Renji's hair. "You are a young man. As long as it's not an 'every day' occurrence, it's fine to have an evening out with friends. Especially when you have an ulterior motive."

"Hah." Renji shook his head a little. "I don't think I've ever gone out with the intention of anything more than unwinding. But..." His eyes fell away, but he was still seeing Yumichika's face wrought up with uncontrollable tears behind his eyes. "I gotta do this. Even if I can't fix it, maybe if I can figure out what went wrong, I can help both of them find closure."

He gave Byakuya one quick kiss farewell, mumbled a 'good-bye' to Taka, and bowed, quickly but deeply, to Jyuushiro, and left for the door. Jyuushiro glanced to Byakuya with a sly smile. "Appropriate job, for a psychopomp."

"Or a savior," Byakuya subtly argued back, and he bowed his head and exhaled softly. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Oh, would you mind if I did?" The two of them departed in quiet conversation, and avoiding thinking about what their lovers were up to tonight.

As Shunsui had justified it to Jyuushiro: "One good trick deserves another."


	13. Another!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji starts digging, and Ikkaku uncovers his past with Yumichika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we find out a lot more about where our heroes came from, in the hopes that it will help them find where they're going. So, watch for those italics. Enjoy!

**13: Another!**

The izakaya past the Thirteenth Division HQ was always lively, but the waitresses and bartenders were struggling to keep up with the bar tabs of the Shinigami Men's Association. Fifteen loud, rude, demanding customers? A nightmare to anyone in food service. Fortunately, after the first few hours, they moved around less, broke less glasses, and slowed down on just how many new rounds were needed around the room. The unseated members cleared out as their stipends ran dry or their aching heads and dry mouths started telling them they were going to have a terrible morning, and those who remained were too wasted to cause trouble. Renji got in as the sun hit the horizon, to find that Kira, Omaeda, Iba, and Ikkaku were the last ones left. Renji quickly came up with a plan of action: first, make the rounds.

Kira was sitting with a few girls from the Thirteenth, who scattered when Renji lowered himself into the chair beside him. "You still having a good night, dude?"

"Oh, uh, yes." Kira beamed, color high in his cheeks, eyes watery, and he lifted his stein of blonde beer. "Cheers!"

"Yeah, cheers." Renji met the mug with his fist, and Kira tossed the liquid back, then came back with a gasp.

"I usually don't drink this much, but... sheesh." Kira rubbed his head. "It's so easy to get carried away with all the guys around. Plus..." His eyes traveled over his shoulder, to where Ikkaku sat, half-slumped over the bar, cast in stark shadow all down his back but for the reflection of a pendant light gleaming off his bowed head, with Iba yammering into his ear. "He's... it's hard, you know?"

"Hard to watch him? Why?"

"Well, I thought he was angry about... all that happened." Kira swirled the liquid in his mug and watched the remaining froth travel in lazy circles. "We tried not to talk about it, just to give him a night to chill, since we heard Captain Zaraki's been working him really hard to keep him away from... him."

"Did someone say something?"

Kira shook his head. "No, but he just... sort of stopped enjoying it. He and Iba have been arguing over stupid stuff, but even I can tell they're both just sort of holding back." He shook his head a little, but continued to wobble even after he stopped. "That..." He blinked his way into a drunken moment of clarity. "Might be a thing."

"What? Holding back?" Renji hunched his shoulders in, elbows on the table, and Kira nodded.

"S'like Shuhei told me. He told me he talked to Yumichika, and Yumichika said he was tired of lying to him. I think Shuhei knew what that meant, but he didn't tell me, and I didn't ask. But it's like, those tough guys, they hold it all back." Kira's wrist shifted, and his chin dropped. "Man, I think I've had enough."

Renji chuckled and helped Kira lift his head up, as the red in his cheeks flooded over with green. "You want me to call Shuhei to get you home safe?"

He didn't, but Renji saw Kira to the door, as he pinned his lips shut and tried not to think about wasting all that he'd just drank, and watched for him to steady up enough to try flash-stepping. He gave up when he heard Kira retching about a block away, and heard a little uneasy laughter from nearby.

"He tries so hard." Akon unhunched his shoulders to catch Renji's eye, and half-turned to face him. "But he always gets a little sloppy when we go out and he tries to keep up. Still, it's always a good time with the SMA." He took a sip from his bottle- some craft brand Renji didn't recognize, one of those with the really weird names- and exhaled hops as Renji propped himself against Akon's table. "Kinda sucks the guys didn't invite me along, but I guess if Ikkaku knew I was here, he'd be kicking my ass in the alley for wearing a Twelfth Division uniform."

"You weren't invited? What brings you in?"

"Eh." Akon took another sip. "Thirteenth is safe. Captain's been in a mood since what happened, and I'm not even cleared for full duty. I heard the guy's'd be here, so I thought I'd hang around the outskirts and maybe catch up on business."

"Fair." Renji chuckled, and Akon laughed along and offered him his bottle. "No, thanks. But hey, how's the legs?"

"Healing." Akon hiked his hakama, showing his muscle definition. "Few more weeks of therapy, and I'll be good to go."

"Awesome." Renji slapped his back. "So, you're pretty well aware of what happened in your squad while you were out?"

"I sure as hell am now." Akon hunched over again. "The Captain... he means well, in the long run. But he went too far on this, and letting Ayasegawa keep it secret- hell, more like blackmailing him by the end of it." Akon sighed, and tipped his bottle to his lips again, only to find it empty, and he grunted with disappointment, then glanced back to Renji. "Guess it's not entirely true. Ayasegawa could have run for the hills any second. Kurotsuchi was keeping up a charade of him being a regular officer, though I think he was... hell, guess it doesn't matter."

"No, keep going." Renji folded his arms. "I kinda wanna hear this."

Akon stared at him, then bit his lip and lowered his eyes. "Captain was implanting subconscious suggestions in him, convincing him he couldn't leave, amongst other things. Pretty sure, anyway." Akon grimaced. "It's in the food, in low doses, stuff that makes you more susceptible to hypnotism, and everything the Captain says, you just take it all to heart. Plus, some of the drugs the Captain was dosing him with, they'd just make it worse. Not all of it was brainwashing, though. Ayasegawa and I talked when I stopped in to get some results from experiments I had to hand off, and he told me not to tell anyone. He could've told me to run and send him help, since I wasn't in on it, but he didn't. I dunno if that was the Captain screwing with his head, or if just he really didn't want Ikkaku to know. It meant that much to him, more than his own life..." Akon sighed. "It's pretty shitty, all over."

"Goddamn right it is." Renji found his hands white-knuckled around the edge of the table, and he was completely failing to make eye contact with Akon. Akon shoved his bottle to Renji.

"You look like you could use this." He slid off his stool and landed, not quite steadily. "I'm out before I start getting commands to reveal any more squad secrets."

He stuffed his hands into his pockets and shuffled out, and Renji waited. He tried the bottle, but grunted when he remembered it was empty. Just as well he wasn't getting drunk. He had a lot to take in. Maybe it was time to step down a rung on the smart-guy scale, and oh, would you look at that, Omaeda was getting plastered at one of the card tables.

Omaeda always bought the top-shelf sake, even though Renji could never taste the difference between that and the regular well bottle. He had always figured that the seedy bars he tended to hang out in just switched the labels for the cheap stuff and switched the price tag with it. Tonight, Omaeda was pouring from a bottle that was from the Kyoraku family private reserves (something you could only find in the Eighth or Thirteenth divisions), and Renji could smell exactly how strong it was from three paces back. Omaeda was wasting the rest of his stipend gambling on hanafuda with the Thirteenth's Tenth Seated Officer, and Renji pulled up a chair just as Omaeda threw his cards down.

"Shoot," he sneered, and mock-spat at the ground. "Rotten luck tonight." The other officer gathered up the coins on the table and hurried off as Renji shot the guy a quick glare. Renji nudged Omaeda's arm once the other officer was gone.

"Funny you should mention luck tonight, huh? What with the guest of honor, and all." Renji nodded back to the bar, and Omaeda scoffed, his thick, sloppy lips sputtering spittle.

"Ain't nothing lucky about that guy. I feel rotten for the stupid bastard, but he kinda does it to himself." Omaeda tipped his bowl to his lips and took a gulp. Renji felt his eyelids twitch- Omaeda drank the good stuff, and so fast he couldn't taste it anyway. "I mean," Omaeda drained the bowl and put it aside. "He hooks up with a dude, fine, whatever makes you happy, he goes for a pretty dude, I mean, if I had to pick a dude- yeah, whatever. But why the hell's everyone lookin' down on him for this stupid mess? Ikkaku didn't ask to get dragged down like this."

Renji felt heat flash to his face, but held it down with a stoic mask, and tried not to mention that Ikkaku trying to fight Yumichika while he was in such a bad way probably didn't gain him any supporters. Instead, he left it at, "You don't say." He probably shouldn't have said, but Omaeda just kept going.

"Sure, Yumichika went through hell at the Twelfth, but he did wrong. He did way wrong." Omaeda refilled his bowl and took a smaller sip, his lips flopping around, looser than before. "You know he almost got charged for what he did to him?"

Looser than Renji could have anticipated. He came to the edge of his seat. "What? What the hell're you talking about?"

"Yeah." Omaeda took a rice cracker from the bowl on the table, and spoke right through it as he put it in his mouth. "Head Captain was gonna charge him with sexual assault. Just, Ikkaku had to agree to allege the charges. But he didn't. He said..."

_"No." Ikkaku hung his head under the hard, heavy stares of the Head Captain and Lieutenant Sasakibe, slumping over under the weight of everything. "Yumichika... Yumichika wouldn't mean to hurt me. That's why he left, I bet. So it wouldn't hurt me." He winced, and his breath caught. "Consent... yeah, I consented. Even if he'd just told me what he wanted, what he wanted to do... I probably would'a done it, if he'd'a just told me why." His fist dropped onto the desk, hard, without warning. "God damn it, I just wanna know why!"_

Renji's face fell, and his jaw hung open, as Omaeda brought his hands to his mouth. "Oh, shit, I'm not supposed to- hey, hey, forget you heard that!" Omaeda snatched his bottle and a few more rice crackers, and hustled out as fast as his wobbly legs would carry him. Renji ran his hand back through his hair and scratched his head, then forced his jaw to shut.

"Yeah. I'll forget it." He twisted his neck around to look at Ikkaku, his eyes sunken and low, long past enjoying the good times. He'd try and forget just how many regulations Omaeda just broke, because two things were ringing true: first, Ikkaku still cared. Renji couldn't be sure how much he cared, but goddammit, there was still something there. Second, he had a huge chunk of the solution, or at the very least, someone had written out part of the problem.

The real trick would be convincing Ikkaku to find the solution.

He swaggered over to the bar and dropped into the stool next to Iba, and waved to the bartender. He gave his order under his breath: "Hey, man, whiskey and water, no whiskey." The bartender rose an eyebrow, but pushed Renji a glass, and Renji nudged Iba. "Looks like I missed most of the party, huh?"

"Yeah, me an' this guy-" Iba indicated Ikkaku by rubbing his head- "were just tryin' to decide whether or not to buy another round. Me, I'm out."

"Coward," Ikkaku slurred, and Renji saw him sway on his elbows. Iba stood up, a little shakily, and Ikkaku shoved the borrowed sunglasses against him. "Whatever, man. I need a few more. S'my day off, I got nothin' better to do with it."

"That's way sad, man. Iba, I'll hang out with him if you wanna get back." Iba got up, and Renji took his spot. He waited until Iba was gone, his last shouted farewells swallowed by the hum of noise from the other patrons, and the scope of Renji's focus closed to Ikkaku, the smooth wood of the bar, the glasses in front of them, and the bright light reflecting off his shiny head. Ikkaku was quiet, then slowly turned to Renji with a smirk.

"So, you gonna buy me a drink or not?" Ikkaku held up his empty glass. He didn't look drunk, other than the bloodshot eyes, but his eyes hadn't looked right since he'd given up his warpaint. Even so, he sounded drunk. Very drunk.

"Tell ya what." Renji drained his glass of water. "You take me in a fistfight to the touch, one clean blow to the chest, I'll buy you another round."

"Ohh, an' if you win, I buy? Clever little shit." Ikkaku snickered, then hooked an arm around Renji's before Renji could protest that that wasn't what he'd meant. "Alright, come on, ya red-headed fuck, let's do this!"

Fine. This could work just as well.

Half the bar patrons followed them out to the street to watch. Ikkaku was fighting sloppy, but Renji didn't try. He dodged the first few blows, then let Ikkaku catch him in the chest. Ikkaku didn't even realized Renji had thrown it, but he tossed his head back and laughed. "Man, an' you're a lieutenant!"

"You got lucky. C'mon, asshole, whatever you want." Renji dug out his wallet as they returned to their seats, and gave silent thanks that Byakuya let him keep his own money without checking it. At least he would only be buying one beer at a time.

Settled down again, bottle open, Renji sipping his no-whiskey-and-water, and Ikkaku draining the bottle like he needed an infusion, Renji made his first move. "It is kinda lame, isn't it?"

"Eh?" Ikkaku lifted his eyes from the label on his bottle.

"They take you out to 'celebrate,' but those cowards are all too chickenshit to actually talk to you about what happened." Renji took a deliberate sip, because he'd made sure Ikkaku had heard the "whiskey" part of his order and had not heard the "no whiskey" part. "I mean, Yumichika, he did you so goddamn wrong."

Ikkaku scoffed. "Tell me about it." He took another sip, and the bottle hit the bar a little harder than he intended. "Even the Captain's lookin' at me like I'm the one who screwed everything up. It fucking sucks."

"Yeah, no, he fucked up. I just don't get it." Renji heaved a deliberate sigh, but Ikkaku was too far gone to see Renji's eyes dancing over his face and studying him. "I mean, why the hell would he? You knew him better than anyone. Maybe you saw a sign or something."

"A sign."

"Yeah. There must'a been some way you'd know he'd go this route."

"I suck at that kinda thing. I thought that was why he and me, we were good together." Ikkaku shrugged, and his tongue slipped over his words as he went on, fighting with every hard consonant. "It wasn't always like that. It wasn't like that at the start, at all."

"No?" Renji drained his glass and pushed it forward to be refilled. "How'd you two meet, anyway?"

Ikkaku put his lips together. "Pfff." He laughed sharply, and grinned at Renji. "Same way I met most people way back then..."

_Hungry for a fight, hungry for anything he could put between his teeth, he wandered the roads between the outer Rukongai through driving rain. His fingers itched at the battered katana at his hip with every rustle of the long grass beside him, expecting someone, anyone to try him. The water wicked down his shorn head and into his eyes, blurring his vision, but the dirt path was straight. Without his sight, though, he thought he was imagining things when he saw a lumpy shadow approaching. It wasn't until it came close that Ikkaku could make out a slender figure in a sopping, heavy-looking brown yukata, wearing a broad kasa that shielded most of his face from the rain. He carried a pack on his back, and a sword strapped in his belt._

_Ikkaku was sure he was seeing things now. This was like a present wrapped in colored paper. (He still vaguely remembered presents wrapped in colored paper. Not that he'd ever gotten one, but he'd known that those were things that existed.) He stopped in his steps when the passer-by came close, and the passer-by's hat turned to indicate that he had looked at Ikkaku. That was enough._

_"Hey, mushroom." He thumbed his katana from the sheath, testing the base of the blade with his fingernail. "You got somethin' worth eatin' in that bag?"_

_The young man in the broad hat bristled. "Did you... just call me... a mushroom?" He dropped the pack and fixed his hat low over his face. "Take that back! I'm neither slimy nor disgusting!"_

_"Oh, is that the part you heard?" Ikkaku sneered, and drew. "Alright, skinny, you got a sword and I got a sword, that means we fight."_

_"Fight?" The youth in brown glanced to the sword he bore as if he had forgotten it was there, then back to Ikkaku. "What for?"_

_"Because I'm attacking you," Ikkaku spat, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm gonna kick your ass, you're gonna give me a good fight and go down when I catch you off guard, and I'm gonna take your food and money and clothes, then sell your clothes or barter out whatever you got and get some damn food 'cause I ain't eaten in days and I'm just about good to eat dirt. So, get that blade out and pretend you know how to use it!"_

_"Really?" The youth breathed raggedly, and Ikkaku could hear a smirk. from under that ridiculous wide cap. "Let's see who's pretending."_   _He dropped his pack and drew, and Ikkaku rushed in._

_The thin youth seemed to have the upper hand, parrying all of Ikkaku's frantic attacks, but he made no moves of his own. Each tilt and shift of his blade was carefully, deliberately minimal. When he did lash out, it was to knock Ikkaku's legs out from under him with a swift kick. The boy shielded his face by tilting his hat down, then kicked mud at Ikkaku's face. Satisfied, the boy grabbed up his pack and turned to walk away. Ikkaku, not satisfied at all, snatched the boy's ankle and yanked, sending him to the ground. The impact knocked the wind out of him and he groaned. Ikkaku took the chance to get up and vault over the young man, and crouched down, straddled over him and sitting on his hard, bony middle._

_"My name is Ikkaku Madarame." He put the edge down against the skinny young man's throat. The boy coughed from Ikkaku's weight on his chest, but it turned into a laugh._

_"Why...?"_

_"It's what you do. You gotta know the name and rank of the man who killed you." Ikkaku shook a little, but tilted the sharp edge in. "I don't remember the old name or the rank no more. I forgot the name when I got here. I think I forgot the rank when I woke up this morning. But you'll know my name for your journey back to the Living World."_

_"Ikkaku... Madarame." The boy laughed/coughed again, and tilted his head back. The kasa tumbled off, and Ikkaku inhaled sharply with surprise. "I'll remember it." The boy smiled, and Ikkaku found himself stricken._

_"You're..." Shit, he was speechless. The young man, with his soft, laughing smile, even soaked with rain and mud, struck at something in Ikkaku's core. Soft purple eyes, almost luminescent even in the dim light, long black hair roughly tied back but silky and smooth. High cheekbones, fine skin like porcelain. Who'd put such a pretty thing in the trash heap?_

_"Ugh, not this again." The youth rolled his eyes at Ikkaku's stare. "Kill me and get it over with. What, do you want my name and rank, too?" He released his blade, his arm half-pinioned by Ikkaku's weight and otherwise useless, but he had range of motion enough to point to himself. "Yumichika Ayasegawa. I don't have a rank. I'm tired of losing fights against stupid brutes with more muscle mass than me, I'm no stronger than I ever was. If you're going to kill me, don't make excuses or try to fuck me."_

_Ikkaku went from stricken to taken aback, and scoffed. "Like I'd give you an opening." He stuck his katana down into Yumichika's bag. "So, that's your game? You defend until you slip up, and then when they try and take advantage of you, you kill 'em?"_

_"I'm trying to pick up new tech-" Yumichika's eyes suddenly widened. "You bastard! My clothes are in there!"_

_"You can fix 'em!" Ikkaku swiped the bag up and tossed it over his shoulder. "You wanna learn techniques? Actual techniques? C'mon. You and me, let's get some goddamn food. I can feel your stomach growling." He got up, and held his hand out to Yumichika. "Just, show me those blocks you were using. That was actually pretty damned impressive." Yumichika's eyes roved Ikkaku's face, searching for an explanation, then loosened into a soft, natural smile._

_"If... if you don't mind, then, I'll follow you."_

"You mean you met him and fought him." Renji arched an eyebrow up to his hairline, as Ikkaku slammed his empty mug down onto the bar and belched.

"Another!" Ikkaku licked his lips, and tossed a harsh smirk to Renji. "Yeah, s'what I did. But he gave me his name and rank, and admitted his strategy to me. Underhanded little shit. He... he got better." The bartender took his empty mug and dropped a full one, and Ikkaku took the first gulp and exhaled. "Yeah, he just started following me, like a lost dog, and it wasn't so bad. We'd spar every day, I'd pick up defense, he'd pick up offense. He got better fast, too. Plus... I dunno..." Ikkaku swallowed twice, thickly, and sighed. "He made me... he did shit like this, talking and stuff, and it wasn't weird..."

_"You said you forgot your rank, shortly before we met." Yumichika was walking, heel to toe, along a bowed fence on the roadside, still wearing his kasa over most of his face, as Ikkaku trudged down the dirt path. Ikkaku kind of got why Yumichika had gotten upset over his bag- the yukatas Yumichika wore from day to day were colorful and silky. Looked expensive. Ikkaku also figured out that he saved the brown one for rainy days, because it was the ugliest one, but he had to wear something. Still, watching his lithe companion hop from post to post in a flowered purple robe... made Ikkaku prefer sunny days. Yumichika glanced to him. "Do you remember what you were like before?"_

_"I forget more every day." Ikkaku scratched his head a little, then shook his ears side to side. "There ain't much left. I don't remember the name I had before. I remember being a warrior. That's about it."_

_"Is that all?" Yumichika giggled, and landed on one foot, balancing on the other. "How boring." He hopped to the other foot, and Ikkaku fumed._

_"What, and your life was so damn interesting?"_

_"No." Yumichika landed squarely on both feet on the next post, then continued balancing along the beam, dipping his foot with each step. Ikkaku just shook his head, almost disgusted at his friend's catlike grace. "But you could at least have a fascinating story about how you died."_

"I didn't." Ikkaku stared down into his glass, looking weirdly sobered for a moment. "The last thing I remember was not being able to feel my legs."

"How about him?" Renji leaned his face in his hand, and Ikkaku grunted.

"He had a hard time remembering, more than me. He'd been there a few years already, he'd even gotten older and taller since he got there, so he had lost a lot of it." He drummed his fingers on the bar, and continued in a grumble: "He told me... he remembered being itchy and hot, and then not being able to see or hear anything... and then screaming until he died." Ikkaku shut his eyes. "He only told me that last part after I caught him having a scream-awake nightmare. He'd have 'em, every couple months."

"Zat so?" Renji rocked his cheek against his hand, intently fixed on his every word.

"Yeah. First time, I had no idea what to do with him..."

_Ikkaku thought it was a cat yowling at first, and went to throw his waraji at it. He stopped short when there wasn't a cat out the window, and found the source of the noise to be the bedroll a few feet away from his. Yumichika was coiled into a tight little ball, knees up to his chest, arms encircling his legs, rocking frenetically. His screams had dissolved into whimpers, and Ikkaku caught fragments of what he was whispering to himself:_

_"I... I'm here... I can see me... everyone can see me... I want all of you to see me... You can see me..."_

_Ikkaku, dumbstruck, crept out from under his thin blanket and over to Yumichika. "Hey. What're you going on about? Of course I can see you."_   _He grabbed Yumichika's shoulder. "C'mon, snap out of it!"_

_Yumichika froze up, then touched Ikkaku's hand where it sat on his shoulder. "You can see me? You can hear me?" He patted Ikkaku's hand. "I'm... I'm still here." He turned around, and his eyes focused, and he smiled, all warmth and light. "I... I can see you."_

_Ikkaku froze up hmsself as Yumichika threw his arms around him in embrace. "Yes, you can see me! And I can see you! It's all real, I'm here, no red scars, no nurses, no medicine... You're here. Thank you, Ikkaku." Ikkaku had never been hugged, but he slowly, uneasily patted Yumichika's back in return._

_"Yeah. Uh, anytime." Yumichika melted against him, and Ikkaku relaxed too. His body, even still shaking, there was something good about his weight there. Ikkaku didn't think too much about it, just enjoyed that he could do nothing and make Yumichika so happy..._

"Never thought I'd see a man grateful to open his eyes in the Rukongai, but after nights like that, Yumichika would just about kiss the ground he was walking on." Ikkaku shoved his glass forward, and it nearly fell off the other end of the bar. "Gimme 'nother!" The bartender raised his eyebrow at Renji, who nodded a little. The bartender groaned under his breath, but a kan's a kan, so Ikkaku got his mug refilled and Renji got more water. "He'd been in the Rukon a while, so he should'a known better. I hadn't been there long 'fore I met him."

"No?"

"No, but I dunno how long it was between when I died and when I met him. S'like, just existing, searching for food to shut my stomach up and killin' guys when I had to, those days didn't count." Ikkaku's face scrunched up. "He'd been there way longer than me. He said he was a little kid when he got here. He got taken in by a bunch of gals in a teahouse, that was how he survived."

"Zat so?" Renji rose his eyebrows. "Like... a teahouse where they actually serve tea, or-?"

"No, the other kind." Ikkaku's lip curled. "S'where he learned defense. He'd help with the tea serving before the gals took the patrons to do the other stuff, but sometimes they got a little out of hand and had to get bounced, and he'd help the security guys out if he had to." Ikkaku scrunched his face a little, and took a sip and cleared his throat. "He sort of got big on defending the ladies who put food in his mouth. Plus, they taught him a lot of stuff about cooking, and sewing, and taught him to do his hair and makeup." He put his half-empty cup down. "Said he left when they started puttin' him in women's clothes. Ran away. He knew where that was going."

"Shit." Renji flexed his hands behind his head, eyebrows wringing up. He hadn't known that.

"Yeah, but it's what he had to do to survive. I guess I should'a figured that's where his weird thing about letting guys beat him in battle and then killing 'em when they tried to screw him came from." He twisted his face up. "Guess I kind of missed that..."

"Y'think that's where it started?" Things Ikkaku recalled about Yumichika, the things that held firmest in Ikkaku's mind, were setting off all sorts of pings on Renji's radar. Ikkaku, however, was only interested in the bottom of his mug.

"Mm. 'unno." Ikkaku gulped some of his beer, looking like he might just eat the glass, then put it down. "Thinkin' about it, I missed a lot of stuff. He's... he's always been like a shadow on a lake. I just see the shape, but there's a lot more under it."

_Yumichika stopped wearing the kasa after a few years walking at Ikkaku's side. He didn't need to hide his face to keep his ruse up, and Ikkaku got to see more of that coy smile. Tonight, he was like chocolate sauce on fresh berries draped over a bar-stool, as Ikkaku celebrated his big win in the town square with some of the other residents of the district, eye candy, and he'd let the drunken idiots ogle him without acknowledging them because he was just too interested in Ikkaku's retelling of his story. Ikkaku was re-enacting each blow with glee, boasting with all eyes on him, content with the admiration of the crowd and the glory of his every actions, but there was one gaze that never broke away from his. Every time he looked, Yumichika was admiring, rapt, smiling, like Ikkaku was the only light in the room and he was nothing but a purple-winged moth. Ikkaku smiled back every time, because Yumichika's pride and admiration felt better than being carried across a crowd of supporters..._

"I didn't even notice when... when he was..." Ikkaku heaved, and took another gulp of his beer to choke it down, as Renji tried to fill in the blanks.

"When he was plotting this?"

"When that idiot fell for me."

_It was a little while after he took the kasa off that things started to change. Yumichika, pleasant and light like froth, started to walk a little heavier. He got distracted stirring up whatever they were going to eat for dinner, even tossing out a chicken liver in the middle of cleaning the bird, and damn it, chicken livers are too good to waste! He'd accidentally wear the same yukata two days in a row, only to get scream-at-himself angry when he realized he'd done it and insist on hiding somewhere to change it. On the side of a public road, the prissy moron! Sometimes, he'd just stare into space, right over Ikkaku's head with a dreamy little smile, until Ikkaku would try to swipe something out of his bowl and Yumichika would gasp in horror and defend his honor and his dinner with his chopsticks. Ikkaku didn't get it, not really, but Yumichika had his moods sometimes. Five years with the guy taught him that much._

_Sometimes, if he woke up and saw a blemish in his reflection in the wash basin, he'd crawl back into his bedroll and moan and weep, and Ikkaku would have to roll him up in it to get him out. He'd sulk on rainy days, dreading putting on his bad-weather clothes because "you called me a mushroom!" Every once in a while, he'd do that stare-into-space thing on the road, and just go quiet and withdrawn for no good reason. Ikkaku never figured on the why. He just let Yumichika get over it, and usually, after a couple hours or a few days, at most, he did._

_This little daze went on for weeks on end, and Ikkaku was starting to think it was a virus or something. So, he walked a little further away, because Yumichika was tough enough that this would roll over and he'd be fine, but Ikkaku sure as hell wanted none of it. Luckily, after a solid month of him waking up like he'd just fallen from the sky and a solid week of Ikkaku turning his face when he coughed, Yumichika snapped out of it._

_Less luckily, it was into a deep gloom._

_He complained about looking like a mushroom in his heavy clothes and rain hat, but when he forgot half of his makeup and dragged his feet every step, Ikkaku began to really see the resemblance. His eyes were deep with shadow, and even his few small smiles at their mutual strokes of luck or bright spots of happiness was just a leaf on moving water- wavering, wobbling, and gone too fast. Ikkaku was getting legit worried. Yumichika was a pain and a priss and prat, but he made Ikkaku's wanderings seem a little less aimless. Ikkaku liked that. He didn't like his best and only friend dragging his feet around like lead weights. Yumichika floated on air like a petal in soft wind. He should. Ikkaku liked him that way, anyway._

_It was raining, muddy and damp and sour, and Yumichika was cutting some scallions that looked mostly fresh into their pot. Ikkaku was sharpening his blade and waiting for the rice to be finished. He was wearing that pretty blue yukata that made his eyes look like the middle of the sky, his sleeves hiked up to his slender shoulders. Each rhythmic rock of the knife resonated with the dreary drum of the rain, and drew Ikkaku's eyes from his work back to Yumichika, then away when he thought Yumichika was looking. He heard a soft sigh, and sighed back, and Yumichika came to a full stop._

_"Ikkaku?"_

_"You need to stop this." Ikkaku dropped his whetstone onto the ragged cushion beside him, and tossed a glower at him. He wasn't so great at the talking thing, but he had to say something. "You ain't like this. I don't know what your goddamn deal is, but you need to snap out of it." Yumichika shuddered in place, his spine going completely straight as Ikkaku gesticulated with his hand. "Sulkin' around, all gloomy and dull, it's weird. Whatever the problem is, you gotta fix it."_

_Ikkaku thought back over his words at the mortified expression that overtook Yumichika, chased immediately by a deeper hurt, and quickly found a few glaring errors. Still, he wasn't quite eloquent enough to put them right, and it was already too late._

_"It's you, you know." Yumichika sounded as broken as if he'd been stepped on, but smiled anyway. "I'm in love with you."_

_Ikkaku's eyes widened. Those words hit him like lightning, and he, dumbfounded, repeated, "Love?"_

_"I tried! Didn't you notice that I tried to look nicer for you?" Ikkaku couldn't respond, because no, he hadn't. Yumichika's voice was breaking, and all Ikkaku could think was how awful a sound it was. "I've been stupidly mooning, trying to figure out a way I could tell you, but whenever I thought I was getting close, you just pulled away, more and more!" Ikkaku's jaw fell, because no, he just didn't want to get sick! Love sick. Was it contagious? Shit! "You... you stupid bastard!" Yumichika roared to his feet, tears streaming down his face, and Ikkaku couldn't come up with words, because he'd never seen that before._

_Ikkaku hadn't forgotten what tears were. He'd never used them, hadn't seen them even for all he could remember of life, but he knew that you only saw tears on someone strong when they'd been hurt as deep as they could get hurt. Had he done that...? To Yumichika?_

_Yumichika was all teeth and bony-fisted rage now. "You couldn't be bothered to notice! I shouldn't have to tell you obvious stuff!"_

_Ikkaku scowled, because that wasn't fair. Still, he slowly stood up and rolled his shoulders back. "Calm the hell down, you look like a troll when you're angry." Nor was that, but maybe it'd snap him out of it._

_Instead, something snapped in Yumichika's eyes, teeth gritted, eyes furrowed in a harsh scowl. His fingers twitched, and he ground out, "How dare you." He shook his head. "I followed you and treated you like a master, I patch your many, many, copious fucking wounds, I cook you dinner and fix your clothes, and the second I try to open up to you, you call me names! I want to be close to you, moron! Why the hell did you think I even followed you in the first place?!" He threw his fists down to his sides, hunching forward "Just 'cause I was lonely? You think I just beat tracks with anyone who doesn't try and fuck me in the ass without even buying me a drink?!" Ikkaku snarled, and without a conscious thought, his rage bit right back:_

_"Who'd even wanna fuck you, anyway?"_

_Yumichika drew his blade, and Ikkaku jumped. Tears still swelled at Yumichika's eyes, his hands shaking, but Ikkaku, knowing that you don't bring fists to a sword fight, pulled his katana from the sheath. They hadn't fought, not seriously, since the day they met, but Ikkaku could see that if Yumichika swung, it was going to be for his lifeblood._

_But he wasn't swinging._

_He didn't move._

_His hands shook from how hard he gripped the hilt, knuckles blanched white, his eyes darted between the blade and Ikkaku, Ikkaku's face, his shoulders, his chest, the edge of his katana, his eyes, up and down. His lower lip wiggled, and he blinked a flood of tears down his fair cheeks. "Fuck this." He dropped his sword and stormed out, past Ikkaku, into the rain._

_Ikkaku felt all the air in the room leave with him, and, sword in hand, was useless for anything but staring after him._

_He loved him. Ikkaku didn't even know what love was, but it sure as hell meant something. Everything meant something._

_The smell of burnt rice behind him. Yumichika's pack, all his pretty yukata, the soft perfume of his makeup. Their bedrolls, side by side, his rank with sweat, Yumichika's, clean and soft. This abandoned hovel with its packed-mud-and-brick walls and low roof, the place they were calling home tonight, both of them._

_It wouldn't be without him._

_Ikkaku dropped his sword and bolted out just as the rain turned into a downpour..._

"That stupid idiot," Ikkaku grumbled, as Renji shook his head. There were a lot less patrons, shinigami leaving in twos and threes, some stumbling, some carried. Ikkaku didn't seem to notice that the lights were going low, and held his mug up. "Another." He swayed unsteadily, elbows on the table to hold himself up, as Renji uneasily glanced around. It had to be near or past midnight, and the waitresses were wiping down the tables. Still, Ikkaku hadn't stopped talking, even though he'd started to sweat out the booze.

"So he runs off, what'd you do?"

"I went after him and picked him up. Duh." The bartender put Ikkaku's mug down in front of him again, and Ikkaku took a swallow. Renji could practically hear his throat struggling to push it down, but he forced the issue. "Yeah, he hardly got a mile before tripping over himself. I found him screaming at a puddle and dragged him back."

_"C'mon, sit." Ikkaku dropped Yumichika next to the stove, and threw his bedroll around his shoulders. Yumichika shivered, staring at his hands as they picked up dirt and grit from the floor._

_"My clothes are ruined." He sounded frail and detached, and Ikkaku rolled his eyes._

_"I'll go beat the shit outta someone rich tomorrow, buy you a better one." He scooped some of the rice off the top of the pot and put it into one of their bowls. "The bottom's all burned on, but this is still good." He dropped the bowl into Yumichika's lap, then poured some tea from the pot on the back of the stove into his cup. "Eat, drink, you gotta warm up."_

_"It's all burnt."_

_"Quit bitching, at least it's hot!" Ikkaku scoffed and added his sweaty, smelly bedroll to the stack. "This's why I let you cook." He sighed, and flicked his hand up and down Yumichika's body. "Get those clothes off, I'll find something dry for ya."_

_With Yumichika dry, dressed, and fed, Ikkaku sat down on the cushion in front of him. "I'm warnin' ya, I suck at this. You know I suck at this. Don't get mad or run off again, just tell me when I fuck up." Ikkaku winced, and his shoulders slumped. "But we gotta talk about this."_

_Yumichika didn't answer him, so Ikkaku took a deep breath."So, you... love me?" Yumichika nodded. "Okay. Why?"_

_"Because you're you," Yumichika whispered instantly. "You're beautiful to me. I like things that are beautiful, I want to be beautiful, but you're the most beautiful thing I've ever had."_

_"I'm not."_

_"Your eyes, very much so." He bowed his head, and poked a timid finger from under the blankets. "Your steadfast heart. Everything in there is exciting and wonderful."_

_"In here?" Ikkaku touched his chest, and Yumichika nodded. Ikkaku looked down at his own chest and lap, then sighed. "Alright. That's fine. So, what do you want?"_

_"You mean, from you?" Yumichika pointed first to Ikkaku, then to himself. Ikkaku cocked an eyebrow, and Yumichika winced. "I... I want to kiss you."_

_"Okay." Ikkaku scrunched his nose. "I dunno how. I'm gonna be bad at it."_

_"I've never, before, either. We can both learn."_

_"Well, try anything once, right?" Ikkaku scratched his head. "Is that all?"_

_Yumichika looked starstruck, jaw agape and eyes wide. "You mean you'll..." He shook is off, and hurried on. "Hands. I'd like to hold your hand. Sometimes."_

_"Eh, s'long as you don't mind if I let go when I gotta do stuff."_

_"And maybe let me hug you."_

_"Whatever."_

_"And you'll hug me back?"_

_Ikkaku felt a little heat there, at the thought of those moments when Yumichika, struggling through his nightmares, had flung his arms around him and he'd hung limp, and tried to think of what it'd feel like to loop his arms around him and hold him close. "I'll try it. Just stop me if I start choking you."_

_Yumichika's eyes were wide, as if witnessing an angel descending from above on an invisible string with a jug of fine booze in one hand and a new wardrobe in the other, and a small smile returned to his face. "I suppose sex would be out of the question."_

_"I didn't mean that!" Ikkaku clenched his fists. "I- look- I've never thought about stuff like that. Ain't who I am, or what I do." Yumichika's hope was about to break, but Ikkaku lowered his head again and muttered, "But if it's you, I'll try it."_

_Yumichika nodded a few times, in disbelief, then his eyes sunk down and away. "In return, I'll-"_

_"Ain't nobody asked about that." Ikkaku set his hand on Yumichika's damp hair. "You'll do it all back, right? That's enough." Yumichika lifted his chin a little, and Ikkaku's face split into a devious grin. "So, did ya wanna try that kissing thing now?"_

_He did, but he didn't say so. Instead, he just canted forward, leaning on his hands, and pressed his lips cautiously to Ikkaku's. Ikkaku, unsure, accepted the gesture, and Yumichika pressed just a little closer to convince Ikkaku's mouth to move back. Ikkaku could feel something in the entreating motions of his lips and tongue, even as he gradually returned them. Something warm. Something good. Something he wanted._

_Yumichika pulled away all too soon, and Ikkaku reeled. He lifted the back of his hands to his lips, and Yumichika winced and drew his arms back under the blanket, blushing like roses. "I... It wasn't that bad, was it?" Ikkaku could hear the spark of another shitstorm, and quickly shook his head._

_"No, it was good. I liked it. We should do it again, and soon." Ikkaku grinned, and Yumichika looked pleased and relieved._

_"I... I do love you. You don't have to say it back yet, but I want you to know."_

_"Yeah." Ikkaku nodded, and reached into the blanket to take Yumichika's hand. "I know."_

_Ikkaku forced Yumichika to layer the bedrolls and made him sleep under both of them so he would stay warm all night, and curled under them with him. Yumichika only griped a little at how sweating all night would make his hair gross in the morning, but shut up fast when Ikkaku got in. He scooted in, close to Ikkaku's chest. "Just be thankful you don't have hair to get gross and sweaty."_

_"I'll shave yours for you, if ya like," Ikkaku teased, but threaded his fingers into Yumichika's soft, sleek locks. Yumichika tried to nip at his wrist, but Ikkaku bent his arm out of reach, and Yumichika instead snuggled into Ikkaku's chest..._

"... that was the first night we slept in the same bed, and damn near every night after that was just like it." Ikkaku shrugged, his shoulders wobbling. "I mean, he was good. Treated me nice. Nobody was like that to me 'fore him." He paused to wipe his mouth as his spittle betrayed his lack of coordination. "Everyone I met, just, kill 'em, kill 'em. For whatever reason, we got to bein' friends, then... that. And it was the best thing in the world." He hung his head, as Renji considered everything he wasn't saying with that. Ikkaku probably didn't remember there being such a thing as a soft place to fall before Yumichika met him. He also probably had no idea how to be soft for someone else. "But he'd always make sure there was food to eat, and that we got exactly equal shares. He never skimped me, even if he was starving. Cleaned our clothes, fixed 'em if they got messed up. Took care of all that little stuff that I don't think about, like he does at the division." Ikkaku drank deeply again, and licked his lips again. "Did lots of good stuff. Even gave me stuff. Presents."

"Presents?"

"Yeah, like when we first got to the Division."

_"Here you go." Ikkaku looked behind him as Yumichika passed between their bunks and dropped a package covered with red paper over his shoulder. He weighed the box in his hand- it was weirdly heavy, for its size- and barely noticed Yumichika drop down to sit next to him._

_"What's this?"_

_"It's a present, moron." Yumichika flicked his ear. "Since we both made it into the Division. Something I thought you could use."_

_Ikkaku had heard of presents wrapped in colored paper. He couldn't remember ever getting one for himself. Yumichika moved a bit of shoulder-length hair back behind his ear as he tore the paper. The box held a velvet sack, just as heavy as the box, but the sack held the real weight, a polished white whetstone. "Oh, hell! Look at this!" He held his prize up to Yumichika as if he hadn't seen it before, grinning like a dog with a bone. "It's all shiny and new! Man, where'd you get the money for this?"_

_"Don't worry about that." Yumichika tucked his hands under his knees, as Ikkaku turned the stone over in his hands a few times, and spoke more to his knee than to Ikkaku. "It's a very nice one, so I was told. It'll last you a good ten years if you don't overuse it." Yumichika smiled and glanced to Ikkaku, but Ikkaku's smile dropped when he met his eyes._

_"Hey, what happened to you?"_

_Yumichika's face twisted up. "What?"_

_"Your hair." Ikkaku touched the bottom of Yumichika's hair, where it landed at his chin. "It was longer last time I saw you." That had only been three or four hours ago, hadn't it? Yumichika calmed his expression but sniffed._

_"Oh. That. I thought it might get in my way, so now it's gone." He smiled and primped it for a moment. "And doesn't it suit my face shape?"_

_"Yeah, sure." Ikkaku had no idea what that meant, but it sounded like Yumichika was expecting a 'yes.' "Still, this is cool." He tested the edge of the whetstone on his fingernail."Thanks, Yumi." Yumichika's cheeks turned a little pink, but he turned his face away as if that would hide it._

_"If it makes you happy, it was worth it."_

"... I used it til it was nothing but a sliver." Ikkaku grimaced. "But it took me a couple days to realize what he'd done. I saw a wig shop near the division, and a sign that they were buying hair. By then, it was kinda too late to tell him he didn't have to do that. He loved his hair long. Guess he liked it short, too, since he didn't grow it out again." He drained his glass and pushed it forward. The glass wobbled but landed with a grind, as Ikkaku spat out, "Another." The bartender didn't come, but Renji pushed his glass of water to him instead.

"Like the Gift of the Magi." Renji scratched his head, and Ikkaku raised an eyebrow at him. "Uh, it was in this book of Living World stories Ichigo had. A guy sells his watch to get his wife a bunch of hair combs, and the wife sells her hair to get him a fancy watch chain. Except, you didn't do the part where you sell your old katana to get him pretty hair stuff."

Ikkaku laughed for a solid two minutes, holding his stomach and wheezing like he was going to throw up by the time he calmed himself down. Renji was feeling a little sick by then, but for a very different reason.

"Guess you wouldn't have done the same."

"He never asked for all that shit. Never asked for anything. Stupid bastard... wouldn't'a been worth it anyway." Ikkaku groaned and rubbed at the back of his head, grimacing at the thought of it and the green in his cheeks. "Shit, I'm fucking plastered. Fuck."

"Yeah." Renji couldn't manage much more. "S'weird. S'really weird." He understood where they came from, now, but he also could see a lot of kinks and crumples in where they were going. Where they had gone. Ikkaku, though, was still talking, because he had no filter to hold him back.

"He was perfect. For years, it was perfect. Why'd it all change? I just..." Ikkaku hiccuped, and the color drained from his cheeks. "I want it back..."

The bartender caught Renji's eye, and gestured with a flat hand across his neck. Renji had figured this was coming. "Ikkaku, you're cut off. We gotta go."

"Why ain't you drunk? You been drinkin' with me."

"Not as fast." Renji grunted as he got to a stand and hoisted Ikkaku's arm over his shoulder. "I better get you to your bed or Captain Zaraki'll tear up the Divisions looking for you."

Ikkaku stumbled on loose legs at Renji's side, his katana swaying heavy on his hip, mumbling incoherent nonsense. Renji forced him upright as he staggered for the bushes along the path and towards the Division wall, and groaned. He wasn't mad at having to do this, but he felt he'd fallen spectacularly flat. Sure, he'd succeeded in getting Ikkaku to spill how they'd gotten together, where they'd come from, but while he'd seen a lot of how they'd gotten there, he was still missing where it had gotten twisted. Even worse, he hadn't had a chance to try to change Ikkaku's mind about Yumichika.

Had he?

"Dude, bro." Renji nudged his arm. "Look, man, I know he's pissed you off and he's wrong, but all that history you got, maybe you oughta try havin' an actual conversation with him."

"Fuck 'im," Ikkaku slurred into Renji's shoulder, and swaggered a little off before Renji reeled him back in. He was still muttering to himself. "Never asked for this bullshit. The fuck would I want..."

Yeah, this was going nowhere. Maybe Ikkaku really did need a serious wake-up call. Luckily, Renji hadn't been the only one to think of this. He steadied himself for what was going to come next, and continued down the path from the Thirteenth towards the Eleventh.

Until they were distracted by slurred, bawdy song.

_"All that I wanted in the world..."_ Renji glanced up to the division wall and the source of the noise. Kyoraku, his hat sliding back and off and his kimono hanging off of one arm, with a jug dangling from his hand, lay sprawled across the top of the wall. He took another gulp from the jug, and caterwauled on,  _"Was just to live to see a naked girl!"_

"Pfft," Ikkaku guffawed. "He's as bad off as I am."

Or really good at faking it, Renji silently acknowledged. Shunsui caught his eye with a slow wink, adding,  _"But I found that quickly bored, I wanted more..."_ He made a lewd gesture with his tongue and his fingers, but used his index to beckon Renji.  _"I wanted... more!"_

"Yeah." Renji folded his arms, and hoisted Ikkaku back up as if to move him along. "Singin' like a painted lady."

Something Renji would never naturally say. Shunsui smirked, and changed his tune.  _"Use your skull like a cannonball, but it better not wake the baby!"_  Ikkaku's knees locked, and Renji didn't even try to move him.

"The fuck're you talkin' about babies for?" Ikkaku broke away from Renji, staggering into stance, fists gripped tight at his sides. Shunsui chuckled, hard and low, and hoisted himself up to a sit.

"Hey, what's got your fundoshi in a twist? Just croonin' out whatever's in my head or heart, y'know?" He laughed heartily, and doffed his hat to press it against his chest. "Lookin' at you toddlin' around like that brought my sweet little Emiko to mind. She's learning to walk, stumbles around just like you are now."

"Shut the fuck up, old man." Ikkaku's shoulders went rigid, and his face flushed with anger. "I don't wanna hear about no brats!"

"Oh?" Shunsui's lips curved in a way that was either sensual or predatory. "I'd think you would, seeing as, from what I hear, you are one."

"You wanna repeat that?!" Hozukimaru was in Ikkaku's hand in a blink, and he tossed the scabbard aside. "The fuck d'you know?"

"My, such a rush to violence, but then, what else did I expect from the Eleventh Division?" Shunsui chuckled and swaggered a step back, and slowly walked an arc around Ikkaku. "Guess I can't expect much better from an overgrown baby."

"Fuck you! Don't wanna hear 'bout no babies!" Ikkaku waved his sword. "You itchin' for a fight, I'll give ya one, but quit yammerin' an' draw!"

"Oh, you don't wanna do that, boy." Shunsui clicked his tongue and took a loose step forward, slowly prancing from step to step. "You're only hearin' half of what I'm saying. Besides, I'm a lover, not a fighter." He winked towards Renji, and nodded loosely back at Ikkaku. "You'd probably be happier if you could say the same."

"Fuck you!" And with that clumsy comeback, the fight was on. Ikkaku launched himself at Shunsui, Hozukimaru in the air and no tact in his motions. Shunsui easily sidestepped past it, and Ikkaku tripped into the bushes. Renji muffled a groan into his hands, because Ikkaku had done it now. He wasn't much for math, but even he knew that (mostly) sober Captain plus wholly, incalculably blitzed Third Seat only equaled pain. Shunsui, however, smirked, because this was obviously what he'd had in mind.

"Now, now, let's not be hasty." Shunsui wagged a finger, as Ikkaku untangled himself from the branches of the shrubbery. He rushed him again, but Shunsui hopped back at each clumsy swing.

"You don't know nothing," Ikkaku growled, swiping like a cat avoiding a bath, as Shunsui dodged his swings easily. "You all! All of you! You don't get it!"

Shunsui laughed, and ducked under the blade. "I don't think you do, either." He pushed his hands into Ikkaku's gut and knocked him back. Ikkaku, miraculously, landed on his feet with a groan, and Shunsui dusted his hands. "Goin' around blind. You're not fighting seriously at all, are you?"

"That's you, ya dick!" Ikkaku took stance, sobering by the second but clearly not enough, and gave a close swing. Shunsui jumped and landed on the hilt, catching his hat as the air caught it, then landed behind Ikkaku and kicked him right in the ass. Ikkaku snarled and spun around. "Now you've pissed me off! I'll fuckin'-"

"See, now," Shunsui goaded, as he slowly sidestepped around Ikkaku, who roared for breath, watching, sword shaking in his hand. "That's just your trouble, isn't it? I know you're a capable fighter, but the trick is, you're led around by your anger." Ikkaku lunged for him, and Shunsui grabbed his extended arm by the wrist and turned it around him to wrench it, contorted, against his back. Ikkaku snarled and twisted himself loose, and Renji could almost hear the muscles tearing. If it hurt, Ikkaku wasn't feeling it, as he paced back and shook his arm off.

"You got a problem with how I fight, old man?"

"Not in the slightest." Shunsui stepped back, each movement like water trickling through the invisible crevices in even a smooth, polished surface. "Anger is a tool. A double-edged blade, if you will, and you'd sure know a lot about those, wouldn't you?"

"Shut up and fight me!" Ikkaku stepped in with a hard punch, and Shunsui let it glance off of himself so he could catch Ikkaku's arm and used Ikkaku's very motion to turn him over his shoulder and drop both of them to the ground behind him.

"That's the thing about double-edged blades, y'see," Shunsui went on, as if he were still lounging on the wall and not pinning Ikkaku to the ground with his full body weight, elbow right under Ikkaku's heart. "They can do a lot of damage, and not always to whatever you're swinging at. That backswing can be a killer."

"Get off me, you drunk old freak!"

"You're a loud one." And as Ikkaku tried to kick up at him, Shunsui snatched his leg by the knee and jumped up just enough to twist him down to his stomach and forced his forehead into the gravel. "See, sometimes, when you fight, you gotta know when to play it cool. When to deflect. When to take what you're given and roll with it." Proving his point, Shunsui rolled Ikkaku's leg to the side, still pinning him down by his back, and spread him wide. Ikkaku screamed when his hip joint dislocated. "Anger might fuel your fire, but the smoke's gonna get in your way. Anger can blind you to all those opportunities. You never know when you might miss a chance to strike a lucky blow."

"Shut up!" Ikkaku was hoarse now, and if Renji was hearing right, it wasn't just because his throat was raw from screaming. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"Jyuushiro was right. You really are just a child." Shunsui released his hold on Ikkaku's leg, because he'd done enough damage, and sat back, hands on his hips. "So tell me, baldy, how long have you been getting dragged around by your anger?" He crouched low, mouth right next to Ikkaku's ear. "And what have you missed because of it?"

Ikkaku panted, clearly struggling for an answer, but his ragged breathing stopped all at once when his eyes rolled back in his head. Shunsui sat up and whistled. "Yep, he's gone. Little too much pain, a lot too much sake. We'll have to continue this conversation in the morning. Renji, give this drunk old man a hand."

Renji, speechless, closed in and got half of Ikkaku's dead weight onto his shoulder, and Shunsui easily hauled his other half. "Let's get him to Ugendo. Jyuu-chan's got a hangover cure that can wake the dead, and boy, oh boy, are we gonna need it." Renji nodded, and Shunsui led the slow, unsteady charge, even humming contently to himself in the midnight air.

Renji hadn't known what to expect, but he got a funny feeling that Shunsui had gotten something out of this that he'd missed. If anyone could give Ikkaku and Yumichika another chance, it was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Shunsui. I have it in my head that he gets little tunes in his head and sings them when drunk, or is at least a big fan of drinking songs. The tunes he's quoting are "Philomena" (a song which is exactly as bawdy as Shunsui implies it is) and after Renji gives the code words, a reprise of "Better Not Wake the Baby," both by The Decemberists. I have been listening to their most recent CD on repeat during my morning commute, and the songs are all stuck in my head.
> 
> As for Ikkaku, I guess I should say I basically headcanon him as being demisexual. He's generally asexual, until he forms a close emotional bond with someone. I don't think he's aromantic, because he does want to love Yumichika once he realizes he can, but he's just not very good at it. His love for Yumichika completely sneaked up on him. I hope I got that to come across in this chapter. (My husband joked that Ikkaku was "swordsexual"- "No time for love and sex, I need to fight somebody!")
> 
> Next time, Shunsui has his chance with Ikkaku, and he's not going in alone. Let me know what you thought!


	14. Father's Babel (Believe Me, We Know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku is surrounded, and all they want to do is talk.

**14: Father's Babel (Believe Me, We Know)**

There was soft babbling near him, then the smell of bacon and roasted tomatoes, then someone pulling at his eyelids. "Geroff," Ikkaku grumbled first, and heard a soft, melodic response.

"Wakey wakey? Mama, bakey!" He opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of chubby, stubby legs covered by a little skirt and bloomers stumbling away from him. He then heard a soft giggle from nearby.

"Is our guest awake, dear? Thank you." Captain Ukitake?! He'd woken up a lot of weird places, but as he opened his eyes, he quickly realized that this was a new one. He was in a borrowed bedroll on the ground in what was clearly a living space, one with lots of windows and fresh air. The floors were clean, the sofa behind him simple but stylish, and as he sat up from behind a low table, the kitchen was bright and clean and smelled of cooking food. Captain Ukitake, with a tiny girl clinging to his leg, was at the stove with chopsticks in hand and a spatula tucked into a pink apron. He beamed, and tossed his hair back. "Good morning, Mister Madarame. Do you take your eggs medium, hard, or scrambled?"

"Whatever's fine," Ikkaku answered automatically, and squinted through the bright light. Bright, really fucking bright light. The longer he sat up, the more his head throbbed. "Oh, god, I've got the hangover from hell."

Jyuushiro clicked his tongue and spun away from the stove. "Shun warned me about as much. He stayed up half the night making sure you hadn't given yourself alcohol poisoning, he'd know." Jyuushiro took up a glass of something thick and red from behind him and put it on the table in front of Ikkaku. "Here, this gets Shunsui to the Eighth on mornings after. Drink up."

Holy shit. The Captain of the Thirteenth Division was offering his surprising generosity, and Ikkaku wasn't proud enough to refuse. "Uh, thanks." He took a swallow- tomato and lemon juice, dashi, maybe a little bit of juiced celery, thick but smooth. It was weirdly welcome. Jyuushiro chuckled into his hand.

"Would you believe I picked the recipe up during the Hueco Mundo cleanup?" He turned back to the stove and pulled a few slabs of bacon off the skillet. "They had quite a few recipes for hangover cures, soups and drinks, 'Sopa Levanta Muertos.' I combined a few elements, and voila." Ikkaku took another sip, and sense began to gradually creep back to him.

What the hell was he doing at the Thirteenth Division Captain's house? Kyoraku. Kyoraku taunted him and he challenged him to a fight- whoa, how drunk  _was_  he last night? Really drunk. Renji had kept him drinking 'til yesterday turned into today. All because Iba took him out to distract him from...

"This's all that bastard's fault." He shook his head a little. "Hell, it's all their-"

"Do mind your language." Ukitake tapped his knuckles on the table, a note of warning in his genial, dulcet tones. "Mister Madarame, have you had a chance to meet Emiko?" He glanced down to the little girl, who'd been swinging round his legs as he cooked. "Why don't you go introduce yourself properly?" She hopped off and toddled back over to him, her black curls bouncing, gray eyes alight. Ikkaku squinted, and he could easily pick out where all of her features had come from.

Strange. Just thinking about that made his stomach go funny again, but it didn't feel like regular nausea.

"I'm Emi!" She put her hand out with a half-toothy grin, and Ikkaku uneasily shook it.

"Ikkaku." Her fingers were soft and a little sticky, and he let go quickly. She wasn't quite big enough to be as mature as Yachiru, and she didn't have all her teeth, and while it was nice not to get mocked and dragged around, he couldn't really talk to her. "Uh, listen, Captain, she's, uh, cute and all, but I don't know how to deal with k-"

The front door slid open, and Renji barged in with a travel bag around his arm, sniffed the air and grinned. "Man, Captain, it smells awesome in here! You sure know how to put together breakfast!" Byakuya followed behind him, carrying Takahiro on his shoulder. Ikkaku flinched, because they both sat at the table across from him, and Emiko toddled directly to Byakuya to greet Takahiro. Ukitake chortled.

"Goodness, it's just bacon and eggs. For gentlemen who had a late night, I had thought a hearty meal would get them all on their feet again."

"Baby," a sleep-slurred voice came from the door, and Shunsui followed, rubbing sand from his eyes. "They're gonna be lucky to keep me on my ass and not flat on my back today, with the night I had." He slumped down at the table, and Emiko was distracted enough from chattering to Byakuya and Taka to run around and throw herself into his lap.

"Daddy!"

"Here's my precious girl." Shunsui swept her up, tired eyes brightening at the sight of her, and he covered her forehead with kisses. The room had gotten crowded, Byakuya moving Takahiro to sit in his lap and Renji breaking out a bottle of formula from the travel bag- diaper bag, Ikkaku realized, with the accompanying thought of  _sissy._  Jyuushiro approached with rice bowls topped with eggs and bacon in his curled arms and sat with them, and Shunsui tried to shift the newspaper before Jyuushiro could spread out the bowls, though still trapped the paper under some of them, but the table was set and the cards were on the table. Ikkaku was surrounded. Three Captains and a Lieutenant, plus two small children.

This was a nightmare.

"I've been set up." He set his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. Renji chuckled and patted his back.

"Sorry, man. You should be grateful, Captain Ukitake made sure Captain Kyoraku didn't do any permanent damage."

Ikkaku slid his gaze between the two eldest Captains, as Byakuya surveyed him much the way one would a beheaded fish. At Ikkaku's silence, Byakuya turned his attention back to Takahiro, only murmuring, "You could be grateful."

"I could do a lot of things, Captain." Ikkaku sneered at his bowl of rice. "But I'm a barbarian, so I don't."

Maybe he should have had more respect for the highest of high nobles. Maybe he should drink less, cut his fingernails more, and consider the feelings of others. Renji observed that there were often many things Ikkaku should do, but deliberately did not, so he punched his arm. "You really are an idiot."

"F- screw off, Renji." Ikkaku's eyes bounced from Emiko on Shunsui's lap, then narrowed into a harsh glare at his old friend. "How much of this was your stupid idea, anyway?"

"Just shut up and eat your breakfast." Renji pointedly turned to his, and Shunsui chuckled and set Emiko down beside him.

"Renji, be nice to the guy. He hasn't had anything solid in him since noon yesterday. I'd know." Byakuya blanched at the implication, but Ikkaku scoffed.

"Whatever."

"Hey, he took care of you!" Renji elbowed Ikkaku again. "Both of 'em did. And Byakuya's done right by someone you used to give a damn about, so-"

"Renji," Byakuya warned, and Renji's breath hitched.

"Right, right." Renji buttoned his lip and turned his attention back to his breakfast. "Food's good, Captain."

Ukitake, unfazed, smiled his usual warm smile and waved a hand. "We're all friends here. Jyuushiro, please."

"It's too weird," Renji chuckled, ducking his head to his shoulders. "Never thought I'd make friends with Captains."

"Yeah." Ikkaku jabbed at his omelet. "Think you're cool jus' cause you're a Lieutenant. Rub it in, why doncha?" He narrowed his glare down at his eggs. "Could be a Lieutenant, just don't wanna..."

"There's that anger again." Ikkaku came to a shuddering halt at Shunsui's words. Shunsui coolly set down his chopsticks. "What's got your dander up today? Sun's shining, you're not dead after drinking yourself into a stupor, and I'm not charging you with assault."

Renji, his mouth ever too fast for his mind, answered: "Prob'ly just mad he lost a fight."

Ikkaku's shoulders started to shake, as Shunsui laughed. "Is that it? You call that a fight? It was more like pointless, drunken flailing in my general direction. I'm not lucky I didn't get hurt, you're lucky you got the right end of your sword in your hand, and even more lucky I didn't need to pull mine."

"Shut up!" Ikkaku struggled to recall his spar with Shunsui. He got enough back to remember that no, he had not drawn. "Is that how little you think of me?!"

"Exact opposite, kid." Shunsui chewed and swallowed, clearly too interested in Jyuushiro's cooking to take Ikkaku's bait. "I hold you and your battle prowess in high regard. That's why if you fight me, it's going to be when you're actually ready for a fight and not staggering drunk." Ikkaku, to Renji's surprise, actually looked somewhat mollified by that, or at least a little less than livid. He sat back and shrugged his shoulders down.

"Yeah, well, next time, do it right. You either finish me, or I ain't done fightin'." Ikkaku dug in on his portion, devouring the eggs and rice as if he'd never seen food before, and Renji groaned with exasperation.

"You ever hear of 'live to fight another day'? Jeez, what did Yumichika think of that stupid attitude?"

Byakuya put his chopsticks down and adjusted Takahiro on his lap. "Renji, explain."

Renji tossed his hair as he faced Byakuya. "Ikkaku thinks you ain't done fightin' til you win or you die, and he thinks it's embarrassing to survive a fight you've lost." All three Captains whipped back around to look at Ikkaku, who continued to inhale his bacon, unfazed. No point in denying what was, for the most part, true.

"He survived his loss against Neng Poww," Shunsui cited, eyebrow raised, and Ikkaku scoffed.

"Iba and Komamura wouldn't just let me take it. Sucked. Did everything I could and still failed." He finished his bacon with a big bite. "I should've died then." Shunsui, eyebrows up, whistled, and Ikkaku's head perked up, eyes narrowed. "Got somethin' to say, old man?"

"Oh, no. Just impressed at the devil-may-care vitality of today's youth." He took a few more bites, as Ikkaku waited like a hunter watching a doe. "Although," he remarked through a full mouth, as if unaware Ikkaku was ready to jump him, "I wonder what your partner thought of that attitude."

"Pfft." Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "Like it matters. If you're that interested, he was fine with it."

"No!" Ukitake clapped a hand to his mouth, and Emiko frowned up at him. Byakuya, meanwhile, rubbed the space between his eyebrows, and Shunsui hummed and shook his head. Ikkaku looked around at all of them, a little bewildered, a little more angry.

"What? You're that surprised? Jeez, nobody gets it." He shoved his empty bowl away and folded his arms. "See, this is why I used to hang out with him. He got me."

Byakuya narrowed his eyes, squaring his focus on Ikkaku. "He understood, or he was willing to let you have what you wanted because he loved you?" Renji caught a flash of shock on Ikkaku's face, but it quickly turned into a sneer.

"The hell would you know, anyway?"

"More than you'd think." Byakuya straightened up, looking all the more dangerous for the added height, and Ikkaku actually shrunk down.

"Whatever. I got better stuff to do than hang around with the bunch of you anyway." He pushed his bowl back. "Thanks for the food. And thanks for, y'know, not letting me die last night." He tried to unfold his legs, but Renji and Shunsui pinned him by his wrists.

"We ain't lettin' you leave 'til we have an actual conversation with you." Renji dug his fingernails in. "You gotta talk to someone, and pretty sure the four of us are the only ones who're gonna try."

"There ain't nothin' to talk about!" Ikkaku twisted from Renji's grip, but Shunsui's hold was firm.

"Kid, if that's what you think, you're blinder than I thought." Ikkaku's head whipped around so quickly he felt dizzy, baring his teeth as he glared at Shunsui. "Let's roll this back a little. You're angry, and I'm pretty sure even you don't know why."

"Of course I know why!"

"Then how 'bout you tell this stupid old man, cause clearly, I missed the memo." Shunsui's smile was as casual and easy as if they were having tea and not very nearly a fistfight.

"The fuck should I-"

"Language!" Jyuushiro's eyebrows knit up, and he clapped his hands over Emiko's ears.

Ikkaku snarled aloud, and spat back, "I don't owe you jack!"

"I mean, I suppose I can draw a few conclusions of my own." Shunsui's grip was unshakable despite all of Ikkaku's pulling to free himself, and he spelled it out slowly, "Yumichika lied to you. Everyone knows it."

"And that was wrong." Byakuya sipped his tea, an unruffled cat at the edge of the dog pit. "He should have had a frank conversation with you. Then again, it seems pinning you into having a direct conversation that doesn't end in violence is..." He trailed off, as Ikkaku continued to try and get loose.

"I don't wanna talk about this! I'm done with it!"

"Yeah, we know." Renji shifted his legs and turned around to face him. "You're way over him. Everyone knows it, and everyone's still on it. Shit, seems like you're the only one not talkin' 'bout it." Ikkaku's scowl twitched with a hint of curiosity, and Renji pressed his lips together for a moment, then explained, "Your business is still everyone's business. He's still got people whispering about him behind his back, just a lot further behind his back than before so Kenpachi doesn't hear."

Ikkaku stilled for a second. "What, you mean people are still talking shit?"

When nobody else answered, Jyuushiro did. "Quietly, but yes." He blushed, as Shunsui graced him with a forgiving little smirk. Ikkaku scoffed.

"Bastards," he grumbled, hunching his head again. "He got what he had coming, don't need to be punished any more than that."

"So, you don't think he deserves to be punished. Good!" Shunsui slapped his back, only to get an annoyed eyeroll in return. Shunsui chuckled, but his loose smile didn't loosen his hold on Ikkaku. "But I'm guessing you're still hurting, so like a lion with a thorn in his paw, you're roaring at anything 'cause you can't make sense of it."

Renji, tactless as always, blustered in: "It's 'cause of the baby, right?"

And that got an unexpected reaction. Ikkaku looked right at him, trying to be angry, but there was a lot more. Renji could see a mix of emotions play over Ikkaku's features as he relived his wounds. Hurt, yes, but something Renji didn't recognize on Ikkaku until he remembered the exact feeling. Fear. No. Terror.

"Of course it's the baby." Byakuya set his teacup down, and cast a weary glare at Renji. "Lying to him for months about it? He's right to be angry about it." The glare then snapped to Ikkaku, then dispersed to nothing in particular, Byakuya's neutral. "It's a shame, of course, that the child won't have a father, but then, that was Ayasegawa's choice."

"Yeah." Ikkaku's chin dropped, and he glared down at his own hands. "Damn shame." Renji, though, couldn't let that glimpse into Ikkaku's core go.

"Ikkaku, are you that scared of being a dad?"

Ikkaku looked taken aback for a moment, then scowled at all the Captains around him. "Hell, no." Byakuya scoffed, and Shunsui chuckled knowingly.

"Ain't no shame in it," Renji insisted. "I was scared, too."

"Ain't scared of nothing, okay!?" Ikkaku put his fist into the table, crunching on the newspaper beneath. "Just- it's- I don't remember being a kid! I don't remember having a dad! I ain't good at nothing but fighting." His gaze shot to Takahiro, sleeping on Byakuya's chest with Byakuya's lithe hand in his hair, then down to the table. "You give me a kid, I'm clueless. So shit, I can't be a dad!" He hung his head, feeling Shunsui and Renji's eyes hot on his face. "I thought about it. Yumi asked, way back, and yeah, for like five seconds, I thought about how cool it'd be to have a little boy just like me and him. But the second thing I thought of was how goddamned fast I'd fuck it up." He grimaced and scowled at the same time. "I'd lose my temper and scream, I'd end up hitting him and being a rotten bastard. I don't know nothing about kids, but I know I'd fuck him up. An' suddenly, there's a kid comin' that's gonna be mine, an' everyone's lookin' at me like I ought'a know what I'm doin', an' I don't!" He shook his head hard. "Like, I wanna see him and all, but I shouldn't be a dad."

"You know, having those thoughts doesn't mean that." Ukitake wisely tapped his chin, eyes lifted towards the ceiling. Emiko imitated him, humming softly as if she understood, and Jyuushiro petted her hair as he returned his gaze to Ikkaku. "In fact, it might mean you're already aware of your shortcomings, meaning you can work around them."

Byakuya seemed unimpressed, which wasn't unusual for him, but he scoffed quietly nonetheless. "It doesn't make a difference if he doesn't want to be a partner to the child's mother."

"Never said that." Ikkaku's back slumped to a hump. "He fucked up, and I'm still mad, but... the more I look at him, the more I remember why we were together. Shit, everyone looking down on him, and he's still smiling." Ikkaku's voice trembled, but he got it steady again with a cough. "Tough as nails." He shook his head, feeling the weight of all of their gazes. Ukitake suppressed a small cough, even as Ikkaku went on. "Hell, I'm not even that mad anymore, now I think about it. I just wanna know why." His tone escalated, wrought with frustration. "I can't wrap my head around why he had to lie to me!" He gripped at his head. "And now there's gonna be this kid out there that's half me, and I don't even know what the fuck to do! How'm I supposed to try and get Yumichika to tell me straight when I can't think about livin' with him anymore?!"

Shunsui finally released Ikkaku's hand, but clamped his palm down over his shoulder. "Would it really be that bad to be a father?"

"Yes!" Ikkaku barked back. "I shouldn't be-"

Just then, Jyuushiro's coughs escaped, and he clamped both hands over his own mouth. Blood trickled between his fingers, and Renji quickly pulled Emiko from his lap. Byakuya paled all at once. Shunsui helped him up to his feet and hurried him from the room, as Emiko gasped and clung onto Renji.

"Mama? Mama cough? No! No!"

"Oh, no," Renji groaned, and hugged her. "Hey, s'okay, Uncle Ren's here-" She began to sniffle and wring her hands in the collar of his kosode, and Renji stood up, catching her in his arms. "Captain, I'm gonna get her outside and calm her down."

"I'll come with you," Byakuya offered, still pale, and before Ikkaku could refuse, he laid Takahiro on his crossed legs. "Mind him a moment."

With that, they'd stepped out through the sliding door and left Ikkaku alone with Takahiro, and only the faint noise of Ukitake retching and Shunsui quietly comforting him. Ikkaku could have escaped, but he was still weighed down. Takahiro, who'd been discreetly fed and burped and who'd fallen asleep in Byakuya's arms over the course of breakfast, opened his eyes at the lack of contact and looked right at Ikkaku. He grumbled, and grabbed at Ikkaku's sleeve.

Ikkaku, dumbstruck, first lifted his arm out of the way, but Takahiro whined louder and swung his arm at the hanging fold. "The hell d'you want, brat? This?" He lowered his sleeve towards Takahiro's hand, and Takahiro grabbed his hand and pulled it to his head. He rubbed his head against Ikkaku's palm, and Ikkaku remembered how Byakuya had been holding him. "'Zat what you want?" He griped under his breath and adjusted Takahiro so that he sat up against him, and Ikkaku could cradle his head and run his fingers into his hair. Takahiro actually smiled and rested his ear on Ikkaku's chest.

Shit. Renji's kid was actually kind of cute.

"So, d'you talk yet?" He wondered aloud, and tried to count back. "You're what, like eight months old?" It was a little before Yumichika went away. Sounded about right. He tapped Takahiro's nose. "Do you talk?" Takahiro yawned, and captured Ikkaku's finger tip in his gummy mouth. Ikkaku snickered. "Hey, give that back, that's mine!" Takahiro whined but let him go, and with those dark brown eyes squinting at him, Ikkaku wasn't really mad. It was impossible to be. "Hey, how tough are you, anyway?" He tried to clumsily sense over Takahiro's reiryoku, to find it there, but it still taking full form, like wet silt and clay. "Can't tell yet, but you sure got a lot to work with." He moved Takahiro so he could see his eyes. "You know, I used to be your dad's senpai. Maybe I can be your sensei if you get to the Eleventh- ah, but you're Kuchiki, you'll just go right to the Sixth, and-"

"Well," Renji interrupted, as he slid the door shut (Ikkaku caught a snatch of noise, Byakuya talking to Emiko softly, before it closed) and sat by Ikkaku again, "Byakuya knows I disagree with him just  _getting_  stuff like that. Sure, he's the heir, but I want him to know he has to earn things. Besides, we're still planning on Byakuya being Captain at the Sixth in twenty years." He chuckled, and tousled some of the hair Ikkaku wasn't unconsciously stroking. "Byakuya says he'd like him to start in the Sixth, if he does choose to go through the military, but if he wants to move around and go through other squads to learn, Byakuya would be willing to let him."

"If he  _chooses_  to go through the military? Y'mean he has a choice?" Ikkaku snorted, and Renji rolled his eyes.

"Hey, if my boy turns out a gentle, peace-loving, can't-swing-a-sword-straight sweetheart, far be it for his meathead old man to push him somewhere he doesn't belong." Renji sat back on his hands. "I'd be a little disappointed, but he's my kid, and he should get to pick what path he wants."

"Softie." Ikkaku stuck his tongue out a little, and Takahiro stuck his tongue out back at him. "So, uh, you gonna train him?"

"Soon as he can hold a sword, I'm gonna try him." Renji grinned all at once, excited, as Ikkaku fidgeted with Takahiro's upper arm muscle. "Just a wooden sword at first, like maybe I'll ask Kenpachi if he has some of Yachiru's wooden swords. Betcha he'll be a natural! Jeez-" he glanced down to his hands, itching at his knees. "I get all hyper like a kid thinking about it! He's a lot to worry about, you know, but thinking of all the possibilities just gets me goin'!" He nipped his hands in and swiped Takahiro from Ikkaku's arms, and lifted him up over his head. "Just wondering if you'll start lookin' more like Byakuya when you get older, or how tall you're gonna be, and how smart he'll be, and when he'll learn to talk, and seeing just what kinda little man I made!" Takahiro giggled as Renji swung him around, then swept him down into a hug. Takahiro seized a little of Renji's hair, and made a few soft sounds that sounded vaguely like 'da, da, da,' and Renji grinned at him. "You keep workin' on that, little man. Me and your Dad got a bet on your first word." He tossed a bright smile back to Ikkaku, who'd watched with a strange mix of fear and curiosity. "Knowing about all the possibilities, it makes it all worth it, you know?"

Those words hit on something in Ikkaku, and something Yumichika had said long before any of the whole mess had risen up like a tsunami and swallowed him suddenly stood out as the first ripple:

_"Are you saying that having a child with someone you love isn't worth it?"_

"Huh." Ikkaku scratched his head. "Yeah, but how'd you know what to do with him?"

"Eh. I got help. We both did." Renji grinned and rubbed the back of his head, clearly just a little embarrassed. "Byakuya has a few younger cousins in the branch families, but he wasn't involved in taking care of them, and then there's me." His mouth shifted a little, like he could swallow the humiliating admission: "The girls in the Fourth showed us the basics, and some of Byakuya's staff give the two of us tips. But we agreed we wanted to actually raise him ourselves, instead of letting his people do it for us, so we do. He's trouble, but, again, it's all worth it."

There were those words. Worth it. He'd said to Yumichika... He couldn't remember it exactly.  _"You gotta worry about this now, and that later, and then when the baby gets here, you gotta worry about that, too. I couldn't deal with it..."_

Renji hadn't noticed the far off look as Ikkaku zoned back through his own brain, toying with Takahiro's hair and fixing his shirt. "I know I got it easy compared to what Byakuya did. Sure, there's the rest of his life, but the nine months before he was born, god, he had to work so hard. He was stressed and angry and always hungry and his legs and feet hurt, but he did it 'cause he wanted to have my kid enough to do that." His eyes softened, and he patted Takahiro's back. Ikkaku swallowed, and thought of the glimpses he'd caught of Yumichika's life over the past months. On top of the torment he'd faced in the Twelfth, he had trouble moving, he always looked uncomfortable. Renji glanced to Ikkaku, raising his eyebrows. "I mean, you gave me shit about him just being his  _heir_ , but it ain't like that. I mean, it's halfway like that, but there's more to it." He ran his fingers down through Takahiro's hair again, red strands catching on his fingernails, and Taka made a little content squeal. "Byakuya wanted a little piece of me just as much as he wanted someone to carry on his family name, 'cause he loves me more than anything. He even said that he didn't think he'd want kids 'til he fell in love with me, and found out that he could have it. Of course, I didn't think I'd be ready." He shook his head. "I guess I sat where you did when he brought it up to me. He was so mad when I said no at first, I honestly thought he'd break up with me." Renji shook his head, as Ikkaku hunched forward, elbows in his lap, face down. Renji bit his lip, then pushed the final nail in: "I guess Yumichika gave up before he even tried."

Ikkaku had figured that out. He'd figured out why.

_"Since when do I want a baby..."_

If Yumichika loved him enough to consider going through that, then hearing that must have been a knife in his heart, and he hadn't even tried to see that.

"Maybe I should'a talked to him." All this time he'd wasted, worrying over his hurt feelings and his wounded pride, and his deep betrayal, but what sort of hurt had Yumichika been feeling to do what he did and toss him aside? "Hey." He lifted his head, something resolute coming to him. "Gimme that kid."

Renji passed Takahiro back to him without a second thought, and Ikkaku took him into his arms. Takahiro puffed his cheeks out, as Ikkaku examined his face and squeezed his arms a little. "Hey." He hunched over to look into Taka's soft, dark eyes. Taka tapped Ikkaku's head in a light punch, and Ikkaku laughed. "You ain't so bad, are ya?"

"Yeah, he's only started getting really interesting in the past few months. He used to be smaller and softer, but he was cute." Renji reached into his inner pocket and took out a few photographs of Taka as a tiny infant, wrapped in swaddling and hugged to Renji's chest. "When they're this little, though, your instincts take over. Byakuya said it's normal for a guy to just get this protective streak. Not always, but it totally happened to me."

"Yeah?" Ikkaku shifted his hold. "I can kinda do that. Ya think..." He frowned down at the picture of Takahiro. "Ya think I could take care of a kid?"

"I think you need to talk to Yumichika." Time to spell it out. Renji could feel himself circling victory like a shark. "This is a conversation you gotta have with him if you wanna be with him." Ikkaku hunched his shoulders unconsciously, uncomfortably, but Renji shook his shoulder. "Hey, hey, I know it's tough. But when you get talking instead of just blowing it all off 'cause you're too tough for that bullshit, you start saying the shit that Yumichika might really want to hear."

Ikkaku bit his lip, his hands locking around Taka's back. "I dunno what'cha mean."

"I think you do." Renji folded his arms. "You don't tell him a lot of stuff, but you know how Yumichika loves when people tell him he's pretty and stuff? He'll like hearing things like, 'I missed you' and 'I was a walking disaster when you were gone' and 'You messed up, but we can get past that' and 'You're the best thing that ever happened to me' because those are all different ways of telling him just how much you care." Ikkaku's teeth dug in on his lower lip, and he shot Renji a glare.

"What do you know, anyway?"

"That Yumichika still loves you, and if anyone's going to find out why he did what he did, it's you." Ikkaku's jaw hung as Renji spoke, and Renji could see his arms tighten around Taka.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, man. I talked to him yesterday." Renji shifted away so he couldn't look Ikkaku straight in the eyes. "He says the kid's a Madarame, and that your face is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen."

Ikkaku was struck silent, and his chin dropped. He was grateful not to have Renji's eyes crawling over him, and for silence but the mundane noises from the bathroom, the quiet rush of water down the drain as Jyuushiro coughed and cleared his mouth. Shunsui hummed and rubbed his back, and Ikkaku could faintly hear him, "That's right, you're okay. Better out than in, yeah?"

Jyuushiro turned narrow eyes and a cheeky grin over his shoulder at Shunsui, and whispered, "I can't believe you talked me into this. The fake blood's not coming off my hands, and now I've got a real cough." Shunsui tutted under his breath and gave him a bottle of rubbing alcohol, as Jyuushiro coughed again and cleared his throat.

"Renji had the right in giving the kid some space to think." He glanced out the door to Ikkaku, with his fingers tangled in Taka's hair and his eyes darting in circles on the table.

Jyuushiro 'hmph'ed and spat again. "Isn't it wrong to play tricks on the children like that? Especially poor Emiko." He smeared his lips, wiping a bit more of the dye away. Shunsui smiled, but Jyuushiro couldn't hear the smile behind his pressed lips as he put a big hand on his shoulder.

"She'll have to get used to it sooner or later."

Ikkaku, meanwhile, set Taka on the table. "Hey, Renji?"

"Yeah?" Renji took a sip of his tea, as Ikkaku put his chin on the table and stared, almost reverently, at Taka's feet.

"Y'think... maybe he did this... for a good reason?"

Renji chuckled and pulled Taka into his lap. "I don't think Yumichika would do this to hurt you, man."

The door slid open. Byakuya chose that moment to saunter in and add his two kan. "I imagine quite the contrary." He sat down, and Emiko skittered in after him and plopped down at his side. "To produce a child is a labor of blood, sweat, tears, and love. It is rare that one will willingly seek to deliberately have a child for reasons of harming his partner." His steely gaze swiped over Ikkaku's face and across his wide eyes from across the table. "I know that I would not have wanted Taka without Renji's support. Why he chose to do it without asking you escapes me, but I imagine his reasoning must have been compelling, at least to him."

"Yeah," Ikkaku slowly nodded. "He... he's not stupid. He must have had a real good reason." He smirked, jaw set, and sat up. "If that idiot still loves me, he'll tell me! And... and... Maybe..." His eyes flew to Taka where he sat, and he grinned a little wider. "Maybe I can be a dad."

And with that, he was on his feet, pumping his fists in front of him. "I'm gonna do it! I'll make him tell me! And when he tells me, I'll kick him in the ass and tell him he was wrong and he was stupid to leave me and make sure he and that kid never leave again!"

Byakuya unclamped his hands from around Emiko's ears- because he'd realized it was a good idea to cover them whenever Ikkaku opened his mouth- and furrowed his brow. "Or perhaps offer him the same understanding he would offer you?"

"He understands me." Ikkaku vaulted the table and ran to find his shoes. "And he's important to me, and that tot's mine, so he's gonna be important to me, too!" Jyuushiro emerged from the bathroom just as Ikkaku darted past the hallway. He skidded to a halt just enough to throw an arm around his shoulder. "Thanks, Captain Ukitake, Captain Kyoraku!"

"You're welcome?" Ukitake laughed nervously as Ikkaku broke off of him and scrambled for the door. Shunsui smirked, at ease, and followed him.

"You get out there and do right, cueball." Shunsui held the door as Ikkaku shoved his feet into his waraji, fixed Hozukimaru at his hip, and bounded through the gates of Ugendo, whooping at the top of his lungs:

"I'm gonna fix him! We're gonna be together 'til the day I die!" He hopped the stone wall and ran across the bridge, shouting all the way, audible until Shunsui shut the door.

"He's an energetic one. I figured he might be, once he cleared his head a little." He chuckled as he took his seat again, and Emiko crawled right into his lap. "Let's hope Yumichika's ready for him."

Emiko's head popped right up, and she beamed at Shunsui. "Yumichika, baby baby!"

Shunsui chuckled again and patted her head. "That's right, Yumichika and Ikkaku are going to have a baby."

"Baby baby!" Emiko giggled into her palms.

"Do you think we did the right thing?" Jyuushiro sat again at Shunsui's side, and accepted a cup of tea from Byakuya with a grateful bow of his head. "I don't know if the young man is quite ready for what he's getting into."

"He's not." Shunsui shrugged, and Renji hung his head. "No, he's not ready, but-" Shunsui rapped his knuckles on the table in front of Renji- "We've given them a good start. Chin up, okay? You've done well."

"Hm." Byakuya took a sip of his tea with a small frown, and tousled Taka's hair. He was barely audible even in the quiet room when he spoke: "Was it even our place?"

"'Course it was, Bya- _chan_." Shunsui smirked and laced his fingers in front of him. "The four, soon to be six, of us have something in common." He traced a circle on the table. "We're the Dads of the Seireitei. It's sort of our job to make sure the kids are doing things right, or at least not screwing it up too badly. Gotta be role models, as best we can."

"Is that so?" Jyuushiro giggled into cupped palms, much like Emiko did. Byakuya sat back, his stern expression such that Jyuushiro couldn't tell if he was subtly pleased or stunned, but Jyuushiro waved a thin hand. "Goodness, what a hodge-podge of role models they have!"

Renji, though, hadn't heard most of what was said. Instead, words and phrases were echoing in his head, bouncing off of one another, and falling into place as his brain filled in the rest of the spaces.

"Die," he said aloud, suddenly, and the three Captains turned to him. He put his hand on his forehead, fingers dug into his hairline. "Die. Until the day I die. Watching it die. He was resigned to losing their relationship- losing him- oh, shit, oh, shit-" Jyuushiro covered Emiko's ears- "Oh, shit, Byakuya!" Renji seized Byakuya's sleeve. "I figured it out! I figured out why Yumichika did it!"

"Oh, you, too?" Shunsui chuckled, and Renji sat back, blown away.

"Ah, did you?" Jyuushiro tugged Shunsui's sleeve. "Why don't you share with the class?"

"I'd like to hear this," Byakuya added coolly. Renji, however, shook his head.

"I... I don't know if I'm right. I might still be missing something. But... if I'm right..." He swallowed and shuddered. "I think Ikkaku might be in over his head."

"Well, if that's so, I'm trusting you to keep him from drowning." Shunsui patted Renji's arm, and stood up. "So, hey, why don't the four of us make this a thing? We meet, talk about our kids and stuff-"

"I've got to get to work." Byakuya rose, bringing Taka with him, and nodded to Renji (as Shunsui's face dropped, clearly crestfallen). "If you need to speak to him again, he'll have to come to you."

Renji groaned and stood. "Hopefully he puzzles stuff out enough to do that." He grunted as he got up and exhaled sharply, then smiled wearily at Shunsui and Jyuushiro. "But maybe this could be a thing. I think we could use it."

Shunsui, pleased he hadn't been ignored, chuckled to himself and happily went to show them out. Renji was still rubbing his chin in thought, but the mothers and fathers of the Seireitei could call the morning a square, if small, victory in their war of words.

They had no way of knowing what ripples their small stone would cast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sopa Levanta Muertos is a drink or soup of Hispanic origin. It literally means "Soup that can raise the dead." I saw the first recipe for it as a drink in a magazine, but I have since lost said magazine, can't remember what magazine it was, and now can only find recipes that describe it as a literal soup. Hence, like Jyuushiro, I mashed it all up based on memory and made my own version.


	15. He's Not Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He really isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note, this chapter has one of my favorite scenes in the story, because it's the funniest (in my opinion). Now, I know everyone's really excited for Yumichika and Ikkaku to have their talk, but...

**15: He's Not Ready**

Momo hummed a little as she looked over the apples in her basket, scuffing the dirt under her feet as other shoppers weaved around them through the market near the Tenth Division. "Do you think Toshi will like these?" Rangiku spun from where she was examining pineapples to check, and giggled.

"Making Captain Hitsugaya a pie or something?"

"I was thinking about it. It's so hard to get him to come visit me without bribing him with sweets!" She stuck her lower lip out, then glanced into Rangiku's produce basket. "Ginger?"

"Mhm." Rangiku picked one of the lumpy roots up and held it up, then scraped a little of the papery skin with her fingernail to test its ripeness. "Yumichika's off today, I thought I'd invite him over to go over what he still needs for the baby, and the guy's got cravings bad. I figure I'll make a pot of green tea with a few slices of this in it."

"Oh! How thoughtful!" Momo giggled, and Rangiku chuckled and turned to the mangoes. "I'm glad I got to see him. He's actually kind of cute, with his big bump. Is he doing okay?"

"Mm, best he can." Rangiku shrugged, and the two moved on through the crowd.

"Still, he was pretty big, wasn't he?" Momo rubbed her chin, not quite feeling her basket bump against some of the other patrons. "Say-" She glanced up to Rangiku. "What do you think it is, a boy, or a girl?"

"Well, that's a good question." Rangiku's register dropped, a little somber. "He still hasn't gone to see Captain Unohana. I'm ready to drag him, y'know?" She set a hand on her forehead, touching her fingertips to the pressure points in her brow. "I just don't want to hurt him, so I don't. Though, I guess if I'm going by the old wives' tales..." She moved a finger to rub her lip, then approximated with her hands. "They say if you carry high and close, it's a girl, and if you carry low and wide, it's a boy." She traced her fingers in the air out around her waist and hips. "I dunno what it means when you carry  _everywhere_."

"Oh, I do!" Momo giggled into her hands. "That means you're having too many noodles!"

"Hey!" Both girls halted at a sharp bark from behind them, and both pivoted around. Momo gasped to see Ikkaku staring both of them down, hands on his hips. "You two talkin' smack about Yumichika?"

Rangiku instinctively bristled, and Momo ducked and cowered behind her. Rangiku, wildcat-bold as ever, snarled, "Oh, and why the hell would you-"

"Let me tell ya somethin'!" Ikkaku raised his hand, one finger up. "He's havin' my kid! He can have as many goddamn noodles as he wants!"

Rangiku's knees unlocked, and her shoulders dropped. "Did you... just..."

"Hey, look, I need your help." Ikkaku reached into her basket and seized a chunk of ginger. "Is this what he likes? I'm gonna surprise him."

"You moron, you're surprising me!" Rangiku caught him in a headlock, dropping her basket and making him drop the ginger. "Are you actually gonna own this?!"

"Ow! Damn it! Get off!" Ikkaku struggled and squirmed out of the vice grip between her arm and breast. "I dunno what I'm gonna do, but I need to talk to him!" He stumbled back, and Rangiku smirked at him as he shook himself off. "He trusts you, so I need you to-"

"Say no more." Rangiku's smile shifted to sweet. "Momo, let's help this loser win his boyfriend back."

"Okay!" Momo grinned, drawing her little hands into determined fists, until breaking with a realization: "Won't Yumichika mind if you start helping 'the other side?'"

"Ain't no sides, bun-head." Ikkaku smirked and stuffed his hands in his pockets as the trio about-faced. "I'm gonna be on his side, so it won't matter no more anyway." Rangiku clapped him on the back, and led him back into the market aisles.

"So, what are ya lookin' to do?"

"I dunno." Ikkaku shrugged, and glanced around at the stalls, overflowing with idea, but . "I just gotta get something that'll make him happy. Hey, what's he like?"

Rangiku stared at him, slackjawed, then swatted him upside the head. "Idiot, you know him better than anyone!"

"Well, sure, but I don't get him presents." Ikkaku shrugged again, helplessly. "He usually gets himself stuff. I mean, the ginger candies are a gimme, but..." He glanced over the rows of apples and treats in the market stalls. "He cooks the food, he gets his own magazines, he trains with me a lot- Hey, maybe a new whetstone, or a sword stand!" He grinned, as Rangiku ran her palm down her face, hard enough to mush her nose but not enough to smear her makeup.

"You seriously got a one-track mind."

"Hmm." Momo, at Rangiku's shoulder, rubbed her chin in oblivious thought. "You could just go generic. Flowers, chocolate, a fluffy little teddy bear!" She mimicked squeezing something with both hands with an eager grin, as Ikkaku cocked his eyebrow and put his hands on his hips.

"What the fuck would Yumi do with stuff like that? I mean, I guess the kid might like the bear eventually, but flowers just sorta die, and he doesn't like eating a lot of sweet stuff." Momo looked crestfallen, as Ikkaku spun on his heels. "I'll just browse around. If you see anything good, point it out to me!" He trotted off, eyes in all directions and shoving his way past anyone who got in his line of sight. Rangiku comforted Momo with an arm around the shoulder and leaned down so she could speak right into her ear.

"It's okay." She looked up at Ikkaku's back, as he had already gotten into an argument with someone over a package of watermelon-flavored konpeito, and shook her head. "I get the feeling we're about to send this man to his death if he tries to talk to Yumichika right now. Let's try to mitigate the damage a little." She let go of Momo's shoulder and chased after Ikkaku to try and direct him towards the pastries, and Momo just shook her head.

"He doesn't know to get him cute gifts. He must be an awful boyfriend."

* * *

A division over from where Ikkaku tried, clumsily, to put forth his big plan for impressing Yumichika, Yumichika was trundling from the field in the aftermath of morning training. He could feel sweat beading, and a glow of heat all around him. He hadn't remembered basic exercises being so difficult, but his heart was still racing even after stretching out. He wouldn't let it get him down, though, and headed for the showers. "Might as well enjoy it while I still can," he remarked to himself, even as a few of the other members passed him. One called back:

"Hey, Ayasegawa, how do you do it?" Yumichika turned on his heel as the unseated shinigami gestured vaguely to imitate his body shape. Yumichika forced a grin.

"I have to." He set a hand on the small of his back. "Someone's gotta teach this brat how to be a warrior, right? No better time to start."

Both squad members agreed enthusiastically, shouting back to him even as he sauntered for the showers. Kenpachi wasn't stopping him to give him afternoon duties, and there was no way he was being sent on patrol now, so he was free to do a little bit of nesting.

He was almost afraid to return to his room after his shower for fear that the discovery he'd made the night before would be gone now, but lo and behold, he hadn't dreamed it. Byakuya and Renji really had sent him a full set of furniture, and it was all set up in the Fourth Seat's room. Pretty white wicker and painted wood, simple but elegant, it was exactly what Yumichika needed it to be. It was just a chest of drawers, a changing table (with more drawers for storage, natch), a rocking chair, and a crib, but it was more than he'd had before and more than he could have ever asked for. He had to curse the pregnancy hormones and smear away a few tears of joy as he surveyed his new domain. Things couldn't possibly be this good!

"I'll have to babysit sometimes, if they'll let me." He wiped his hands on his top, then cracked his knuckles. "For now, though..." The furniture was all bunched up, and Yumichika couldn't stand that. "You'd think a noble would know a thing or two about feng shui."

The room wasn't big, but there was enough space for him to spread things out and arrange it nicely. The trouble was that the furniture wasn't exactly light, so he couldn't just sweep it here and there and be done with it. By the time he'd gotten the chair and changing table into place, he was sweating again. The chest of drawers took a lot of doing, but when he got to the crib, he heard a welcome noise.

"The hell is with all the racket?" Kenpachi shoved the door open, and squinted a little at Yumichika. "What're you doin'?"

"Setting up the baby's room," Yumichika explained, his tone indicating that he probably shouldn't have to. Kenpachi wrinkled his nose.

"Shouldn't you... not be doin' that?" He trudged in, Yachiru right behind him.

"Yeah, Re-chan thinks he shouldn't lift heavy stuff." Yachiru hopped onto the table, swinging her legs off the side as Kenpachi scoured the crib with his eyes like he could burn the prim, pretty thing with a thought just for daring to exist in his gory universe. "But she told me he should do a lot of things that he's not doing."

Yumichika tried to ignore that, even as Kenpachi curled his lip and faced him. "Alright, where you want it?"

Yumichika pointed. "Under the window, maybe a foot or so away from the wall."

Kenpachi put on a crooked grin and seized the bars. "You got it. Gonna give the kid a nice view?"

"That, and it's good to put a bed on-" Yumichika forgot everything he knew about feng shui when he heard an awful CRACK, as Kenpachi overestimated the weight of the crib, and it smashed into the wall. The bars splintered, and the top railing snapped in two. Kenpachi swore under his breath, then scratched his head, as Yumichika's heart broke with it.

"Aww, shit. Uh, you think we can-"

"Captain, that was a present!" Yumichika put his foot down hard, color flooding his face in anger and upset all at once. "Captain Kuchiki gave that to me because that stuff is expensive, and my officer stipend- shit, I could kill you!"

Kenpachi's head perked up, and a wild smirk came to his face. "You really wanna be sayin' those words right now, twerp?"

Yumichika's hand flew to Ruri'iro Kujaku, but Yachiru jumped in between them. "Hey! Kenny! Re-chan says you're not supposed to!"

Kenpachi's legs tensed, his fingers itching at the hilt of his sword, before dropping his stance. "God damn it." He pointed a long finger at Yumichika. "Hey, don't goddamn tease me."

"You broke my stuff!" Yumichika tucked his hands under his arms to keep his fingers off his sword. "That was for my kid."

"Yeah, I know, jeez- it was an accident!" Kenpachi threw his hands up.

"Kenny!" Yachiru jumped up and grabbed his ear. His head didn't tilt under her weight, but he did wince as she dangled off of him. "Say you're sorry!"

"Get off." Kenpachi caught her by her belt and lifted her so she wasn't weighing his earlobe down, then tilted his eyes to Yumichika. "Look, I'll getcha a new one."

"Damn it, fine. Whatever." Yumichika kept his arms folded and lowered his face. "I'm just... I'm going to go for a walk." Kenpachi scratched his head as Yumichika left, head hung, and Yachiru tugged his ear again.

"I'll help you pick the new one, Kenny." She pouted as she watched Yumichika shuffle away. "I think you really hurt him."

Kenpachi rubbed his head. "It was an accident. Didn't mean it. The real trouble is that he didn't get madder." He folded his arms. "The look on his face, it was almost like he was expecting it."

Yumichika, though, was biting his lips to choke back tears, because he was. Of course things couldn't stay so good. Karma would just keep biting him right in the ass. What else could go wrong today?

Maybe he just needed to be alone, to clear his head. Just not think about what a total screw-up he was, or not be reminded.

* * *

Ikkaku strolled into Renji's office, laden with shopping bags. "Hey, dude, check it out! I'm gonna make that guy's day!" He put his stuff down by the door and moved Renji's desk fan to the side. Renji raised an anxious eyebrow, feeling a whole lot of words balling up in his throat, then swallowing them.

If Ikkaku was going to hear it, it was going to be from Yumichika. Still, he couldn't let Ikkaku hurt himself.

"Y'know, maybe you ought'a slow your roll a little." Renji sat forward as Ikkaku vaulted up to sit on his desk. "Don't come on too strong. I mean, let's think about it." He put his chin in his hand. "You've kind spent the last two months treating him like a thorn in your ass."

"Pfft, yeah, I've been kind of a dick." Ikkaku chuckled and scratched the back of his head, his chin dropping just a little, before quickly setting his shoulders back and putting a proud grin in place. "That's why I'm gonna impress the shit out of him!" He opened one of his bags. "See, Rangiku told me the foods he's been liking lately, and gave me ideas for stuff he'd like, so I got him candied ginger and some of that makeup he likes, and-"

"Flowers?" Renji ventured, half-sarcastically. "Candy?"

"No." Ikkaku cocked his head. "I mean, yeah, sorta, on the candy, but what would he do with flowers? I mean, I guess if he wants to eat them, that's cool, but-"

"No, stupid, it's a romance thing." Renji twisted a little of his hair around his finger. "What do you get him for his birthday and stuff?"

"Uh, usually he just likes dinner with the just two of us and maybe easy sex." Ikkaku shrugged. "I dunno, he's never really asked for a present."

It was then that Renji had a revelation: Maybe Ikkaku was kind of a shitty partner.

"He's not supposed to ask." Renji sat back a little. "Look, all I'm sayin' is, maybe you should put a little more effort in on this. Think it out. Maybe be ready to show you're good to be with him and take care of him and your kid."

"Eh, kid's gonna happen anyway, I'll do what I gotta." Ikkaku rolled his shoulders back, still smirking. "I'm more thinkin' about gettin' Yumichika to talk to me."

Renji felt the blood drain from his face. "You talk like that to Yumichika, he's not gonna listen." Ikkaku was not ready to be a parent. Shit, what had he done? "Maybe you can come over to my place sometimes. Get to know Taka, so you actually know what to do with your kid."

Ikkaku frowned. "No, I gotta get back with Yumichika." He punched Renji's arm. "I mean, you wanted me to, right?"

"I want you to do it right! You're obviously not-" Renji stopped, because telling Ikkaku he was a bad boyfriend just would not fly. "I don't think you're ready to just jump into being with him and having a kid."

"Aw, c'mon." Ikkaku grinned again. "I'll be an awesome dad! I'm a master warrior. Best at Hakuda in the Gotei 13! Taught your scrawny ass everything ya know." He patted Hozukimaru at his hip, and slung his elbow over Renji's shoulder. Renji rolled his eyes and pulled some of his papers out of his way. "I'll train the little guy in everything he can pick up! Bo, naginata, katana- aw, man, and I can't wait to see what his zanpakuto looks like! I mean, he's gonna have one, since both of us do-"

"You keep saying 'he.'"

"What?" Ikkaku turned around, knocking a little jar of pens off of Renji's desk.

"You keep saying 'he.'" Renji stamped a page, his first since Ikkaku had decided to seat himself over about half of his desk, and steeled himself to make a point on exactly how not-ready he was. "Last I heard, Yumichika still hasn't gone to the Fourth and gotten checked out, so there's no way anybody knows just what he's got in there."

"What, are you kiddin' me? Of course it's a boy." Ikkaku kicked his legs out with a confident smirk. "I'm super manly, and he's pretty manly-" Renji couldn't suppress another roll of his eyes- "So the kid's gonna be manly too!"

"Manly like Sui-Feng. Ikkaku, genetics don't work that way."

"Since when were you in the Twelfth?" Ikkaku spat on the mat.

"It's called the Birds and the Bees, stupid. Did you skip the mandatory health class in Academy?" Renji shoved his paperwork away, since it was clear he wasn't getting any of it done. "Look, when a sperm and egg meet, they-" He stopped, because Ikkaku looked confused already. "Okay, lemme try it this way. Captain Kyoraku. He's pretty damn manly."

"Uh-huh."

"And he and Captain Ukitake have a beautiful little girl." Renji enunciated the last word meaningfully, but Ikkaku was unfazed.

"Oh, yeah." Ikkaku snickered, and leaned back. "Well, you didn't hear it from me, but I pin that all on Captain Ukitake. I mean, the long silky hair, being super-nice and shit, yeah, that's no surprise to me." He dropped to a whisper. "Plus, Captain Kyoraku, with that pretty pink kimono? Seriously. No wonder, y'know?"

"Ugh." Renji smacked his forehead a few times. This was going nowhere. This was not the conversation he wanted to have with him, but hell if he was going to let this stand. "Well, what about Bya- Captain Kuchiki? Captain Kuchiki's got the gorgeous gray eyes..." He smirked a little, clearly letting his thoughts drift. "The long hair, the jewelry in the long hair, the slender body-"

"Yeah, sure, but he's also super-tough!" Ikkaku flexed his muscles for emphasis. "I ain't gonna lie, I don't think I could take him. Not yet, anyway. I wouldn't fight that guy, not for a million kan! Plus, there's you, and you're a man's man!" He elbowed Renji's arm. "I mean, come on, you used to be in the Eleventh too! If your Taka came out a girl, I would'a demanded a recount, if ya know what I'm sayin'."

"Oh, for the love of-"

"Plus?" Ikkaku smirked. "I mean, you told me Captain Kuchiki was a whale before Taka popped out. I mean, he got so big he couldn't leave the house. He couldn't fit out the doors! Y'know what I'm sayin'?" Renji blanched, because Ikkaku wasn't whispering anymore.

"Uh, those were not my words. I never said that." He pulled his knees tight under his desk and gripped his chair until his knuckles went white. Fuckity-shit, this was not the conversation he wanted to have with Ikkaku!

"All I mean is, you seen Yumi lately?" Ikkaku gestured with his hands, approximating a big, round lump over his abdomen, snickering all the while. "Guy's a goddamn butterball! Pretty sure he ain't caught up with your Captain, 'cause I know he was a total cheese hog-"

"I never said that!"

"But boys are bigger than girls, so it's totally a boy! See?" Ikkaku mushed down Renji's ponytail. "I'm surprised you didn't know that, Pineapple-for-brains."

"Ikkaku." Renji put the paper nearest him over his face. Fuck it. Just, fuck it. "I have actual work to do. Can you go be a moron somewhere else?"

"Pfft. Whatever. You're not much help anyway." He hopped off the desk. "But if you have any good advice for me, I'm open."

"Leave." Renji waved him off until Ikkaku slammed the sliding door shut behind him. Byakuya chose that moment to push the door to his office open.

"Renji." His lips were pursed and thin, brow drawn into lots of wrinkles. "I have a few questions for you regarding Madarame's knowledge of my..." He cleared his throat and hurried a blush from his cheeks. "Size." If Renji had been pale before, he was ashen now. "In my office. Now." He slammed the door shut behind him, but Renji moaned. The invitation was still open, and more than mandatory.

Truth be told, he didn't know what chance he'd ever had of stopping Ikkaku anyway. And really, if it had worked for them up until now, what's to say it wouldn't work now? Still...

"I hope they can get through this alright." He shook his head a little. It was a crowded field of demons that Ikkaku was facing, and he still hadn't seen the whites of all of their eyes. Still, if anyone could fight his way through a crowd, it was Ikkaku...

... right?

* * *

Yumichika had spent the afternoon checking price tags at the local stores, and came away depressed, but not surprised. Baby stuff was way too expensive. He understood why, too- it was mostly the noble class who made babies. Sure, a few shinigami settled down and started families, but most of them were noble too, and even then, they came in pairs.

"Just me and you, isn't it?" He rubbed his side, and his face fell.

It wasn't just the price tags getting him down. Maybe it was seeing happy couples everywhere he went, men and women hand in hand, talking intimately, a husband's hand moving to his wife's side...

He winced as a spike of dizziness rushed up through him and caught his head. He could feel just how unpleasantly hot his face was when his thumb brushed over it. He took a few breaths to try and clear his head and ground himself. The baby twisted inside of him, something twisted in his head, and he tried, distantly, to imagine what it would be like if there were someone else to catch him...

But that was never Ikkaku. Ikkaku let him stand on his own, even if he could use a little backup. Ikkaku didn't hold him up.

Ikkaku probably would have just laughed when Kenpachi broke his shit, and given him grief for being upset about it.

It was probably just as well he was on his own. What could he even offer Ikkaku anymore, anyway?

"Fuck it," he sighed under his breath, and let his head fall into his hand, and shook his forehead against it. "Just, fuck it..."

Ikkaku, meanwhile, hurried up the walk from his private quarters, hands stuffed in his hakama. He'd put everything in place, now all that was left to do was to find Yumichika and spring it on him. Invite him to eat lunch with him, give him the ginger candies, then take him out to the sparring grounds and square his shoulders, and just tell him, "I still wanna be with you, you just gotta tell me why you were gonna have this kid without me." Yumichika was good when he was direct, right? It could be exactly that easy! He just had to show him how ready he was- and hell, there he was now!

He stopped short a few meters away, observing Yumichika's face as he rubbed his forehead. He looked kind of sleepy, didn't he? Ikkaku smirked a little. Maybe he should give him a surprise wake-up call. He and the tot could use a little surprise, yeah? And he never minded when Yachiru did it, did he?

Yumichika yelped as two strong arms slung around him from behind, catching him under the belly and around the throat, and immediately tried to elbow back at whoever'd grabbed him. His angle was wrong, and he only succeeded in turning himself halfway around to see it was Ikkaku who'd seized him. Yumichika's anger flashed through him like a wildfire, and he tried to twist out of his vice grip. "What th-"

"Heya, Yumi, how's the kicky, squirmy little bastard doin'?" He squeezed a little tighter, and Yumichika gasped and quickly lowered his foot to stomp down on Ikkaku's bare toes. Ikkaku shouted and released him, giving Yumichika a chance to jump back, his legs just spread and his arms up, ready to defend himself.

He was shaking already, adrenaline pumping, two vehement voices speaking at once. One telling him to launch in and strangle him before Ikkaku hurt him, and the other excitedly whispering, 'He touched you, he was touching the baby, hear him out!' He ruthlessly quashed the second. There was no point in fooling himself any longer.

Ikkaku hissed his surprise and rubbed his toe, before lowering his leg and forcing a smile back into place. "Ah, did I scare ya? You looked like you could use a little jump start to get ya goin'. Hey, look, it's been a while since we talked, but I-"

"Can I help you, Officer Madarame?" Yumichika kept his voice steady and his stance strong, ready to go for Kujaku at any second. The way Ikkaku was staring at him was making him feel like his voice should shake and his knees should collapse out from under him, because it had been so long, too long, and interacting with him for any more than traded sneers was like a welt on his chest.

"Officer...? Oh, yeah, uh, look, I was kinda angry when I told you to call me that." Ikkaku sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "I'm not angry no more, so-"

"What do you want?"

Ikkaku stopped cold at that, because Yumichika had never given him that cold, low tone before. Even on the first day they'd met, there was always color and life in his voice. This was cold, flat gray. "Uh." He came up short, his shoulders dropping. "I was gonna ask you to have lunch with me and stuff. And maybe we could talk."

"Talk." Yumichika grimaced, and swaggered a step back. "You want to talk?"

"Yeah. But, uh, lunch. You need to eat, and stuff, yeah?" His offer was sounding weaker and stupider by the second, and he was feeling uncomfortable, and if this got any worse, he was going to need to punch something just for everything to make sense again. "I, uh, got you some-"

"I'm not hungry." Yumichika hunched his shoulders and pushed past him. "If you want to talk, meet me at my quarters in twenty minutes."

Ikkaku winced as Yumichika sauntered off. This wasn't going how he'd hoped, but hell, he hadn't said no yet. Even Ikkaku could guess why: this was the first time he'd tried to make nice in two months. Maybe Yumichika was a little peeved at being ignored for so long, or that Ikkaku had taken so long to come around.

Fine. He could deal with hard to get. Yumichika wouldn't be fun if he didn't have his spirit.

So, he gave it twenty minutes, put some water on his face and circled his own mental wagons. He had every word he wanted to say in mind, and knew every word he wanted to hear. All he had to do was wring them out of Yumichika, whether it took a little sweet talking or a little muscle. He was pretty sure he could handle whatever.

When he slid the door to Yumichika's quarters open, though, he wasn't expecting a slender hand to seize his collar and yank him in. He heard the door shut as Yumichika pulled him down and forced their lips together in a cold kiss that Ikkaku hadn't the sense to participate in and that Yumichika clearly didn't want to give.

"What is it you want?" Yumichika slipped his fingers into the top of Ikkaku's kosode. "You miss sex and think I'll just give it to you?"

"Fuck!" Ikkaku pushed him back, stumbling a little because he meant to hurt him as much as Yumichika meant to kiss him. "No, hell no, this ain't-"

"I guess I owe you, though, don't I? Come to collect?" He almost sounded persuasive, pleading, but the dominant note was anger, and he advanced again. "Do you wanna just close your eyes and pretend it's not me?"

"Like I'd trust you with my dick right now, shit!" Ikkaku's hands reacted with another shove. "I said talk, asshole, not fuck! I wanted to talk to you!"

"We don't talk!" Yumichika folded his arms, and Ikkaku could see his chest shaking. Anger? Something else? Ikkaku couldn't tell. "You hate my guts, what do you want to talk about anyway?!"

"The truth, dammit!" Ikkaku threw his hands back, forgetting that Yumichika could be shaking out of anything other than anger. "I wanna hear the truth! I wanna know why you did this!"

"Truth?" Yumichika's voice rose, and color came with it, his face twisted with roaring rage, and he whipped a hand out and seized Ikkaku's wrist. "You want the truth? Fine! Like I give a shit anymore! Let's go!" And Ikkaku, surprised, stumbled as Yumichika dragged him out of his room and down the hall.

No, they weren't ready for this, but Yumichika wouldn't let a little thing like that stop him.


	16. Finally Seeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika's not hiding anything anymore, but will Ikkaku see what's most important?

**16: Finally Seeing**

Afternoon light was fading fast, casting long shadows of the formidable fortresses and high walls across the main road through the Seireitei, but Ikkaku was blind to it in the stunning glow of Yumichika's raging spirit. Ikkaku hadn't felt Yumichika's energy roaring like this before, uncontrolled and wild, and he was too stunned to resist his pull. He didn't even have the sense to put the brakes on even when he realized they were headed for the main Senkaimon, lost in a crowd of shinigami headed for duty. "Yumichika, what the f-"

"Talking never works with you. You get mad and cut me off, you never want to hear it, you don't listen!" Ikkaku tried to walk in step with him, surprised that Yumichika could manage his furious pace in his condition. "So, I'll show you, damn it!"

Ikkaku wanted to argue back, but he was dumbstruck. Hell, he'd been dumbstruck since Yumichika had snapped at him and forced him to follow him.  _That_  was what Yumichika thought of him? Why hadn't he said anything? How much wasn't Yumichika saying? Yumichika could devastate a person with unspoken insults. A stray wink from him could make someone feel hideous, how could he hold things back? He was too caught on that to even protest when Yumichika forced his way to the senkaimon and tugged Ikkaku through it.

"Yumichika, you ain't supposed to go on patrol!" His voice seemed to echo far into the darkness, distant but muted. Yumichika's grip tightened on his arm.

"It doesn't matter, does it? This is what I have to do, and I'll be damned if I let anything get in my way!"

They emerged from the precipice world into a familiar sea of sands cloaked in the veil of night, as the shinigami around them fanned out for their suppression patrols across a district of Hueco Mundo. Yumichika, however, suppressed nothing, and as soon as they were a safe distance from the other shinigami and the senkaimon entrance, Ikkaku felt his force explode from around him. He charged up through the sand, sword drawn, reiatsu flaring in bursts like an SOS. Hell, how stupid could he be?! Putting himself out there like that was bound to attract something big and nasty, and Yumichika knew it!

… He knew it. He was doing it on purpose.

"Are you nuts? You can't fight, not in your condition!" Ikkaku lunged after him and tried to seize onto his arms, but Yumichika shook him off before he could lash him back.

"Of course I can fight." Yumichika spun round and pointed the tip of Kujaku, still sealed yet, right under his nose. "I'm a member of the Zaraki squad, aren't I? For us, the need for a good fight is like the need for three square meals a day, and let me tell you, I'm  _starved_." He pivoted back around and lurched onwards, his ankle tipping as he landed on the sand, but, undeterred, he marched on, shouting now, "Not a goddamn ounce of respect! Not a one of you! You think I've gotten weak? Always, 'you're doing so good for-' such bullshit! Even the Captain looks down on me!" Ikkaku flinched and rushed after him.

"Hell, that ain't true!"

Yumichika was deaf to it, or maybe simply didn't want to hear it. "I've held back too long, and I'm sick of it!" He stopped in place, and screamed, at Ikkaku, outwards at the sky, at everything: "You want to shit on me, damn it? Give me your best shot! I can take whatever you throw at me!"

It was, then, as if lured in by his voice and the siren screams of his energy, the Hollow rose up behind him, three times his height with the long body of a centipede, all tentacle legs and slime and fierce teeth under a wrought mask reminiscent of a one-eyed troll. Ikkaku went wide eyed, and instead of that childlike sting of glee he got at the sight of a strong enemy, seeing its gaping maw open in a mindless roar mere feet from Yumichika, he yelled and bolted towards him.

Yumichika didn't cower. Yumichika didn't flinch. Even when Ikkaku grabbed his arm to pull him back, he didn't falter, he slung Ikkaku off of him and pointed Kujaku at him, snarling, "You stay back! This is my fight!" His upper lip curled, his hair swung about him as if propelled aloft by the force of rage radiating out from him, but all Ikkaku could hear was his own voice issuing from Yumichika's lips:

_"This is my fight!"_

"Do you want to die out there?! Get back!" Ikkaku scrambled forward, but he couldn't even hear himself anymore, as Yumichika, somehow still as lithe and spry as the day they'd met, bounced up off its knee, zanpakuto lifted high. Those words had only brought full red to his cheeks, and Ikkaku sat, paralyzed, in the sand, as Yumichika launched himself impossibly up towards its long chest.

"Bloom, Fuji Kujaku!" The sword pulsed with light, then split, like it always did, and Yumichika raked the blades through its chest, then hopped back. The Hollow screeched, clearly undeterred by the deep gashes in its belly and stumbling around on its tentacles as Yumichika swiftly circled it. It was somewhere between the rapid-pace flash steps and the creature's stomping feet that Ikkaku felt a different pulse, this one inside himself. His instincts spoke first, and they sounded like Hozukimaru in his ear:

_Those are the spaces that were emptied when he was gone. They're reacting to his energy._

He blinked, and could see Hozukimaru facing him behind his eyelids.

_Some call this soul resonance. His spirit is reverberating off of yours._

"What? I don't understand." Ikkaku shook his head, clearing the vision, but he just felt that same thumping inside him, like a bell ringing in his chest, and his heart and gut began to ache deep. He snapped back out of his own mind when he heard a loud rumble, and Yumichika hit the ground, back first, as the Hollow skittered towards him on scrambling feet, jaw slung wide and roaring mindlessly. Ikkaku hustled forward, but Yumichika got on his feet, using Kujaku to balance himself.

"You don't think I can do it? You're nothing. I've seen baby Hollows with more bite than you!" Ikkaku saw- hell,  _felt_ \- a flash of purest blue, as Yumichika got up onto his feet. "And what's worse, you got your nasty slime on my clothes!" Yumichika took stance, and Ikkaku winced when he realized that the first hits Yumichika had gotten were the only ones. However, Yumichika held his blade over his face and the front of his chest, the arc of the curved blades forming a shield, and pressed his fingers to his forehead to concentrate.

"Bakudo 4, Crawling Rope!" The Reishi rope, beaming with light enough to make the sand look briefly like it might in daylight, unfurled from his fingers, and Yumichika dodged back just in time to sling it at the beast. Ikkaku's eyes widened as it curled its way around the Hollow, and Yumichika could bound backwards, still defending, as all of the Hollow's many slimy limbs were sealed to its body.

He'd seen Yumichika use Kido, rarely, but he knew it was something big to be able to use it without saying all the magic words. He probably was only saying the name so Ikkaku would know what it was. From the size of that rope, he probably hardly had to snap his fingers and think about it to bind someone in it, but Yumichika wasn't done yet. He was shielding his face again, focusing on his fingers again, and the rope of light began to twist again. "Bakudo 66, Six-Rod Light Restraint!" The rope broke apart into the six rods and planted themselves through the monster. The Hollow shrieked again and struggled, and Yumichika lowered his guard.

"I might be dead, Ikkaku. He's big, fast, and mean, but on any other day, I'd cut him limb from limb and pierce him through 'til he stopped moving, no matter the risk to my person." Ikkaku could see Yumichika's legs shaking as he approached the monster. "I'd have rather died than use Kido like this, because you would hate me for it."

Ikkaku botched a protest, the words all tangled up in his throat, because he could feel something he couldn't name aching inside of him, and it  _hurt_. "Ain't true," he managed. "I've seen it before. It's okay. You gotta use it sometimes, just-"

"Shut up!" Yumichika's voice cracked. "You have no idea!" The Hollow roared, the rods of light flickering as it struggled and writhed frantically against its bonds, and Yumichika whipped around. "I can't kill you with Kido. And I can't kill you just by fighting you right now. But I have my last resort." Yumichika took stance again, holding Kujaku out. "Only in blackest night, and even then, never where anyone would see me..." Ikkaku's heart jumped, as the Hollow broke loose enough from the restraint to lurch its horrid head towards Yumichika, but Yumichika shouted:

"Split and deviate, Ruri'iro Kujaku!"

There was blue light, from Kujaku and from Yumichika's brilliant eyes, and the long, curved blades suddenly extended into vines, dozens and dozens of vines. That ringing in Ikkaku's ears only got louder as the white light of the Six Rods faded, but blue lights of the blades snapped out and seized onto every one of the Hollow's hundred limbs, then lifted it high. Yumichika's arm was shaking, his knuckles white, as the ensnared Hollow was surrounded by hot blue light. Ikkaku could sense the Hollow's energy, fading away, drawn in towards Yumichika. "You don't understand, do you?" Yumichika's voice quavered, but he ground on anyway. "I didn't think you would. This is my full release. Ruri'iro Kujaku only cooperates when I call it by its true name. It'll drink this Hollow's reiatsu, siphoning it off like water to a flower's roots, and gather it. Don't you see?" Ikkaku didn't even need him to point, because he could see the white flower forming, as beautiful as Yumichika himself. The Hollow fell forward as the flower came to beautiful fruition. Yumichika took the flower in his hand. "And now, I can consume this and take his power." His hands were shaking, his voice tippling between anger and despair. "This is my true release, Ikkaku! This is my true power! And I hate it!" He crushed the flower in his hand, and the earth beneath them trembled at the energy wave than pulsed out from Yumichika.

And Ikkaku finally, finally saw it. Yumichika. Shaking with his own withheld power and rage. Pale, sweating, panting. Torn bare and exposed. Ikkaku didn't need another explanation. That was a Kido-type release, and all this time, all these decades, Yumichika had never used it in front of him because Yumichika knew he hated Kido, and  _he wouldn't have understood._

This was who Yumichika was, what he was, and he would rather have given Ikkaku a false image than risk...

"You already hate me." Yumichika's voice trembled, the panting overtaking the rest of his voice. "Knowing what a disgrace I am can't make it any worse. I never wanted you to know, but it doesn't matter anymore." Yumichika spun round to face him, his eyes still glowing that same sky blue, his cheeks red, his forehead pale and doused with sweat, and he flung a quaking fist to his chest. "So hate me, damn you! Tell the Captain, the whole division what sort of coward I am! I deserve that and worse! But don't you dare tell me you don't understand anymore!" Ikkaku tried again to speak, but the Hollow, still buzzing with faint motion in its last death throes, lifted its face to snarl at Yumichika and bare all of its long, impossibly sharp teeth, and Yumichika turned to face it. "You still want more, you sonofabitch?" Ikkaku couldn't be sure who Yumichika was taunting anymore, especially when he slid a sly smile back to Ikkaku, one that didn't at all match the pain and panic in his eyes. "I've always wanted to try it. Let's ruin me completely, shall we?"

Ikkaku felt Yumichika's power swell like a blast of wind, as he pulled his sword arm back, Ruri'iro Kujaku's tendrils tense and wavering in midair, and then, a rush of sensation.

Voices, snippets of memories, of Yumichika flat on his back and smiling past the rusty katana pressed to his throat, of mundane conversation on long roads, of sex, of sparring, right down to the last time he threw a punch at him, all swarmed through him, then were torn away as if sucked through a black hole. All that was left was that same resonance of his energy, being shredded from him like a cyclone had settled over him and a voice Ikkaku didn't know screaming in his ear.

Yumichika's power spiked, and Ikkaku's panic with it at the next word: "Bankai! S-"

Ikkaku realized he was the one screaming. It wasn't even words anymore, until two that made sense burst forward and carried his feet with him: "Grow, Hozukimaru!"

The spear was in his hands, and he flung it like a javelin straight through the Hollow's mask, and Ikkaku flung his open arms around Yumichika to seize him and stop him in place. "Don't! Don't do it!"

"Let go of me, Ikkaku!"

"You're gonna die! I can feel it! You were gonna die!" Ikkaku crushed his arms to him, and Yumichika released his hands to lessen the pressure. Ruri'iro Kujaku fell into the sand at his feet with a rattle, then closed into its sealed form as Yumichika's powers drew down. The Hollow expired with a last odorous wheeze, crumbling to dust, and Ikkaku only wrapped himself tighter around Yumichika, his form pressed airtight to his. "I don't care, okay?! I don't care that your zanpakuto is a Kido-type! It's not important!"

"Shut up! It is!" Yumichika's voice cracked, and the bubble that had been building in his throat burst as tears started to run down his face. "I've lied to you for so long!"

"And I don't care anymore!" Ikkaku shrugged Yumichika to the side so his head landed on his shoulder, and his hands roamed his back in soothing circles. "I don't care what you've done wrong. I can't just stand back and watch you kill yourself!"

Yumichika tried to kick him, but their legs were too close, and Ikkaku was still compressing him in his arms. "Stupid, stupid! Don't you think I say that to myself all the time!" Yumichika sobbed into his shoulder, as the words struck Ikkaku to the core, and he came up completely lost for words. "You... you were going to die. Every time we left for battle, I had to think of funeral arrangements, because you were going to die, and you would hate me if I did anything but stand back and watch."

Ikkaku had to think about it, shaking his head. "I... I thought you were proud of me. I thought you were impressed that I-"

"Impressed, sure." Yumichika sniffed, and Ikkaku patted his back. "And always on the verge of watching you die, and having nothing left of you. Ever since we met, you've been the center of my life, and I realized that there was nothing keeping you from getting ripped out from under me. Either I lose you to your own pride, or intervene and make you hate me, scream at me, try to kill me." Ikkaku winced, as Yumichika rubbed his eyes against his sleeve. "Even this power... power you hated... power I could use to save you..." Ikkaku felt Yumichika's hands scrabble for purchase as tears took him deeper. "I could never use it, because I would never see you again. I'd be alone again. Everything, everything, I'm always alone in the end..." Ikkaku's wince turned to a grimace, as everything, all the little pieces of Yumichika's twisted thinking, started to fall into place, and the picture was too much like that of his own soul and every word he'd ever said, etched into Yumichika's shivering skin. He couldn't say any more, because his beautiful Yumichika had been scarred enough. All he could bring himself to do was hold him tight and shush into his ear, knowing it wasn't enough but it was all he could offer him.

"I wanted to keep you, but it wouldn't have been fair." Yumichika had calmed when he could speak again, sorrow still thick in him, but tears drying. "Then, I found out... this could happen." He touched his midsection, Ikkaku felt his hand move, but didn't have to see what he was indicating. "Somewhere between the thought of having the child of a man I love and being able to keep him, some small piece of him, forever, I... I had to. I knew I'd lose you then, too, but I'd have that tiny piece of you left, and I would never be alone again." Yumichika sniffled, and his hands dropped to his sides. "Ikkaku, I-"

"Shut up." Ikkaku shook his head against Yumichika's shoulder. "I understand." He released one arm from around Yumichika's back, only to reach down and scoop him up under his legs. "M'gonna take you home now. I suck at reiatsu stuff, but yours... I can feel yours, and it doesn't feel so good."

"Ikkaku-! Offic-!"

"No more of that Officer Madarame bullshit. That was stupid of me to even start." Yumichika wasn't too heavy for him, even squirming, and Ikkaku could even crouch down to pick Kujaku up. He passed it up to Yumichika and waited for him to sheath it, then trudged over the dunes in search of Hozukimaru.

No more Hollows seemed to be coming, either because Yumichika wasn't trying to bait them in or because they'd all gotten spooked off by Yumichika slaughtering the first one, but Ikkaku surmised, grimly, that the other guys patrolling tonight would have an easy night of it now. Hozukimaru was only half-buried when he sensed its energy and uncovered it, and set Yumichika down just long enough to take it up, open a Senkaimon, and put it away. Yumichika, who'd fallen silent while Ikkaku had searched, chose then to speak up. "What happens now?"

"Whaddya mean?" Ikkaku scooped him up, bridal-style again, relieved Yumichika hadn't gotten up and tried to move under his own failing power. "I told you. We go home. You get in bed, sit pretty, and stay there 'til you feel better and your reiatsu's not doin' that wibbly-wibbly thing I keep feeling."

"And you have to tell the Captain."

"I don't have to do shit." Ikkaku hoisted Yumichika close, and trudged through the open Senkaimon with him in his arms.

The noise of Hell Butterflies surrounding them from the dozens of other shinigami passing through was as loud as the buzzing in Ikkaku's mind from the complete overload of sensation.


	17. It Has to Start Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important decisions are made, and Ikkaku takes the first step on a new path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who asked about Yumichika's bankai!
> 
> I don't know if he has it yet, in canon or in this story. He hasn't been able to use his shikai or practice with it, since he's been hiding it, and he and Ruri'iro Kujaku don't get along for that and other reasons. However, since he was on a roll, he sure as hell thought he was going to bust it out last chapter. His bankai is a conversation he and Ikkaku are going to have to have later.
> 
> Until then, enjoy!

**17: It Has to Start Somewhere**

Aramaki Makizo had been posted at the Division gate when Ikkaku passed through again, with Yumichika still slung limp in his arms. "Ah! Er- Officers Madarame and Ayasegawa!" He rushed towards them. Ikkaku didn't break his stride, and Makizo had to jog alongside him. "The Captain ordered me to intercept you. You were both seen traveling through the Senkaimon without authorization. Do you have an explanation for this?"

"Piss off, Maki-maki."

Yumichika tugged Aramaki's sleeve. "It was my doing."

"Shut up, Yumi-"

"I had hoped they were headed to the World of the Living, so I could divert to Karakura Town tp try to drop in on Orihime Inoue." He touched his fingertips to his middle. "She sent some very cute clothes for the baby, I wanted to ask where she got it."

Ikkaku bit his lip, as Aramaki stood back in surprise, surveying the visible scratches, scrapes, and bruises on Yumichika's face and arms. "Do you expect me to believe that?"

"Yeah," Ikkaku grumbled, and he and Yumichika traded nods. Aramaki wasn't a superior officer. They could lie to him. Aramaki, however...

"What am I supposed to tell the Captain?!"

"That our explanation is what we told you." Yumichika shrugged, and Ikkaku walked on, leaving Aramaki in the dust. Aramaki stammered to himself for a moment, before he realized they'd given him a very neat out: it was, in fact, what they'd said. He wouldn't be lying if he said that, and Kenpachi wouldn't have to kill any of them.

Until he took matters into his own hands, anyway.

Somewhere in the space between the afternoon hour and the travel through Hueco Mundo, day had turned to night in the Seireitei, and while Ikkaku's stomach growled and Yumichika was surely hungry just the same, he didn't even glance sideways at the mess hall. Ikkaku only set Yumichika down when he had reached his quarters and his bed, and Yumichika bounced right back up to clean himself up. Ikkaku stood back, hesitantly, the noise of running water a white noise backdrop to the storm in his mind. He had a lot to say to Yumichika, but he hadn't had the chance to say it. He should have been pissed that Yumichika didn't give him a single opening to try and talk back, but now that Yumichika had laid everything out at his feet, he had a chance to sort through it all at once. And god, did he have some sorting to do.

His eye landed on the door to the room next door, and Ikkaku opened it a little.  _This is where my kid's gonna live._ He poked his nose in, and saw the shower gifts all stacked up in the corner, the furniture neatly arranged around the room, and the half-smashed crib. "Holy shit, what happened?" Yumichika hummed inquisitively through a mouthful of toothpaste. "The... the bed..."

Yumichika spit and grimaced down at the water running down the drain. "The Captain was helping me move it. It went poorly."

"Oh, hell." Ikkaku shook his head. "That ain't fair. He just- by accident?"

"Mhm." Yumichika sighed and smoothed his night shirt down as he exited the bathroom. "Bad grab, fragile stuff." He pulled his covers back, then tossed a sideways cringe to Ikkaku to brush away the unpleasant conversation. "You're insisting I sleep?"

"Damn right." Ikkaku joined Yumichika by the bed and fluffed the pillow. "Second your ass hits the mat again, I bet you'll crash." Yumichika sighed and lowered himself down, and Ikkaku stroked his hair, urging him to lean back with the push of his fingers. "But I'm gonna get some food in case you're hungry, 'n' I'll bring it here, so you can eat if you're awake when I get back." Yumichika's legs buckled, and he sunk to his bed.

"You... really did just want to talk, didn't you?"

"Thought I told you, dumbass." Ikkaku rapped his head, lightly, with the side of his hand.

"I didn't even let you talk. Jeez, hideous manners on my part." Yumichika sighed and settled into bed. "If you still-"

"We can talk once you've rested." Ikkaku pulled the sheet up to his chest, his hand brushing over the bump as he passed over it. He stopped when his hand reached the space over Yumichika's heart, then abruptly turned away. "Shut your eyes. I'll be back."

"Ikkaku." Yumichika touched the back of his hand as he swung away. "I... I hope we can still be friends. I understand if you... can't..." His face fell. "I understand."

Ikkaku flinched, grateful Yumichika couldn't see his face. His throat was like sandpaper, his words hoarse and coarse. "Yeah." He shrugged Yumichika's hands off. "'ll be back."

No more words were exchanged. Ikkaku shuffled out, shutting the door behind him, and Yumichika let his head fall to his pillow. Sleep, as predicted, came fast.

Ikkaku, meanwhile, was operating purely on a functional level, just like right before he'd had to pull Yumichika out of the last scrape he'd gotten into.

Eat. Check on Yumi. Then, and only then, think.

Dinner was long over, but there were usually some leftovers in the pantry for guys who took late shifts and came in famished. Cold rice and chicken looked like paradise right about now. He took enough back for Yumichika, but Yumichika was already curled on his side, eyes shut, breathing labored, but even. So, he sat on the floor next to his bed and devoured his fair share, then left the rest next to Yumichika so he could eat it when he woke up. If it wasn't gone when he got back...

... probably be time for breakfast by then, anyway.

Yumichika seemed to be resting easy, and if Ikkaku tried to sense over him, albeit clumsily, it felt like he was fully at rest. However, that also exposed him to the second energy nested in the center of his soul, and it wantonly grabbed at him as he passed over it. He winced, as he got a flash of the deep, dark purple energy emanating out from inside of Yumichika, warm and wanting. It wanted him.

"Hey, tot," he muttered, as much to himself as the invisible force. "Your mama's okay, alright?" He winced as he drew his hand away, set Yumichika's portion of the meal on the bedside table, and rose up to his feet, already turning his hand over as he headed for the door.

He wasn't so good at Kido, but he could still make Hell Butterflies happen.

* * *

Renji was just tucking Takahiro in when the Hell Butterfly came through the window. Byakuya frowned as he stepped back to receive its message.

_"Hey, man. I'm headed for that place in the Thirteenth. Don't let me drink alone tonight."_

"Shhhhi..." Renji winced, and glanced between Byakuya and the crib. Byakuya drummed his fingers on the railing.

"Don't be out all hours. I won't wait up for you, but do wake me when you get in."

"Sir." Renji saluted, as much out of habit as anything else, and rushed to throw his outerwear on.

The air was chilly, the wind cold in the Thirteenth Division's trees, but the light inside the izakaya was warm, especially where it shone down onto Ikkaku's head like a hollow moon. The bartender was trying hard not to throw Ikkaku little winces of disgust, even as Renji slumped into the stool beside him. Ikkaku had an open bottle, but he'd hardly touched it. Renji nudged his elbow, then lifted a hand.

"Give me whatever he's drinking." The bartender, with a few sharp motions, dropped an open bottle in front of Renji, and Renji took a sip. "Okay, dude, I'm guessing your talk with Yumichika was a spectacular failure."

"This went so bad, it'd've been funny if it were a boketto-tsukkomi act." Ikkaku scratched his head, eyes still lowered and roaming the woodgrain of the bar. "But it ain't."

"What happened?"

"He told me. To make me understand." Ikkaku grimaced. "I've... said some stuff that's hurt him, and he always covered it up with a pretty smile. If he'd just told me... I mean, I would've been angry, but I would'a gotten it, sooner or later. He just let it snowball up into this."

"Yeah?" Renji tried not to look like he was waiting on bated breath. "Uh, can ya tell me?"

It was then that Ikkaku picked up his bottle and drained it in one go. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he swallowed the last and slammed the empty bottle down to the bar, and shouted without meaning to: "He said he was havin' my kid 'cause he was gonna lose me!"

Renji winced and hung his head. "Yeah, s'about what I figured." Ikkaku's voice was caught, trembling in his throat, and he threw his hands out.

"I mean, I thought I was tougher than that, but...! Shit!" He mopped his forehead with his fingers and dragged them down his face. "Y'said you knew?"

"Dude, you damn near throw your life away every time you feel lucky. Hell, you know he heard about you losing at Karakura and damn near lost his shit?" Renji traced the lip of his bottle, unable to bring himself to look at Ikkaku. He couldn't stand to see his senpai, who'd taught him half of what he knew about fighting, breaking down. "He thought you were dead, or at least real close to. Hisagi had to knock him out to keep him from causing more problems."

"Shit. I never knew. Hell. Fuck." Ikkaku snorted in for air, then expelled it in a burst. "Fuck. It's more than that. The stupid fuck's been hiding shit from me for years, and... he wouldn't want you to know, neither." Ikkaku put his arm on the bar and let his face land on it, as Renji's eyebrows arched further upwards with surprise. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." He groaned. "He thought I'd leave him if I knew, but it was nothing he could help, or change, no matter how hard he tried. I still would'a been pissed, but... I still kinda am."

"What're ya feelin', right now?" Renji nudged his arm with his elbow again. Ikkaku took a shuddering breath, and exhaled it with another blast into his arm.

"Fuck off, dude."

"You wanted me here for a reason, I ain't leavin' now."

Ikkaku didn't talk. Renji didn't leave. Ikkaku ordered another bottle, and Renji slowly nursed his. It wasn't until Renji's bottle was nearly empty that he spoke again. "Has Yumichika ever asked you 'bout this? 'Bout how you feel about stuff?"

Ikkaku hesitated- Renji could hear his breath catch- but mumbled an answer. "He always seemed to get it. I'm not so hard to figure out. I never realized that him, knowing me, how I was, would mess him up inside. He was right, for a lot of it. If I'd known, I would'a been pissed. And I wanna be pissed 'cause he lied, but I know why he did it." Ikkaku put his face down again. "He loves me. And he don't wanna lose me. And he would'a." He sniffed, and rubbed his nose. "Said we could be friends."

Renji could see that those words crumpled Ikkaku as they left him. "You two are already friends."

"Just friends, s'what he meant." Ikkaku shuddered, and clenched one hand around the neck of his bottle. "Stupid bastard. I deserve this."

"What? That ain't true."

"Maybe not all of it, but hell, if I'd... tried to understand him before..." He choked on the words. "Shit, it's like I'm mad and sad and confused and just..." Ikkaku trailed off into a frustrated groan, and tried to gesture with his free hand, the bottle rattling against the bar in the jerking grip of the other. "If he messed up, and got hurt in battle, I'd be pissed at whoever hurt him and sad he got hurt, y'know? I'd just laugh at him while he was recovering because sittin' around moping would've just made him sadder, and he'd've gotten all humiliated and sulky. This... this time, we both hurt both of us, and it just sucks all around. 'n' now there's someone else right in the middle, who's probably only gettin' hurt from both sides."

"Ikkaku." Renji cuffed his shoulder. "Just tell the idiot you still love him and ask him how to move past this."

"He ain't gonna believe it now."

"What?"

"If I say that now." Ikkaku's upper lip curled, and his knuckles clenched white around the bottle. "Every time he said that stuff to me, I didn't wanna say it out loud. That's girl shit, y'know? But... I thought about it..."

Renji suddenly channeled Rukia, and smacked Ikkaku across the back of the head. "You idiot, you mean in like a hundred years, you've never once told him you loved him!"

"It's not like that." He swatted Renji's hand back and hung his head. "I thought he knew. Didn't think I needed to tell 'im." He winced. "But... maybe... I mean, it felt good when he said it. Maybe he wanted to hear it back. Prob'ly would'a felt just as good. I never realized it hurt him like that not to hear it." He heaved a deep breath, then sighed it out. "It's all spilled out, as good as if I'd cut him open. Ain't no patchin' it."

Renji's shoulders tensed, fingers twitching in and out of futile fists, because god did he want to smack some sense into Ikkaku, but Ikkaku's head was way too hard for that. "So what'cha gonna do, huh?"

"I... I'm gonna be the best goddamn friend he could have." Ikkaku's face split into a weary smile. "And if he'll let me, I'll help with that kid." He lifted his face towards Renji, whose visage remained hard. "Hey, man, thanks for talking it out with me. Ya think you could help me out?"

Renji studied him a moment longer, then let his face split into a grin. Progress. "I'll do what I can, senpai." He slapped Ikkaku's back, then raised his bottle. "To being a dad?"

"Yeah." Ikkaku knocked his bottle against Renji's with a clink. "That."

* * *

Yumichika opened his eyes to see a bowl of soup had been left on the table next to him, with only a note in terrible handwriting propped against it: "Eat something."

He did. The soup was still lukewarm, and the miso swirled up into a pleasant cloud when he stirred it. Just like a hot cup of tea in his hands, something about it warmed him from the outside as much as the inside. It took him a few minutes and a few gulps of soup for anything else from the inside to make its way through.

He'd revealed his most horrible secret to Ikkaku and got out unscathed. Ikkaku hadn't screamed at him or hit him or attacked him. "I can't believe I did that." He put his hand first on his head, then lowered it to his middle. Everything tuned back to him like an orchestra gradually taking up their bows and reeds, pain singing in every muscle, a sourness in his throat and an ache in his head, and when he sensed through himself to check on the baby, its reiatsu screamed back at him. He jerked, the soup bowl spilled from his hand, and he slammed both palms against the bed to steady himself, completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of energy. It came to him, as gently as opening his eyes on a spring morning.

"I can't keep doing this."

He dressed and made himself impeccable, covering the blotches and bruises on his face with makeup, tied his sash tight, and ventured out on an uneasy stroll through the division. Kenpachi was dozing under a tree, fully visible in the quad like a great mastiff left in the yard as the only security their open gates needed. Yachiru was weaving flowers into his hair, but jumped to her feet at Yumichika's approach.

"Yun-yun! Kenny's been lookin' for you an' Baldy!" She moved to tug on Kenpachi's hair, but he pushed her down by her face and cocked his head up, jaw wrenching.

"You went to Hueco Mundo." Kenpachi grabbed Yachiru by the head and covered both of her ears. "Why'd you do it? You fuckin' crazy or somethin'?"

No use in denying it. Yumichika's jaw worked, then he hung his head in surrender, only able to squint at the ugly dirt as if it were a mirror. "I needed to prove a point." He hesitated, his face twisting and twitching, but Kenpachi spoke again before he could prevaricate further.

"Didja prove your point?"

Yumichika winced his eyes shut. "No." He pulled Ruri'iro Kujaku from his hip, sheath and all, and held it out in front of him, his hands shaking. "I didn't. And I can't stay." He made his hand release, and Kujaku hit the ground at his feet. "I'm useless to your squad. My body can't keep up with me anymore, and I've caused you more than enough trouble. Captain, please don't make any further excuses for me-"

"Shut your mouth." Kenpachi seized Kujaku and slowly rose up, rolling Yachiru off his lap and releasing her ears. He held Kujaku out. "Pretty sure if I kicked you out now, I'd get nose deep in hot water. And, 'sides, that ain't gonna last forever, and I ain't losin' one of my best guys 'cause I'm too hardheaded to wait for your body to catch up with you. I ain't that stupid." He shook Kujaku. "This is part of who you are. I ain't gonna deny you that, either." His hand was steady, grip firm, and he stood fast until Yumichika accepted Kujaku back into his hand. "Good." He then put his hand, heavy on Yumichika's shoulder like his long kosode, and recited a sentence fed to him by Hell Butterfly that morning: "For your unauthorized trip to Hueco Mundo, and for backtalkin' your superior officer, I'm remanding you to quarters for twelve weeks."

Yumichika's heart jumped into his throat, and he lifted panicked eyes to meet Kenpachi's. Kenpachi's visible eye betrayed nothing, his face flat serious. "Twelve? Captain, you-"

"Twelve weeks, or whenever the kid's born. I'll let ya do paperwork an' busywork, and you can join the squad for mealtimes, but other than that, you're in your room." Kenpachi folded his arms. "Captain's orders. Take your zanpakuto and get. I don't wanna see you 'less you're eating or stuffing envelopes."

Yumichika's fingers trembled, but he steeled himself and set Kujaku back at his hip. He could almost hear the spirit clucking at him, but he ground his teeth and bit back a blush as he saluted, about-faced, and departed for his quarters again.

He couldn't rightly tell if Ikkaku had told him the shameful truth, but Kenpachi's words had hit a whole lot of dark spots with light.

Kenpachi waited for him to leave, then settled back down, and Yachiru clambered back onto his lap.

"Just like Re-chan an' Ukki said! That was good, Kenny!" She grinned, and picked a few of the flowers from his hair. He chuckled and drummed his fingers on her head.

"Yeah, well. That's one problem down." His upper lip curled, and Yachiru's head perked up. "There's number two now."

Ikkaku came up from the back gate of the Division, and both of them could feel him coming. His energy was humming low through him, like a broad wave lapping across a long shore or a low note on a bass guitar. He was dressed in clean clothes, and he seemed locked down, as if he'd shut his own core off. He approached Kenpachi directly, and Kenpachi moved Yachiru off of his lap by her waist and fixed a narrow glare on him. "Alright, Cueball, your turn. Where ya been?"

Ikkaku's jaw set unsteadily. "I was here an hour ago for breakfast, but I had to go have a chat with... someone, y'know, personal business." His eyes darted around the quad. "Is Yumichika awake?"

"Just talked to him. He's on lock-down and limited duties for a while. Now I'm tryin' to decide what to do with you." Kenpachi folded his arms. "You ain't in trouble with me, but I ain't playin' around with you and Prettyboy anymore. Sort yourself out."

"Actually, Captain, I wanted to ask you about that." Ikkaku stuffed his hands into his pockets, and his chin dropped. "I wanted to ask for some leave time."

"Leave time," Kenpachi repeated. "Now?"

"I wanted to have some time so I could..." Ikkaku's jaw trembled, but he clamped it. "So I could get ready for the kid."

"Really?" Kenpachi rose an eyebrow. "Didn't think you wanted the kid."

"I didn't." Ikkaku hung his head, and a weak smile came to him. "But it's what Yumichika wants, and who am I to get in his way?"

Kenpachi sneered, and kicked his legs out across the grass. "Lemme pose a high pathetic situation for ya, Cueball-"

"Hypothetical, Kenny," Yachiru corrected, and Kenpachi grunted.

"Yachiru, if I wanted to cut my arm off, would you stop me?"

Yachiru beamed, and her fingers dug into the grass beside her in poorly withheld excitement. "Nope, I'd help you!" Kenpachi cast his eyes sidelong in her direction.

"Yeah, but wouldn't ya wanna know why?"

"It's 'cause only having one arm'd make it harder for you to fight, so you could have more fun!"

"Shit." Kenpachi rubbed his forehead, because damn if she wasn't right. "A'right, Baldy, if I wanted to cut my arm off, would you stand back and let me do it, or would you try and find out why and stop me from ruining my own life?"

Ikkaku cocked his head, confused. "I think you should be able to do whatever you want, Captain. You know what you're doing. What's this got to do with-"

"Goddammit!" Kenpachi launched himself up to a stand and seized his collar. "You listen to me. Do you seriously think the fruitcake doesn't want you in his life no more?!" Ikkaku stammered, and Kenpachi shook him. "And fucking hell, don't you think what you want matters, too? Don't you fucking want him, you stupid bastard?!"

"I do, goddammit, I do!" Kenpachi dropped him.

"Get out of my sight." He settled back down onto the ground, cross-legged, and Ikkaku steadied himself. "You'll get your off time. But you think good and hard about what you're gonna do, you hear me?"

"Yeah. Thank you, sir." He saluted quickly and bolted. Kenpachi slumped down against the tree and pinched the space between his eyebrows.

If all the other squads were so dramatic, no wonder they needed comfortable chairs and private offices to hide in.

He was almost ready to get up again when he felt little fingers on his forearm, and glanced up to see Yachiru crouched over his sword arm with a marker. "So, where ya wanna cut it, Kenny?"

Kenpachi couldn't suppress a toothy smile. "Yachiru..."

If Ukitake or Kyoraku could have heard him, they would have seen just how much Kenpachi did understand. Getting hurt in battle was all well and good, a mark of pride for them, but hurting themselves was over the line, even for him. Wounds like that went too deep. He wouldn't give much credit to the Fourth Division, but healing needed to start somewhere.

* * *

Renji bustled towards the Sixth Division office, only to find Byakuya waiting for him at the door with a closed leather satchel. He skidded to a halt and hunched over, panting, hands on his knees. "This everything I need, Captain?"

"For today, yes." Byakuya's brow furrowed, his expression neutral but cautious, as Renji caught his breath and slung the bag over his shoulder. "You're certain you'll be able to manage both your work and-?"

"Oh, yeah. Pretty sure this ain't gonna be the tough part. 'Sides, we got the nanny there just in case." Renji shrugged his shoulders back and brushed his hair out of his face. "I better hurry if I'm gonna beat him there. He said he'd be there just after he talked to his Captain."

Byakuya considered, then narrowed his eyes. "Don't let him wander in the house."

"Captain!" Renji moaned, rolling his eyes so hard he had to lean back. "He might be one of my loser friends and a commoner from the Rukon, but he's not completely un-house-trained!"

"Hm." Byakuya cracked a wry smile at that. "If he truly is less than house-trained, the west rear garden could use fertilizer. Other than that, I'm trusting you, Renji."

"Thanks, boss!" Renji grinned and saluted- he still wasn't sure which was weirder, being in a committed relationship with his Captain, saluting him while trying to remember not to call him by his given name at the office, or accidentally calling him Captain in bed- and turned back for home with the bag of paperwork slung around his shoulder.

He was halfway home before he ran the fertilizer comment back in his mind, and laughed the rest of the way there.

Ikkaku was waiting at the gate, one leg propped on the balustrade, toe tapping, arms folded. He was doing his very best to assume a grouch's demeanor, but the curl in his brow was all wrong. To Renji, he looked legitimately nervous. He lifted a hand and kicked off the post as Renji stopped at the gate, catching his breath again, red cheeks glowing in the light. "Wouldn't let ya in, huh?"

"Didn't try." Ikkaku scrunched his face up, arms coming tighter around his chest. "Why would they let a low-life in without someone takin' him?"

"Eh. Guess you're right." Renji waved him towards the main gate, and Ikkaku followed. He was actually smirking a little, as if just a little proud that he was still rough enough to be denied by the Kuchiki guards.

With the master's consort at his side, though, Ikkaku was admitted, and Renji led him directly to the nursery. The maid minding Taka smiled and rose from her seat, Taka still closed in her arms, when Renji returned. "Here's Daddy! He sensed you coming, you know?"

"Did he, now?" Renji laughed and took Taka, and touched their noses together. "Someone's got Mama's talents." He blew a raspberry on Taka's nose, and Taka giggled and shook his head. Renji promptly whirled around to Ikkaku. "Okay, senpai. This is where we're gonna start. You're gonna learn how to take care of Taka. He ain't gonna be as small or delicate as yours is gonna be, I mean, he's way different to deal with from how he was seven months ago, but this is a good start."

"Right. Crash-course in daddying." Ikkaku accepted Taka, and Taka babbled something in recognition, reaching for his shiny head. He grinned. "Okay, brat, what do I gotta do first?"

Renji showed Ikkaku how to bathe Taka, and both of them got soaked in the process. He fed him a bottle and a little bit of creamed sweet potatoes from a jar. Ikkaku groaned as it got everywhere, wondering aloud, "Why didn't we do the bath part second?!"

Ikkaku was surprisingly even-handed at the diaper change. Yes, he made faces, he gagged once, and he touched Taka as little as possible, but the diaper got off and a fresh one was put on without him freaking out or throwing anything. He brought Takahiro back over to Renji where he was seated at a little table in the nursery, face tight, and held him out.

"Your kid's gross, dude."

"All kids are gross." Renji didn't bat an eyelash, but kept at his work. "I had to herd a few littler ones around myself in the Rukon, 'least 'til I could get 'em somewhere safer, but it was awful work and I sucked at it." He scratched his chin with the end of his pen. "S'easier, now I'm a little more mature about it, but it still sucks. Still, it's somethin' ya gotta do."

"Yeah." Realizing Renji wasn't about to take Takahiro, Ikkaku slung him over his shoulder. "So, now what?"

"Well, my captain ain't as cool as yours, so I'm gonna be here a little bit." Renji made a few slashes of his pen with a little more force than he needed to, emphasizing the papers in front of him. "Go play with him." He waved a hand towards the toy box. "There's toys and stuff, you can just put him on a blanket with some of his stuff and let him tinker around. He's starting to crawl, maybe get him to race ya."

"Race, huh?" Ikkaku's face split into a wide grin, and Renji matched it.

"Byakuya said you can use the rear west garden."

That was where Jyuushiro and Emiko found Ikkaku when he arrived- having crawling races with Takahiro between flower beds and rows of infant trees. He caught a glimpse of Ikkaku's shihakusho between swaths of foliage, followed by Taka's red hair and blue coveralls. It was very clearly a race, of sorts. Ikkaku would bolt forward to the end of a row on his hands and the balls of his feet, then kneel at the other end and beckon Takahiro to catch up.

"Come on, champ, you can do it! C'mon and get me, ya little-"

"Good afternoon, Mister Madarame!" Jyuushiro spoke a little louder than he needed to, ushering Emiko ahead of him. Ikkaku clammed up as Jyuushiro, with a basket caught in the crook of one arm and Emiko holding his free hand, used his elbow to push the gate open for her, and Takahiro caught up to Ikkaku and crawled onto his legs.

"Ka, ka, ka!"

"'Zat so, ya little charmer?" Ikkaku laughed and caught him up in his arms, then waved to Jyuushiro over his head. "He was learnin' my name! How ya like that?"

"Sad to say, he may not be quite there yet." Jyuushiro continued his stroll down the row, then settled under a broad-limbed tree and placed Emiko on his leg. "He may imitate sounds, but it's not speech yet. I do know that Renji still considers 'ba-ba' to be his first word, since that's similar enough to Papa for him, and really, I wouldn't take away his enjoyment of it." He smiled benignly as Ikkaku came to join him with Taka hanging off his arm.

"Well, it's good enough for me." He swung him up into his lap and sat back, arms behind him, as Jyuushiro opened his basket up and took out a thermos and some teacups. "So, uh, you havin' a picnic, or does somethin' else bring you here?"

"Pleasure and business in one, I'm afraid." He poured cups for himself and Emiko. The tea smelled sweet even at a distance. "Renji suspected you'd be just fine with playing and feeding, but he thought you may have trouble making a sincere emotional connection with a child." His eyes glimmered as Ikkaku hunched over with a scowl. "After all, the only child you've ever known personally is Yachiru, correct?" Ikkaku's hunch turned into a slump, as he sulked, and Jyuushiro blithely went on. "Teasing like a big brother may be fine for her, and you're quite good at playing with her and accommodating her needs, but your behavior with her is not the best way to approach a little child." He stroked Emiko's hair, watching Ikkaku for any response, but he instead fiddled with the grass under his fingers as Takahiro squirmed on his crossed legs. Seeing that he wasn't getting an answer, Jyuushiro made it clear: "Renji asked me to help you learn how to engage with children."

"Yeah. Sure, I'm game." Ikkaku heaved a sigh, and sat up. He put on a venturous, cocky smile. "I'll make nice with the tots."

"I'm certain Yumichika will appreciate that." Ikkaku stilled at that comment, and Jyuushiro smiled as he watched that tiny hint seep through him like a drop of dye in cold water. "The first thing you need to remember is that children can be little mirrors, and will reflect the emotions you show them, and absorb their attitudes from there. The first thing you need to do is learn to look within yourself and recognize your own emotions, so you know what you are giving your child. Correct, Emi?" Jyuushiro turned around to her with a bright smile, and she matched his smile exactly, same shape, same size.

"Yeah!"

"So, start asking yourself:" Jyuushiro lifted his head to Ikkaku again. "How are you feeling?"

Ikkaku remembered Renji asking him the exact same question, and his eyes narrowed. "Like you've all been plotting stuff."

"Ahaha!" Jyuushiro covered his mouth to stifle a pleased laugh. "Is that so?" He adjusted his ankles under himself, tilting them out to make sitting seiza easier. "And is it so bad, to know that there are people who want the best for you and your partner?" His usual, personable smile slipped under Ikkaku's skin like a thin knife, but the sting just made him smirk.

"Nah. If I got any chance of makin' Yumichika and that baby happy, I'll listen to ya. After all," he mussed Emiko's hair with his palm, "you done alright so far."

"That is with cause." Jyuushiro sipped his tea, letting Ikkaku's glare wash right over his head. "Kurotsuchi probably chose me to test his experiment on because my relationship with Shunsui has lasted so long, and is built on an unshakable foundation. He knew we- as in, our relationship- would survive the surprise."

"Huh." Ikkaku felt those words settle over him, heavy, and lowered his gaze down to Takahiro's head. Takahiro, the spitting image of Renji except for the kenseikan and the pale skin, and something that both halves of him had planned together. They'd made him because they wanted him there, made space for him, and even if he wasn't a surprise, they knew they had a place in their hearts, and their love, for him. And hell, he felt gross even thinking that out. "I guess... if we're gonna have that..."

"You'll need to get your head in the right place." Jyuushiro clapped his hands together. "I don't expect you to learn to eloquently express your emotions and intrapersonal observations in words in just a few scant weeks, but it'd be healthy for you to learn how to act appropriately with your child."

"Whatever you say." Ikkaku clenched his fists in front of him with determination. "Just tell me what to do. Even if it doesn't get fixed, I'm gonna do what I can for him an' the baby!"

Emiko balled her little hands up and matched his pose and enthusiasm, exhorting back, "Baby, baby!"

"S'right!" Ikkaku clapped his hands together. "I'm gonna be a dad, baby, and nothing's gonna stop me!" Ignoring how Emiko's face settled into a pout, he leaned towards Jyuushiro. "I'm ready. Tell me what I gotta do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku references boketto-tsukkomi, also called boke and tsukkomi or a manzai act. It's a classic Japanese straight man/wise guy comic duo. The Tsukkomi is the straight man, while the Boke sets up all the gags by getting everything absolutely wrong, sometimes deliberately, and the Tsukkomi keeps correcting him until he runs out of patience and gives him a dope slap. If the joke needs further explanation- basically, he was saying their conversation couldn't have gone worse even if Ikkaku were trying to screw it up. And now it's not funny anymore!


	18. Happy Sunsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku and Yumichika finally share a few happy moments. Will they be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the other one I mentioned that somewhat came from a song. This one was inspired by "Lake Song" by the Decemberists. I listened to the album a lot while I was plotting this story, and every time I listened to that song, it was for our erstwhile heroes having a conversation at sunset.
> 
> By the by, special thanks to HadenxCharm and her awesome ask-yumichika-ikkaku askblog on tumblr! She's put up some really exquisite character analyses of Ikkaku and his relationship with Yumichika, which was very helpful in drafting this chapter! Go read the askblog! The comics are adorable!
> 
> Also, I would be remiss, as I have been for the past few weeks, if I didn't mention that the lovely Algernon Fenton has started up her Yumichika/Ikkaku part of her serial! It's called "Having Your Cake and Eating It Too Shouldn't Be So Difficult," and it's up on FFN and AO3! The first three chapters are already up. Go! Read it! It's much funnier than this story! But, please, still read this story anyway! Enjoy!

**18: Happy Sunsets**

Yumichika had spent most of the day in bed. He had little else to do, and little energy to do anything else with. The baby was energetic enough, squirming around and kicking as he tried to meditate or stretch. He imagined that the dear little thing had just sucked it all out of him, as good as if he'd given it a straw, and when he viewed his exhaustion through that scope, he didn't mind it so much. So, he did what little paperwork there was to be done and retired back to his room to rest.

Being off his feet for hours on end, even without sleeping, was a palpable relief. The most he had to do was send a Hell Butterfly to Rangiku: "Hey, sorry about yesterday. You still have time to talk today so I can figure out what to buy?"

Rangiku always had time for anything that wasn't work. She showed up in less than an hour and dropped right next to his bed. "What happened yesterday?"

"We had a great big fight." Yumichika splayed his hands back behind him to keep himself at a sit, rather than reclining to his back because if he let his shoulders hit the mattress, they weren't coming up until morning. "I think we've kinda got the animosity out of the way, though. It's... a relief."

Rangiku's eyebrows knit up, and she pursed her lips, clearly wanting to know more, but a quick flash over his face told her that asking would only ruin the uneasy calm he'd gotten. "Let's just review the list, okay?"

Yumichika had plenty of newborn and three-month-old clothes, but nothing for six-month-olds and on. Rangiku suggested he have more bottles and nipples on hand- "Never know when you might not have time to do dishes-" and promised to find out what sort of formula would be best. Diapers were a must, and a sturdy trashcan to contain the used ones. Finally, Rangiku had to shake her head over the crib. "It was an accident?"

"Yeah, I got mad, but what can I do?" Yumichika sighed and draped himself back against a pillow he'd stuffed behind him. "I'll make do, somehow. I guess if I'm careful, I can take care of it out of pocket. I'll just... go without makeup for a month or two." The very thought gave him shivers down his spine, and even Rangiku winced in sympathy.

"Oh, hon, I can help."

"I won't say no if you want to." Yumichika smiled gratefully, but it slipped into something a little more saucy. "Of course, that means you won't be able to afford makeup either, and you wouldn't want your wrinkles to show."

"Ooh!" Rangiku swatted his leg. "Don't give me crap when I'm trying to be nice!"

Yumichika laughed and started a comeback, but a knock on the door sent both of them silent. "Hey, Yumichika, I'm back. Uh, you here?" Rangiku mouthed 'Ikkaku?' as his voice echoed under the door, and Yumichika shrugged, eyebrows knit up, and answered.

"I'm here. Been here most of the day."

"I was out. Sorry I didn't check on ya 'til now." There was a rustle as Ikkaku put his hand on the door. "You doin' okay? Have you eaten?"

Rangiku gazed, rapt, as Yumichika uneasily glanced between her and Ikkaku's shadow at the door. "Um, yeah. I got lunch, and I found the breakfast you left for me." His chin lowered, and Rangiku muffled a squeal into her palms. He spoke roughly around a furious blush. "That was sweet of you. You didn't have to do that. Thank you."

"Anytime, beautiful." Ikkaku's expression sounded warm even through the paper. "I was just going to get something from the mess before I headed out again. You want anything, or you got it covered?"

Yumichika turned, helplessly, to Rangiku, and she made shooing motions towards the door. "Ah- I guess, if you're offering... maybe some of those eel skewers, with the sweet sauce? And if they have the string beans, I'd like some."

"That all? Pickles? Ice cream? That candied ginger stuff?" Rangiku was damn near dying, her face bright red as she laughed silently into her hands, and Yumichika's cheeks flared to match.

"That's all! Really! Go away, I've got company!"

"Oh. Oh! Hi, Matsumoto!" Ikkaku suddenly sounded a lot more stiff and uncomfortable, his voice jumping in pitch, and Rangiku threw her hands down, jaw agape at Yumichika, mouthing a disbelieving 'Don't tell him!' but Yumichika flicked his tongue out at her and smiled at the door.

"We're just talking about boring girl stuff. Thanks for dinner."

"Don't mention it. I'm gonna have to drop it off, though, I can't stick around tonight. Hey, Matsumoto, you hungry?"

Rangiku threw Yumichika a desperate plea with her eyes, and Yumichika nodded, encouraging her. She struggled for a moment. "Ah, I dunno. Taiyaki, if you guys have it? Maybe some of the eel skewers. Not much, gotta watch my girlish figure, y'know?" She winked at Yumichika, whose face burned in response, but Ikkaku chuckled weakly on the other side of the door.

"I'll be back as quick as I can. Just, hang with him tonight, okay?" His shadow vanished, and Rangiku burst with uproarious laughter.

"Oh my god, I've never seen him act so sweet!"

"Shut up!" Yumichika covered his face with his hands. "He probably just feels bad about yesterday. I still feel bad about yesterday. I hardly let him get a word in edgewise." He moaned and put his face in his hands. "He had just wanted to talk, and I didn't let him."

"Oh, boy." Rangiku hopped up onto the bed next to him, and set her hand on his shoulder. "You got it all out, right?" Yumichika nodded, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "It'll give him more to talk about when you do sit down and talk, right? And what you said, I don't know what it was, but it was something you really needed to get out, right?" Yumichika nodded again, and she nudged his toe with hers. "And here he is, being all sweet, getting you food, telling me to take care of you. You must've struck a nerve."

"He just pities me." Yumichika lifted his face from his hands and sighed. "It's alright. Better than hating me, I guess."

Rangiku rolled her eyes, because she'd listened to their conversation, and sure it sounded like he was just getting him a meal, but everything they didn't say told her something very different. "Just don't mess this up because you're down on yourself right now."

"Hey, Yumi!" There was a thump on the wall. "I got your dinner and stuff, but I can't get the door. Are you too comfy to get up?"

"I gotcha." Rangiku rolled her eyes and opened the door for Ikkaku. He had plates in both hands and a bag tucked under his arm, and he grinned at Yumichika from the doorway.

"Here ya go." He put one plate down next to Yumichika, handed the other to Rangiku, and mopped his brow. Yumichika took him in quickly- his clothes were a mess of orange stains, and he'd lost a sandal somewhere along the way, but he seemed to be glowing with happiness. "Eat up. I'll make sure the plates go where they're supposed to when I get back."

"Where are you going now?" Yumichika took his plate, all the while carefully studying Ikkaku. His body language, uncharacteristically calm, betrayed nothing.

"Renji's helpin' me with something."

"And where were you all day, at that?" Yumichika balanced the plate on his middle without looking at it, instead frowning over his knees. Ikkaku shrugged.

"Renji asked me to help him with some stuff. M'gonna be busy with him a while." He tucked his hands into his pockets and gave Yumichika a relaxed smile. "But I'll visit you at nights and stuff. Tol'ja I'd take care of ya, right?"

Yumichika's face took heat again, not embarrassment or shame, but- and he would never admit it- with guilty pleasure. "You did. I appreciate that, but you really shouldn't-"

"Like you're gonna tell me what to do." Ikkaku smirked, and tossed the bag from under his arms and into his hands. "Don't be awake when I get back, okay?" He swung the bag in his hands, whistling ad he headed for his room, and Rangiku shut the door and giggled in his wake.

"Oh, what?!" Yumichika threw his arms around his chest, then scrambled to keep his plate from tipping off its perch.

"He pities you, alright. He pities you like water pities flowers. He'd be all over you if you even gave him a hint that you'd let him touch you." Rangiku made kissy faces at him, and Yumichika nabbed his pillow from behind himself and pitched it at her.

"Enough of that." He groaned, and bunched his blanket behind him to support his back. "Let's just get back to business. Do you know anyone who can paint? I was thinking of painting in there."

Rangiku gasped. "Oh, like a mural? Or just some little frames you can hang? I could get the SWA to help!" She dove back to her spot next to him, cuddled up at his side, and the two ate while talking eagerly over plans for the baby's room and little things Yumichika would need.

They didn't talk about Ikkaku. Even when there was a lot to say.

* * *

The next morning, Yumichika woke to another knock on the door. "Hey, can I come in?"

Ikkaku! Actually being polite? Yumichika had to pinch himself, before grabbing the blankets he'd kicked off sometime in the night and pulling them up to his waist. "I don't have pants on, but I'm covered." Ikkaku took that as permission to slide the door open, hop in, and shut it behind him. He tucked his arms behind his back, and Yumichika could see him fidgeting. "Is something the matter?"

"Nah. Just..." Ikkaku smiled sheepishly, shuffling his feet. "Wanted to see ya. Y'know. Just us." He cleared his throat and folded his arms, straightening up. "You feeling okay?" Yumichika nodded. "You, uh, wanna get dressed and eat, or you want me to bring you something?"

"I think I can come with you." Yumichika slid out of bed, only half-remembering that Ikkaku was still there before he knelt down to fish out clean clothes from his trunk. He yanked the sheet off halfway through the motion and wrapped it around his waist as his knees hit the floor. Ikkaku laughed raucously.

"Oh come on, we're both dudes, and that ain't nothin' I ain't seen before!"

"Not like this." The words came out like a parry, and Yumichika pulled his long kosode on to cover the skin. His hands traveled down his rounder sides as he smoothed it out, and Ikkaku caught his meaning.

"I don't mind, y'know." He folded his arms. Yumichika snorted, and Ikkaku shrugged, still shuffling in place at the door. "I mean, you're always pretty, no matter what. What you look like isn't so important. If you think you're pretty, it makes you pretty." Yumichika felt his breath come short, and winced as he tried to catch his balance and rise. Those words... they felt too good. Ikkaku then laughed under his breath, and traced his shape in the air. "'Sides, your tummy's cute. It makes you curvy, like a fancy bottle."

Yumichika outright cringed, and forced himself to a stand. "I think I'm ready." He finished the knot on his belt, and put on a habitual smile for Ikkaku. "Shall we?"

He could feel every eye on him from around the room as he and Ikkaku sat across from one another at one of the corner tables. Ikkaku kept his head low, but every minute or so, he'd twist his neck and turn his around the room slowly, making his demeanor clear:  _Try me. I dare you._ Nobody asked them any questions. Not until after Yumichika had managed most of his meal and pushed his tray back, and noticed Yachiru standing at his elbow, eyes wide and gawking at him.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" He tried not to let his lip curl up. She didn't notice if he was successful or not, instead beaming.

"So does this mean you an' Baldy love each other again?"

Yumichika's face twisted, and he rocked himself off the bench to a stand. "That's really not your business. Where's the Captain?"

Ikkaku dropped his chopsticks and put on a scowl. "I'll take her-"

"I'd like to have a word with the Lieutenant, actually." He squeezed her hand as he took it. Ikkaku started to work up a protest, but saw the tight, difficult look on Yumichika's face, and swallowed it whole.

"Yeah, sure." He smeared his mouth clean. "Well, uh, I'll probably be gone when you get back, but I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Of course." Yumichika bowed his head to Ikkaku, and led Yachiru off by the hand even as she giggled under her breath and into her cupped hand. Yumichika escorted her in the general direction of the Captain's usual nap spot, then yanked her close to a building and crouched down to her level. "Yachiru, don't you know it's cruel to say stuff like that?"

"Huh?" Yachiru's eyebrows knit up, and her lower lip came to a pout, and no, she hadn't known. "But it's true. You said sorry, and it finally sank in, and now you're best friends again! Like I told you! So, now you love each other, right?"

"Yachiru-" The thought died before he could voice it, and he sighed. "Just forget it. It doesn't work like that."

"Hmmmm." Yachiru swayed her shoulders, and twined her fingers together. "I dunno. Why not?"

"It just doesn't." He shook his head, and tried to rise. Yachiru's gaze flashed over him, and she held her hands up over her head. He used her flat palms as a balance bar, and patted her head when he got himself steady. "That was surprisingly helpful of you."

"I'm very helpful!" Yachiru folded her arms and whirled on her heel, then laced her fingers behind her head and trotted towards Kenpachi's usual spot. "Kenny says so."

"I bet he does." Yumichika shook his head, and winced as a wave of dizziness followed the motion.

Kenpachi gave Yumichika a hard once over from under his favored tree, then grunted an order for him to take inventory in the pantry, and,"Try and keep your ass in a chair." When inventory was finished (which he did manage to do by scooting a stool around the shelves and snacking on ginger cookies as he went along), Kenpachi was nowhere to be found, and there was nobody else to tell him what to do. Yachiru was surely wherever Kenpachi was, and Aramaki told him he'd seen Ikkaku leaving the division just after breakfast.

"I heard he was on leave," Aramaki said, behind the cover of his hand, and Yumichika nodded with false understanding and glanced to the gates. Aramaki then stepped back, eyebrows a-quiver as he puzzled over Yumichika. "Why aren't you? You're due any day now, aren't you?"

Yumichika's gaze leveled with disgust. "Not for another twelve weeks." Aramaki blanched completely, as Yumichika's hand slid up to rest on the very noticeable swell at his hip.

"I- er- I'm sorry- ah, math, I'm just so terrible-! And I lost track of time, you see!" He stammered and fidgeted, but Yumichika tossed his hair back with an exaggerated sigh.

"It's fine, I know I'm huge." He absently scratched the bump, then laced his fingers to keep them from clawing himself raw. "I guess you don't know what else needs to be done around here."

Aramaki huffed as he set himself right and willed the color from his cheeks. "No, and there's nobody else who can give you orders around anyway. Why don't you just, you know, rest?" He flushed again. "And it's a suggestion! Not an order! Don't tell the Captain!"

Yumichika took the suggestion. He found a wide range of comfortable places to sit and read around the division, poring over some magazines Rangiku had left for him, wondering what color would look best on the baby, depending on if it turned out with his complexion or Ikkaku's, and if he should try and match their accessories from day to day. The day crawled by, and he eventually ended up back in bed with the baby book. His ankles were swollen from even short jaunts across the quad, and his back was sore just from being upright. Laying down felt too good.

He even fell asleep until there was a knock on the door. "Yumichika, I brought dinner."

Ikkaku had brought two plates, and sat on the floor as Yumichika ate in bed. "You must think I'm pitiful." He nudged some of his food around and adjusted the pillow he'd set behind his back. Ikkaku shook his head.

"Nah, you got a right to relax." He smeared his mouth on the back of his hand. "You're doin' everythin' for two and all, so you really should do, like, half as much." He put his empty plate aside and scooted his way up onto the bed. "Everyone goin' easy on ya?"

"Mhm." It sounded almost like a lament, and Ikkaku's brow curved into a worried little frown. He laid his hand on the quilt near Yumichika's, and nudged his pinky.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"Well, it's boring." Yumichika slouched into his pillow, sulking. "I mean, I can read a magazine a few times, but eventually I memorize it, and I can only paint my fingernails so many times before I run out of colors or nail polish remover."

"And..." Ikkaku didn't even hide that he was looking Yumichika all over. "Guess it's real hard to exercise, too."

"Even walking is exhausting. It's seriously embarrassing, you know?" He moaned, slouching further like a flower beaten down by the sun. "You must think I'm hideous, driven to being so helpless." Ikkaku quickly shook his head hard.

"No, no way! Seriously! You know you can't help it, right?" Ikkaku put his hand down over Yumichika's. "It's, like, you gotta do what's best, and, honestly..." Ikkaku felt a little queasy, but he said it anyway: "Seein' you, sittin' here in the sunlight, it's like, you got this, sorta... heavenly grace thing." The green in his cheeks went right to red, and he drew his hands in as Yumichika's bright eyes shifted from staring at his stomach in shame to roving over him, searching for some meaning in his words. His lips curved into a smile.

"What, have you been reading poetry during the day or something? Seriously, why'd you take leave time?"

Ikkaku got weirdly quiet, and Yumichika noticed him curling and flexing his toes against the browned insides of his waraji. "I just... needed time." He shrugged, then turned a smile to Yumichika. "Hey, gimme that foot." He wasn't the only one who'd been looking down, and he soon had Yumichika's foot in his hands and was wringing the ankle where it was swollen. "Captain told you to stay in your room, right? He didn't mind you wandering around?"

"I don't know if he saw me." Yumichika raised an eyebrow, wanting to direct the conversation back towards his curiosity, but Ikkaku dug the pad of his thumb into the ball of Yumichika's heel, and nothing came out but a moan, and he thumped his fist on the mattress. "Hell, keep doing that, just like that, that's fantastic." Ikkaku snorted, smirked, and continued.

They sat there, making mild conversation, Ikkaku patiently relieving Yumichika's sore legs and ankles until the swelling went down and Yumichika was a boneless puddle of pleasure. "Felt so good," he mumbled, as Ikkaku released his knee. He rubbed his hands off on his hakama, still smirking.

"Looked like you could use it. Hell, you've patched me up more times than I can count, and what're friends for, anyway?" He smeared his hands clean of sweet-smelling lotion. "Hey, maybe tomorrow night, I'll bring ya a pumice stone, smooth those heels down. You probably can't even reach 'em anymore, can ya?"

"Ugh!" Yumichika grabbed a pillow and whacked him. "You don't need to remind me of my pitiful condition."

"I told you. You ain't pitiful." Ikkaku pushed the pillow back, and in the same motion, pushed Yumichika down onto the bed. "You're perfectly fine, just the way you are. I just feel like spoilin' ya, is all." He grabbed the sheet from the bottom of the bed and pulled it to Yumichika's hands. "I gotta get some rest. You should, too."

"Sure." Yumichika turned to watch Ikkaku leave. "Goodnight." Ikkaku glanced back around, grinned at him, and shut the door behind him. Yumichika felt something release in him, like a ball of ice in his chest melted all at once, and he sighed with something between relief and despair.

Just sitting, talking, like they used to before or after sparring, as if nothing had happened... Yumichika had forgotten what it felt like, and he felt a sting of nostalgia as familiar as his own reflection. He wanted more. He wanted so much more. But asking would only lead to ruining what was already ruined further, driving his own face deeper into the dirt.

* * *

It was a holding pattern. Ikkaku came to see him morning and night, absent during the day but attentive when the sun was down. Yumichika, in turn, kept as busy as he could during the day. Rangiku visited sometimes, and when she did, she left him with books and magazines and usually some cute baby clothes she'd found out and about, and if his body let him, he'd putter around Kenpachi's paper labyrinth of an office to get the boring paperwork done (because god knew, if he let it sit neglected like it had when he'd been gone before, he'd never get it under control again). The rest of the time, however, was spent lazily reading or sleeping. He scarcely had energy for more. The days passed, unchanging like the shifting sands in an hourglass, but for, and gradually, Yumichika's view.

He was only getting bigger. He hadn't been able to see his feet in weeks, not without hyperextending something, and the stretch got harder every time. Now, recumbent on his back, he could prop a book up on the bump and leave it balanced open there for easy reading. Any distraction from just how fat he'd gotten was welcome, anyway.

But Ikkaku didn't care. Ikkaku came in the morning, knocked- really, like a gentleman!- and took him to breakfast. He was always a couple steps ahead of him, and more by the day, as walking got harder, but waited whenever he got too far. Yumichika couldn't articulate just how grateful he was for that simple gesture, itching his arms at doorways and breezeways as Yumichika trundled behind him, his feet blindly swinging forward and making each floorboard creak at each footfall. Somewhere between days, Ikkaku had stopped waiting at a table for Yumichika to fill his plate, and just led Yumichika to their usual spot at the edge of the room, and asked him what he wanted.

In the evenings, he returned, usually dirty and tired, but grinning from ear to ear. He was full of secrets Yumichika couldn't work out of him, with no word of what he'd been doing all day, but he'd collapse into a heap at the end of the bed and yank Yumichika's ankle into his lap.

Then, they'd talk. That was it. They'd talk.

Ikkaku would chuckle about news from around the Seireitei, gossip or stories he'd heard from Iba or Renji, as he massaged Yumichika's feet until they were boneless. Yumichika would try and guess what he'd been doing from the state of his clothes.

One night, he smelled like soap and had torn his sleeves up. Yumichika caught a whiff of cleaning bleach as Ikkaku had crept behind him to rub his back, his big hands firm on his shoulders and thumbs tracing his shoulder blades. "Were you having a fight with a washboard?"

"Eh?" Ikkaku's eyebrows battled for a moment, before he settled into a low chuckle. "Hey, I know how to wash stuff. Just, nothing delicate, or whatever. Hey, sit up, you'll give yourself a cramp like that." He adjusted Yumichika's back, and released a tension Yumichika hadn't realized was there until it was gone.

"That... does feel better." His spine stiffened without his say-so, but Ikkaku ran a finger right down the knobs.

"Relax. Just a friend, helping his best buddy out." Ikkaku grinned, though Yumichika couldn't see it without turning around to show just how flustered and tight his face was.

Most nights, the conversation was pretty genial. Yumichika, though, was having more trouble hiding his bad moods. That, or Ikkaku was getting better at noticing them.

One of these nights found him slumped on the bed, back down but his knees bent over the edges, eyes unfocused towards the ceiling, when Ikkaku knocked. "M'here."

"Ya okay?"

"Mhm." That was permission enough for Ikkaku, who strode right in and carefully slid the door shut behind him. He took a good, long look at Yumichika, and clasped his hands behind his back.

"You look down. Who do I gotta kill?"

"Nobody. Just leave it alone." Yumichika used his hands to get himself upright. "How was your day?"

"How was  _your_ day?" Ikkaku set Hozukimaru in the holder next to Kujaku, and sat down on the floor to look up at Yumichika. "I ain't leavin' it alone, tell me what's up."

Yumichika's brow wrinkled, anger seething under his taut, flat expression, and he folded his arms. "It's none of your concern."

"You ain't wearin' your makeup." Ikkaku was awestruck, but shook it off. "You're my friend, of course it's my problem."

Yumichika held out for a second longer, then broke under Ikkaku's stare, his face falling. "Do you know just how much weight I've gained?"

Ikkaku clamped his lips shut, because absolutely no good came of going down that path. Yumichika continued under his breath. "I have gained four pounds in the last week. I've already very nearly put on the recommended maximum for someone of my weight and height, and I still have another ten weeks in which to turn into a complete lardball."

"Aww, Yumi." Ikkaku clambered up to the bed and sat alongside him. "It don't matter. You're not a lardball, you're just really full of person. I mean, you kinda knew this was gonna happen, right?" He rubbed Yumichika's knee. "If it helps at all, I still think you look fine. I think your curves are cute. Even this one." His hand moved up Yumichika's leg, then landed on the roundest part of his belly, and his face wrenched as a smile pushed its way to the surface. It felt so warm. "Yeah, this is a nice curve." He let his smile blossom into a grin, and put both hands on the swell. Yumichika's hands twitched, fingers flexing in and out as if they were grabbing something, and Ikkaku gave it a slow, careful rub. "It doesn't feel like fat, anyway- ah, hell." He realized that Yumichika was staring at him, wide-eyed with shock, as if he'd just been hit in the face, and pulled his hands back and folded his arms. "Uh, that wasn't okay."

"No." Yumichika shook his head. "It's okay, really, honestly." With that, Yumichika tried to hoist himself up from flat on his back, using his arms to try and get some momentum, but flopped back down without getting his shoulders off the mat. "Oh, damn it-" Ikkaku slipped a hand under his back and pushed him up, and Yumichika sat up, then slumped, his face on Ikkaku's shoulder, the side of his chest against Ikkaku's breast.

"Uh, Yumi?"

"Shh." Yumichika lowered his head a little, his forehead buried in the crook of Ikkaku's shoulder. "I have a headache. It'll only get better if I keep my head in exactly this position for a little while."

Ikkaku frowned, but brought his hand up to Yumichika's head, then ran his fingers down through his hair. "So, uh, are you still upset about gettin' heavy?" Yumichika shook his head, and Ikkaku gave his hair another stroke. He could smell whatever nice stuff Yumichika used on it- must have been some sort of actual magic in the shampoo- and feeling Yumichika's warm, smooth skin under his hand felt the same as wrapping his fingers around Hozukimari's hilt- familiar, comforting, so,  _so_  warm. Yumichika didn't seem to have heard him, until he shook his head about thirty seconds later. "Yeah? Good." Ikkaku longed to crane his neck down and kiss him, just where his hair parted, but didn't. "Do you mind if I touch your tummy again?" There was less of a delay this time for Yumichika to answer with another shake of his head, and Ikkaku tried not to bounce like a schoolboy. "Yeah? Anywhere good?" Yumichika pointed at a spot directly under his breastbone.

"It hasn't been very active lately. Not for the past week. But I can feel something right here."

Ikkaku's hand landed right at the indicated spot, and he grinned when he felt something twitching under the skin, striking against his hand. "Pretty tough, huh? That's my boy," he whispered against Yumichika's neck, and held him just a little tighter.

Like a good friend would. Yeah.

After that conversation, Yumichika began to get a strange comfort out of confiding little things about the baby to Ikkaku. It was still his child, even if he wasn't interested in taking care of it, and Yumichika wasn't so blinded by his own exhaustion that he couldn't see that Ikkaku was at least a little curious about what he'd inadvertently made.

Some nights, Ikkaku would come in with dirt and bits of mulch on his back and sit right down next to Yumichika. "Has the tot been active today?" would be the third or fourth question, somewhere down past "How are you feeling?" and "What did you do today?" For most of those nights, and one of them in particular a week after the first time, Yumichika could shrug and smile and say,

"About the same as yesterday."

"The same? Not too busy?" Ikkaku's smile collapsed a little at the corners, but remained. "I guess if it's not changing, that's good, right?"

"I think so." Yumichika reached for one of the baby books, futilely, until Ikkaku grabbed all the books and offered them to him. Yumichika picked one and flipped to a wrinkled page with lots of highlights and underlining. "Yeah, it says that in the third trimester, especially towards the end, the baby will run out of room and be a little less active. I think it's coming a little early, though." He drummed on the swell a little bit, his brow forming curious little wrinkles. "I mean, I'm thirty weeks and change. I'm on the bigger side, but I know it's not all fat. I'm pretty sure my hips have gotten bigger to support all the weight, and I've definitely put some leg muscle on, but still..." He trailed off, and Ikkaku tried to look at the book.

"But it's okay for the baby to slow down? I mean, he's gotta work out, and get big and strong in there." He squinted down, and Yumichika glanced up from the page to study Ikkaku's face. Then, he turned a few pages back and turned it towards Ikkaku.

"Right now, the baby's about three pounds and about sixteen inches, if you could lay it out from end to end. These next few weeks are where he or she's gonna gain the most weight and muscle." Ikkaku nodded, as Yumichika patted his side with a little bit of pride. "In the next ten weeks, the baby's gonna pack on about four and a half pounds in muscle, baby fat, and all those important little organs. Lungs, brain, heart." He felt Ikkaku's hand snake behind him and land at the small of his back, and smiled to himself. "The part about the movement slowing down only really comes around thirty-five or thirty-six weeks, though." He slouched forward a little and shook his head. "So, I'm not sure."

"Hmm." Ikkaku leaned in, eyes closer to the page. "I hope he's doing okay. Little guy's gotta be big and strong."

Something struck Yumichika just then, and he frowned up at Ikkaku. "You keep saying 'he.'"

"Well, yeah. He's gonna take after me, right?" Ikkaku gestured 'obviously' with a turn of his hands. "Girly guys make girls, and tough guys make boys. So, he's gonna be a big tough guy." Ikkaku grinned, and Yumichika gawked in disbelief, before shaking it off and flicking Ikkaku's forehead with his fingers.

"Idiot, if you have to be as manly as you are to make a boy, there wouldn't be enough boys to go around." He shrugged his shoulders back as Ikkaku rubbed his head. "'Boy or girl' is just the Soul King doing a coin flip. How else do you explain people having both boys and girls, like the Kurosakis?"

"Huh..." Ikkaku rubbed the back of his head. "I guess I thought that was just 'cause the dad was right on the line... but your way makes a lot more sense." He chuckled a little. "Man, no wonder Renji thought I was an idiot when I told him that. He started going on about worms and chickens and stuff, and then he just stared at me like I'd popped my eyeball out of my skull."

"You told Renji you were sure you were having a boy because of that?" Yumichika made a choking sound in his throat, and Ikkaku scowled, because that was the noise he made when he was trying not to laugh so hard he threw up.

"Yeah- well-!" Ikkaku huffed and turned his face away, but squeezed his palm against Yumichika's side. "All the thumping I can feel, that's the little guy practicing his hakuda, so I'm still betting on a boy. Chips down."

"I won't stop you from taking that gamble." Yumichika closed the book and set it aside, and let himself settle against Ikkaku's hand. "But you should know that's not him or her moving. I'm pretty sure that's nothing but a heartbeat."

"It is?" Ikkaku's eyebrows rose, and his face split with a sudden grin. "That's a hella strong heartbeat!"

"Mhm." Yumichika smiled back- it was a little infectious- and sat back. "If you really like... you can try to listen." He moved to the tie on his belt, then flicked his gaze up to Ikkaku's. "Do you want to?"

It took less than ten seconds for Ikkaku to help Yumichika untie and throw open his kosode, and he pillowed his ear right against Yumichika's belly. He didn't even look at the hideous stretch marks or the weird dark line right down the middle, but he put his ear down like a tracker listening for hoofbeats, and grinned in a weird sort of bliss that he only ever wore when he sensed someone strong coming. "I can hear it. It's quiet, but definitely there." Yumichika cupped his hand over Ikkaku's ear, but realized his fingers were stroking Ikkaku's scalp down and around.

Those genuine reactions, that wild enthusiasm, that funny soft spot that Yumichika'd only ever noticed in his voice rather than actions, and only when Ikkaku was calling his name because he wasn't sure he was there. Beautiful, all.

* * *

"I feel like I'm making progress," Ikkaku admitted to Ukitake. It was another peaceful afternoon being spent under the big tree in the Kuchiki gardens, only with Emiko away playing with Shunsui for the day, but at Ukitake's behest, Ikkaku was trying to recount his conversations with Yumichika. "Like, I'm actually doing good for him."

"Is that so?" Jyuushiro clasped his fingers in front of him, unabashedly pleased. "That's good!"

"So, can I ask ya somethin'?" He lifted his head from where he'd hunched over Takahiro, who now lay sound asleep on the folds of his hakama.

"Anything, of course." Jyuushiro held both hands open, almost beckoning him. Ikkaku hesitated, then, slowly, slowly ground it out:

"You think... maybe he might... be open to bein' with me again?" He fidgeted with Takahiro's hair. "I mean, it's not like I need h... need to be with him like that to be happy. I just... It took me so long to see what exactly was rattlin' around inside of me, and now, it's stuck there. Even when I thought I hated him." He winced under Jyuushiro's apprising stare. Somehow, everything that man did seemed so light on the surface, but when he had a direct target, it sunk deep. "Even if he said he hated me, I don't think I could wanna not be with him. You think if I keep doin' right, he might... y'know, feel for me again?"

"I'm afraid that's not simply answered." Jyuushiro reached into his ever-present basket, pulled out another cup, and filled it with tea from his thermos. He passed it to Ikkaku with a flourish, then poured another for himself. "Love is not a slot machine. You don't put coins of kind gesture and word in, in hopes that affection eventually comes out. Love is something that must be nurtured and grown."

Ikkaku tried to wrap his head around those words, but that went as well as a snake's luck in trying to creep through a solid iron wall. "What's the difference?"

"Ah." Jyuushiro clasped his cup, his gaze turning up and away. "Intent, I suppose." He returned, shifting his shoulders forward with a touch of eagerness. "Love develops naturally, without real effort. If it's meant to be there, it finds its way into you, much like how Yumichika's affection for you grew uninspired but for your very presence in his life, and yours for him, the same. It's rooted deep in your heart, isn't it? I wonder if perhaps, it's not the same for him, and still there."

"You think he still might?" Ikkaku's jaw fell, but Jyuushiro hid a sly smile behind a sip of his tea.

"He's insisted the child be named Madarame, has he not? Love rooted that deeply is evergreen; it needs routine maintenance, but it's very hard to destroy unless the roots are burned to ash. Yes, an extended romance takes work, love, affection, sharing, nurturing and deepening of the relationship. But if it's going to come, it will come, with patience."

Ikkaku was about to agree, until a dulcet, sedate voice cut in from the garden wall. "It is not only fire that will destroy roots." Ikkaku turned to see Byakuya standing on the other side of the gate, dressed in casual clothes (as casual as a Kuchiki got, anyway- did the man own anything that wasn't made of silk more expensive by the yard than all of Yumichika's makeup put together?) but carrying a wicker basket containing pruning shears, leather gloves, and a canvas case. He pushed the gate to enter, laid the canvas case down by Ikkaku, and proceeded to kneel by a nearby row of rosebushes. Ikkaku sat upright to take the package, only to discover a warm bottle for Takahiro, wrapped tight to preserve the heat. He carefully maneuvered Takahiro up onto his lap, waking him up by touching the bottle to his lips, then turned to look at Byakuya.

"Whatcha mean, Captain?"

Byakuya was quiet, as Jyuushiro shifted himself forward. "Yes, Byakuya, what do you mean?"

The air between the two was tense, but Ikkaku sort of understood what was going on here. Jyuushiro had trained Byakuya, there was a teacher-student relationship, and though the student had now grown into a master in his own right, there was a careful balance of respect and personal regard against born-and-bred arrogance and opinion that gave Byakuya pause. That thought alone gave Ikkaku a whole lot more respect for Captain Ukitake, because who else could make a high noble stop and think? Byakuya, as sedate as always but with clear restraint in his tone, answered after a moment of thought. "There are poisons. There are pests." He lowered his gaze to the garden bed and began to sift weeds out from the loose dirt. "Many things can destroy even the strongest roots, and the same as fire, even something that once stood proud and tall can be lost forever. At that point, there is no use in trying."

"So, what're ya sayin'?" Ikkaku's back tensed, but he consciously kept himself calm to avoid disturbing Takahiro from his meal. Byakuya raised an eyebrow, his eyes landing on Ikkaku for scantly a moment, before returning his attentions to the sprouting dandelions and crabgrass.

"Merely that even a sapling of the highest caliber, the best breeding, born with infinite potential, will fail beyond rescue if it is planted over a badger's nest." He yanked a few sprigs loose, shaking sandy dirt from their roots, then smoothing the bed over. "It may take time for the tree to be devoured, and it may have long since blossomed and matured, but when it fails, it fails. One must instead turn his attentions to the garden that remains, even when its centerpiece is razed." Ikkaku's heart leapt, even as Byakuya sighed under his breath. "Or must I be direct?"

"Byakuya, you forget yourself. Do you not read the Communication?" Jyuushiro sounded oddly stern, as Ikkaku gritted his teeth to keep from snapping. "Our friend is not unintelligent. The man's an astute poet, despite his background." Jyuushiro's cool hand on the back of his neck was doing nothing for Ikkaku's temper, but he could tell he was trying to calm him. "You do tend to assume, don't you? I believe you have assumed a step too far."

Byakuya sat up, unruffled but his body language clearly wary of Ikkaku. "I merely think that he shouldn't waste his time on something that is lost. Jyuushiro, you seem to forget some elements of the big picture here." He flicked his gaze to Ikkaku, then quickly back to his work. "Your relationship was founded on lies."

"Take that back," Ikkaku whispered, then growled. "Take it back! Just 'cause he lied doesn't mean all of it was lies! He made a mistake, I've made mistakes too!"

"There is nothing wrong in acknowledging that this facet of your relationship has failed. Bury your dead and enjoy the friendship you still have." Byakuya shook his head, as Ikkaku grunted with disgust. "Instead of concerning yourself with salvaging a dead end, you have entirely forgotten protecting his very life." Byakuya's voice was sharp, accusing, and if he were meeting Ikkaku's eyes, he would have been glaring daggers. "Has he gotten attention from Captain Unohana yet?"

Ikkaku hugged onto Takahiro tight, his body wanting to react, but the baby's weight, so light, enough to keep him grounded. Takahiro whined, as Ikkaku snarled over his shoulder. "He don't wanna go. You know how bad he freaked out last time he tried? I ain't gonna put him through that! He'd hate-"

"His feelings for you will not matter if he's dead." Byakuya put his hands down and turned around to look Ikkaku dead on. "You're concerned with saving your relationship. Why not be concerned about his very life?"

"Byakuya, that's quite enough." Jyuushiro sat forward and carefully pried Ikkaku's fingers off of Takahiro's shoulders. "Let's put the baby down if you're going to lose your temper."

Ikkaku let Jyuushiro take Takahiro and set him in the grass beside him, but folded his arms around himself. "He's scared. He don't wanna go. He's been a lot better lately anyway."

"Jyuushiro, you know I'm not wrong." Byakuya stood up, dusted his hands against each other, then folded his arms. "I thought that was part of this coaching. If you- or anybody- fail to convince Yumichika to seek medical attention, there could be dire consequences for both him and the baby."

"Shut up! He's stronger than that!" Ikkaku's hands had balled into fists.

"You don't know that."

"Byakuya, enough!" Jyuushiro's voice caught, and he doubled over into a coughing fit. Ikkaku swore and grabbed into the basket for a kerchief, and stuffed it into Jyuushiro's palm. Byakuya dropped his gardening tools and bolted to Jyuushiro's side. Jyuushiro coughed deeply a few times, then smeared his lips clean. "I'm... I'm sorry." He bowed his head towards Ikkaku. "I must cut this short."

"It's okay, Captain. Lemme help you." Ikkaku moved Takahiro as Jyuushiro staggered to a stand, and Byakuya caught an arm around his shoulder.

"Do you want me to summon Shunsui, or Rukia?"

"That won't be necessary. Goodness, imagine bothering my poor Lieutenant for something as trivial-!"

"She will want to help you. I'll get you to the main house and have her meet you there." Byakuya unfurled his hand and whispered a message to a Hell Butterfly, though Jyuushiro quietly complained.

"It was a very small cough."

"A small symptom can belie much larger problems," Byakuya sighed, and adjusted Jyuushiro's weight against him. He then glanced back to Ikkaku, his stone-gray eyes crinkled at the bottoms, eyebrows furrowed with an unusually honest sorrow, and pity in his expression. "It was not my intention to upset you. I only hoped to impress on you how serious your situation can be. Would you kindly take Takahiro to his nanny?"

Ikkaku didn't answer, hanging his head again, and Byakuya's eyebrows wrought further. "Mister Madarame."

"Yeah," he mumbled, and scooped Takahiro up. "I got the rugrat." He lifted the boy up, and could see that he looked as confused as Ikkaku felt. Ikkaku mussed his hair and coddled him. "Hey, don't make that face." He put on a smile. "Captain Ukitake's fine. Your Dad's not mad at you. Everything's okay." He touched his nose to Takahiro's, and Takahiro's face split into a baby smile. "That's better. Let's go." Ikkaku put the emptied bottle into his pocket and started the long walk up the hill to the main house, a few lengths behind Byakuya and Jyuushiro. Jyuushiro noticed that Byakuya was wearing an odd, private smile, and nudged his elbow.

"What's with that face?"

"Hm?" Byakuya's expression flattened, and he cleared his throat. "It was... encouraging to hear him talk to Takahiro in the manner he adopted. Positive progress."

"Ah. Yes." Jyuushiro cleared his throat and disguised a stagger as a particularly big step. "I think... Shunsui was going to address the issue you raised. In a more tactful manner, one that the young man may be more receptive to."

"You think me lacking in tact?"

Jyuushiro chuckled. "No, certainly no. But I don't think you and Ikkaku are ever going to be able to have a proper conversation. Less likely things have happened, but this one may not be worth pursuing."

Byakuya hummed, and held Jyuushiro's shoulder fractionally tighter. "A great loss."

The conversation thread died there, but the words still echoed in Ikkaku's mind and bounced off of his memories of Yumichika in Hueco Mundo.

He'd never once considered that Yumichika might die before he did.

* * *

A few nights later, their conversation had wound down to a trickle. Ikkaku was taking his turn talking about the stories he'd heard around the Seireitei as Yumichika listened, his back to Ikkaku's and his magazine open on his knees.

"... Kyoraku was telling me they're talking about weird shadows in the Rukon. It's just rumors right now, and nothing out of the ordinary's cropping up, but if stuff does start goin' on and we gotta deal with some uppity Hollows again, you just know they're gonna send our squad first." He grimaced, and glanced back around at Yumichika. "I'll be pissed if the Captain tells me I gotta cut my leave short. Hell, especially if it comes up before you have a chance to recover all the way. Shit, if he says you gotta go into action before you're damn good and ready, I'll challenge that goddamn order."

"I'm all but certain that won't happen." Yumichika yawned and turned a page. He hadn't really read the last one, but his eyes moved over the makeup advertisements as if they could osmose without really concentrating on the words. "The Captain would find someone who is capable, and demote me as necessary."

"He won't demote you, dammit. And you'll be plenty capable once you've dropped that tot and had a few weeks to get back into shape." Ikkaku folded his arms, as something else came to Yumichika, and the magazine slid out of his hands.

"I will when the time comes. I'll get right back into action as soon as I can." He spread his knees to a butterfly-sit and carefully turned himself around. "But... Ikkaku... can I ask you a favor?"

"Shoot, anything." Ikkaku turned too, and Yumichika caught and held his gaze. He was clearly tired from the lack of focus, but Ikkaku could see a frisson of fear shaking in Yumichika's pupils as his gaze scrambled through Ikkaku's expression, analyzing every curve and line, before he spoke.

"If something... happens to me. If, for whatever reason, I don't make it back one day. Big 'If' here, I know." Ikkaku's eyes had widened, but Yumichika pinned Ikkaku's hand to the bed. "Ikkaku, if that happens, can you make sure the baby goes to a good home? That someone we know and trust takes care of him? Can I ask that of you?" Ikkaku only then realized his jaw had fallen, and snapped it shut to nod.

"Someone'll take care of that kid, Yumi." His voice croaked and rattled, and he nodded his head a few times, then pushed himself to his feet. "But it ain't gonna happen, so don't you worry. You're just talkin' funny 'cause you're tired. You need to get some sleep." He couldn't get the gravel from his voice, and Yumichika's face fell.

"I... I suppose you're right."

After Ikkaku said his goodnights, he couldn't get out of the room fast enough. However, he was halted almost immediately at the sight of Yachiru, listening against the wall. She turned her face up to his, big eyes round with wonder that, for once, was not laced with childlike mischief.

"You're gonna make sure someone takes the baby if Yun-yun dies?"

"S'right." Ikkaku nodded, and Yachiru cocked her head.

"That someone's gonna be you, isn't it?"

Ikkaku's head fell, and he circled around his Lieutenant, but not without answering. "Goddamn right it is."

The words had stuck with him, hanging close in his mind. Seeing Yumichika facing a monster bigger than him and even bigger in his memories, feeling his very life force wavering. Ikkaku brooded on it for days, sometimes even dropping off in conversation if he was reminded of it. Renji picked up on it, and advised Shunsui after a quiet meeting:

"The guy's useless when he's in a funk, Maybe we oughta try getting him in a good mood and pushing from that angle."

It was a few nights later, at the cusp of Yumichika's eighth month of pregnancy, that Ikkaku stumbled into Yumichika's room, dirty and out of breath and grinning like a wild man, and he threw himself onto Yumichika's bed, sprawling right onto Yumichika's legs. Yumichika grunted, but smiled to himself. "I take it you had an exciting day, running all the way here to tell me about it."

"Oh, hell yeah!" Ikkaku flopped his head back to grin up at Yumichika around his book. "It just... I just..."

_"... I just don't get it, y'know?" Kyoraku had been Emiko's escort, and Ikkaku was being as patient as he could as she decorated his head with stickers while still steadying a bottle to Takahiro's lips. Renji glanced up from the ledger balanced on his knees, then back down when Ikkaku explained, "I mean, I'm doin' everything I can for Yumichika, and I got some of the other stuff you said. I still feel for Yumi, real hard. I just can't make him love me back, and I dunno if I'm ready for the kid, either." Takahiro yanked at the bottle, and Ikkaku adjusted his grip. "The part I dunno about is that bonding stuff you talked about."_

_"No?" Kyoraku tipped his hat back and pulled his legs in. "Well, ya can't teach paternal instinct."_

_"Eh, I dunno." Renji continued scribbling, eyebrows up. "I had a little trouble falling in love with the idea of having a little one around, at first. S'possible it just hasn't sunk in yet."_

_"I'm taking care of Yumi, though. As best I can, still givin' him his space." Ikkaku shrugged, and Emiko leaned around his shoulder._

_"Hol' still."_

_"Brat." Ikkaku snorted, but sat back to the position he'd been in. Takahiro shoved at the bottle, and Ikkaku put it aside. "He let me hear inside, and he doesn't mind me touching the bump at all, and I like knowing stuff like that, but it's not like I'm thinkin' about the kid the same way I do him. I dunno if I love it yet, and I kinda wanna, so I can show Yumi that I do. And maybe then, he'll love me."_

_"It doesn't work that way, Ikkaku. Not when it comes to the baby, at least." Kyoraku chuckled and slid his hat off to look Ikkaku dead on. "When I found out Emiko was gonna happen, I was excited for it to happen, but it took actually seeing her little face for me to know for sure I loved her already. Feeling her soul, hell, when he told me about her, I thought I might love her, but then I saw her face and was sure. No, Jyuushiro was the one who was really in love with her from a tiny amorphous blob on up. Probably because she was living inside him." Kyoraku chuckled and folded his arms, and Ikkaku hung his head and moved Takahiro to his shoulder to rub his back. "But even so, you seem like a tough nut to crack when it comes to finding the heart under all those muscles. Might take actually having a moment with the kid for you to make the connection."_

_"You think?" Ikkaku patted Takahiro's back, his eyes turned down as he thought, as Emiko threw the empty sticker sheet aside._

_"All done!" She toddled back to Kyoraku and hopped into his lap. He hummed happily and wrapped his arm around her waist._

_"I know. You hang around as long as me, you get to knowing things like that." He kissed her forehead, mushing her curls against his chin, as she laughed and giggled about how his beard tickled. Ikkaku grumbled under his breath as Takahiro burped over his shoulder, then brought him back down to sit in his lap, rubbing at his face with the corner of the cloth. His bright brown eyes lit when they met his, and he smiled, half-gum, all-real._

_"Ii-kah."_

_Ikkaku, Renji, and Kyoraku all started a little, and Renji shoved his papers aside. "Is that for real?!" Renji's face split into a wide beam, and he leaned close to Takahiro. "Hey, what's my name, kiddo?" He pointed at himself, and Takahiro pushed the end of Renji's nose in._

_"Da-da." He mirrored Renji's expression exactly, a smile broad enough to match his, until Renji snatched him up and swung him in the air, making circles in the manicured grass, to peals of happy baby laughter._

_"That's my boy! That's my guy! I'm Daddy! I'm your Daddy!" He vanished down a hedgerow, shouting for Byakuya, but Kyoraku looked back to Ikkaku, still under the tree, his hands out, and a weird smile overtaking him._

_"He said my name first." He snickered, slouching over and rubbing at his nose. "How ya like that? Senpai got it first." Kyoraku noticed a tremor run through his arms. "I wonder... what it'll be like when my little guy calls me Daddy. I want that to happen."_

_"Oh, I'm sure it will." Kyoraku huffed out a short laugh. "Just think, big purple eyes, same color as Yumichika's, staring up at you just when you're doing normal things, feeding, or bathing, or changing one of those rotten diapers, and you talk to him, 'Daddy's just getting you dressed to play, buddy,' and then he repeats it, 'Daddy,' and it's the best thing in the whole world." Kyoraku mussed Emiko's hair. "For us, this one had a little fever, and she was miserable and puking everywhere and me an' Jyuu were so scared. But then, I'd just finished taking her temperature, and she grabs my hand and says it. I cried like a baby 'til Jyuushiro came home."_

_"You think he'll have his eyes?" Ikkaku hadn't even realized he was touching his own face until his hand dropped into his lap. "I wanna see him."_

_"I bet you do." Kyoraku smirked. "Bet you'll see that little face and just turn to concrete and fall hard. Then, you can just wonder what that little mouth'll look like smiling at'cha, and sayin' your name."_

_"I do." Ikkaku drew his hands into fists, his heart soaring into his throat. "I really do." He clenched his fists. "I wanna see that face! I wanna see it now!" He jumped up to a stand. "I'm gonna ask him!"_

"... I had a good day," Ikkaku finally managed, and patted Yumichika's leg with a broad, tired grin. "How 'bout you?"

"Mm. Same." Yumichika hid a bemused smile behind his magazine. "I was here, mostly. I've been so exhausted today, and I've got this headache that just won't quit."

"I was at-!" He cut himself off, and threw himself up to a stand. "And I-! Ah, jeez, Yumi, I can't even... God, damn it, I was hangin' with Renji and his kid, and..." He shook his head and held his hands out, struggling with his own jaw and tongue, before spitting it out: "Yumi, I wanna see the baby. Don'cha wanna see him?" He knelt down near Yumichika's face. "There's a beautiful little face in there. I wanna see, Yumichika, let's go and see!"

Yumichika couldn't even begin to compose a response, as Ikkaku took hold of his hand and shook it. "Just think, we can see him, and see how big he is, and know for sure he's a boy, and- and- Yumi, can we?" He nodded, scrabbling at Yumichika's arm. "I know Captain Unohana's kinda scary, 'cause she can even make the Captain shut up, but she ain't never given nobody no shit they didn't deserve, and hell, with you bein' so damn cute and all full of baby, how can she be mean to ya?" He squeezed Yumichika's hand, then laced his fingers and crouched a little closer. "Whaddya say, Yumi? We should go! I'll go with ya. I wanna go with ya!"

Every word Ikkaku had just babbled, colored by blind eagerness and maddened curiosity, was whirling through Yumichika. He said they were a 'we.' Talking about 'him' like he was there and real and already grabbing at their hands and faces. He called him 'damn cute.' It made all the muscles in his chest seize, then flutter, and he would have sworn he was having a bout of nausea, except he knew this feeling. It was the same one he had the first night Ikkaku curled up behind him, arms slung around his waist, and kept him awake, mind reeling. He was there again. He let his fingers instinctively clamp around Ikkaku's.

"If... if you really want to do it-"

"I do, Yumi, I'm tellin' ya, I do."

"I suppose we can, then." He pressed down on the back of Ikkaku's hand, and Ikkaku swept down to his knees and kissed the back of Yumichika's hand.

"Thanks." He beamed at him, and clasped both hands around Yumichika's. "It'll be fun."

Yumichika's eyes roved over Ikkaku's face, catching on the light twinkling in his eyes and his real, genuine smile. Everything was genuine about him. Beautiful. "I think you're right."

"It happens." Ikkaku kissed the back of his hand again. "Hey, I better let you get some sleep. We're gonna have a good day tomorrow." He sat up. "Hey, Yumi, uh... I..." Yumichika frowned at him, and he shook his head. "Never mind. I'll let ya sleep, okay?" He longed to wrap his arms around Yumichika and hold him, but he wasn't sure if he was ready. Still, Shunsui's words from earlier rang through his head...

_"... Oh, sure. You should go." Shunsui moved Emiko back to the ground, and she wandered directly to a flowerbed. "Might see if Unohana can check the rest of him out, too. You said he's been sore, and sick, and tired, and stuck in bed. She might be able to tell you how to fix all that." Ikkaku's excitement ground to a halt, his clenched fists releasing slowly. "Sounds pretty severe. More so than it ought'a be. She'll probably put him on formal bed rest, like you said he's been doing to himself now, maybe give him some medicine. See your kid's face for the first time, and get your Yumichika some care he really needs. After all, ain't that what we've been tryin' to knock into your head? How to really care for that guy?"_

_"Yeah..." Ikkaku rubbed his brow. "Yeah, it is..."_

_"There we go." Shunsui chuckled and pulled his hat back on, shading his eyes. "Now, why don't you go check on Renji and the kid? And try to remember just how excited you were to see that precious little face..."_

Ikkaku held tight to that thought as he said his goodnights to Yumichika and left. He was too restless to sleep, too excited to think of anything else but the next best thing he was going to do for Yumichika.

He wasn't the only one.

* * *

"That's all for this evening." Unohana smiled at the night crew, gathered in the central vestibule of the Healing Center, folded her briefing memo over, and offered it to the squad leader. She accepted it without a word, and Unohana glanced over the gathered face. "Dismissed to duties. I'll be in my quarters in case of emergency. As always, please never hesitate to-" Her voice caught, and her eyes darted behind her. "Ah. Never hesitate to call me. If you'll excuse me, I have a private meeting to attend to." She bowed at the waist, the evening nurses and staff bowed back, and she turned on her heel towards her office, hands folded at her hipline, braid swaying in front of her with every step.

As expected, her office door was left just ajar, a crack just big enough to cast a sliver of dim light from within across the boards of the walkway, and Unohana pushed the door the rest of the way open, then locked it behind her. "Poor dear, having to lurk around." She turned and faced her visitor with her usual smile. Nemu stood at attention in front of Unohana's desk, her hands trembling around the folder clasped in her hands. Unohana could see bruises stippled in her thighs and forearms, and a distinct burn mark across the side of her neck. "Did your Captain harm you, Miss Kurotsuchi?"

Nemu shook her head. "No ma'am. My Captain's office is heavily trapped. I only managed to break through his last line of defenses this evening, but took some damage for my efforts. I'll recover."

Unohana clicked her tongue as she approached. "At ease, dear. I'll have you discreetly examined and healed." Nemu shook her head again, harder this time.

"I'd rather avoid any evidence I was here, ma'am." Unohana looked vaguely distressed and even more disappointed, but Nemu held out the folder. "I only wish he'd come to you first."

"As do I." Unohana opened the folder to the first page, and her hands and fingers stiffened. Nemu hung her head, as Captain Unohana's eyes widened, and her whole body, every motion, came to a stuttered halt. She turned to the next page, her mouth coming open as if to speak, then snapping shut as she flipped a few pages further. She couldn't tear her eyes from the page. "Miss Kurotsuchi?"

"Ma'am."

"Your Captain deliberately withheld vital information from a test subject." Nemu shivered, her spine curving under the weight of those words. She could feel Unohana's silent reprimand through the manila in her hands, as Unohana finally jerked her eyes from the page. "I believe this is an egregious violation of the regulations, and if not, then at the very least a serious moral failing."

"With regard to regulation, ma'am, and with all due respect," Nemu paused to swallow dry air, wincing and watching her toes, anything but Unohana's face, "There is a clause included that permits withholding information from test subjects if giving such information could, feasibly, cause the subject to adjust his conduct and affect the results of the experiment. With regard to moral failings..." She dropped to her knees and put her hands on the ground. "I take responsibility. Please do not forgive me."

"Hm." Unohana circled Nemu and sat at her desk, and flipped through the papers until Nemu felt bold enough to lift her head. "Nemu, this could be very serious." She continued through the file, shaking her head. "There are countless new risk factors involved here. I'm afraid I've run out of patience." Nemu felt the air seize, then release as Unohana smiled. She set the folder down and unfolded her hand, and a Hell Butterfly appeared in her palm.

"Good morning, Captain Zaraki..."

* * *

Kenpachi woke up with the shadows of trees passing over his face and eyes, and something tickling his nose. He forced his uncovered eyelid open and nudged a Hell Butterfly off of his face and into his hand. "Alright, who do I gotta kill today?"

The sun was shining, the morning was crisp and cool, the grass a little bit dewy. It was- and Kenpachi Zaraki would never admit he felt this way- kind of nice. Relaxing. He liked it. If there was ever a morning Kenpachi was going to activate a Hell Butterfly without blowing it to a billion dust-scaled pieces, it was today. He sat upright, legs crossed, and focused hard on lowering his reiatsu to the lowest possible level. He gave it a tiny burst, and a pleasant, melodic voice sounded.

Kenpachi missed the first few words whooping in wild celebration. He then settled down to listen proper, because he knew that voice.  _"... I am reluctant to ask this of you. However, I must request that Officer Ayasegawa be sent to me immediately. While it is unorthodox to direct another Captain what orders he or she should give his or her men, I fear that Officer Ayasegawa's life is at risk if I am unable to examine him and advise him accordingly. I recognize that your men have a certain resistance to visiting the Relief Center without explicit need, and such an order violates some of the trust between you and your men, but please, remember that you act in the interest of more than one life here. Thank_   _you, Captain Zaraki."_  Kenpachi realized he'd been scowling at the butterfly for the entire time Unohana's voice had echoed from its twitching wings, and couldn't stop scowling even as it unfolded its wings completely and lazily fluttered up and away, off back towards the Fourth Division...

Kenpachi flung a fist out and smashed the butterfly against the tree for good measure, then hoisted himself to a stand.

"Alright, where's the bald bastard today?"

Ikkaku was already dressed and clean when he knocked on Yumichika's door. "Mornin', Yumi. You decent? Can I come in?"

There was no answer for a few seconds, then a soft groan. "I... I just woke up."

"Sorry to wake ya. I, uh, wanted to get an early start." He smiled sheepishly, and turned to roll his shoulders against the wall. "Hey, how 'bout you hit the showers, I get the two of us some breakfast? Nice cup of tea, maybe a few anzu dumplings?"

There was another long pause, and Ikkaku waited on tenterhooks. He heard a faint whine, then a sigh. "Yeah, sure. Just give me a few minutes to shower and dress. Sorry, I... I'm not feeling so good."

"No?" Ikkaku moved his hand to the side of the door. "I can help, if you-"

"Hell no!" Yumichika's bark rattled the paper panels, and Ikkaku jerked his hand back like he'd bit him. "I don't have my face on yet, and trust me, I need it nowadays."

"I don't believe ya." Ikkaku snickered, then dropped off the wall. "I'll be back soon, alright?" He shuffled away, wondering what Yumichika was doing behind the door.

Yumichika knew. Nothing. He felt like he was weighted to the bed by his wrists and ankles, and hardly had the energy to smear at his face with his open hand. He grimaced at the scaly spots of irritation on his skin and the cold sweat still beading on his forehead. His back was so sore he couldn't even dream of moving it, not without making something in his vertebrae snap, but he'd tried sleeping on his side and failed. He could hardly remember sleeping at all, just stopping in this position and giving up. He reached forward to rub his swollen middle. The baby wasn't moving this morning, and Yumichika winced.

"Wake up, alright? Your dad wants to see your face today. You better not be shy, okay?" He smiled to himself, and carefully rolled himself to his side. Ikkaku wanted to see the baby, that was a nice driving thought. It felt a lot like hope.

Actually getting to his feet, though. That... felt different.

Ikkaku, meanwhile, browsed through the buffet plates, bulldozing through the unseated members and loading up his plate with anything he thought Yumichika might like. He turned to grab himself a few rashers of bacon, but pivoted smack into Kenpachi. Ikkaku stumbled and barely caught the plate, and held it to the side to salute. "G'morning, Captain!"

Kenpachi's brow furrowed, then his face split into a predatory grin. "Mornin', Cueball. You gettin' whatever you need to get done, done?" He slapped a hand onto Ikkaku's shoulder. Ikkaku held the plate steady.

"Uh, yeah. Yes, sir." He stood attention, as Kenpachi folded his arms and surveyed him slowly, like he was sizing him up. Ikkaku suddenly felt smaller than dirt, and almost had to take a step back. "Uh, been keepin' up with my training at night, once Yumichika's conked out."

"Ah." It was as much sound as air, rumbling in Kenpachi's broad chest as he stood, still smirking. "Yeah, and where is your partner, anyway?" He squinted pointedly across the room, all the squads at long tables devouring their breakfasts, the men visible having footraces on the quad just outside the window, two unranked members having a scrap over the last box of rice crackers in the pantry. "I ain't seen him in two days."

"Yumichika..." Ikkaku rubbed the back of his head, bowing down and away. "Uh, I talked to him this morning. Saw him last night. He said he wasn't feelin' too hot, but I was... uh..."

"Finish yer sentence." Kenpachi's arms tightened. Ikkaku swallowed thickly.

"I was gonna take 'im to the Fourth today. Me and him, we were gonna go see the baby and stuff, have the baby checked on."

"'Zat so?" Kenpachi's grin split wide again, all teeth and nothing nice in it. "Well, I think I'd like to see that. Think I'll go with ya. "

"Oh, uh..." Ikkaku bowed his head a little further. "I dunno, he's, uh, he's a little nervous 'bout the whole thing. Probably be best if it's just me an' him, y'know?"

"Zat so?" His shoulders tensed, and he leaned in close to Ikkaku's face. "Then I'll walk ya there. Make damn sure he goes in. See all the pretty pictures when you're done." He loomed dangerously closer. "Or, if we're done beatin' around the bush-" He snapped an arm out and seized Ikkaku by the back of the neck. Ikkaku dropped the plate with a messy splatter all around his feet, and Kenpachi's teeth and eyes were suddenly too close to his face. "You take me to see him. I'm gettin' told what to do by other Captains, and I ain't dealin' with that shit."

Ikkaku grimaced as Kenpachi twisted him around like a doll on a peg and forced him across the quad. Yachiru spotted them and bounded up to latch on and scale, swinging from his arm up to be lifted to his shoulder with practiced motions on both of their parts, but even so, Kenpachi remained stern, serious. Too stern, too serious. Had he finally run out of patience? Maybe he'd sensed something Ikkaku couldn't.

Kenpachi deposited Ikkaku at Yumichika's closed door, then shoved him to stumble into it. "Knock." Ikkaku's eyes twitched, but he rapped his knuckles on the doorframe.

"'Ey, Yumi, you in there? I kinda changed my mind, we can get breakfast together after. Let's go wreck up the Fourth a little, yeah?"

There was no response. None at all.

Kenpachi's brow furrowed, glare fit to bore through the rice paper, and Ikkaku laughed in a high pitched trill and knocked again. "Hey, you decent? If ya need another second, say so. I mean, I don't hear the shower, so... Uh, you need a hand with your socks, maybe?" Nothing. Kenpachi's head perked suddenly, as he caught an earful of something nobody else human would hear: a faint whine.

"Move it, baldy." Kenpachi shoved Ikkaku, and as Ikkaku stumbled back and snarled a protest ("Goddammit, let me handle this!") Kenpachi pounded his fist on the wall, cracking plaster. "Alright, Yumichika, this stops. You got thirty seconds to put pants on and I'm coming in, and your fat ass better not even think about the window."

Still nothing, and Ikkaku felt ice creeping through his intestines all of a sudden. Yachiru covered her mouth with a soft, 'you're-in-trouble' "oooooooh," then started to count, and Ikkaku frantically knocked again. "Hey, Yumi, this isn't funny. I know you're in there, I can sense you-" He could, and then, just then, it came into focus:

That weird wavering his reiatsu had been doing. Just how weak his energy was.

"Fifteen! Fourteen!"

But Ikkaku was deaf to the count. He threw the door open, and as Yachiru quickly shouted down from thirteen to zero, Ikkaku took it all in like a snapshot in his mind.

Yumichika-  _his Yumichika_ \- collapsed to a tangled, unnaturally stiff heap on the floor by the bed, bedside table thrown down in shambles as if someone or something had crashed into it, makeup and combs everywhere. His chest heaved for every strained breath, his legs trembled, his arms splayed out and one hand crookedly bent in, holding a Hell Butterfly to his lips. Ikkaku caught the last words of his message:

"... Help him. Please!" His voice was weak, breathless, and died on the last word, and as the Hell Butterfly drifted up, Yumichika's body strung itself out completely and convulsed. His eyes rolled back in his head, and his locked legs and arms flailed and trembled, like a fish on dry land. Ikkaku yelled and dove in to hold him down, and Kenpachi flung an arm out and shouted:

"Yachiru, grab it!" Yachiru leapt from his arm and caught the butterfly from the air, then held it to Kenpachi's face. "Retsu, don't bother sending a team, we're bringin' him to ya, but for god's sake, you better fucking be ready for us!" He released the Hell Butterfly and vaulted the table, then scooped Yumichika right out from under Ikkaku. "We ain't got time to waste, let's go!"


	19. The Big Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku finds out what has happened to Yumichika, and it's more than he ever expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to all you nice folks who have left comments so far! You really do keep me going sometimes. Here's the moment you've all been waiting for: Yumichika goes to the Fourth Division!

**19: The Big Reveal**

Shunsui still had his indulgences. He went out drinking with his usual group a one or two nights a week, and even the responsibility of fatherhood couldn't keep him from skiving off his duties wherever he could. Of course, there remained one discreet luxury that he had to keep secret even from Jyuushiro.

Which meant doing it at work.

So, he slipped out of the Eighth Division gate during a lull, and glanced around a few times as he edged along the wall. Then, he took his pipe from his pocket. Jyuushiro had begged him to stop, but damn it all, he enjoyed his little bit of tobacco here and there! Never around Jyuushiro or Emiko, each with their sensitive lungs (albeit different kinds of sensitivity), but he could abuse his own body at will. He whipped a little tube out and tapped a bit of tobacco into the bowl, then lit it up with a tiny burst of reiatsu. Then, he took the first drag deep, and released the breath of smoke with a content sigh. Bliss.

It was at that very moment Shunsui heard a riotous noise in the distance but stampeding closer, then a blur of black, pink, and orange, and had to take it all in like a snapshot:

Kenpachi, carrying Yumichika slung limp in his arms, one big hand bracing his swollen midsection and the other trying to cradle his head. Yumichika, shivering and foaming at the mouth. Yachiru, arms twined around Kenpachi's neck and dangling off his back like a cape, singing "WEE WOO!" at the top of her lungs, over and over. Ikkaku, flash-stepping and dashing in bursts to keep at Kenpachi's side, and the two of them, screaming back and forth and stoking each other's coals:

"Shut it, Cueball, I know a shortcut!"

"There is no shortcut! Let me just- Hold on Yumi, we're gonna get ya there!- Captain-!"

"I know where I'm going!"

"Yumi can't wait for one of your adventures, the Fourth is this way, just go straight, let me lead!"

"Shut up!"

The mad parade came and was gone before Shunsui could remotely begin to process it, but was quickly chased by fifty or so unseated members of the Eleventh Division, shouting after their Captain and pushing everyone else on the path out of their way. Shunsui waited until they were long gone, though their noise still echoed back across the road, then looked at his pipe-  _really_  looked at it- then spun on his heel and strode right back into the Division.

"Hey, Nanao, either I need the afternoon off, or you gotta try this!"

There were Hell Butterflies on the wing already, one landing on the Head Captain's desk, received with a stout nod, with more to follow alerting him of the Eleventh's actions. One reached Renji, who could only swear, babble hurried apologies to the rest of the office, and bolt. They were landing everywhere, gossip in flight from everyone who'd seen the spectacle, but one, one significant one, had reached the Fourth Division scarcely minutes before any of them.

Unohana and an entourage of the Fourth Division's second squad were making the rounds through the Relief Center, stopped in an intersection between the intensive care and recovery rooms. Her voice, soft and dulcet as always, echoed on the close white walls as she gave instructions: "I'd like to ensure the eighth squad is making full checks on breaks. Even a minor fracture can be very serious, and no complaint should be left uninvestigated." She turned a few pages. "I've noticed some sloppy setting on so-called 'minor' fractures, and it can be very painful to re-set in exact alignment once it's been set wrong." She paused, turned a page, then made eye contact with one of the veterans. "Mr. Kirimaru, has your team completed the differential on the poison affecting-"

It turned out Unohana wasn't going to hear about the poison today, as a Hell Butterfly zipped in and hovered, wings fluttering and twitching urgently, at Unohana's shoulder. She pursed her lips, as she could already sense its source, but extended a hand to let it alight on her finger. "If you'll excuse me, this may be an emergency." She pulsed her energy to receive its message, and-

_"Captain Unohana!"_  Yumichika's voice issued, raspy, weak, and an octave high, wrung out of him by unimaginable, horrible force.  _"I'm sorry!"_  The second squad shared a titter, murmuring to one another and standing back, as Unohana frowned in concentration.  _"I was scared, and stubborn, and stupid! I know, I know I should have asked you for help sooner, but... it's too late. I think I'm dying. C-Captain, I can't see!"_ He shrieked in air, a horrid noise that echoed from the edge of his throat, harsh enough to make those nearest the message shudder.  _"I can't stop sh-shaking..."_  His voice now echoed, far too loud in the relative silence of the relief center, and more and more of the Fourth Division was gathering in the halls around them to listen.  _"S-such a hideous way to go..."_  His uncomfortable laughter stopped even Isane cold in her tracks, and she turned too, clipboard clenched tight in her hand and jaw coming ajar as she recognized where the noise was coming from. The message went on, as Yumichika's voice dwindled to a whimper.  _"If... it's too late for me... please... save the baby. I think... Ikkaku might like that."_  Even frail, there was determination in it:  _"This beautiful one deserves to live. Whatever you have to do... Help him. Please!"_  There was a wheeze, a beat of silence, then Kenpachi's voice.

Nobody even heard Kenpachi's message, least of all Unohana, or if they heard, they weren't listening. The squad members were all whispering amongst themselves, and Unohana could only hear Ikkaku's voice under the rest of the recording:

_"Yumi, babe, no, stop! It's okay! I'm here-"_  The message ended, and Unohana turned her lake-cool glaze across the gathered members, approximately half of the Division now, and put on a serene smile.

"The Eleventh Division's Third Seat, Captain, and Lieutenant are escorting their Fifth seat to us. Prepare an intensive care bed, an operating room, pitocin and dexamethysone. We may not have time to wait for either to fully take effect, but that doesn't mean we will not try." The squad had all snapped back to strict attention the moment she opened her mouth, and she carefully glanced from eye to eye. "Due to the high-risk nature of the situation and that it is affecting ranked officers, I will be dealing with this directly. Now, I need a team standing by to take Mister Ayasegawa from his captain's custody- ah, and there they are now."

The division scattered as a massive wave of energy pulsed through the Relief Center, rattling all the medicine bottles and IV poles, and Unohana calmly waded through the chaos to the front doors, hands folded, as Kenpachi thundered through the gates, Yumichika still in his arms, Ikkaku still at his side. Her team raced out past her with a stretcher, and Kenpachi eased him down into the sling. His fingers touched Yumichika's brow as he drew them away and straightened his back, and Ikkaku seized onto the side of the stretcher as the Relief Center officers rushed back for the door with Yumichika in tow. Unohana turned a hand over and summoned another butterfly.

"Miss Kurotsuchi, please consider this a direct order from a superior officer and a matter of life and death. Report to the Fourth Division immediately." She sent the butterfly off, and stood aside as the stretcher passed. Ikkaku was still talking to Yumichika in a babbling stream:

"S'okay, Yumi, s'okay, you're gonna be okay! Just stop shakin', it'll all be fine!" She followed him and the team to the intensive care ward, but as the team got him into the room, she tapped his shoulder, halting him in place and breaking him from the stretcher. "Captain-!"

"You'll have to wait-" There was a shout, and both Unohana and Ikkaku turned- Unohana with a tilt of the head, Ikkaku whipping his neck around- to see Yumichika writhing on the bed, his limbs and muscles twisting out, and Ikkaku cried out in panic. Unohana pushed him down by his shoulders, condensing any gentle explanation she was going to give Ikkaku to a single word: "Stay." She pivoted and followed the team into the open intensive care room, then shut the door behind her. Ikkaku reached out, only to find Yumichika out of his grasp. He needed him, but Ikkaku couldn't get to him. Again. He dropped to his knees and stared uselessly at the closed door, unsure what else he could do.

"Yumichika... you gotta live..." He squinted his eyes shut and tried to think of what Kyoraku would say...

* * *

Jyuushiro, knelt on the living room floor floor, buttoned Emiko's jumper, lips pursed, as Shunsui packed a take-along bag with snacks, drinks, and coloring books. "Are you sure it's alright to bring her?"

"If we end up staying with them overnight, I'll send her home to the nanny, but if his condition is that serious, I doubt Unohana will let him twist terribly long." Jyuushiro clicked his tongue, eyes low, and he patted Emiko on the hip to let her know he was done. Shunsui's eyebrows came together in a harsh V, as Jyuushiro hummed anxiously. "But I trust Retsu to move as quick as she has to to save the boy and the baby."

"Yumichika, baby, baby!" Emiko chanted.

"Yes, dear, yes." Jyuushiro turned back and kissed her nose. "The baby will probably be here tonight."

"Baby, baby!" Emiko pouted and folded her arms, cheeks puffed out with clear annoyance, and a different frown crept onto Shunsui's face.

He'd heard her repeat that every time someone said Yumichika's name one too many times. He dropped the bag and got down onto his knees as Jyuushiro sprung up to grab a few more snacks from their stores for Emiko. Shunsui, however, got close to Emiko to engage her directly, in what he would later consider the first intelligent conversation he would ever have with his daughter:

"Yumichika, baby."

Jyuushiro, nose in the pantry, went on, oblivious: "The man was in good health from what I could tell. One of our front line warriors."

Emiko shook her head, dainty curls bouncing. "Yumichika, baby, baby!"

Shunsui folded his arms, but held up one finger. "Yumichika, baby."

"Oh, certainly, she'll save the baby. Doubtless, it's what he wants." Jyuushiro picked out a jar of animal crackers, a tub of strawberry jam, and a bag of dried green beans, and added it to Shunsui's bag. "But I'm sure it looks worse than it is."

Both Emiko and Shunsui were all but ignoring Jyuushiro now, as Emiko shook her head even harder.

"Baby, baby, Daddy!"

Jyuushiro sighed with disgust, lifting both hands heavenward. "I just can't imagine what's happened!" He threw the bag shut with another put-out little grunt. "Whatever did Kurotsuchi do to him?"

Shunsui, however, looked Emiko dead in the eyes and held up two fingers. "Yumichika, baby baby?" It was Jyuushiro's turn to frown, as he turned back towards his lover and child, as Emiko nodded, tiny head bouncing up and down.

"You too, dear? Every time I mention him where she can hear, that's what she says, 'baby, baby.'"

"Yeah." Shunsui stood up, then patted Emiko on the head. "Smart girl." He turned halfway around to Jyuushiro. "Babe, you take Emiko to the Relief Center. I gotta talk to a guy about that." He crossed the room and kissed him on the head. "I'll meet ya there, sweetheart."

"Shun, are you-" Jyuushiro's eyes flashed with realization, and he seized Shunsui's hand. "I think I see. Be careful." Shunsui nodded and took up his hat, scarcely taking a second to put it on before vanishing in flash step. Jyuushiro swung the bag up onto his shoulder, then plucked Emiko up to sit on his hip. "Let's go see what we can do for Yumichika, dear."

"Yumichika, baby baby?" Emiko took a handful of his hair in her hand, and he sighed again.

"We'll see, honey." He took off in flash step towards the Fourth Division.

Shunsui, however, moved in a different direction.

* * *

Ikkaku didn't know how long he'd been waiting, kneeling at the door before heavy footfalls echoed behind him, then little hands snatched his shoulders. Yachiru vaulted off of his shoulders and landed in front of him.

"Hey, Cueball, sittin' here ain't gonna help Yun-yun." She tugged his arms, but he brushed her off.

"Hands off, dammit, you don't get it-!"

"Yeah," Kenpachi grumbled behind him. "But I do." Ikkaku caught a glimpse of his shadow first, before his arms were hauled up behind him. "Ain't nothin' sittin' here starin' at a wall's gonna do but psych you out more." Kenpachi yanked Ikkaku's dead weight up and forced him to his feet. "Retsu knows what she's doing. When they need you in there, they'll come for you. You gotta get your head straight."

"R-right." Ikkaku hid a fine tremor through his shoulders with a roll of his neck, and twisted Kenpachi off of his arm. "They'll come an' get me." He moved to follow Kenpachi, just as there was another flash past them. He caught a glimpse of Nemu landing from flash step, then, in a blur of motion, threw the door open and shut it tight behind her. He ground his teeth together, but followed Kenpachi towards a waiting area, as Yachiru began to babble.

"You ought'a see it! All the guys are outside, waiting! They wanna hear 'bout Feathers and the baby and everything! I even heard Hana sayin' they were worried someone'll start a riot if they don't hurry up an' make him better!"

"Yeah?" Ikkaku smiled at that. "Then he better be okay, huh?"

Renji and Jyuushiro were already in the waiting room nearest the intensive care ward, sitting with Emiko as she scribbled through a coloring book, and Renji swung up to his feet as Ikkaku came in, hand extended. "Hey, man, how you holdin' up?"

"Eh." Ikkaku clapped his hand against Renji's. "Waitin'." He sank into a chair, and Renji sank down into the chair next to his and perused him from toe to tip. His body was saying what his mouth wouldn't. Even slouched, he was tense all over and nearly shaking. Jyuushiro, however, moved closer and patted his shoulder, as Kenpachi stood back to post himself at the door.

"There, there. Shunsui sat in your shoes a scant two years ago, and he felt the same as you do now." He shook him around, making his head nod. "More than a bit scared, and stuck in the dark." Ikkaku shrugged his hand off and settled deep into the seat with a hard scowl.

"M' fine. Yumichika'll be fine. It's all gonna be fine." He cast a dark, sideways glare at Jyuushiro. "Where's Captain Kyoraku, anyway?"

"Ah." To Ikkaku's surprise, Jyuushiro covered his mouth to muffle nervous laughter. "He needed to have a very important conversation with Captain Kurotsuchi.

Ikkku's anger quickly dissolved into wary curiosity. "'Zat so?" He settled in his seat further. "Hope he gives him one for me."

Before Jyuushiro could chide him, Kenpachi moved from the door to let Isane pass. "Mister Madarame?" She half-bowed as he twisted around in his seat to face her. "Yumichika is stable. If you'd like, you can-" Ikkaku was on his feet and his chair was knocked to the floor, and he was at her side before she could tell him what he could do.

"Let's go-" Kenpachi grunted above Ikkaku, and he hunched his shoulders. "- ma'am."

Isane led him back to the door. "Captain Unohana will be with your shortly. She and Nemu are running a few tests and waiting for results. You can wait with him." She pushed the door open. Yumichika was laid out again, limp and unconscious but this time in a bed, at least, stripped down to a paper gown and covered with a sheet to his hipline, with tubes linked to plastic bags of clear liquid stuck into his arms and a plastic mask hooked up to more tubes fastened over his nose and mouth. A broad elastic band wound around his middle, with two odd plastic boxes flush to the tender skin, and more wires trailed from them to monitors with little paper feed ticking out of them. Ikkaku scoffed- or was it a whine?- but Isane gestured to a chair sat up next to the bed around all the machines. "He should wake soon. He'll want to see you." Ikkaku didn't move, but Isane decided to assume he needed a moment to absorb it and turned. Before she could depart, he caught her arm.

"Hey." He released her as she halted, and gripped his hands together behind him. "What're you pumpin' into him?"

Isane pressed her lips then. "Anti-seizure medication. Pitocin, to induce labor and help the baby efface. Painkillers. Steroids."

"Steroids?" Ikkaku jerked away, and Isane lowered her chin.

"To help mature the baby's lungs."

Ikkaku's eyes and spirit flared, his fists drawing in. "Hey, my kid's strong! Have you felt him kick?! He don't need no steroids!"

"Your  _child_ , Mister Madarame," Isane began, drawing herself up and in, "is a fetus at thirty-two weeks' maturity." Somehow, the authority and command in her tone, the utter impression she made, convinced Ikkaku that her words were more serious than his macho pride ever could be, and he shrank back. Isane, her tones clipped but firm, continued, "His or her lungs are far too small to support him or her outside of Yumichika's body just yet." Isane paused, letting it sink in, lips pressed tight and thin, and her voice surprisingly stern. "If he or she is to survive, then yes, he or she does need steroids. Ideally, we would have started giving them the moment we detected this particular complication, but I'm afraid we don't have time for that."

Ikkaku's head was busy with noise and fuzzy math, but some of it got through. "Out... outside? Y'mean..."

"Yes." Isane patted his back, her hand cupped and her touch so soft it gave him chills. "You'll be a father this afternoon." She took a step back, as Ikkaku stood stark still, frozen in awe. "Sit, please. Captain Unohana will be in shortly with more information." She turned and departed, ending the conversation and breaking the tension, and Ikkaku broke from the spot he'd been petrified to and turned back to Yumichika, prone in the bed. He took the chair there and wrapped a hand around Yumichika's. It was so, so cold. It near gave him chills just touching it. Instead, he let his mind rest somewhere else.

"Hey, y'hear?" He reached his other hand out to touch Yumichika's middle. "You're gonna be born soon. We're gonna get to meet'cha." He tried, fumbling with his own power, to sense for the baby, but all he got was a rush of sensation. Joy, joy at sensing him there, but terror at the turmoil rocking its once-safe little nest. "Damn it, Yumi..." Ikkaku forced himself to look at his face again. He was pale, expressionless, lifeless. "You're too beautiful for this stuff." He slipped a hand under Yumichika's palm. "But don't you worry. I'm right here, babe, I ain't goin' nowhere." He gave Yumichika's hand a wag, brushing it against the swell. "You're gonna be alright, see?" He used his empty hand to wipe some of the cold sweat from off Yumichika's forehead and around the mask. "I mean, if I'm askin' too much, say so, but I need to know you're hearin' this. Wake up and smile for me, beautiful." He pushed hair and sweat clear of his pallid forehead, then planted a dry kiss just between his eyes. Then, he sat back, put on a smile, and shook his hand again.

Maybe it was the kiss. Maybe it was the noise. Maybe it was the contact. Either way, Yumichika's eyelashes fluttered, then slid half-open, his purple eyes dulled but clearly aware. Ikkaku withheld a burst of excitement and a wave of dread, and toned himself down to an eager grin. "Hey, there ya are! Can ya nod if you can hear me?" He swallowed as Yumichika's eyes landed on him, and Yumichika gulped air, then forced a nod. It looked like it hurt him, but Ikkaku grinned on anyway. "Can ya see me?" Another weak nod answered, and Yumichika opened his mouth. Only a faint croak escaped, and Ikkaku shook his head and patted his cheek. "Shh. You don't have to talk." He took both of Yumichika's hands in his, and clasped them together. "You can do all the talking when you're feeling better, they get all these tubes outta ya, and our kid's here in our arms."

"Ik... ka..." Yumichika slipped a hand from Ikkaku's grasp to reach for his face, and Ikkaku caught it.

"I'm glad I found ya when I did. You actually kinda scared the piss outta me, y'know?" Ikkaku traced between Yumichika's delicate fingers. "Didn't like that. Let's not do that no more, yeah?" He gave Yumichika's hand a squeeze. "I want you to know everything's gonna be better. I... I know everything's been rough, but I've been tryin' to fix it, y'know? See, I was gonna surprise you." He lifted Yumichika's hand to rub the low fuzz of stubble on his cheek. "I was practicing with Taka and Renji, and Captain Ukitake's been tellin' all the stuff I need to do to be a good guy for ya. No more rough, rude old me, no way, I'm gonna treat you right from here on out!"

"Ik... ka..." Yumichika tried again, and this time, managed to squeeze Ikkaku's hand back. "Don't... fine... as you are..."

"Then why won't you say you love me, Yumi?" Yumichika's eyes opened fully, because Ikkaku sounded so  _hurt_. His head was hung, and though he was smiling, it looked like his mouth had been torn off of another page entirely and pasted on over grief. "You used to say it, all the time. It made me feel good." He hung his head. "I know I never said it back, and that was stupid of me, but I've been tryin' to see if you might say it again some time. If you might feel it again some time. But... you don't say it." Only Yumichika would have felt the shake that took Ikkaku's hands at those words, and he clasped Yumichika's hands again. "So, I... I mean it, Yumi! You, me, and this baby, we'll be happy, and I'll never let ya be alone again, 'cause I-"

The door flung open at that moment, and Unohana bustled in with Nemu at her heels, pushing a sonogram machine on a cart. Ikkaku had to break from Yumichika as Unohana approached the machines behind him and checked over the ticker tapes. She then presented Yumichika with a warm smile. "I'm glad to see you're awake, Yumichika. I'd hoped you'd be awake for this." Nemu had plugged the sonogram machine in, and Unohana carefully scrunched the elastic band around his belly down and swiped the taut skin with a cloth, spreading contact gel. Ikkaku raised a hand.

"Uh, that thing, with the screen, you're gonna look inside him now, right?"

Unohana nodded first, then spoke, as if to ensure Yumichika understood even with his mind fuzzy and his vision blurry: "I have to see what I am going to operate on." She seemed to choose her words carefully, but even so, Yumichika paled somehow whiter. She noticed, and held a hand out in front of her. "Don't worry. Caesarian sections are standard procedure." She flipped the machine on, but took a notebook from the cart. "Your condition is called eclampsia, or pregnancy-related seizure disorder. I understand you've been administering independent care to the best of your abilities, certainly, but eclampsia has no symptoms until the seizures begin." She handed the notebook to Ikkaku, medical notes and jargon that made no sense, but what he could read was, for lack of a better word, scary. Seizures. Lots of them. 'Grand mal,' and if he knew any Spanish, he knew at least those two. Unonaha folded her hands and went on, "There is a condition called pre-eclampsia, where warning signs juxtaposed with certain risk factors allow for diagnosis, and the onset of full eclampsia can be prevented or at the very least slowed. Unfortunately, there is no cure other than delivery."

"So, you really are gonna do it today?" Ikkaku laced Yumichika's fingers into his and squeezed, and Unohana nodded.

"It's that or risk Yumichika continuing to have seizures, which creates a risk of permanent damage to him and the baby." She flipped to another page to show Ikkaku her notes. "Vision loss, damage to the heart, possibly fetal and maternal death." Ikkaku didn't need to read her notes. That clicked with him. Yumichika winced his eyes shut, whining as if pained, and Unohana went on, her voice lulling and gentle despite her words. "You're on anti-seizure medication now, but the side effects have not been tested on a pregnant mother and fetus. I am loath to keep you on it any longer than necessary. If you had come to me earlier, you would have been put on full bedrest, I would have given you medication for your high blood pressure and pumped you full of vitamins and medicine to make the baby strong and prevent labor, but even so, I would not have let your pregnancy pass thirty-six weeks."

"Wh..." Yumichika cleared his throat a little, coughing back something unthinkable. "Why? F... Forty weeks, right?"

The sonogram screen suddenly whirred to life, and Nemu raised a trembling hand. "It's ready."

Unohana nodded to her with a grateful smile, and circled back around to retrieve the wand. "I mentioned risk factors. Those are things that come into play, things beyond your control, or at least that can only be controlled to a limited extent. The most significant risk factor that has been linked to pre-eclampsia is an enlarged placenta. The reasons for this have not yet been explored by known medicine, but there is a clear correlation." She returned to Yumichika's side and touched the wand against Yumichika, just below his navel. He flinched, either from the cold metal or a sting of bad memories, but fuzzy appeared on the screen. "An enlarged placenta, in turn, can be caused by many things. A medical anomaly, excessive weight gain-" Yumichika whimpered, but Unohana briskly continued over him without moving her eyes from the screen. "But the one of the most common causes, out of what I've read, is yours, if the data Ms. Kurotsuchi provided me is accurate." Nemu hung her head, as Unohana covered annoyance with a tight little smile. "Of course, you would have known about this if you'd seen a single sonogram picture." She moved the wand up, but Ikkaku could see Yumichika's face had fallen as well. He nipped an arm under the cords and took Yumichika's hand again.

"Hey, smile, babe. We're gonna see our kid for the first time together." He ducked under the cord and moved a pillow behind Yumichika's back to make certain he could see the little screen, then laid a line of kisses down his knuckles. Unohana, observing, merely smiled to herself, then at the screen as she found what she was looking for.

"Here you are." She settled the wand in a spot below Yumichika's right breast, and both Ikkaku and Yumichika looked to the screen. There it was indeed. A tiny face, blurry, but distinct, with a rounded nose, chubby cheeks, eyes closed tight. Ikkaku gripped Yumichika's hand, but before they could react, Unohana shifted the wand away. "And if I'm correct..." She set the wand on the opposite side of Yumichika's body, just under his heart, stopping on another face. "Here  _we_  are." A face, identical to the first, facing the opposite direction. Ikkaku's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach, and Yumichika's hand fell from his.

"That ain't just the other side of him, is it?"

"It's not." Unohana's smile somehow brightened, like glass being drawn tight and covering something ghastly. "We're going to call the right side A- _chan_  and the left side B- _chan_  until they are otherwise named." She slid the wand across, slowly, showing both faces in succession, and completely ignoring the mixed shock, horror, and anger crossing over both Yumichika and Ikkaku's faces. "Twin pregnancies more commonly result in pre-eclampsia, and possibly eclampsia, than single pregnancies. Double the placenta, double the risk."

"You gotta be shittin' me!" Ikkaku jumped back from his chair, knocking it over, and jabbed a finger out at Yumichika. "You mean there's  _two_  babies in there?!"

Nemu winced, because she saw Yumichika's eyes widen to a thousand mile stare through the ceiling as his anger ebbed back, but she took another folder off the cart and opened it by Yumichika's hand. Unohana fanned a few of the pictures out. "I am not, as you put it,  _shitting you_ , Mister Madarame." Yumichika's earlier sonograms, now laid out in black and white against the pale white sheets of the hospital bed, told the whole story. Each of them showed two forms, first two tiny blobs like raw eggs cracked onto a chalkboard, dark yolks in light casing, then two half-formed infants with tiny arms and legs, their heads too big for the rest of them. Two, face to face on their sides, their noses close. "As I said, if you'd seen a single sonogram, you'd have known."

"N-no..." Yumichika put his hand over the pictures. "Felt its reiatsu... Just one..."

"They are identical twins," Nemu explained, her stilted tones made more apparent by her anxiety, and she covered her mouth as soon as the words escaped her. Unohana, however, gestured for her to go on, as Ikkaku clutched at his head. Nemu bent over by Yumichika and took one of his hands. "Captain Kurotsuchi prepared your lozenge with a blank ovum frozen in meiosis- er, meaning it was preparing to duplicate itself and become two. It likely divided immediately after conception, forming two separate ovum fertilized by a single spermatozoa. The babies' reiatsu will be nearly identical, at least until they start to develop independently. Only someone very sensitive to reiatsu would be able to notice that there were two entities at all. I can only think of a few who are at that level. Captain Ukitake. A few members of the Kido Corps Elite."

"Ah," Unohana chose that moment to pipe in. "I would have, but then, I have other ways." She patted the machine, then turned her benign smile directly to Ikkaku. "Emiko Kyoraku has exhibited some precocious sensitivity, but I don't think the poor dear can adequately communicate such things."

"Oh, god." Yumichika raised a hand to his mouth. "She kept saying it. Baby, baby..."

"Oh, fuck!" Ikkaku wheezed, as if it had just hit him, and right in the gut. He clapped both hands to his mouth. "This can't be... oh, shit! I was hardly ready for one!" He stomped his feet, grabbing at his head. "Fuck- why?! I can't-" He threw his hands back, balled tight, and whirled on Nemu. "Why the fuck didn't you tell 'im?! He could die, did you read those stupid papers?! He could die, and there's gonna be two kids without a Mom- you almost fucking killed 'im!- What the fuck am I gotta do with-?!" Nemu launched into motion, and she seized Ikkaku in a headlock and hustled out the door with him caught under her arm, slamming the door shut in her wake. Yumichika, fully aware now, shivered, and Unohana gave his cheek a pat.

"Are you quite well?" It was a strange question to ask a man looped with tubes and wires, all but strapped to a hospital bed, but Yumichika's mind was elsewhere. He stretched shaking fingers out to touch the sonogram pictures of the babies that had grown under his heart, unknown and unseen.

"I didn't think..." He fanned the pictures out, his eyes wide as they took in every last detail and calculated all their implications. "It'd go this far..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be honest, who saw this coming? I'm pretty sure at least a few people realized it, but let me know what you thought!


	20. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku tests his luck one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big moment is here! Thanks to everyone who's read and commented so far! You all are absolutely wonderful!
> 
> Once more for good measure, you should totally check out Algernon Fenton's "Having Your Cake and Eating It Too Shouldn't Be So Difficult!" It's a mouthful, but it's funny, and boy, oh boy, has Yumichika gotten himself into some trouble in that one. I would also like to mention and make perfectly clear: while I have written this story based on her creations, with her permission, we did not trade notes and any similarities between the stories are entirely coincidental!
> 
> Oh, and Shunsui gets his last solo here. The song he is referencing is "Los Angeles, I'm Yours," by the Decemberists (yet again), but with the lyrics of the second verse adjusted.
> 
> Without further ado!

**20: Lucky**

A great rush passed through, sending Fourth Division nurses and orderlies stumbling into counters and shelves, knocking over carts and sending racks of medicine bottles crashing to the ground. Only the more perceptive could see the blur of black and blue, and a few hallways away, Nemu dropped from flash step in an empty ward, dropped Ikkaku to the ground, then pinned him to the wall by his forearms. "Kindly listen."

Ikkaku, his head still spinning, wheels turning, cogs grinding, still processing everything that had happened in the past three hours, only had the id sense to bite back. "Let me down, ya psycho! This is all your damn fault, you an' your psycho captain! You think I-"

"In other words," Nemu interrupted, uncharacteristically firm. "Shut up." Ikkaku let his mouth close, as Nemu squeaked in "Please," as an afterthought. He caught his breath, and she waited in the silence that hung heavy between them, and released his arms finger by finger to let him slide to the ground and shuffled back a step. "What are you feeling, Mister Madarame?"

"Feeling?" Ikkaki grimaced, because goddamn shit, how many times had Renji and Shunsui drilled that question into him? He'd gotten used to it, but here? He glanced both ways down the long hallways in either direction. All the doors were shut, and the nearest people were a good twenty feet away, but he knew the close walls carried an echo. He lowered his voice to a whisper: "I'm feelin' a lot, Nemu. A lot of it is scared."

"Mm." She cocked her head. "Why?"

"'Cause..." He stammered, then thundered on, "'Cause Yumi's dyin'! He's... an' both of those babies... shit, both... You stuffed him with two babies and didn't tell him, and now if they don't take 'em out, they'll die!" His fingers formed claws, and he dug them in on his scalp, squeezing as if his head were splitting open and brute force could hold it together. "Isane said their lungs are too small now. They could die, and then Yumi... Yumi'll die if they stay in... and even then... two babies, Nemu! How'm I supposed to take care of 'em!?"

"The same way he did." Nemu's finger came up as a beacon to draw his eye. "Instinct." Ikkaku felt the word curl in his gut, his expression shifting to discomfort and curiosity. Nemu smiled, and explained with a few gentle gestures. "I think you have an innate instinct in caring for others, mostly by being the strongest person in the room. It's unorthodox, but true. He's just the same in terms of protective instinct, even if it is borne out of his vanity and pride, like any peacock guarding his nest, and certainly, his love for you." She cupped her hands at her hips. "He nurtured both of them in his body on that instinct. This would have happened no matter what actions you took." Ikkaku's head drooped, but she touched his chin to lift his face. "Listen to me. It's a great deal to take in right now, but it's all out now. He's under the best care in Soul Society. Yumichika willingly and happily carried your child for you, even before you discovered you would want that, and surprised both of you with an extra, a second product of your love. All those 'coulds' and 'mights' are frightening now, but they're only that. Tiny slivers of possibility. I don't think they will come to pass, for one reason." She raised a finger again, gazing right into Ikkaku's face. "He's going to survive. You are going to be fathers. Do you know why that is?"

Ikkaku remained motionless, his eyes open wide, as she stepped back. "Because you... are lucky." She edged one foot out in a familiar step. "Oh, so lucky." She scooted the other foot out, then posed her hands. "None so lucky... as..."

"Me." Ikkaku thumbed his own chest to finish, as Nemu straightened her legs in with a nod and a smile.

"Say it. That's right..."

Jyuushiro, Kenpachi, and Renji all heard it echoing across the ward in vibrato: "THAT'S RIGHT, ME!" Then, thundering footsteps pounding from one end of the ward to the other. Renji scratched his head, as Jyuushiro raised a quizzical eyebrow in his direction.

"Don't worry, Captain Ukitake." Renji waved a hand. "Pretty sure that's a good sign."

Yumichika, meanwhile, struggled against his own exhaustion as Unohana replaced the fetal monitors-  _two of them, of course, how could he have been so blind?-_ and checked the ticker feeds. He tried to watch her, tried to read her face, but nothing was decoding. "Captain... Unohana...?" He slumped down in the bed. His adrenaline was gone, ripped out of the room. He slid his hands up to touch the exposed skin of his middle. "I... I'm sorry... Will... they...?"

"Yumichika." Unohana put her hand over his. "If I have any say in the matter, all three of you will survive."

"Feel..." He shook his head, clinking the tubes looped behind his ear. "So weak..."

"You are presently under a significant amount of medication." She moved the tube feeding the oxygen mask aside, then turned to check the volume in the drip bag hooked to his arm. "This medicine is preventing you from having another seizure at the expense of making you drowsy. The painkillers that are keeping you from feeling what I'm sure would be very painful contractions are only doubling that." She half-bowed her head towards him. "Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to implant a spinal block. Intravenous blockers were the only option." She then gestured to the first bag. "And once this runs out and wears off, I will have to put you under. I can't keep you on it for more than this dose for fear of adverse effects on you and the babies." She laid her hand over his and squeezed. "The steroids should have had a chance to strengthen their lungs, and then, it'll just be like waking from a dream to meet them. Do you understand?"

"Nightmare," Yumichika whispered, but nodded. "I... Ikka..."

"I'm certain he'll be back shortly." Unohana smoothed his hair back, then turned to sanitize and dry her hands. Yumichika squeezed his eyes closed, shutting it not, not daring to feel hope.

"N... no... just... if I die..." His hand dropped down to the bed beside him. "See if... maybe... he wants one..." He wasn't sure Ikkaku would come back, whether Nemu let him come back or if he would cool off enough to want to come back. He couldn't be sure he'd see him again.

Let alone hear him. And yet, just then...

"Babe." Yumichika's eyes opened, wide but out of focus, at that familiar gruff tenor. "You ain't gonna die." He could see him, could see him swaggering back into the room. He pulled Hozukimaru from his hip and set it by the door, then loped in and dropped back into the chair by the bed. "We're taking both of 'em home with us. I'll carry all three of ya." He took hold of his hand. "I'm back."

Yumichika took it in, then his lips slowly curled into a smirk. "Said you... would stay..."

"Yeah, I did, smartass, but where the hell am I gonna go?" He ruffled Yumichika's hair, then smoothed it back into place. "Nah, s'just... They drop a bomb like this on us, I just needed to duck and cover for a minute if I was gonna survive without exploding."

"You're..." Yumichika touched his side. "Telling me..."

"I know, kinda nuts." Ikkaku scooted in and put his hand right next to Yumichika's. "You only got one baby name picked out, yeah? We gotta work on more." Yumichika moaned faintly into the mask, and Ikkaku scooted his knees in and squeezed Yumichika's hand. Neither of them noticed Unohana chuckling into her cupped hand as she left the two of them alone. "Hey, hey, no rush on it! They ain't gonna learn 'em for a while." Ikkaku laughed and clasped Yumichika's hand tight. "We can talk all about it when you ain't fallin' asleep on me." Yumichika mumbled thanks and bowed his head forward, as much as he could without making all the blood from to his forehead, and Ikkaku shushed him and urged him back. "Relax, beautiful." Yumichika winced, but Ikkaku shook his head a little. "Ah, look at'cha." He mopped Yumichika's forehead with his hand. "Glowin' like a fireworks night."

Yumichika's eyes widened, and a few tears escaped.  _Those words... I didn't even have to ask..._

Ikkaku jerked back in panic, then slid the chair right back in. "Hey, hey, don't do that!" He dried his forehead and cheeks with the sheet. "No tears, babe. We're gonna be happy. I'll be right here the whole time, by your side, I'm gonna be at your back and right behind you. Won't go nowhere. 'Cause I love you, Yumi."

Yumichika's heart broke, because he, stubborn and vain, only then realized he hadn't needed to hear those words. Ikkaku said it a thousand other ways, "I'm with you," "I trust you," "I'm right here," "You look nice today." The tears came faster, and Ikkaku groaned and dried his face again.

"Babe, don't."

Unohana cleared her throat from the door, and Ikkaku spun back in his seat so both he and Yumichika could see her. "I'll be back in an hour. The seizure medication will last about that long, and depending on how fast you metabolize it, we should be preparing you for surgery shortly thereafter."

"Got it." Ikkaku nodded, then slipped his thumb between Yumichika's fingers and rubbed the slick skin there. "You hear that, Yumi? Just an hour, and we're gonna meet our kids."

Yumichika managed a smile. "Mhm." Unohana giggled and approached the heart monitor again to take the printout from the heart monitors again. Ikkaku seemed not to notice her, too busy teasing Yumichika's hair back.

"Hope you ain't stuck like this. You ain't gonna be you without that smart mouth givin' me shit every time I open mine."

Yumichika used Ikkaku's grip on his hand to pinch the nerve between Ikkaku's ring and middle fingers. "Shut up." His smile, though small, was as beautiful as ever, and Ikkaku didn't even swear as he shook out his aching hand.

Unohana, meanwhile, had finished her business and even cleared up some space around Yumichika, moving the machines so they weren't walling him in, and had halted at the door. "One last thing, and I'll leave you to have some peace and quiet." She laced her fingers, wearing a habitual smile that was clearly masking something else. "While we have no hard evidence of Captain Kurotsuchi's manipulations in this regard, if at any point you would like deprogramming services to eliminate any hypnotism or brainwashing, we do offer such therapy here." Her sweet smile took a sudden sharp edge. "That way, next time you are in need of medical care, you will not feel compelled to avoid me and deteriorate to the point of needing to be carried in." Yumichika's chin dropped to his chest, his voice very small.

"I take responsibility. Reprimand... later, please?"

Ikkaku patted Yumichika's hand. "Yumi, no-"

Unohana's smile had downshifted to its usual, genial bent, and her voice lilted to match: "If there is to be a reprimand, that is your Captain's job, not mine. Your Captain, by the by, is waiting with several others to meet your children." Yumichika incrementally relaxed, and Ikkaku stroked his hand slowly. "Mister Madarame, there is a red buzzer just behind Mister Ayasegawa's head. If there is an emergency of any kind, do not hesitate to press it. If Mister Ayasegawa should need water, ice, towels, anything to make the next span of time more comfortable, all you need do is ask. The nurse's station-" She stepped back and pointed. "One flash step that way." She gave them a final, reassuring beam. "I'll see you two shortly." She turned on her heel and departed, closing the door behind her, but waited at the wall until she heard Ikkaku talking to Yumichika.

"Hey, do ya need anything? Water? A pillow for your feet or something? Just say the word, I'll show ya how fast I flash step and get you squared away..." Unohana didn't hear Yumichika's response, but let a private, pleased smile come to her lips before strolling away.

* * *

Kenpachi paced the waiting room like a lumbering giant guarding his golden goose, crossing the patch of noontide sunlight and casting a shadow like a great, proud lion across the tiles. Renji half-watched him, half-tried to focus on the paperwork in his lap. Jyuushiro had Emiko in his lap (to Renji's jealousy, as she was a much more favorable option to records requisitions), the toddler having had a full lunch and now enjoying her afternoon nap. Jyuushiro seemed to be meditating, his thin fingers tracing Sougyo Kotowari's hilt at his hip. However, he roused suddenly and straightened his back just as Captain Unohana crossed the threshold. "Retsu, how is the young man?"

Renji, too, sat up completely. "How's senpai?"

Kenpachi, without a word, pivoted to face her and grunted. Unohana stifled a giggle with her palm. "No need for killing intent, Mister Zaraki." Her soft gaze traveled the room and its occupants. "Yumichika is stable. However, the medicine keeping him stable is a short-term solution. The only permanent solution is to deliver the babies, so when-"

"Babies?!" Renji squawked, his jaw hanging slack.

Jyuushiro snapped his fingers. "That rotten snake! I should have guessed he would have-"

"Babies?" Kenpachi's lip curled. "There's gonna be more than one?" Emiko's eyes blinked open at the outburst of noise, and she giggled into Jyuushiro's shoulder, sounding especially smug and satisfied:

"Baby, baby."

Unohana folded her hands and shifted a step in to tousle her curls. "Yes, precisely." All three men shifted positions, Kenpachi dropping back against the wall, Renji slumping over and digging his fingers into his hair, Jyuushiro covering his mouth with one hand. She hardened her gaze a touch as she looked over them. "If there is anyone else who might want to be here, I'd summon them now. I'll inform Yachiru and the rest of the Eleventh Division currently occupying our front yard. We've about an hour to wait, and we'll play it by ear as we go."

"Message received." Renji dropped his paperwork, jumped to his feet, and saluted. "Thanks, Captain!" He hurried to the hall, already summoning a Hell Butterfly. "Captain, it's me, and this ain't a drill. Yumichika's having twins, and today. I dunno when I'm gonna be home..."

"Retsu," Kenpachi grumbled, trudging towards her. He glared back at Jyuushiro in the chair behind him, and Jyuushiro averted his gaze, so Kenpachi could face Unohana. "Look, these are my best guys. I'd rather them come out of this alright, you got me?"

"Understood, Captain Zaraki." Unohana was unshaken under his stare, even though she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes. "I'm fully confident my team and I can handle this and have Yumichika back on his feet, ready to fight again, soon." To his surprise, she captured his long, gnarled hand between both of hers. "Your Fifth and Fourth seats will be perfectly safe under my care."

He nodded, and she smiled again and departed. She knew words were traveling over her head again, and things she couldn't see were coming to pass. If she was going to beat the clock, she had much to do.

Word took wing across the Seireitei once more. Byakuya received his Hell Butterfly first, and frowned as it finished Renji's message. "Abarai, you assume too much." He dismissed it with a flip of his hand, closed the book on his desk, and hurried to his feet, already summoning a Hell Butterfly anew. "Hanako, kindly prepare Takahiro for travel. I will arrive to retrieve him shortly."

Shuhei, too, got one, and didn't look up from his work to touch it.  _"Yo, Hisagi! Yumichika's having the baby today. Er. Babies. Two."_  Shuhei stopped at that, his pen falling from his frozen hand, and Captain Muguruma glanced up from the evaluations in his hand as Renji continued. _"So, you probably heard about the uproar in the Eleventh, and they're all here and they're pissed. I'm calling in Iba to help keep them cool before they start tearing up the Fourth's gardens, think you can help cool this off? Countin' on ya, dude."_  The message ended there, and Shuhei scoffed.

"Stupid- ugh, god damn it- I need to-" He glanced to Kensei. "Captain Muguruma, permission to-"

Kensei chuckled. "Go, see your friends. Bring pictures." Shuhei pushed his pen back and flash-stepped out, but not to the Fourth.

The Tenth Division office was the same as always, Captain Hitsugaya leading practice with his top squad in the dojo, while Rangiku kicked her feet back, nail file out, her eyes on her hands rather than Toshiro's practiced motions of advanced zanjutsu. She ignored his quiet griping as the rest of the squad followed him. "Not like there's anything you could be doing if you're not going to practice, no, just..."

The hell butterfly appeared mid-gripe, hovering near Rangiku's shoulder. Toshiro scoffed. "Can you at least answer that?" Rangiku hummed and tapped the butterfly, and it let Renji's message be heard:

_"Lieutenant Matsumoto, there's been an emergency with Yumichika."_  Rangiku put her file down, at full attention all at once.  _"He was having seizures. They're gonna deliver him today, and, surprise to everyone but Captain Kurotsuchi, it's twins. If you're not too busy, it'd be awesome if you could bring him some spare clothes, like an overnight bag or something, and maybe some of the babies' stuff."_ The message ended, and Rangiku had both hands pressed to her mouth, halfway choked up. The squad had dropped practicing, and Toshiro had his hand over his face.

"Matsumoto, enjoy what I'm about to say, because this is literally the only situation I can think of where you're going to hear it from me." He pointed to the door. "Get out of the office and go see your friends!"

Rangiku didn't need to be told twice. Shuhei was already waiting at the gate, and she hooked his elbow in her arm. "Shuhei, we're going shopping, then we're getting Yumichika a change of clothes, and then, we're going to meet those babies!" She hauled him off, and Shuhei tried hard to look put off while unable to hold back a chuckle.

"Well, I don't have any better plans."

Word continued to spread, out of the Fourth and through the rest of the Seireitei rumor even reaching the Twelfth Division. Captain Kurotsuchi caught whispers of it on his rounds through the necro-chem lab, and grimaced. He broke from his routine and bolted for his office.

"Where is that fool girl?"

He knew his way through his own booby traps as well as the patterns of his face makeup, but none of them involved music. Yet, he still heard music from behind his office door, amused song in a too-familiar voice. " _Oh ladies, pleasant and demure, sallow-cheeked and sure..._ " There was a rustle of paper, a chuckle, then, " _I can see your undies._ " Kurotsuchi felt a blaze of rage burn up through his throat, and he flung the door open, just to find all his traps undone and Captain Kyoraku seated at his desk, flipping through his files and humming to himself. " _And that poor boy you dragged about, no empty fallow now, for scarcely thirty Mondays..._ " He closed the file and turned an even smile up at Kurotsuchi as coolly as if they were having afternoon tea. "Thought you'd get here about now. You'll be pleased to know I didn't get through your traps. You'll be proud to know your Lieutenant did. You'll be disappointed to hear she let me in." He clicked his tongue as Kurotsuchi balled his fists tight. "Not to worry, though, I've already given her a very stern reprimand. Admonished her very thoroughly, I did. Then gave her a pardon."

Kurotsuchi's fists shook, his voice quavering in his apoplexy, "Captain Kyoraku, the Head Captain will hear of this transgression, this, this invasion of my privacy!"

"Oh, I'm sure he will. Your side, anyway. I've already sent him a message with mine. But go on, tattle." Kyoraku put his hat over his heart. "And I'll apologize. And mean it." He then held the file under his hand up. "And I'll give him a full report, including a full review of the papers I read. The file on the Ayasegawa experiments, to be specific. An enthralling read." He tossed it at Kurotsuchi's feet, sending notes askew, then sat back, his even tone belying the utter disgust now apparent on his face. "I liked the part where you drugged him with chemicals you'd previously been forbidden to use to see if you could slow the babies' growth. Oh, and identical twins, brilliant touch on your part. Two test subjects, as identical as human subjects can get." He clicked his tongue with clear disdain. "Makes it real easy to compare, eh? Actual results, little risk of freak accidents." Kurotsuchi was slouched, but it wasn't with shame. He just hated every word coming out of Kyoraku's mouth, and though Kyoraku could see he wasn't bending to his taunts, he could read enough to know that the man wasn't shaking with anger. He slammed both hands flat on the desk, but Kurotsuchi remained stiff, unrattled, even as Kyoraku growled, "Let's settle up."

"Oh, and what could you possible offer me? Drunken dullard!" Kurotsuchi spit on Kyoraku's feet under the desk. Kyoraku wiped it off with some of the other papers around him, to squawked protest.

"I can offer your plenty." Kyoraku sat back and propped his feet on the desk, to further squawking. "New recruits, say." He rocked on the back two legs of the chair. "You've been a little short since the incident, haven't you? Few quitters, few transfers, few injuries, and never enough hands anyway. But thing is, I can arrange transfers, what with my seniority and all, and whaddya know, I'm more than a little familiar with some fellas who could use a transfer! Bunch'a bright, curious young bucks from the Eleventh."

Kurotsuchi's eyes widened at this. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, come come, don't be shy, you've had transfers from there before." Shunsui gave the chair another rock, a natural smirk slipping to his cheeks. "You'll find their energy rejuvenating, even if they leave a little to be desired in the brains department. I'm sure the Head Captain can see the value in giving you a few transfers. A few dozen, even." He dropped the back of the chair and cocked his chin forward, his smirk turning to a shit-eating grin. "You see, I can make some pretty damn good offers when I want to."

Kurotsuchi dropped his head, fists clenching and releasing. Shunsui could feel the ebb and wash of his reiatsu as he tried to get his temper under control. Finally, Kurotsuchi unfurled his hands and slumped in clear defeat. "Never let it be said I'll denounce an argument that raises valid points." He closed his fists again. "What is it you want of me, Kyoraku?"

"Hm." Kyoraku rubbed his chin and moved some of Kurotsuchi's stray papers aside. "I'm a simple man, Captain. Simple needs. Let me see..." He found a blank parchment and a pen, then began to write. "Let's start with limits on those lozenges. Notarized requisitions only, signed by both you and Captain Unohana, or whosoever should happen to take either position in your subsequent absences. I mean, let's face it, neither of you can live forever." He chuckled, finishing the clause with a flourish. "Multiples only by request, and those requests ought'a be filtered through Unohana too. Or whosoever is acting Captain of the Fourth if she falls or is incapacitated, of course. This is gonna be permanent and binding, you see?" Kurotsuchi muttered something indistinct and unkind under his breath, but Kyoraku hummed and scribbled a bit more. "Both prospective parents must sign on. I might even recommend a counseling session prior to receiving approval, but then, nobody'd force a heterosexual couple to do that. But I'll draw up the paperwork for ya." He made a few more lines, then looked Kurotsuchi right in the eyes. "Any experimentation you, or any member of the SRDI, want to do on the unborn or their respective carriers, male or female, must be approved by Unohana or the Captain of the Fourth, as well. See how reasonable I can be?" He dropped the pen. "You can still do your experiments."

Kurotsuchi shivered with anger, but Kyoraku tapped his chin. "Oh, and if you can't treat Nemu right, I'll see if Lieutenant Kusajishi is interested in science lessons with Mayurin." He pushed the papers towards him. "It's all on there. Sign."

Kurotsuchi sneered, but scrawled his name down. "Shyster!"

"The best." Kyoraku signed his name with a laugh, then rolled the paper up. "If you'll excuse me, I gotta deliver this to Yamamoto, and then I got a couple babies to meet." He rose to his feet, pulled his hat back on, and vanished around Kurotsuchi into flash step.

Kurotsuchi shook with withheld rage until he could no longer sense Kyoraku, then released it with a groan and pinched his brow. "Honestly, simpletons and fools, all of them." He ran back through the terms of the contract in his mind, and slowly smirked. "I'm sure I can make this work, somehow or other..."

* * *

Yumichika wasn't very good for conversation with the oxygen mask on and medicine pumping through him. Ikkaku had picked up on it, and made it his duty to talk enough for the both of them. With limited contributions or prompting from Yumichika, Ikkaku finally told Yumichika about his time spent with Takahiro and Emiko and their respective parents.

"... Got my time down to like, twenty seconds. I'm fast, man!" He made a 'zoom' gesture, clapping his hands together and whipping one around like a boomerang. "Renji says it's okay to slow down, it's good 'bonding time,' but when Taka wants his pants back on, I just get his pants back on as fast as I can, y'know?" Yumichika nodded, lips parting in a smile, and Ikkaku let his open hand travel over the round of Yumichika's midsection, halting at the zenith, then sliding down. "But we're gonna have two of 'em. Bet they'll need diaper changes at the same time too." He tapped his fingers near Yumichika's navel, humming in thought. "Say, you know how to change a girl? If one of these is a girl-"

Yumichika wheezed, arching his back against the bed, and Ikkaku seized both of his hands. "You okay, babe?"

"Ice," Yumichika rasped, and Ikkaku passed him a bucket of ice chips. Yumichika took a gulp, chewed the ice and swallowed hard, drinking air, then, "Thought you... wanted... boy..."

"Oh." Ikkaku scoffed and shrugged back. "Well, sure I totally want a boy. But, uh..." He blushed and hunched his shoulders. "Like y'said, it's a coin flip. And if we get a little girl too, well, we can deal, right?" Ikkaku took Yumichika's hands again. "That'd be just my luck, y'know?"

Yumichika contemplated this, nodding, then quietly supplied, "The same." He touched his fingers to his front. "Two boys or two girls."

"Oh." Ikkaku's head snapped up in realization. "Oh! 'Cause they're identical! Right- shit, Yumi, how're we gonna tell 'em apart?"

"Dunno. Ikka-" Yumichika's voice broke off in a squeak, his eyes widening, and his hand flailed urgently out. "Ikka-!" He'd known Yumichika long enough to know that note of pure panic; this was as frightened as Yumichika had ever been. Ikkaku squeezed both of Yumichika's hands and shouted over his shoulder.

"Hey, someone!" He released one of Yumichika's hands and slammed the red emergency call button, and squeezed on again. Yumichika shivered, his joints locking, and Ikkaku's voice jumped an octave. "Hey, he's losin' it!"

He shot a frantic gaze to the medicine bag. It was empty, completely flat, and Ikkaku had no clue just how long it had been empty.

Unohana hurried through the door just as Yumichika convulsed, and her slim, strong hands closed over his shoulders to hold him in place as the seizure rocked him. "There, there," she whispered, as Yumichika's erratic jerking rolled to a gradual halt. Ikkaku, who'd jumped the chair back at Unohana's entry, cautiously closed in again.

"We're out of time, huh?"

"We are." Unohana wiped Yumichika's brow and adjusted his oxygen mask. Yumichika's eyes were unfocused, expression dazed, mouth hanging open and condensation forming on the plastic over his mouth with each heaved breath. "We're going to put him under completely and prepare him for surgery. I'll have someone bring a sanitary gown." She stood back, her gaze roving him. "You do wish to attend, correct?"

"Yes'm." Ikkaku bobbed his head and pulled his chair back in, close to Yumichika again. "Just tell me what to do. I'll do it for him."

"Good." Unohana smiled and departed, looking unhurried but walking with swift grace.

"Ikka?" Yumichika's hand found Ikkaku's knee, though his head was too heavy to lift, and his eyes rolled up towards the ceiling. "Ikkaku... can't see..."

"Just look at me," Ikkaku muttered, then realized Yumichika's pupils were dilated and still unfocused. "Hey, is it all black?"

"Can't see, Ikka... Don't... don't want to..."

"You ain't dyin'." Ikkaku squeezed his hand, just as Unohana returned with another bag of medicine. "You can hear me and feel me, and I'm right here. I can see you. You're beautiful, and wonderful, and I'm not going nowhere." Unohana hooked the bag up with the the tubes already dripping into Yumichika's arm, and leaned down to whisper into Ikkaku's ear.

"Temporary blindness can occur after seizures. It will go away. Keep talking to him." She spoke aloud. "Yumichika, count down from one hundred with me. Once we reach zero, you'll get to see your babies." Yumichika heaved for air, but nodded.

They started together. "One hundred... ninety nine..." Unohana trailed off, and Yumichika kept counting, struggling with the words but valiantly achieving each one. "Ninety-eight... ninety-seven..."

Ikkaku put his mouth right against the shell of Yumichika's ear: "Good. That's good. I'm right here, get it? I'll be right here." Yumichika kept mouthing the numbers, his eyelids slipping down, his arms going completely limp. He was unconscious before he got to eighty. The heart monitor continued to beep, evenly but slowly, as Unohana checked his breathing.

"He's stable. Let's move quickly." Ikkaku hadn't even noticed the rest of the surgical team entering, but knew to get out of the way at a blur of motion from all around them. He only recognized Isane, as she handed him a surgical gown and cap, then vinyl gloves that snapped and made sticking noises as he took them and pulled them on. Around him, nurses moved the medical equipment, as Isane quietly instructed him how to maintain sanitation, and straightened the ties on his gown as he finished.

"Hey, Lieutenant, did the medicine work on the babies, too?" He tried to glance back around at her, but she didn't lift her eyes from her task.

"We can't be certain."

"What?" Ikkaku spun around, frowning as Isane tried to smooth his gown down in the back.

"He's hardly thirty-two weeks, and we've only given him a single dose. Still, we've done all we can, and the risk to the babies is lower outside of Yumichika." She pursed her lips, lacing her fingers in thought. "The medicine should carry them for the first few days, but it will be touch and go. They're going to need your support."

"Right." Ikkaku swallowed and closed his hands. "Ain't no stoppin' now, right?"

The medical team wheeled Yumichika towards the operating ward, Unohana leading the way, Ikkaku at the rear. They crossed past the waiting room, and Renji caught sight of them first. Byakuya and Shunsui both observed from their seats, Byakuya with a frown, Shunsui with a hum and a nod to Ikkaku. Jyuushiro shook his head and embraced Emiko tighter.

"Let's all just hope for the best."

The operating room was clean and white. Ikkaku had never gotten a good look around one before, since every time he could remember having been in one, he was the one being operated on. He'd expected a lot more blood. On the linoleum tiles. On the steel tables. Dotting the sharpened tools. It was all clean white and spotless steel, but as Ikkaku watched the team transfer Yumichika to the table, he wondered just how much that would change. How much of Yumichika's blood would run out onto the floor. He'd made people bleed before. Plenty of times. Even Yumichika, once or twice. He didn't think he could stand to watch someone else do it.

Unohana made the first incision so quickly Ikkaku nearly missed it, but he didn't miss the way the cut split through Yumichika's skin. He braced himself as blood sluggishly dripped from the incision, then came faster as Unohana cut deeper. Then, something that was not blood. Unohana didn't break eye contact, barely spoke: "Isane." Isane nodded and grabbed a towel and clamps. One of the nurses used a strange tube to suck the liquid away, as Unohana worked without pause. In moments, there was a head in Unohana's hand, soon followed by shoulders and a tiny little body, rubbery arms, crooked little legs. "This is A." Unohana used a pump to suction the baby's mouth, and the baby shrieked and flailed.

Ikkaku forgot the blood. Light flooded his whole being as Unohana wrapped the infant in a towel and passed it to Isane. She, in turned, beckoned Ikkaku. "Cut the cord. That will officially begin this one's life." An assistant passed the handle of a pair of surgical scissors into Ikkaku's right hand, and he clumsily took grip, then opened the blades around the thin red cord connecting the baby to the hole in Yumicika.

He looked at the baby, and the baby looked back at him, dark eyes wide and wet and curious, a patch of dark hair plastered to its scalp, and oh, hell, already beautiful. Those dark eyes were the same shade as Yumichika's. He severed the cord, and only then realized:

"It's a girl?"

Everything sped into motion around him, the pretty baby was gone as soon as she'd arrived, and Ikkaku stumbled back as he realized Unohana hadn't stopped moving. The world had slowed down for him and him alone, and Unohana was manipulating inside Yumichika again. Something bloody and wet was stuffed into a biohazard bag just out of view, but Ikkaku couldn't bear to pay attention to it. He was caught between trying to find where his little girl had vanished to and bearing witness to the rest of the surgery. Unohana brought another tiny head into view. Ikkaku could see the dark hair already, as Unohana pulled and twisted at the opening, then brought her into the open and free. "Here you are." Unohana passed the baby to Isane, and Isane in turn guided Ikkaku in to cut the second cord. She cried when cut free, wailing as Isane toweled her off. Unohana smiled under her mask. "Very good." And Ikkaku was beaming.

"Attagirl." He reached out to hold her, but she was swept from the room in the same direction as the first, and Unohana flew back into action.

"All that's left now is to clean out the placenta and stitch him back up. Isane, kindly escort Mister Madarame to be sanitized and then to a waiting area." Ikkaku was affixed to the motions of Unohana's deft hands as she continued to work at Yumichika.

"But... I told him I'd stay."

"He'll be asleep for a while," Isane urged into his ear. "Your daughters need you. They're being taken to incubators now. As soon as they're stable, you can meet them." Ikkaku grimaced at the word "stable-" such a cold, unfeeling word that he now had to use for his poor, tiny daughters- and looked helplessly between Yumichika, prone on the operating table, and Isane, directing him to the door. He broke away from her, kissed Yumichika on the forehead, then about-faced and followed Isane out.

He stood, numb, at the ready room sink, pulled off the surgical cap and gown, and watched the blood rinse off the gloves as he peeled them away. He stared at his hands for a long few seconds, the water running through his fingers and down the drain, and held his palms open. The babies would have fit so neatly right into his open hands, and he wanted to feel their weight there. Instead, not knowing, not seeing them, weighed on his heart. Still, a smile crept to his lips, as he held the image of the tiny girl there.

"I've got two little girls. How lucky is that?"


	21. The Bird and the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika rises to meet his daughters, and faces the new world of being a father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long delay! I've been caught up in other projects, including some with rapidly approaching deadlines, life in general, and getting ready for a big con this week, but I couldn't let you guys languish any longer! Without further ado, the penultimate chapter!

**21: The Bird and the Beast**

The waiting room had gotten crowded in the hour since Yumichika was taken to surgery, Byakuya with Takahiro sat on his lap, Shuhei and Rangiku playing Hanafuda with Renji and Shunsui, and Yachiru had returned from watching the soldiers in the Fourth's yard and settled into Kenpachi's lap. Kenpachi, meanwhile, urgently tousled her hair into strings and twisted it, his visible eye fixed to a featureless space on the wall.

"Th' hell's taking so long?" He grumbled, to a dismissive snort from Byakuya.

"Patience is a virtue."

"I ain't virtuous." Kenpachi sneered, and hit his fist against the arm of his chair. "Where's my guys?"

"Unohana has much to do." Byakuya adjusted his knees, moving Takahiro from one side to the other, then shifted his shoulders against the back of the chair. "We simply must wait as long as it takes."

"Gee, Captain." Renji glanced up from his hand and across the room. "Usually you're not this patient."

"Abarai." Byakuya's eyebrows rose with ire, and Renji shrank down.

"Right, right, sorry."

"I'm sick of waiting!" Kenpachi swung his hand back and into the wall over his shoulder, cracking the plaster. "I wanna know what's goin' on!"

"Pardon the interruption." All heads whipped around. Isane peered in, then edged back at the two Captains fixing her with a glare. "Ah- am I interrupting?"

"Nothing but a dick-waving contest," Rangiku sighed, to expressions of horror from Renji and Shuhei, another pointed glare from Byakuya, and a snicker from Kenpachi.

"Nah, you come on in, so long as you got good news."

"Ah, well." Isane's fingers brushed at her thighs, stiff and trembling, but folded her hands and smiled. "Ask and you shall receive. Yumichika's in recovery now. He'll be asleep a while, but he's pulled through just fine." There were sighs of relief in a range of volumes from around the room, but Shunsui hummed and sat forward, chin in his palm.

"That's one patient. Tell us about the other two."

Isane's lips curved to a thin, demure smile. "There are two more little girls in the Eleventh Division today." Yachiru was the first to react, with a squeal of delight, and Kenpachi had to catch her by the collar before she could launch herself down the hall.

"Yeah, an' how're they doin'?" Yachiru settled at his question, as Isane's smile sank away.

"They are immature. Their lungs are small. Baby A is four pounds, seven ounces. Baby B is four pounds, six. Both of them may have to stay in intensive care for some time." The mood in the room dimmed, Rangiku and Jyuushiro's faces falling, Byakuya and Kenpachi's brows furrowing. "But." Isane raised a finger. "They are stable, and appear otherwise healthy. They're doing as well as we can hope for, and they'll be ready for visitors soon."

"Well, that's good news!" Shunsui got up, fluffing his kimono out behind him and pulling his hat on. "Where's the proud Daddy?"

Ikkaku was sitting in an alcove outside of the intensive care nursery, down on his knees with his nose against the glass of a broad viewing window, as two nurses dressed his daughters around the tubes in their noses and the wires patched over their hearts. He didn't turn when Shunsui came up behind him, didn't react at his hand laid on his shoulder. "Oh, ain't they a sight." He set his hands on his hips and cocked his head. "Those're some beautiful little girls.

"They're so little." Ikkaku shook his head. "So little."

"Uh-huh." Shunsui patted Ikkaku's back again. "They sure are."

"They're supposed to be bigger, aren't they?"

"They sure are. You must be thinkin' of those pictures of Takahiro. He was a pretty big boy, y'know?" Shunsui chuckled, then bent his knees to crouch next to Ikkaku. "But Emiko was supposed to be bigger too. She was one pound, one ounce. A quarter the size of either of your girls." Ikkaku nodded, and glanced back at him, to receive an encouraging nod. "She came out fine. So will they."

"Yeah. They're my girls. They'll be strong." He smiled. Just then, the door swung open, and a nurse peered in.

"Mister Madarame, we're ready for you."

Ikkaku got to his feet, and Shunsui rose too, only to shoo Ikkaku towards the door. "The little ones like skin-to-skin contact, so go get cuddly." Ikkaku scoffed, but shuffled past him.

"Save your advice for the next time we go drinking." He smirked and entered the nursery, and Shunsui, chuckling to himself, stood back to watch.

The nurse made Ikkaku wash his hands ("I did it like three times already today, but fine, if I gotta..."), then urged him to sit in a rocking chair in the room. Once he was fully settled, she moved A into his hands. Her fragile, tiny form was welcome in his hands, and he curled her tight in one arm. He recognized the big, dark blue eyes blinking up at him, and she seemed to recognize him. Even under the tubes and wires, this was definitely the baby Yumichika made for him. One of the two, as he was suddenly reminded, because before he could react, a nurse was positioning B in his other arm. He resisted without thinking, but relaxed to let her work his arm into a sling and set her in the crook of his elbow. She was exactly as beautiful as her sister, all tiny fingers and round cheeks, big blue eyes searching him all over. He curled both arms closer, bringing the baby girls to his chest.

There were a lot of things he could have said. However, he'd never been much for fancy words. All that came out was, "Holy shit."

He sat with them a very long while, taking turns feeding them, laying them on his legs and lap in turns to give one arm or the other a break, with lots of help from the nurses to manage them. Soon, he was talking again, telling them about every and any stupid thing that came through his head. He was sure he told them they were beautiful a thousand times. He didn't notice the crowd gathering outside the window, as Renji, Byakuya, and Ukitake joined Kyoraku at the window, with Shuhei and Rangiku close behind. Rangiku took one look and squealed at a pitch that might break glass. Shuhei hid a smirk behind folded arms, and Jyuushiro started to tug Shunsui's arm. Renji beamed and caught Ikkaku's eye to give him a thumbs-up, and Ikkaku just nodded, beaming already. Even Byakuya cracked a smile.

"Ayasegawa would be happy." He then glanced to the rest of those gathered. "Does anyone else find it unfair that he'll be the last of anyone involved to see his own children?"

Ikkaku was sent out after half an hour to let them rest, and Nemu was the only one left waiting for him. He hadn't seen the others leave, all too focused on the baby girls that had comprised his entire universe for those precious minutes, but was grateful to receive a kind smile from her and an escort back to Yumichika's room. Yumichika was in the bed again, with only a heart monitor wrapped around his wrist and a bag of what looked like plain water attached to his arm, dressed in a hospital gown. Kenpachi was waiting there with him, occupying the seat that Ikkaku had taken before, with Yachiru tugging at his haori and prancing around him, until Kenpachi set a hand on her head and turned around to Ikkaku. "Well?" He sat back with a toothy grin. Ikkaku knew his smile hadn't faded, but it stretched wider.

"They're perfect. I mean, they're amazing. They got these big, bright eyes, and the hair, they're gonna look just like him!" He pumped his fists. "I'm so damn excited I could puke! They're gonna grow up strong and beautiful and cool and amazing! They're amazing, Captain!"

"Amazing, amazing." Kenpachi laughed. "'Zat all you got to say?"

"What else is there to say?" Ikkaku moved right to Yumichika's side, then bent over him and kissed his cheek. "Yumi here did somethin' fantastic. I wish I'd done more to help him."

"You done enough, and the work ain't over." Kenpachi got to his feet, taking Yachiru under his arm like a particularly chipper sack of flour. "Those two amazing things are gonna need lots of time and attention. I'll do what I can, but they're on you now."

"Yeah, I know." Ikkaku bowed his head, and took Kenpachi's place in the seat, but maintained eye contact. "Where are you going, sir?"

"Well, takes a village to raise a kid, yeah? I'm gonna go let the rest of the village idiots know they got double duty. 'Sides, he'll be wakin' up soon. That sounds like it ought'a be alone time for you two." He slapped Ikkaku's back as he passed behind him. "Come see the guys when you're done. Iba's been tryin' to cool 'em off, and he's at least herded 'em back to the HQ, but they wanna talk to you." He moved Yachiru to his shoulder. "Let's let Yun-yun and Cueball talk by themselves."

"Ooh, kissy kissy!" Yachiru giggled and made pecking gestures with pinched fingers. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and tugged on her leg.

"Don't be jealous, you'll meet a nice guy or girl or whatever when you grow up."

"Then how'd you do it?" She poked her tongue out at him, and Ikkaku pinched her toe.

"Hush, you." He sneered at her, jokingly, and Kenpachi chuckled under his breath and left before the argument could continue. Ikkaku settled back in his seat and faced Yumichika. "I grew up, didn't I?"

Yumichika's eyes fluttered open after about ten minutes of waiting, and Ikkaku clasped his hand as he came to. "Morning, beautiful." He kissed all of Yumichika's knuckles in turn, and Yumichika's eyes sparked with immediate awareness.

"Ikkaku? You're here..."

"'Course I am. I haven't been far." He squeezed Yumichika's fingers. "Hey, why'd you stop counting?"

"Counting?" Yumichika shook his head and sat up slowly. He was feeling all sorts of aches and twists as he did, like he'd pulled every muscle in his body, but had sense enough to scowl at Ikkaku. "I just woke up from surgery, and you start with nonsense?" Ikkaku grinned past his grim visage, and pulled the sheets back from his body.

"You were at eighty-two. Count slow, okay?" Ikkaku pulled a wheelchair from the hall and unfolded it next to the bed. Yumichika's eyes flashed, and he gasped.

"Ikka-! Oh, eighty-two! Eighty-one! Eighty-"

"Slow," Ikkaku reminded him with a warm, appreciative chuckle, and he carefully lifted Yumichika into the chair, then transferred the heart monitor and the plastic bag to the back of it. Yumichika giggled, patting his knees with glee, and counted on.

"Seventy-eight, seventy-seven..."

Ikkaku sped across the relief center, pushing Yumichika at top speed and weaving around nurses and carts. He ignored the shouts after him, tuned only to Yumichika's eager countdown: "Twenty-six! Twenty-five!"

Ikkaku slid to a halt at the window, steadying Yumichika's shoulders as they stopped, and finished. "Zero!" He gestured to the window with a flourish, and Yumichika's smile seized up.

Both girls were in their incubators, fast asleep, and Yumichika scrutinized the machines and tubes with dismay. "Oh... they're so small..."

"Yeah, they are." Ikkaku nodded, sobering a little, and tapped on the wall with his knuckles. "I think they might have to live here a little while." He folded his arms, then turned to smile at Yumichika, gesturing with one carefree hand. "Guess it's just as well. I still ain't finished getting them a new crib together, and it looks like we'll need a big one."

Yumichika tore his eyes away from the window to gaze, rapt, at Ikkaku. "You were getting them a new crib?"

"Uh, yeah." Ikkaku nodded, a faint blush brushing over his cheeks and a sheepish grin covering his face. "I, uh, was customizing it for ya. Just a few little things. I thought our Tori deserved the best. Turns out we had two comin', so..."

"Hm." Yumichika's eyelids drooped to a contemplative frown. "No. Tori doesn't suit either of them. It's not cute enough."

"No? Uh, guess you'd know better." Ikkaku rubbed the back of his head, and glanced back to both girls again, unable to chase off a little grin. "So, what'd you have in mind?"

Yumichika hummed, then touched the glass. "A is older, right? She has first dibs, so I think... Kotori." He glanced up to Ikkaku, trepidation in his knit brow. "Do you like Kotori?"

"Kotori... yeah." Ikkaku's face snapped into an eager grin, pumping his fists again. "Yeah, I love Kotori! That's our girl! That's a lot cuter!" He was on the verge of dancing, toes itching for it, and hurtled on, "Hey, for B, I got an idea!"

Yumichika's eyebrows bounced up with surprise, but he nodded. "Of course. They're yours too."

Ikkaku turned and touched the glass again. "Kotora. So they match. The phoenix and the tiger."

"Ah! A classic motif!" Yumichika clasped his hands together in delight. "How beautiful! I never knew you to have such exquisite artistic taste, Ikkaku!"

"Yeah?" Ikkaku's cheeks burned red, and he wondered if he'd been in the sun too long anytime in the last week, and he mumbled his excuses. "S'just some name. Like martial arts styles, too. All we really need's a dragon, right?"

"Yes, I-" Yumichika came up short when what Ikkaku had said really hit him. "What?" Ikkaku ducked his head down again, and he shuffled aside.

"'Less you don't want a dragon. I mean, we don't hafta. We prob'ly ought'a see how we do with these two first before we start talkin' about three, but I know I already love 'em a lot, and I kinda really want a boy, an' I want a chance to do stuff right." He fully flushed, shoulders hunched, and fidgeted with his fingers behind his back. "Like Renji and Captain Kyoraku. I wanna take care of you right, and them, all of them, the way I was supposed to. Maybe not now," he added quickly, turning ruddier by the second and shrinking down. "Maybe in a few years, but we got time, y'know?" He extended a hand to touch the handle of Yumichika's wheelchair. "I'll be here. I'm not goin' anywhere." His eyes hardened. "I'm not gonna die on ya, Yumi, and I won't let you die on me. I'll do everything I can to live for you and our kids-" Yumichika raised a hand and shushed Ikkaku.

"That's enough. It's too much." He swiped at his eyes, smearing off tears he'd only just felt forming. "It's more than I would ever ask of you."

"Yeah?" Ikkaku crouched down by the chair and took Yumichika's hand, all but genuflecting. "You deserve it, and more. After all, beautiful people should get what they want." He kissed the back of his hand and rose up. "So, hey, now I've got you all mushy, it's time to-"

A woman cleared her throat from the door, and Ikkaku froze up in panic when he and Yumichika turned around to see Captain Unohana observing them from the hall into the alcove. "Would you mind if I gave him a once-over before you did that?" Her polite but hard smile spoke volumes and hit Ikkaku like an icy wind, and he stumbled back, hands open and gesturing to Yumichika.

"All yours, ma'am."

Unohana scolded the both of them under her breath for haphazardly moving things around, and Yumichika silently trembled as she examined him, touching the stil-swollen skin of his belly, checking inside of his mouth and shining a flashlight into both of his eyes. She sat back after a cursory examination. "It appears you're in good order for the time being. You will, however, stay here a few days so we can continue to observe, seeing as you did just have major surgery and no less than four seizures, but your children will be here, too. If their progress is good, I may be able to move their incubators to your room, but you and your partner will have to be on your best behavior. Is that clear."

"Crystal." And with that, Yumichika fought on a twitchy smile. "Can I meet them now?"

Unohana let them into the intensive care nursery, helped Yumichika sanitize his hands, then carefully moved each girl into his arms the same way the previous nurses had done for Ikkaku. Yumichika naturally cradled them. "These are Kotori and Kotora Madarame," he announced, as much to himself as to anyone else, and Unohana smiled knowingly and went to mark the names down on the paperwork attached to each girl's incubators and then on their little plastic bracelets. Their dark triangle patches of hair swerved from opposite sides of their heads and diagonally across in mirrored directions, and Yumichika tangled his fingers into it on both sides. His eyes teared up a little. "They don't look very much like you."

"Eh." Ikkaku scratched his head. "That's okay with me. You're prettier anyway, and girls should have hair." Unohana giggled into a cupped palm.

"The likeness may be on the inside. Now that they're separate, you can surely tell the difference in their reiatsu signatures." Yumichika focused, and saw the different shades of purple, as Unohana explained for Ikkaku's benefit: "They're both still purple, but Kotori's is distinctly more red, and Kotora's is a shade blue."

Ikkaku's eyes sparked, and he grinned with vicious delight. "Hey, I'm red, right, Yumi? She's just like Daddy! That's gonna be my girl!"

"Don't plan her training regimen yet," Unohana patted his neck, sending shivers down his spine. "They may still be in flux. And besides, I'd be more concerned with diaper training them than imprinting them on asauchis."

"It'll come." Yumichika cradled Kotori to his chest and kissed her forehead, then Kotora, then cuddled both tiny things up under his chin. "I'll just be happy they're here and worry about the rest later." He kissed both of them again, between the eyes. "You were worth it, all of it, everything. And I'm so, so happy you're here..."

* * *

 

Yumichika spent the next four days in the recovery ward, and true to her word, Unohana let Kotori and Kotora spend the last two days in the room with him, packaged up in their incubators with all the tubes and wires but still, thankfully, close. However, even when released to his squad, he was released only to desk duty, and Kenpachi had shuffled all of that onto other squad members as much as he could so Yumichika could spend as much time as he wanted with his daughters. Just like that, Yumichika went from sleeping at the Fourth to not sleeping at the Fourth.

The twins were troopers, as Unohana put it, and fought through all their ups and downs. There were little setbacks. Kotora struggled to nurse sometimes, and had to go back to intensive care every time she inhaled her formula. Kotori had colic, stomachaches and constipation, and screamed all night sometimes. They would be alright for a day or two, then suddenly lose a few ounces and have all the nurses in a panic. Yumichika would stay at the Fourth Division with the nurses, all night and into the morning, observing Kotora's every shallow, wet breath, hugging Kotori and pleading with her to "feel better, please, feel better." Ikkaku came most days as well, but sometimes felt helpless next to Yumichika's desperate devotion. All he could do sometimes was stand back and watch, and catch Yumichika when he'd step out of the ward.

"Ikkaku," he whimpered after a sleepless night spent with the twins, one of so many, "What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing, we're doing all we can." Ikkaku tried to dry his eyes for him. "You gotta believe me, it's going to be okay."

Yumichika struggled to believe that. Yumichika struggled. Ikkaku caught him crying in places where he thought he was alone, and realized that, yeah, maybe he was too busy taking care of the girls to put on his makeup, but he was forgetting to take care of himself in other ways. Eating, for one. Bathing. And sometimes, Yumichika would just tear at his hair and shut down, back pressed to the wall and completely closed over. Ikkaku knew there was more wrong than just frustration with the girls, but he also knew enough that he wasn't going to be able to fix it in the way he was used to fixing things. He did, however, know that he wasn't alone.

He went to Renji first, cornering him in the lobby when Renji came to visit. "Help him. All I can do is hug him and tell him it'll be okay, but he's stopped believing me."

Renji told him to go to Rangiku. He did, bolting right to the Tenth Division, and repeated it. Rangiku stormed right to her feet, only barely turning to ask Hitsugaya's permission and ignoring his complaints, and went to the Fourth with Ikkaku.

Ikkaku stood back as Rangiku marched up to him. "Sweetheart, I haven't seen you in two weeks." She patted his cheek as she marched to his seat by the viewing window. "I know you've been busy, but I think you need some time out."

Yumichika shook his head, eyes wide and sad and still fixed on the two babies in plastic boxes on the other side of the thick glass. "I can't, sorry."

"Don't give me that. You've got Daddy here to watch the baby girls." She jerked her head towards Ikkaku, then gave his arm another tug. "Let's go have a cup of tea together. I'll do your nails for you. You need a couple hours away from here."

"They need me, Rangiku." He pinned his hands to his thighs, never tearing his eyes away.

"Not like this." She circled around in front of him and shook his shoulders. "Yumichika, Ikkaku is here to watch the babies. You trust him, don't you?"

Yumichika's eyes flashed to Ikkaku, and he waved a little from his post by the door. "I'm here." Yumichika swallowed a whimper, and Rangiku took both of his hands.

"Daddy's there. You really need a break. It's getting to you." She didn't wait for him to answer, but took hold of his wrists and led him out.

She made him wash his face and comb his hair, and took him to the commissary at the Sixth Division. Yumichika didn't seem to wonder why she chose there, instead lifelessly picking at the desserts Rangiku had gotten for both of them to share. Rangiku, of course, swatted his wrist and pushed a manju into his hand when she noticed. "Eat. Your face is too skinny."

"I don't need to eat." Yumichika dropped the manju back onto the plate, his face falling after it. "I'm hideous and fat, anyway."

Rangiku rolled her eyes. "You just gave birth to twins hardly three weeks ago. You're losing the baby weight! That doesn't mean 'stop eating.' Seriously, Yumichika. Why are you down on yourself like this?" She closed her hand over his. "You have two beautiful little girls, and even if they're still healing up, they're getting better-"

"No, they're not." He shook his head, hard. "It's my fault they're so sick, isn't it? I'm an awful father. I shouldn't be here, I should be with them, because if they have to suffer, I have to-"

Rangiku yanked his face up and slapped him, and the members of the Sixth Division who heard it all turned around. She, however, wagged a finger in his face. "Don't. You. Dare. Yumichika, you did all you could! You did all you knew to do, and-"

Yumichika cut her off, babbling back, "I should have gone to the Fourth, I should have had them checked on, I should have known I was having twins before they were suddenly here and sick, and-!" Yumichika's frantic rant was interrupted by a slender hand on his shoulder.

"I imagine," Byakuya intoned serenely, having approached unannounced, "that this means Kotori and Kotora Madarame are not progressing as well as they should." He sat down at Yumichika's side, and Renji, right behind him, set down two more cups of tea and sat on Yumichika's other side. "Renji has kept me apprised, but I had not realized the situation was so dire." Yumichika didn't answer, and Byakuya, to the surprise of everyone who could see them, put his hand on Yumichika's shoulder. "I had not realized you, too, were so ill."

Yumichika shivered, eyes darkening, and hung his head. "With all due respect, sir, I'm-"

"As a compatriot and fellow mother, I must tell you that your feelings of inadequacy and failure are not uncommon. As such, you are not _fine_ , but it is not abnormal." Byakuya let his voice drop to a low volume, so only Yumichika could hear. "Unohana had to counsel me for the very same thing. It's not uncommon for new mothers to experience a period of depression."

"It's the baby blues," Rangiku added, leaning in again, and wrapped her hand around Yumichika's again. "That's what they call it. You're coming down from a big, long hormone rush, and that combined with the troubles your girls are having is messing with your head."

"You will not be able to give your daughters the care they need if you cannot care for yourself." Byakuya withdrew, folding his hands and dropping his chin, displaying a shyness that he usually disguised with being aloof. Renji cut in, leaning to meet Yumichika's eyes.

"You said you wished you'd talked to Unohana before. Why not do it now? You'll do a lot better for your baby girls if you do." Yumichika buttoned his lip tight, but there was no arguing with that.

Rangiku and Renji walked Yumichika right to the Fourth again, and Unohana broke from her work as quickly as she could to meet with him in her office, seated in the two chairs in front of her desk. After a long conversation and lots of coaxing from Unohana, Yumichika spilled it all: "I failed them. I feel so awful about it. It makes me wish I... I were suffering, not them, and I'd rather be dead if it meant they'd live rather than have to watch them struggle a moment longer." He choked tears back, and Unohana wordlessly provided him with a tissue. "Is this... is this really normal?"

"Normal, yes. Healthy, no." Unohana pulled her chair close. "You should not have to feel this way. Your daughters know, and everyone else does, just how hard you fought for them. You have done well. If I have not told you that enough to convince you, that is my error." She took up her notebook. "I'd like to speak with you once a week for the next several weeks, until I can correct this error. I'd also like you to take some medicine that might help you remember to take better care of yourself." She made a few notes. "Take this to the pharmacy. And I will check to be sure you did, because you're stronger than this and this will help you see that." She patted his head, and he buckled under her hand and broke into tears. She shushed him, drew him close, and let him cry on her breast. Only when he calmed down again did she ask, "Would you like to tell Ikkaku, or shall I?"

Yumichika explained it to Ikkaku, stiffly folding his hands and staring at the tiles around Ikkaku's feet as Ikkaku listened, arms folded tight. Yumichika just couldn't make himself meet his eyes as he explained Unohana's recommendations. "It probably sounds stupid, needing medicine for being sad, but-"

"Shut up." Ikkaku closed the distance and hugged Yumichika's stiff form. "You need what you need, and you're gonna get it. I get it." He kissed his cheek. "Your body's not letting you be happy, and you should be happy. I'll stand right behind you until we can fix that."

He did. He reminded Yumichika to take his medicine in the same breath as he told him he was beautiful in the mornings, and offered to go to Unohana's counseling sessions with him. He was smiling again after only a week of treatment, and in that same week, the twins became much stronger.

Kotori finally broke 5 pounds and continued gaining after four weeks, and though Unohana and Isane debated releasing her, Kotora still struggled. Even Ikkaku noticed that both girls got weaker when put in separate rooms, their reiatsu dropping in synchronicity until they were reunited. Nobody wanted to ponder what would happen if the twins were in separate divisions, so they stayed in the Fourth. The babies were five weeks old when Kotora managed to gain weight consistently, but Unohana, out of an abundance of caution, waited until she'd put on at least an ounce every day for a week before performing a thorough examination and making her decision:

"They should go home to be with their family. We will happily welcome either or both of them back as needed, but I think you should take them home." She returned Kotori to Ikkaku's arms, and passed Kotora to Yumichika. "You're ready for your happily ever after."

Yumichika couldn't pack their things quickly enough, the little toys he'd brought in to keep them company, the clothes and tiny storybooks, as Ikkaku cradled both girls and told them about their new home.

"The toughest guys in the whole world live there. Not tougher than your Dads, anyway, but they're real tough, and they all wanna meet you!" He grinned as he looked back and forth between them. "Ain't that gonna be neat? You're gonna have like two hundred bodyguards." Yumichika giggled under his breath as Ikkaku sweet-talked them and they, more conscious by the day, reached for his face and mouth. As he closed their bag, there was a soft cough from the door, and both Ikkaku and Yumichika turned to see Isane waiting there.

"I hear two very special someones are going to sleep in their own crib tonight." She bowed at the waist to look closer at the girls, a smile claiming all of her features. "I'm just here to remove their tags." She knelt down and took a pair of scissors from her pocket, then carefully pushed a finger in around the plastic bracelet on Kotori's wrist. "We won't need to identify them anymore."

Ikkaku's face warped to an expression of horror, and he whipped his head around and mouthed something panicked at Yumichika. Before Yumichika had a chance to translate, Isane had removed Kotora's bracelet, but swiftly reached into her side pocket. "And I wanted to give you these. They're a gift from the SWA." She held up two tiny silver bracelets with rectangular tags, and beamed at Yumichika. "We wanted the honor of giving them their first piece of jewelry."

The bracelets were engraved with each girl's name. Ikkaku sagged with relief, and patted their backs. "You guys better get used to those. They ain't comin' off until you start lookin' different or grow hair long enough that I can cut it different." Yumichika snorted, but bowed to Isane.

"They're beautiful, and perfect. Thank you."

"I can say the same to you," Isane observed, and petted Kotori's hair with an admiring little smile, before meeting Yumichika's eyes again. "We'll see all three of you in a few weeks for a well check."

"Yes, ma'am." Yumichika saluted, and scooped Kotori out of Ikkaku's hold. "We're ready."

Flash step was risky with the two little ones still too weak to hold their heads up, and the walk to the Eleventh was long. Neither Ikkaku nor Yumichika minded. They spent the whole walk talking.

"You're feeling better?" Ikkaku gave Yumichika a pointed look over Kotora's head. "Still talking with Unohana?" Yumichika shook his head.

"I'm rather resolved with it. She wants me to stay on the medicine a little longer, and if I want to talk to someone, all I have to do is ask. But I am feeling much better." He gave Kotori a snuggle, kissing her cheek. "After all, I've got the prettiest little girls around, how can I be sad?"

"You got that right!" Ikkaku laughed sharply. "You're too pretty to be sad, anyway."

"Ikkaku!" Yumichika blushed, feeling a rush of schoolgirl butterflies at the roguish, sweet smile he wore as he cuddled his little daughter in his arms. "You keep saying it, I'll stop believing it."

"That ain't true." Ikkaku slung Kotora up to his shoulder and patted her back. "I'm gonna keep sayin' it 'til you know for sure just how beautiful you are, and then I'm gonna remind you."

"Ikkaku..." The blush was a furnace in his cheeks, but before Yumichika could speak further, there were voices from ahead, and he realized that they were close to the gates, and a few of the unseated members were bolting towards them.

"Senpai! Hey, senpai!" Yumichika halted to let them land in front of them, and Ikkaku moved himself in front of him with a scowl.

"What do you guys want?"

"We wanna see the little girls!" One of the unseated members grinned a crooked-tooth grin, and showed his palms. "I washed my hands real good, see? Let's see 'em!"

"Yeah?" Ikkaku raised an eyebrow towards Yumichika, then shifted his arms to let the unseated soldier see Kotora. "Ain't gonna be no holdin' just yet, they're still little and ain't so good for bein' around other people." Yumichika followed suit, laying Kotori out in his arms.

"This one's the reason I kept devouring ginger cookies and candy." He nodded to Kotora. "That's my vanilla ice cream craving."

The two unseated members chuckled to each other, muttering about how little the girls were, how tiny their faces and stubby little fingers. "Man, how're they ever gonna hold a zanpakuto like that?"

"Hey, they'll get bigger!" Ikkaku pulled Kotora back in, cuddling her to his chest and halfway hunching over her. "So what if they're little now?"

"Yeah, stupid," the other unseated member chuckled, as Kotori gripped his finger. He crooked his knuckle to give her tiny hand a squeeze. "She's already holdin' on tight, for bein' so little." Yumichika glowed with pride. Strength was beautiful, after all. In those short moments, though, a few more unseated members had gathered around, trying to take peeks at the precious infants, chattering and chuckling at one another.

"Hell, they're a couple of Ayasegawa clones. Gonna be flittin' around like sparrows, soon as they can walk."

"Bet they're gonna have some crazy cool zanpakuto, once they get 'em! Let's get 'em some asauchis right now!"

"Hah, no way!" One particularly intelligent dumbass blurted with a snort. "They're a couple'a girls, what good're they gonna be in a fight?"

Another, even more intelligent mouthbreather chimed in, "Third-Seat Madarame makes girls! How ya like that girly shit?"

"Hey!" Ikkaku, in a few swift, but careful motions, moved Kotora into Yumichika's hold, and cut through the crowd to find the two hecklers. "I don't  _make_ girls!" He gave Yumichika a pointed look, then turned back to the offender with gritted teeth. "I make perfect, beautiful, warrior princess angels, and-" He seized the other offender by the collar- "They'll kick your ass in once they get through Academy, you got that?! 'Til then, Daddy's gonna fuckin' enforce that shit!" And with that Ikkaku hauled both of them off, grasping both of them by their clothes with one hand and already drawing Hozukimaru with the other. The gathered crowd all followed Ikkaku in the direction of the sparring ring, whistling and cheering, leaving Yumichika with both twins. Yumichika chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"Looks like Daddy had to defend your honor already." He hoisted them both up and continued into the Division, only to find Kenpachi waiting with Yachiru perched on his shoulder.

"So ya brought the troublemakers home." Kenpachi curled his hands on his hips. "Bring 'em closer." Yumichika giggled at Kenpachi's crooked smirk, but came close.

"Kotora on the left, Kotori on the right."

Kenpachi crouched over to look, and let Yachiru do the same from her position. Yachiru cooed and squealed, and Kenpachi, after studying them with scrutinizing eyes, extended a grubby, callused finger and touched Kotora's nose. "Shit," he muttered appreciatively, and nodded his approval. "You done good." Yumichika held a frustrated noise at the bit of dirt now smudging Kotora's face, but pushed out a smile.

"Thanks, Captain. I'm also going to apologize in advance for the noise."

"Pfft, babies cry." Kenpachi snickered, his toothy, crooked grin spreading to show more teeth. Kotora blinked her dark blue eyes open, whimpered softly, then shut them again. "I don't mind much. You'll hear it louder'n me."

"Oh, that's not what I meant." Yumichika straightened up, just as a huge roar came from the sparring grounds. Kenpachi jerked upright, his mad grin losing whatever tenderness it might have had. "Ikkaku's having fun, and I imagine he'll take on anyone who offends him as a father."

"Let's go, Kenny!" Yachiru yanked at one of Kenpachi's bells. "I wanna see Baldy fight for his babies!" Kenpachi cackled and raced off to watch the fight, and Yumichika continued towards the barracks alone.

Well, not alone.

"This is where we're going to live now," he explained quietly as he stopped outside of the door to his- and now their- private quarters. He started to nudge the door to the Fourth Seats' nursery open with his toe, then sighed. Kotori and Kotora were both drowsy in his arms, quiet and content after their bask in the sunlight, but all Yumichika could think of was just how long and twisted their journey had been. "You two will never really know just what it took to get you here. I dunno if you should, either. We went through some tough times together. I spent so much time being hurt, and I would never want you to blame yourselves for that. No matter how it happened, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I fought for you." He curled both of them up, and both of them looked at him, their unfocused gazes rapt at the sound of his voice. "Everything we went through was worth it."

"You're damn right it is." Yumichika's face sprung up, and he found Ikkaku standing close, his shihakusho rumpled and ripped in a few spots, his face and hands dirty, and a big, proud grin that told Yumichika everything he needed to know about the fight without him even asking. Yumichika met it with a warm smile of his own, and Ikkaku swaggered a little closer, his smile fading. "But, uh, let's try not to tell 'em the part where I was too stupid to take care of you three, too, yeah?"

"I'd never even whisper it, Ikkaku."

"Good, 'cause I really wish that hadn't happened." His shoulders sank. "I wish I could do it over right, y'know? Hell, I wish I could start our whole mess over. I" He put his hands on Yumichika's shoulders, shifting his weight from foot to foot and closing the distance. "But you should tell 'em I meant everything I said before. I'm gonna be better, for you an' for them." Ikkaku smeared his hand off on his hakama, then pushed the door open. "I'm tryin' already."

There it was, just under the window. An elegant white crib, with hand-carved birds perched on the posts, had been placed exactly where Yumichika had wanted it, laden with pale yellow sheets. A mobile of multicolored birds and cats hung over it, spinning slowly in the ambient air, and Yumichika could see indicative scratches that every animal had been carved by a very familiar hand.

"Ikkaku, you didn't-!"

"Uh, yeah." Ikkaku grinned sheepishly. "Renji helped. S'why I was hanging out with him some nights, when I wasn't doing night training. I bought the crib, just 'cause I didn't know if anything I built was gonna be safe, but me an' Renji, we made it real pretty, just for you! And it's sturdy, so nothin' me or the Captain could possibly do is gonna bust it up unless we're actually tryin' to." He spread his hands in a 'ta-da' gesture. "An' the mobile, that was Captain Kyoraku's idea." He pointed to it, still grinning madly at his own handiwork. "When you were stayin' with the babies at the Fourth, and I was just sittin' here, not sleepin', he said I should keep my hands busy doin' somethin' for ya so I wouldn't feel so useless."

"Ikkaku." Yumichika's heart clenched, and he tightened his grip on the babies. "I had no idea-"

"But now you're home, an' they're home, and none of you are ever gonna leave again, right?" Ikkaku took hold of Yumichika's shoulders again. "'Cause I love you, I love you and her and her, and nothing's gonna change that."

Yumichika had to take Ikkaku in. He was smiling, but it was tight and desperate, and his eyes were open and wanting, like a child at the window of a toy store. Yumichika knew what Ikkaku wanted, and got up on tiptoe to give it to him.

He kissed Ikkaku chastely on his dry lips, then a little deeper, and lowered his heels to smile up at him. "I love you too, and you know it."

Ikkaku looked insanely pleased, and he swooped in to scoop Kotori back out of Yumichika's arms. "That's right! Me an' your mama love each other, and that ain't never gonna change!" Yumichika laughed to himself, and carefully laid Kotora down.

"Ikkaku, let's be gentle with the tiny baby! She still can't hold her head up and you know it!"

Laughter and joy, pleasure all around. It had been a long, uphill battle, but they'd finally crested it and with these provisions, were ready for their next steps on the long march forward that was their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, there's just the epilogue!
> 
> … and a question.
> 
> Ikkaku mentioned adding a dragon to the mix. I was considering writing up sort of a long one-shot follow-up or secondary epilogue, taking place a little down the line. Would anybody be interested in reading that? I mean, it will take me a good while to do, but if you're interested, I can definitely try. So, if you're up for it, let me know!
> 
> I'll try to have the epilogue done soon. Let me know what you thought!


	22. Epilogue 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yumichika and Ikkaku barge their way towards happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for the long wait! I always have this trouble with ending stories. I was stuck on the last two pages for the last month, but I finally gritted down and got out something I can be happy with. 
> 
> Without further ado!

**Epilogue 1:**

"Cradle" was lovely, both the one in his room and the word itself. The  _dle_  was a musical sound, and that it was a verb and noun in one with equally appealing meanings. Efficient, smooth, purposeful. Crib, too, was nice, but a bit precious, and things that were overly sweet were decidedly unpleasant. Bassinet- another French word, so there was a beauty to it, but did it really suit? Or one could use the phrase--

"Yumi... Yumichika..." Ikkaku swatted his arm, and Yumichika drifted down from his reverie and stopped pretending to sleep. The room was filled with graceless shrieking from the cradle, and Yumichika opened his eyes to see Ikkaku fixing him with a mild glower from his pillow. "It's your turn."

"Yes, yes, of course." Yumichika sighed and rolled from the bed and swiftly closed in on the pretty crib by the window. In the dim light, Yumichika had to check the color of the pajamas to know Tori was the one distressed, her face crimson and purple and mouth open wide. "Silly girl, nobody likes a girl who cries this much," he teased, and popped her pacifier in. She tried to wail around it, as he put her on the desk and checked her diaper, then gingerly changed it without complaint. She calmed a little once dry and warm again, and Yumichika settled in the rocking chair and used the toe of his foot to give them gentle motion. Tora opened bleary, dark eyes and looked Yumichika over through the bars, then shut them again. As lazy as her father, really.

In the two months since they'd been home, both girls had become distinct, though not by appearance. They were what Unohana called "mirror twins-" they'd developed face to face, nose to nose, and though they were still identical, their features were reversed on each side so that each could use the other as a mirror. This had manifested first in their hair- Kotori's fell to the right, Kotora's to the left. Kotori sucked her left thumb, Kotora sucked her right. While Ikkaku got no end of amusement about how Yumichika spent so much time looking in a mirror he'd birthed two more (which got him more than a few beatings with a rolled-up baby blanket), he also got them mixed up because he couldn't tell on sight which way their hair was falling. Still, it didn't matter which one was which. Yumichika and Ikkaku had a system, and whoever needed them got it, and promptly.

Overnight, they took turns. This was Yumichika's turn, and lucky him, it was only Kotori in need of attention. He could get her back to sleep and crawl back into bed for another hour or two, so whoever cried next got to deal with Ikkaku, though perhaps 'got to' wasn't the right phrase. Yumichika was a bit too sleepy to think linguistics anymore, though.

"Really, it's more like you get to play next," he mumbled through a yawn, and fell back asleep.

Unohana had advised them to create a system, and as little as Ikkaku liked taking medical advice, this was more sense than medicine. They had laid out ground rules for who does what, and when it's done. "All new parents may struggle to establish a routine to keep their baby's needs met in a timely and structured manner," she'd explained at the first well check. "You have two, so it will only be harder. You'll need to work together and communicate. It might help if you write a basic schedule." She'd given them a template. "It'll be impossible to nail it exactly every day, but as long as you hit the important points, you and they will be just fine."

Working together, they could do. That was why, when the alarm rang in the morning, they both rolled from bed, one after the other, Yumichika pulling his robe on and Ikkaku rubbing the sand from his eyes.

"Coffee and formula?"

"Fresh diapers."

Yumichika started pots of water for both, and Ikkaku zipped to the crib and pulled Kotora out first. "Good morning to you too, Beastie," he mumbled into her chest as he lifted her up, and laid her on the desk. Yumichika rotated to the side to watch as Ikkaku swiftly stripped, cleaned, and redressed Kotora. (He hadn't been lying, he was faster at the diaper changes than a disarmed or armless hollow was at running away from the entire first squad of the division.) He kissed her nose and tickled her belly until he got a smile out of her, then pivoted around to put her on Yumichika's chest. "Say good morning to your Mama."

"Honestly, Ikkaku, you're still calling her Beastie?" He scooped Kotora against his shoulder with one arm and gave her forehead an affectionate little kiss. "She's not a beast at all. Are you, angel?" He giggled and kissed her again, then swirled the hot water in the pan with his free hand. He winced as the steaming water sloshed and splattered little drops on his fingers. "Jeez, it's amazing how much Captain Ukitake can do with Emiko hanging off of him. He must have some trick to it."

"Practice," Ikkaku shrugged, finished Kotori's diaper, and dressed her again. "I'll run them a bath. What's our plan of action for today?"

"Let me look." Yumichika glanced to the schedules pinned to his pantry door. "Squad duty in ninety. We're together on a training exercise. After lunch, we've got an hour free period, then you've got patrol in the 50th District in the West Rukon with half of the Fifth Squad, I'm in the 51st with the other half, so these two gotta go to the Fourth Division for daycare. Then dinner, then home with them."

"It's a busy one."

"You're telling me!" Yumichika moaned, and squeezed Kotora against his back as he spun back around to the bubbling pots. "I'll have to do my makeup while we're eating."

Ikkaku snickered. "Always thinking about the important things, babe." He set Kotori back down in the crib and strolled out, pausing only to kiss Yumichika on the cheek.

Perfect teamwork, as smooth as if they were on the battlefield. One did what the other couldn't, as both of their hands were always full.

Communication, though, that was where they'd gotten stopped up before. They were working on it, little by little. Feeding time was a good time for these sorts of things, since, as busy as things could be, there was rarely time to simply enjoy one another and build what they'd thought they'd had all along.

Yumichika and Ikkaku tried to trade off who fed who, in hopes that both girls would bond with them equally. Today, Yumichika had Tori, and Ikkaku had his Beastie. "So, uh," Ikkaku started, because he'd figured he had to be the one who started things. "Your, uh, your shikai. Remember what you said the other day, about how your zanpakuto hates ya for not usin' it right?"

"Mhm." Yumichika pursed his lips. Divulging his secrets was not easy for him, but Ikkaku was gradually working them all out.

"I know you're still uncomfortable usin' the full release, but maybe you can talk with him and get him to change his mind."

"I don't think one can change how a zanpakuto manifests." Yumichika turned his shoulder towards Ikkaku, adjusting Kotori in his arms and tipping her bottle up. Ikkaku grunted, and Yumichika consciously realized he'd closed himself, and shifted back around to face Ikkaku again. "I... I don't know what difference it will make."

"Well, maybe he'll understand why you only use it in emergencies, and let you use bankai for the big emergencies." Ikkaku rocked back and forth in his seat, still keeping eye contact with Yumichika as best he could. "Still, there ain't no shame in never getting bankai. But you wanna get bankai, right?" Ikkaku put on a lascivious grin, but Yumichika's face fell.

"I'm... I'm not so sure. I only ever wanted to follow you, you know." He shrugged lamely. "As long as I can keep up-"

"But you don't wanna just keep up no more, right?" Ikkaku scooted in, and Yumichika frowned. This gave Ikkaku pause, as he realized he was putting pressure on Yumichika, and he sat back again. "I mean, you said you wanted to save me. What if you need it to help me out some time?"

"I suppose I'd find a way." Yumichika shrugged again, just as the bottle emptied in his hand, and he glanced down to Kotori with a small smile. "Oh, you were hungry, weren't you?" He turned her to his chest and rubbed her back, then faced Ikkaku again. "Do you think the Captain would eject me if I used kido to fight?"

"Pfft. I don't think he would. Seriously, I think he'd respect ya for fightin' the way that helps you fight the strongest guys. You actually seemed pretty good with kido, last time I saw ya do it, and you were right when you said you would'a died without it." Ikkaku, too, had moved Tora to put her head on his shoulder. "I mean, that scared me."

The silence at the end of those syllables hung heavy for a very long moment, broken only by a soft burp, courtesy of Kotori. Yumichika wiped her mouth with an amused hum, and set his gaze on Ikkaku. "But it did all turn out alright. We're all still here. It's okay to be scared for me, as long as you still trust me." Little admissions and concessions like that were big building blocks for forming a secure relationship. Both of them knew that now, though Ikkaku's terms were a bit less eloquent. All Ikkaku really got was that he needed to be honest to make their bond as strong as it looked from the outside and their souls as cleanly meshed as their fighting style might suggest.

They prepared for the day around the girls, leaving them on a blanket with diverse toys, different colors, textures, and noises abound. Ikkaku shaved his face, Yumichika put on his makeup. Now that his skin had stopped reacting to his makeup with rashes and irritation, he was back to his most beautiful self, but he'd decided to nix the orange and yellow feathers for a pair of matching white feathers behind the ears. Much quicker to put on, and MUCH better than not having feathers on at all. Also, if Kotori or Kotora pulled one of them off while he was holding them, they were quick to put back into place. This was convenient, because as their eyes got better, the feathers were becoming a better target for grabbing and pulling all the time. They continued their conversation over their routine, as best as they could.

"So, you really think Kujaku might make an exception if we just... talk?"

"Not even an exception. I'm sayin' you an' me train in our free time so you and he can connect on the physical level. I mean, your shikai ain't no secret from me no more, is it?"

"What free time?" Yumichika groaned under his breath. "I hate the thought of leaving the girls in daycare for longer just so we have more time to train!"

"I know that." Ikkaku rinsed his razor, then patted Yumichika's shoulder. "But maybe once they're a little older, and they have little friends they wanna see, you and me can get more alone time by leavin' 'em there!"

"Ikkaku, you're the worst!" Yumichika stuck his tongue out at him, but the gleam in his eye was of teasing and not of disdain. Never of disdain. "I do need to train, but not yet." He patted his hips. "I'm still getting back that muscle sculpture I lost." Ikkaku scoffed, but picked Kotora up and held her out.

"Try lifting weights. Ten pounds sound good to you?"

Ikkaku didn't quite get it. In the three months since the girls made their arrival, Yumichika had, by way of what had seemed like an extreme diet of salad and boiled chicken and their usual extreme workouts, shed all the baby weight (and, so he said, an extra five pounds for good luck), and he looked the same as he did before. Yumichika disagreed, and if Ikkaku offered him tonkatsu or anything fried, Yumichika would turn his nose up and mumble complaints about how fat he still was. Ikkaku even made an effort to see what Yumichika was talking about, but eventually figured out it was a very slight change that felt very different to Yumichika: his hips had gotten a little wider, and they weren't shrinking all the way back. He still looked as slender and lean as he had been before, and Ikkaku even thought his waist looked slimmer thanks to the little flare of his hipbones. If anything, Yumichika was more beautiful than ever.

Maybe Ikkaku was just noticing it more. He still didn't think he had eyes for anyone else, but now that he was really seeing him, he was seeing just what divine grace had descended on him.

He remained strong, too, proving himself at squad duty. With the girls in a covered playpen at the edge of the field marked by a pink chalk line (According to Yachiru, "You cross the line, Kenny hurts you bad, and he'll know when someone needs a hurting, too!"), Yumichika was free to work as hard as he wanted. A few months of rest had made him a little rusty, but that was long gone after a week back at it. He was Ikkaku's hakuda test dummy, and one of the toughest sparring partners any of the unseated members could hope to face. However, even the slightest cry from the playpen had Ikkaku or Yumichika dropping their match and running for the babies, though they took turns and always remembered who went last. The unseated members, mercifully, understood and didn't complain. Then again, the lack of complaint may have come from the fact that Kenpachi looked down on both girls with admiration, and anyone who might have said a foul word shut right up at one look from either him or Ikkaku. Kenpachi stopped over at the end of the exercise to look in on the babies.

"They look bigger since yesterday," he rumbled, bending down to pet Kotora's head. "Hey, squirt." Yachiru giggled and picked Kotori up, head and bottom carefully cradled in her arms.

"Is she ready to play hide-and-seek yet?"

"Holding only, Yachiru. She's a little small for roughhousing." Ikkaku folded his arms and watched over them. Yumichika and Ikkaku had drilled baby safety into Yachiru, with Kenpachi's support. She got bored playing with the babies in the way that they liked to play very quickly, but still tried to wave their toys when she had alone time with them, shouting stories, and always asked Ikkaku and Yumichika if they were ready for more. Kenpachi contented himself with petting their heads, but never holding them. Yumichika wondered if he wasn't afraid of accidentally harming them. It wasn't an unfounded fear, but for as long as he'd known him, it was the only thing Yumichika could think of Kenpachi being afraid of, and he kept those thoughts to himself. Besides, he'd done alright with Yachiru, hadn't he? He'd hopefully be a little braver once they were her size.

For now, a respectable distance would remain Kenpachi's preferred approach. "These two seen the Fourth enough lately?"

"Yes, sir," Ikkaku answered, head up strong, dutiful. "Just went for a three-month check last week. Captain Unohana says she doesn't need to see them until after their first birthday, as long as they keep growing like they are." He grinned a little broader. "They're growin' like weeds, too. Good appetites, and damn strong, too."

"Really?" Kenpachi's grin took a hint of playful menace. "I'll hafta test 'em out once they get movin'. They already got pretty good spiritual pressure and everything. I'll play nice. At first, anyway." He patted Kotora's head, garnering a yawn in response. "They'll be fun when they're bigger, ain't that right, Yachiru?"

"Definitely!" Yachiru nodded her head around, then bent down to give Kotori a little kiss and hopped right back to Kenpachi.

It was so nice, so pleasant, and so very much like home.

Ikkaku and Yumichika were more than a little hesitant to use flash step when the babies were in their arms, so they walked the twins over to the Fourth Division in a double-stroller (which Kenpachi, with some prodding and guidance from Renji, had given to them a few days after the girls' arrival in the Eleventh). It took longer, but it was family time for them. They took turns pushing the stroller, one guiding, one walking alongside. Ikkaku walked backwards, facing Yumichika as he pushed. "So, hey, when ya think they'll let 'em have asauchis?"

"Once they get to Academy, of course." Ikkaku groaned, but Yumichika shrugged his shoulders back. "That's not to say they can't have practice boken or the like, but I don't think I'll trust them with blades until they're a lot older."

"Well, yeah, but the sooner they start imprinting, the sooner we can see what their zanpakuto are!" Ikkaku threw his hands up, and Yumichika demurely hid a giggle into his cupped palm. It was delightful to see Ikkaku so eager for something, even something as small as this. Ikkaku lifted his gaze to meet Yumichika's. "Say, you think zanpakuto styles are inherited, too?"

"Styles?"

"You know, like, if I had a dad, would his sword act like mine? Think they might take after us?"

"Oh." Yumichika's brow furrowed. "I suppose I never thought of it. The only multiple generation legacies I can think of are noble families. I don't recall ever hearing what former Captain Kuchiki's release was."

"Me neither." Ikkaku sniffed and tucked his hands in his hakama pockets. "Or the Shihoin before Yoruichi took the position, then abducted."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well..." Ikkaku trailed off, but Yumichika noticed his eyes moving between the girls, then to where Kujaku hung at his hip. Yumichika felt a swirl of anger, but it dissolved when Ikkaku spoke. "I thought it'd be cool if one of 'em was like me, and the other was like you." His face split into one of those wide grins as exaggerated as an actor's. "Or if they were some combination of 'em! I mean, we're two of the strongest guys in all of Soul Society, our kids are gonna be so cool when they start learning from us!"

Kotora fussed from her spot in the stroller, and Yumichika chuckled good-humoredly under his breath and tugged the blanket up to her neck. "That'll have to wait until they can talk."

Hanataro was the officer in charge of the daycare when they arrived, and he greeted them with a smile. "I see the twin terrors are here for a visit!" He beamed as he plucked Kotori up first, but shuddered when Ikkaku planted his elbow on his shoulder.

"Terrors, nothing. They're perfect little angels!"

"Oh, sure, until you leave." Hanataro shook under Ikkaku's impact, but caught himself and smiled on, petting Kotori's hair. It was already as dark, thick, and shiny as Yumcihika's, and when a baby was that pretty, it was impossible to not want to enjoy her. "They get upset when they can't sense you two. I think that even if babies haven't formed object permanence, they might instinctively sense the people closest to them."

"The poor darlings." Yumichika kissed Kotora on her forehead before handing her over. "It won't be terribly long, though, and they're due for a nap."

He said that lightly, but nine hours was an eternity to be away. His chest and heart ached after only two or three, because when they were here and he was in the world of the living, or even just out in the Rukon, he couldn't sense them. He couldn't know they were alright. Worse, both he and Ikkaku knew that every time they left, there was a chance they might not come back.

"Hey," Ikkaku muttered as they existed the Fourth Division, the folded-up strolled slung on his shoulder, and a sadness in the pit of his eyes that mirrored Yumichika's hangdog expression. "If we get back from patrol early, or skive off a little, maybe we can get some more bankai training in ya." Yumichika nodded. Anything to increase the odds that both of them came home safe every day.

They had a contingency plan, at least. Yumichika knew that Ikkaku had struck a deal with Renji that if, for whatever reason, neither of them came home, he and Byakuya would raise both girls. Byakuya already had a similar arrangement with a cousin of his in place for Takahiro, but if Renji and Byakuya weren't able to take the twins, then, to Yumichika's surprise, both Kenpachi and Captain Ukitake had made the same offer- as mutual last resorts.

As Kenpachi had put it, "They're basically gonna be mine anyway. Squad princesses, them's my girls! But I get you wantin' 'em to have two parents."

Ukitake, too, had explained, "I'm fine as a third choice, but if my health should fail, I'm not certain Shunsui would be able to raise three little daughters on his own." Shunsui had choked at the very notion, and whispered urgently to him about "jinxing it," and Ukitake had to calm him down with promises that he felt absolutely fine.

They were assured their little ones were well-looked-after, and would be, and much to Yumichika's surprise, Ikkaku had turned out a competent and caring Dad. It didn't come naturally to him, but when he put a little effort in, he handled it well, and he already had big plans for when they got to the fun age.

It seemed they had lots of plans in place, and Yumichika was more than content with knowing he'd taken that first step in what had looked like a very ugly direction. Hidden treasures, squirreled away down dark and difficult paths, were more beautiful than those in the open, anyway, if only for the satisfaction of reaching them.

Yumichika finally responded to Ikkaku's suggestion by stroking the center of his palm with his thumb as he took his hand and squeezed. "Actually, if we can skip out a little early, there's something else I'd like to do." Ikkaku raised a quizzical eyebrow, and Yumichika winked. "Remember what we were talking about? About completing our family?"

"Oh. Oh! Ohh." Ikkaku grinned. "I get ya."

"Good."

* * *

Captain Kurotsuchi returned to his quarters long past the time anyone should endeavor to be awake, a stack of notes under one arm and a box of supplies for his personal experiments under the other. Sleep was for the weak, science for the smart. He had looked forward to a night on his projects without anyone to interrupt him. Maybe he'd forgive Nemu tomorrow or next week, as- and it annoyed him to admit this, even to himself- her assistance was invaluable.

Until he was reminded why she was still forbidden from his work, because there was a scruffy bald man in  _his bloody chair_! "Yo, Captain Kurotsuchi!" Ikkaku grinned and waved at him.

"How in the blazes-! Wait, let me guess." Kurotsuchi pinched his brow. "Kyoraku."

"Hey, you are smart!" Ikkaku laughed and jumped up to his feet. "He figured you owed me a favor anyway, so he granted me access. Figured you wouldn't agree to talk to me 'less I kinda forced the issue."

"I owe you nothing!"

"You nearly stole my boyfriend's life and fucked with his reproductive systems behind my back, then deceived him about his medical status, and indirectly lied to me by extension." Ikkaku folded his arms. "And here I was to make you an offer for an exchange to even our shit out."

Kurotsuchi kept his eyebrows up, guarded but intrigued. "Go on."

"Well." Ikkaku stuffed his hands in his pockets and cocked his head back, effectively breaking eye contact. "Since Kyoraku made it so a guy had to go through Captain Unohana and you to get that lozenge thing, apparently there's been three requests, two from guys in the Shinigami Corps and that one fey Kuchiki cousin, and you've denied all of them."

"I have."

"Dick move." Kurotsuchi sputtered, but Ikkaku went on, "So, me an' Kyoraku figure it's 'cause you want 'em to agree to some experiment before you're willing to give it to 'em. Now, I can't let ya experiment on Yumi no more." Kurotsuchi drew his lips up, but Ikkaku held his hand out. "So, I wanted to let you do some indirect experimentation. We wanna know if you can help us have a boy."

Kurotsuchi's eyebrows rose again. "Gender selection?"

"Or at least skew the chances." Ikkaku shrugged his shoulders and met Kurotsuchi's eyes again, already smirking. "Don't get me wrong, my little girls are perfect baby angel warrior princesses and I wanna smush their faces with kisses every time I look at 'em, but I really want a boy, too. See, Yumichika said it was like the Soul King doing a coin flip, but then Renji took me to this living world library and showed me this thing called the Google, and boy, oh boy, did I learn a lot. Apparently, I'm the one doing the coin flip." Ikkaku smirked lewdly, and Kurotsuchi rolled his eyes so hard they nearly unscrewed from his head. "But what I'm going for here, is, and bear with me-"

"Manipulate you to make it more likely that you would cause the conception of a male child, more than a female." Kurotsuchi's face drew tight, brow low, and he drummed his fingers together. "You realize that in many parts of the living world, it's considered immoral to attempt gender selection of a child, implicit in that anyone who desires parenthood must be willing to accept the risk of an undesirable outcome. Even in Soul Society, it's looked-down-upon for those of the noble class to vacate or end gestation based on undesirable traits- gender included. I'm almost certain there's a law against it. Manipulating any part of the genetic code is considered beyond the pale. Playing God, as it were."

"Well, hey." Ikkaku stuffed his hands in his pockets and nervously shuffled his feet. "We're not sayin' we don't want a girl. Don't need ya to fix it for sure, or mess with the kid's code. We're sayin' we'd like to increase the odds of a boy. I mean, three's plenty of kids for anyone, and we'd really like the last one to be a boy. We'd still love girl number three to pieces-"

Kurotsuchi seized Ikkaku's collar and yanked him off-balance. "Shut up. I'm going to do it. When do you want this theoretical third child?"

Ikkaku managed a grin around Kurotsuchi's knuckles. "Eh, eventually. Few years, once we're both ready for more and the girls are old enough to appreciate having a little brother, so you get plenty of time to get it right."

"Excellent. And in exchange, I'll approve your request when it comes through." Kurotsuchi's grin was deep and crooked enough to be a sneer, all too smug as he let Ikkaku down again. "I'll begin research shortly and contact you as needed. Do we want this in writing?"

"Just know that if you screw with me, mutilate me, or violate the spirit of this little accord, you'll be answering to my Captain, Captain Kyoraku, probably Captains Ukitake and Unohana, and anyone else I let listen to this." Ikkaku pulled his hand from his pocket to reveal a tiny recorder. Kurotsuchi's jaw fell slack again, and Ikkaku quickly stuffed the recorder away. "Pleasure doin' business, Captain!" He strolled out, whistling tunelessly, before Kurotsuchi could recover. Kurotsuchi sputtered indignantly until his door shut, then threw all of his notes down onto his desk and clapped his hands to his forehead.

"God damned clever little-!" He groaned, slumped over, and lifted his hands into slow applause. "Beautifully played, sir."

* * *

Ikkaku remembered a day when he didn't care where he slept. He'd crash wherever he could, anywhere it looked like he wouldn't get mugged in his sleep. Now, he only really wanted to sleep in the bed he shared with Yumichika, even if it meant waiting. Nights like this one were a good example.

He crept back into the division to find it mostly quiet. Two idiots were arguing over one wall. Someone was doing some super-late night training by himself, his kiais and grunts echoing across the quad. The ninth squad was starting to rouse for the first shift patrol. No strange shadows creeping at the gates, no sensation of eyes watching from the walls. Good. The two-AM feeding would go as planned.

Yumichika was awake, cradling Tori to his chest and shaking a bottle to disperse the heat, as Tora quietly complained from her pretty crib, when Ikkaku slipped back in and shut the door. "Welcome back." Yumichika smiled, his voice earnest and gentle. He moved Tori up, adjusting her against him, then moved the bottle to her lips. "How did it go?"

Ikkaku grinned slowly, making Yumichika huff with impatience before giving a verbal answer. "Door's open. All we gotta do is say we're ready to cross the threshold."

Yumichika, uncharacteristically subdued, took it with a serene, content smile. "Then we'll cross that bridge when we get there." The smile turned to a smirk, and he pitched a bottle from where it sat, wrapped tight in a (clean) burp rag, to Ikkaku's chest. "Let's get these two out of diapers first."

"Pfft, just diapers? Let's get 'em into Academy first." Ikkaku grabbed the bottle, flipped it right-side-up, then scooped up Tora and settled onto the bed. "Hello, pretty Beastie," he whispered. She fell quiet the moment Ikkaku touched her, and hummed with what seemed to be contentment when she got the bottle in her mouth and felt his voice buzzing in his lungs from her ear pressed to his chest. It was hard to tell what she was feeling, what with her being so little and not making much sense of the world yet, or even sense of herself, but Ikkaku at least knew what a happy baby looked like.

He felt like he'd learned a lot of things over the past few months. For example, just how beautiful some things were. Like quiet nights, or falling asleep next to someone who would hold him close with no compunctions about the horrible things he did during the day, or who even admired him because of them. Having someone who trusted him and admired him to come home to, and trusting and admiring them right back. A cute little crib overflowing with cozy quilts, and two dark-haired baby girls who slept in there. The vision of Yumichika, his daughter cuddled in his arms, as content as he'd ever seen him with the little family he'd somehow picked up off the side of the road and invited into his heart.

"Ikkaku." Yumichika interrupted his thoughts, Tori curled on his shoulder, Tora still taking her bottle out of the corner of his eye. "Was it worth it?"

Ikkaku didn't have to think, but he still came up short as he took in the whole picture of his life, and finally, he grinned back. "You know it. Worth living for, worth fighting for, worth every minute." He rose and kissed Yumichika chastely on the forehead, to a delighted little giggle that lit up all the little hollows in Ikkaku's soul.

Yeah. Definitely worth fighting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to popular demand both here and on FFN, there will be a second epilogue! Trouble is, I haven't started it yet, and I've got a few stories with deadlines hanging over my head. I'm going to aim for Christmas-ish. If I can't get it out until the new year, you are welcome to throw bottles at my head.
> 
> Let me know what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> This story will have no set posting schedule, but I'll try to update fairly quickly!
> 
> Comments keep me going, and this is my first time writing anything Bleach-related, so if I'm making mistakes, please let me know!


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